love_story Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Hi all, From the beginning I would like to tell you that I am looking for to hear a lecture from anyone, I am just looking for some opinions. Here is my situation: I am trying to figure out if a coworker of mine, who is married, is interested in me. Sometimes I see him staring a me, sometimes he comes and makes jokes with me. A few days ago he gave me a pack of sticky notes that have my short name on.He didn't buy them, he found them in a department where they were getting rid of some unused stuff. He put them on my desk, when I wasn't there, but later he told me they were from him.He said he gave them to me becuase they had my name on. Sometimes he talks to me softly, for exemple when we run into each other by the coffee maker. One thing that I'm "worried" about is that he called in sick on my birthday. I wonder if it has anything to do with his feelings. There is nothing between us, but I am thinking about becoming "closer". I am not married, but I am in a bad relationship which I might end soon. Thanks
lostsunsets Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 No problem, you're in a bad relationship. He's married. Naturally you would want to cheat, and destroy his family so you could get what you want. Question, if he cheated with you, and you both got married one day, would you have a problem if he cheated on you?? Oh that's right, you're a cheater too. So I imagine that you would probably be carrying on an affair too.
Kaii Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Okay, you didn't want to be lectured, you just wanted opinions. Well, let me give you mine As a former OW (Other Woman), let me tell you from EXPERIENCE that married men almost never leave their wives for the OW. So, yes, you could enter into a relationship with this married man (but he doesn't even seem really interested from what you describe) but it would be a lonely existence. He would never be YOURS, you would always have to share him with his wife. He would never have enough time for you because his first priority would be to his wife/family. You would be lonely and sad a lot of the time. The sex would probably be fantastic, because it is dirty and wrong. You would do it wherever and whenever you had the opportunity...in the backseat of his car, in a cheap hotel, after hours at work, at night when he can get away from home for a few minutes. But soon, your self esteem starts to suffer and you begin to feel empty and trashy. You come to realize that all he really wants is for you to listen to him talk about why his marriage sucks and to spread your legs for him. So, ultimately, you are unhappy and start to demand more of his time. You push him for a commitment and he balks. "Why can't we keep things the way they are?" he says. So, you continue on in this little dance until either you get fed up or he dumps you. My advice is to get out of your current relationship if you are unhapy and to find someone who is not attached. DO NOT get involved with married men, it will only bring you heartache in the end. Find someone who can commit to you and give you his time. You deserve to be first on his list of priorities, not second or third...or at the bottom of the list.
Author love_story Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 No problem, you're in a bad relationship. He's married. Naturally you would want to cheat, and destroy his family so you could get what you want. Question, if he cheated with you, and you both got married one day, would you have a problem if he cheated on you?? Oh that's right, you're a cheater too. So I imagine that you would probably be carrying on an affair too. I see this thing a bit differently. If he, the other man, is not happy in his marriage, he wants to find somebodyelse. In the past I ahd a few ocazions to get involved with a married man, but have never done it . These guys were telling me that they were unhappy, bored, a lot of arguing etc. I see myself in this situation now and that's why I feel like looking at a different oportunity. The reason why I would like to get involved with a married man is that I'm not looking for for a stable relationship at least in the beginiing, but at the same time I want someone that I like, not just for sex. I also know a few couples that started an affair with someone who wasn't very happy in his at-that-time relationship and later on they got married and are happy now.
Author love_story Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 As a former OW (Other Woman), let me tell you from EXPERIENCE that married men almost never leave their wives for the OW. Kaii, I'm so glad someone with a past experience answered me. As I said previously , I know a few men who left their wives for the OW. So, yes, you could enter into a relationship with this married man (but he doesn't even seem really interested from what you describe) but it would be a lonely existence. He would never be YOURS, you would always have to share him with his wife. He would never have enough time for you because his first priority would be to his wife/family. You would be lonely and sad a lot of the time. Some men find the time to see the OW more often. I think it all depends of how well their marriage is going. I have a distant relative who found a lot of time to see the OW because he couldn't stand his wife after about 15 years of marriage.He even was spending nights with lady. I think most of the time both men and women look in an affair for the missing part that they can't get from their spouse. But soon, your self esteem starts to suffer and you begin to feel empty and trashy. You come to realize that all he really wants is for you to listen to him talk about why his marriage sucks and to spread your legs for him.. I agree with this. So, ultimately, you are unhappy and start to demand more of his time. You push him for a commitment and he balks. "Why can't we keep things the way they are?" he says.. How would I know if a married guy is interested in me? How all this thing starts up? I guess it's hard and strange for a married guy to ask a woman out. He might be wrong about her, then he'd feel embarassed.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 As a former OW (Other Woman), let me tell you from EXPERIENCE that married men almost never leave their wives for the OW. Too true. Just look at the OW/OM forum here. The cheater rarely leaves the spouse. And all of the cheaters give the same story about being in unhappy relationships. Too bad the OW/OM didn't say, "Get your crap straight before you come to me for anything". They see that "other" is not going to leave without having to be so torn up in the process. So, yes, you could enter into a relationship with this married man (but he doesn't even seem really interested from what you describe) but it would be a lonely existence. He would never be YOURS, you would always have to share him with his wife. He would never have enough time for you because his first priority would be to his wife/family. You would be lonely and sad a lot of the time. Again, absolutely true. And your holidays are spent without him - or anyone - because while you are true to him, he has a FAMILY that gets dibs on most of his time and ALL holidays and special occasions. So forget about vacations and long weekends alone. Forget about birthday celebrations and get used to sleeping alone. No lazy Sundays lounging around. But soon, your self esteem starts to suffer and you begin to feel empty and trashy. You come to realize that all he really wants is for you to listen to him talk about why his marriage sucks and to spread your legs for him. True again. You realize more and more that the relationship is all about him. There is talk of the two of you. But you hear a lot of talk about her and his family. You get no consideration. You get no priority. And you grow resentful as the days, months, possibly years go by. So, ultimately, you are unhappy and start to demand more of his time. You push him for a commitment and he balks. "Why can't we keep things the way they are?" he says. So, you continue on in this little dance until either you get fed up or he dumps you. Yep. And realize you it will end. You will be discarded. And he'll still have his family to be with. He still will have a warm bed. He still will have loving words and a full life. While you will have nothing and nobody. You will never feel as alone as you will be then. The reason why I would like to get involved with a married man is that I'm not looking for for a stable relationship at least in the beginiing, but at the same time I want someone that I like, not just for sex. No, of course not in the beginning. But when you want it to change - I highly doubt your dreams will be fulfilled. The odds are not on your side. You are entering into a negotiation and then expecting that further down the line you can renegotiate. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. I also know a few couples that started an affair with someone who wasn't very happy in his at-that-time relationship and later on they got married and are happy now. You know a few? I call BULL. Sorry. But you'll have to go through pages of threads here on LS to find a few. Yet you know so many in RL? Hmmm. Everyone I know is married. I know all of them as couples. I know one who dealt with infidelity. He didn't leave his wife. She drew up divorce papers and he begged her not to file. He cut the OW loose and shunned her in every single way. You know several? So the experiences of posters here are wrong. The statistics are wrong. Everyone else is wrong. Sorry, that is a fairy tale.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 He's married, not dead. I'm sure there is some interest. Probably not the type or extent of interest you may want though.
samspade Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Break up with your boyfriend and find a single guy.
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