kgyula Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 hi, so here's the story in a few words. few weeks ago I just gave a random search on hi5 and found a pretty girl from the same city I live in. She's 22, I'm 23. A have added her to my friend list, she accepted me, and after some comments I just wrote her a message asking for her IM ID. She gave it to me, and since then we talk every day or so. Sometimes I;m the one who initiates the conversation, sometimes it's initiated by her. I enjoy her company and I guess it's something similar with her. We keep on talking for hours and ocasionaly she sends me photos about herself asking for my feedback. But it's kind of weird that we live in the same town and talk online. My final goal is to get a date with her, but I always try to keep my intentions in a mysterios and uncertain area, because I don't want to let her know too much right now. I guess she likes me, in a way or another, but asking her out online would be quite a big step (i guess), so i thought that asking her phone number as a next step would be a good idea.... Does anybody else has a better suggestion on how to proceed ?
shockandawed Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I limit my "online interactions" ie..IM's and e-mails to just a few days. If I haven't been able to have a real conversation or an initial date, I figure they are hiding something or not really available and move along. Everytime I have engaged in long online interactions prior to meeting, the date was always a disaster. What a waste of time. You're going way too slow here. Get her phone number and see if there is anything there.
BobSacamento Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Dude if you want to date her then ask her out. If she says no then move on. If she's sending photos she's either an attention whore or wants you to ask her out.
D-Lish Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Ask her out, soon. She's probably wondering why you haven't, and may be worried you don't like her photos. If I lived in the same city as someone and sent him photos and he didn't ask me out after a certain amount of time I'd assume he wasn't interested in a date. If you talk on msn, ask her out over msn- something like "we should get together sometime" would suffice. If she agrees- set something up right away.
voldigicam Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I like the phone conversations. Some people aren't good at phone. But I tell if I want to meet them. But getting together in person within a couple of weeks seems quite reasonable. On the other hand, it's easier for me to attract my wife's or daughter's attention by logging on to facebook and IMing them than getting them to listen to voice, even if they're here in the same room! Something like - "I'd like to talk on the phone." works well. My favorite IM friend has gone from IM to a couple of lunches, to feeling comfortable just dropping by to deliver something at her work. Probably a trip for her co-workers, she probably said I was her dad!
Author kgyula Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 ok, so first of all, let me thank you for all the suggestions you've posted. 2nd, I definitely agree to the fact that you shouldn't wait until a girl gets bored of you, but I must add that I don't prefer easy meal, and that I'm not really attracted to woman who go out with you for a date after talking only 2 times online... I'm the kind of person who aims to get a girls trust fist and the go only for a date. but, as I sayd before, I had to admint that you are right and if I want more, I have to take the next step. I guess the next time when an opportunity shows up, I'll ask her phone number, because if she gives it to me it means that she's interested too (or still interested) ps. just to undertand me better, I am not shy at all, a don't have any problem asking a girl out, I'm just the kind of person who likes to get as much as possible from a certain situation and I guess not hurrying things definitly raises everybodyes chances. thanks a lot, i'll be back as soon as something to discous about happens
yeex Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Oh man, just ask her out. You see other people's posts on here on LS that they chat online for weeks and they start fantasizing about how they think this person is. Then they meet in person finally and the fantasty falls by the wayside and reality kicks in and they are not the people they thought and it was all a big waste of time. Who cares if you can chat well and talk on the phone for hours. That does not mean you will click in person and you will be even more disappointed if you don't. If it were me, I would get her number soon and call and chat on the phone for no more than 15 minutes and then ask her out. You can be the "challenge" after meeting her and knowing that she would be worth it. Both online dates I setup, I thought for sure they would be my next girlfriend by the way we interacted online and the phone. After meeting them, I delegated them as friends and not romantic interest.
Author kgyula Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 well, that's your point of view... not all of us are the same. so don't throw stones on me if i see things differently and I woun't ask a girl for her phone number after 5 minutes and won't ask her out on a date after 10... ok, back to the main story ... ill be short... so, I asked her for the number, and she didn't rejected the request but neither offered me the number... and did all in a funny way... this was some 20 minutes before we said goodbye, and I kept chatting as if nothing would happened, and I'm not frustrated at all because of this... the only interesting thing that I can't understand is that when she finally said goodbye to me she kept insisting and asked 2 times if we would talk tomorrow ? (she never did the same before) and I just said that we may talk, if the connection is up (cause we have some technical problems here too) + we'll be online the same time... i guess she likes to play games... ok, one more question to you ... ( my interest level definitely went down in this girl) but what do you think? should I ask her for the number again in the near future ? ... knowing the circumstances of her answare to my first request...
BCCA Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 she didn't rejected the request but neither offered me the number If she didnt give you her number, she rejected your request. She may have not come out and said 'no', but if she wanted you to have her number, she would've given it to you. Her asking you if you'll talk tomorrow was her way of saying 'If I dont give you my number, are you still going to want to be online friends'. You may have just waited too long. You dont have to ask her for her number 38 seconds after meeting her, but if your goal is to ask her out, you should be working toward that. 3 days of mindless conversations about work isnt accomplishing that goal. You should have asked if she was up for getting together sometime within a day or so. You might have been friend zoned because of it. should I ask her for the number again in the near future ? If a girl asked you out, and you blew her off without really answering, would you want her to ask again? No.
Timmers Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 A lotta girls still feel it's the guy who should ask them out so that's def your first step. If you wanna keep it casual you can just ask her to meet for coffee or something.
era Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 i guess she likes to play games... I think you do. You said in your original post that you have been chatting on-line with her for hours and hours for several weeks. And she lives in the same city, and sent you photos - that's a plus! All that, yet you never asked her out for coffee. Makes you sound like you're hiding something.
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 A have added her to my friend list, she accepted me, and after some comments I just wrote her a message asking for her IM ID. She gave it to me, and since then we talk every day or so. This doesn't make sense then. Either you've talked everyday for a few weeks (not 2 times).... or you haven't. ?? If you've been talking to her every day- it IS reasonable to ask her out at this point. If you've only spoken twice, then people would be giving you different advice.... I hate the phone- but I usually like a web cam convo before meeting- I want to see who I am actually going to be meeting.
shockandawed Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 From the way I read it, he has only been IMing her and exchanging emails for the last month and she recently blew him off for her phone number. You can play the email game with her all you want, but my guess is she is either married or hiding something big time. When I first started online dating after my divorce, I got wrapped up with a chick who would only chat with me online. She stated she couldn't talk at home because she was newly divorced and her 12 year old daughter was not ready for her to be talking on the phone to men. Being a single parent myself, I didn't push the issue. After about a month of great IMs, she finally met me. We then had about 3 more dates before she came clean and admitted she was married. There have been others, one was way heavier than she portrayed herself, one had absolutely no real life persona and I got bored with the others. Surely your time is more valuable than to play these games.
Author kgyula Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 well, I guess the comments above all share something in common and that in a way or another your are right... I admit that my number one mistake is to way too much... BUT Lots of girls complain about the fact that all men are the same, that if they look good, all of us try to get in touch with them, talk little, then go for the number and the date... without even knowing them... so things are not adding up... but i guess it has to do something with the unpredictable way girls usually behave... offtopic: few months ago, I met a girl online, we talked for about 4 months (she lived in a different city)... I asked her number, I got the number and when I finally visited that city she also accepted a date... so I guess the girls personality has also a role to play... I don't know, i guess i'll keep her in my IM list and keep the conversation casual... if she want's something, she'll give a sign, if she's not interested we'll remain frineds
Author kgyula Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 ohh and one more thing I should add about my self... it's quite interesting that for instance if I meet a girl, begin to like her, and start to wonder about taking the next step... etc etc and she starts to show me strong signs that she's interested (for ex asks if it wouldn't be nice to go out for a walk / coffe etc... my interest level just plummit in free fall...) I had several of these experiences in the past two years...
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 well, that's your point of view... not all of us are the same. so don't throw stones on me if i see things differently and I woun't ask a girl for her phone number after 5 minutes and won't ask her out on a date after 10... ok, back to the main story ... ill be short... so, I asked her for the number, and she didn't rejected the request but neither offered me the number... and did all in a funny way... this was some 20 minutes before we said goodbye, and I kept chatting as if nothing would happened, and I'm not frustrated at all because of this... the only interesting thing that I can't understand is that when she finally said goodbye to me she kept insisting and asked 2 times if we would talk tomorrow ? (she never did the same before) and I just said that we may talk, if the connection is up (cause we have some technical problems here too) + we'll be online the same time... i guess she likes to play games... ok, one more question to you ... ( my interest level definitely went down in this girl) but what do you think? should I ask her for the number again in the near future ? ... knowing the circumstances of her answare to my first request... I don't get were any one has thrown stones? I agree with some of what people said if you let it go to long it can turn out as a disappointment simple as that Ive personally had it happen a few times...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 first of all... why on earth would you "ask" her for her number rather than boldly offer your own?? The internet is one great big concern in the minds of both of you, and yet you won't step past the barrier of the uncertainty and show her that you trust her. Why should she be the one who has to take the chance with her personal info? If you're on the up and up, then doing it the right way should be no problem for you. The only other possible conclusion is...
era Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 it's quite interesting that for instance if I meet a girl, begin to like her, and start to wonder about taking the next step... etc etc and she starts to show me strong signs that she's interested (for ex asks if it wouldn't be nice to go out for a walk / coffe etc... my interest level just plummit in free fall...) I had several of these experiences in the past two years... ???... You don't like a girl who starts to like you ?
Author kgyula Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 ???... You don't like a girl who starts to like you ? I would't say it like this, but if she show too much affection for me, and she makes clear that she likes me (it begins to turn me off)... especially when she initiates offers... I prefer girls who show a little bit of affection, who send me signals that they like be, but in a less direct way.
era Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I prefer girls who show a little bit of affection, who send me signals that they like be, but in a less direct way. There are hundreds of posts on LS of men saying they do not want to try to decipher signals. They have accused such women as playing games. asks if it wouldn't be nice to go out for a walk / coffee What in heavens name, is so wrong with going for coffee, after weeks of chatting online?
jadelil25 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I think you should just go ahead and ask her. If you wait around any more she will think that you are not interested. You have been talking a lot which is great and the fact that you take it in turns to strike up the conversation is a clear sign that she is interested. I think that next time you talk on line you should ask if she has much planned for the week ahead, this gives you an opportunity to get in to the date area. If she replies not much then ask her if she would like to do something say maybe tuesday or if she says that she is quite busy ask if she would like to do something when she has some time. That way you are coming across as casual but you are showing that you are interested and want more. I have been asked out twice on line and asked someone out once on line with out phone contact before hand and it has been fine. By asking her is the only way you can find out that she is def interested, by what you have said there is signs there that she likes you but she maybe nervous about making the next move and wants you to do it. I am sure that she will pleased that you have gone ahead and done it. If she says no then at least you know and you can move on. There is no reason why you can not be friends and stay in touch but you can start talking to other people. I have made good friends from dating sites. Once she has said yes then ask her for her number then leave it a day or two and call her.
Author kgyula Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 I think you should just go ahead and ask her. If you wait around any more she will think that you are not interested. You have been talking a lot which is great and the fact that you take it in turns to strike up the conversation is a clear sign that she is interested. I think that next time you talk on line you should ask if she has much planned for the week ahead, this gives you an opportunity to get in to the date area. If she replies not much then ask her if she would like to do something say maybe tuesday or if she says that she is quite busy ask if she would like to do something when she has some time. That way you are coming across as casual but you are showing that you are interested and want more. I have been asked out twice on line and asked someone out once on line with out phone contact before hand and it has been fine. By asking her is the only way you can find out that she is def interested, by what you have said there is signs there that she likes you but she maybe nervous about making the next move and wants you to do it. I am sure that she will pleased that you have gone ahead and done it. If she says no then at least you know and you can move on. There is no reason why you can not be friends and stay in touch but you can start talking to other people. I have made good friends from dating sites. Once she has said yes then ask her for her number then leave it a day or two and call her. ok, so here are some new updates: this weekend I was away, I went to another city to visit some friends. i let her know that i was going to be away... she replied "ok, well see you tomorrow, or when you have time to sign in" so we didn't talked for about 3 days... (i had acces to the net... but I wanted to share some time with my friends too) i come back home today, sign in, and after about 1 hour started a conversation with her... we talked about different topics... and she complained around 2-3 times about the fact that she is bored.... and the weekend was boring... first i just ignored this message, but then asked her... "well, if you are bored... wouldn't it be nice to do something interesting ? she said "yes" and then i asked her what if we would go out some evening to play some bowling ? she said "ok, sure" .... so now I am quite suprised... because after not telling me her number this is quite a big change... I just wanted to make sure that this girls is not on me... and now I have an evening together with her (if she'll stick to her worlds) And personally I think it was better to ask her out for an activity where not just the two of us would be involved (maybe another couple or so) because this way we keep a safety exist for each of us if she isn't the way I think she is... So... i have a few (2-3) days to think about the detais... What do you thing guys ?
era Posted April 6, 2009 Posted April 6, 2009 So... i have a few (2-3) days to think about the detais... What do you thing guys ? Sounds good...have fun.
Author kgyula Posted April 8, 2009 Author Posted April 8, 2009 another interesting turn .... and I wasn't expecting it.... so... last night we said goodbye to each other... and she said: "see you tomorrow" today, I was quite busy, so I didn't noticed that she was online... so.. she was the one who initiated the conversation today. Everything was ok, as in other days... until I directioned the conversation in such a way that I asked her about that day we should go to play bowling... I asked her fi Sunday evening would be ok ... She said, ok ... and then: "what if instead of going to play bowling we would go out for a walk ?" I just wasn't expecting that... I guess it's better... much better this way (mainly because there will be just the two of us) but I did my best to not show her any signs of enthusiasm... So... here I have a walk, Sunday in the evening... at around 6 with this girl. I am guessing that she wants more than she's showing... or she just wan'ts to avoid a first meeting with other people also present there... or she hates bowling... Any explanations to this ?
D-Lish Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 another interesting turn .... and I wasn't expecting it.... so... last night we said goodbye to each other... and she said: "see you tomorrow" today, I was quite busy, so I didn't noticed that she was online... so.. she was the one who initiated the conversation today. Everything was ok, as in other days... until I directioned the conversation in such a way that I asked her about that day we should go to play bowling... I asked her fi Sunday evening would be ok ... She said, ok ... and then: "what if instead of going to play bowling we would go out for a walk ?" I just wasn't expecting that... I guess it's better... much better this way (mainly because there will be just the two of us) but I did my best to not show her any signs of enthusiasm... So... here I have a walk, Sunday in the evening... at around 6 with this girl. I am guessing that she wants more than she's showing... or she just wan'ts to avoid a first meeting with other people also present there... or she hates bowling... Any explanations to this ? ? Why does suggesting a walk make you believe she wants more???? If anything she is toning the date DOWN. I HATE bowling. As a first date activity I would stay away from that. It's always good to ask the other person what they want to do/like to do. I'm betting she is asking about the walk because there isn't any pressure on either of you. If you don't like one another you can end the walk and go on your way. With bowling and bringing another couple you could be stuck on a date with someone you're not into. I think she is being logical in asking about the walk. If you guys like each other you can grab a coffee after- if you don't, you can part ways. That is how I handle first dates with someone. I don't give out my number first (until I've met them and trust them) and I like to keep the first date casual and quick with an opening for an exit should things not go well.
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