LDRwife Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Hi, I got married 3 months ago and am in a LDR currently. I have been in a LDR for the last 10 months and we do not know when we will be together for good. We usually see each other every 2 months for a week at a time. Before we became LDR he would often say that my sex drive is a lot lower than his because he always initiates sex. When we started living in different cities, our passion would build up and we would look forward to having sex every day when we were together for the week. The thing is that when we actually get together, we are pretty passionate for the first couple days, and after that we hardly do it. I visited him a month ago and we did it for the first 3 days, and then nothing at all for the remaining 5. He would go to bed early and not seem like he wanted to do anything. So I don't understand, he says he has a high sex drive and wants lots of sex, but when we are together he wants it for the first few days, and then completely cools off. He says it is tiring and doesn't want to do anythign if we have to get up early the next morning to go somewhere. Does anyone have any insight into this?
AnthonyF Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Hi, I got married 3 months ago and am in a LDR currently. I have been in a LDR for the last 10 months and we do not know when we will be together for good. We usually see each other every 2 months for a week at a time. Before we became LDR he would often say that my sex drive is a lot lower than his because he always initiates sex. When we started living in different cities, our passion would build up and we would look forward to having sex every day when we were together for the week. The thing is that when we actually get together, we are pretty passionate for the first couple days, and after that we hardly do it. I visited him a month ago and we did it for the first 3 days, and then nothing at all for the remaining 5. He would go to bed early and not seem like he wanted to do anything. So I don't understand, he says he has a high sex drive and wants lots of sex, but when we are together he wants it for the first few days, and then completely cools off. He says it is tiring and doesn't want to do anythign if we have to get up early the next morning to go somewhere. Does anyone have any insight into this? I'll ask the more pertinent question, because I can't understand it. Why are you married in an LDR, when you have no idea when you'll be together and don't see each other an awful lot? Understand military and the issues, but otherwise it is difficult to wrap my head around. As for your question, you said he initiates it. If you want more then 3X's a week (for the week you meet), then initiate it.
Aries77 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Maybe try some new and exciting sexual paths that you've never tried...maybe give him a little strip tease or maybe try some toys (I've just tried one for the first time with my boyfriend and I LOVE it! I was scared at first, but having a glass of wine first helps with the initial try!). You've gotta make it a little interesting, being that you will be seeing him for days at a time and then not at all. LDR's are hard, but you've really gotta work for it. It can be done. Good luck!
Author LDRwife Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 Thanks for the replies. I suppose I have to make more of an effort in initiating the sex. Although I feel that that is only a part of the problem. When he goes to sleep early and does not leave the chance for me to initiate anything, I get the feeling that he is just not interested. During the first few days we are together that is not the case because we see each other after so long and feel the passion. In other words, I feel like after a few days the passion fades and neither of us really makes an effort to do anything because it requires a lot of time and energy. Of course, it was not like that at the beginning of our relationship, where we would be intimate in some way or the other almost every night. I am just wondering if that is normal for married couples (passion fading), and if so, how do you maintain consistent sex? I am married in a LDR because of our circumstances. I met my husband when he was donig research in my city as a part of his school, and he finished that research last year and is back to school in his city. We got married a few months ago because we did not see any point in waiting another year to get married. I say I do not know when we will be together because our plans of him coming here in a few months for good are falling apart and we could be separated for another year.
65tr6 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 So I don't understand, he says he has a high sex drive and wants lots of sex, but when we are together he wants it for the first few days, and then completely cools off. He says it is tiring and doesn't want to do anythign if we have to get up early the next morning to go somewhere. Does anyone have any insight into this? LDR, is your concern then that when you two meet you dont have sex every day of the week like you used to ? If so, I would not worry about it. Sex drives change all the time. He may have other concerns. In fact go ahead and ask him the same question. By the way, my wife and I were married and living apart for a brief time due to my job situation. But we met every week (not like yours). But i do understand what you mean when you say that passion and longing for each other being built up during the week. By the way, men love when the wife initiate. So, if you want it DONT hold it back. Who knows you may be in for a surprise.
imagine Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 There are many reasons for fading passion. Stress, bad circulation, sexual pressure. Sexual pressure for both men and woman can switch them off completely. Consult a doctor or pharmacist for professional advice.
Heroic Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 When I got married I was a virgin. Was terribly intimidated by it all. Had sex 12 times the first year. We are 9 years in and have sex 5-9 times per week about 1-2 hours per session. Losing a lot of sleep...and loving every minute of it.
AnthonyF Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 When I got married I was a virgin. Was terribly intimidated by it all. Had sex 12 times the first year. We are 9 years in and have sex 5-9 times per week about 1-2 hours per session. Losing a lot of sleep...and loving every minute of it. Can I just say wow:D.... From Once per month as newlyweds to this!!!!!
Athena Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 He says it is tiring and doesn't want to do anythign if we have to get up early the next morning to go somewhere. after a few days the passion fades and neither of us really makes an effort to do anything because it requires a lot of time and energy. You could try Quickies instead of long, drawn out, energy consuming lovemaking every single day... and you could try one in the morning... or in the shower.... You could also try less 'taxing' positions for Him -- side by side, scissor, you on top, etc... How about offering him a BJ which he just lies back and enjoys... not tiring for him at all!!! I am just wondering if that is normal for married couples (passion fading), and if so, how do you maintain consistent sex? I personally do not think it is normal for married couples passion to fade ... and definitely not THAT fast... three months marriage? Nope. If it helps you any to get info from another LDR marriage: of my M of 23 yrs, its been LDR for past decade on and off.... 2 mths apart, 2 weeks together -- sex just about every day that fortnight... For the first several years sex 6--9 times a week, then after that about 5--7 times a week. Trick is, I think, not to both wait until you are both turned on, but for whoever wants it to initiate and make it pleasurable for the other (not a tiring chore).
twoscoops Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 how old (young) are you? before kids, and in a long distance relationship, every day for sure. at least once, if not more. I guess it depends on your sex drives as well, but obviously you'd like it more.
Author LDRwife Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 thanks a lot for the replies. i am 27 years old and yes i agree that passion should not fade this quickly, especially so early in our marriage. we do quickies in the shower etc, but the problem with that is that i feel like i need to be turned on to do anything and need the foreplay to be turned on, therefore, sometimes the quickies don't work. so maybe part of the problem is me, because i don't get turned on like a switch and maybe it is too much effort for him to try. i can't possibly imagine us having sex 6 or 7 times a week. i suppose to do that you would have to be really creative and keep it new and exciting every time. me and my hubby are not that creative and i feel like we would possibly get bored of it if we did it every night, as weird as that may sound.
boldjack Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 We have it 3 times during the work week, 2-3 times a day on weekends. So 7-9 for the whole week. Most during the week are quickies or oral, those on weekends are more involved. Quickies- 20 to 30 mins, fullbore-45 min to 1 hour or more, depending on interuptions. People who say that the passion fades during an LTR are usually people who can't have an LTR. If you get "bored" during an LTR, you're probably too selfish to love someone else or you don't have enough imagination to sustain one.
Elilmomma Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Wow I am reading this post and it's so sad all the married couples have more sex in a week then I've had since last year.... I wish I was getting 3-6 times a week, that's how we used to be..
Elilmomma Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Wow I am reading this post and it's so sad all the married couples have more sex in a week then I've had since last year.... I wish I was getting 3-6 times a week, that's how we used to be.. I can relate to your situation... but at least you're getting some..
boldjack Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Elilmomma, that's how it is NOW. It hasn't always been this good, and we will probably have to tone it down this summer, when we're at the cabin, cause of all the kids and stuff. We started out having it all hours of the day, then the kids were little and we had to MAKE time for ourselves. Back then my business wasn't doing good so that took lots of time. Then there is the farm and THAT took an enormous amount of time, before we got rid of the cattle. So we have EARNED this sex, the hard way. A couple's sex life is like the mountains, lots of peaks and valleys.
boldjack Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 The preceding message was brought to you by Guthy-Renker.
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