CM2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hi people I'm a 32 yr old male who's been married to a wonderful wife who has children from another relationship. But lately we've been having problems in our marriage. Recently she's said that she isn't attracted to me sexually anymore and doesn't know how much longer we can last. She said she wants space so she can figure out. What should I do, how do you give your spouse space when you live together?
wanthimbackwithme Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I wish I had some answers for you but I'm afraid I dont - i feel for you though. Hope she comes to her senses - she obviously loved you at 1 point and love doesn't just die overnight n get forgotten about.
The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If she isn't sexually attracted to you, then that's the killing strike. The relationship will never work. I'm sorry to hear that, and I wish you the best.
troubadour Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 She isn't sexually attracted to you anymore and wants space... I would say it is very likely that there is already someone else in the picture. Good luck.
seibert253 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 She isn't sexually attracted to you anymore and wants space... I would say it is very likely that there is already someone else in the picture. Good luck. Have to agree with this. Time to do some investigating.
HiYa'll Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If your wife gives you the line, "I love you, I'm not attracted to you and I need space." You really have to give her space. 1500 miles usually does the trick. OK...just kidding. You have had some dire, not very hopeful responses here. Is your wife cheating on you? Could be. How would anyone here know that? Don't lose hope. She says she's not sexually attracted to you. Was she ever? That's the key. If she was, then she can be again. If she never was...then BP is right. This is probably not going to get better. Here's the thing...if your wife does love you but she can't get interested in sex with you...it really COULD be a matter of too much closeness and she may just really need some space. In relationships we always think our wives will be happiest if we hang out with them ALL the time. AND they do like that...but over time you become the buddy/girlfriend not the exciting lover. You don't want to put yourself in that position. In that kind of situation there isn't enough "differentiation." Two people become almost like one person which no one finds exciting. There is a great book called Passionate Marriage by Dr. Schnarch. He has a lot to say about this issue. One thing not to do is think that your wife needs even more closeness, more hugging, fawning, etc to fix this. She doesn't want that and she told you as much. I wish my spouse would be as open with me about her needs. I always have to try to guess WTF is going on. So you're ahead of the game. Good luck!
Shehe Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Frankly it is hard to give you some advice without so little information. Personally I would sit down with her and try to communicate. Tell her that you need to understand. As Wanthimbackwithme indicated love does not disappear in one day. Something has happened.
edgeof27 Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Hi people I'm a 32 yr old male who's been married to a wonderful wife who has children from another relationship. "very noble of you, well done, so far", But lately we've been having problems in our marriage. "okay, this is starting to sound familiar", Recently she's said that she isn't attracted to me sexually anymore and doesn't know how much longer we can last. "you are done, get out", She said she wants space so she can figure out. "she wants you out of the picture so that he can be in the picture", What should I do, "get out, you are done", how do you give your spouse space when you live together? "you get out, because the relationship is over", If your wife gives you the line, "I love you, I'm not attracted to you and I need space." You really have to give her space. 1500 miles usually does the trick. OK...just kidding. "please, he doesn't need any funny comments, he is looking for advice", You have had some dire, not very hopeful responses here. Is your wife cheating on you? Could be. How would anyone here know that? "you're new here aren't you, you should read a few posts regarding spouses suddenly needing space, etc, it reads like a play-book", Don't lose hope. "for what, reconciliation, it's over", She says she's not sexually attracted to you. "this is the death-blow for the relationship, get out asap", Good luck! Frankly it is hard to give you some advice without so little information. "not really, read previous posts regarding spouses needing space", Personally I would sit down with her and try to communicate. "this would be an exercise in futility", Tell her that you need to understand. "understand this; ....SHE NEEDS HER SPACE = IT'S OVER, GET OUT NOW.... ok", Something has happened. "no, Someone Else, has happened", Sorry if this feels too blunt, but based on previous, "I need my space", type postings on this site, there is a very slim chance that you can save this relationship, get out now, &, move on, making sure that you look after yourself first, good luck, g.
newscs Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I dont know how long you've been married but I think that marriages go through different phases of attraction. When you think about it, those marriages of 60+ years do you really think the physical attraction has been there for that many years? I think not. I think it can work if you two mutually like and respect each other. I say "like" not "love" because the "love" we so often refer to is something that fades over time. That is where the mutual respect and like is important. If you have at least that I think that you can carry on a marriage. I has similar feelings for my husband at one time. The sex life was not so great, but I could not imagine life without him because he was my best friend and he was (and is) a wonderful dad and as a person I really liked him, and still do despite our current issues. Now I think the scary part about this lack of attraction is if she has found attraction somewhere else and acts on it. Hopefully she is smart enough to know grass is not greener because I can tell you from experience, it is NOT! peace
cyabye Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Give her space permanetely. She is cheating on you. cyabye
LakesideDream Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 So little information. Like many here I think there is a good possibility that your wife has already found another love interest. As said before the chances are greater than 10-1 that she made her "space" speach already having someone waiting in the wings. Have you given some thought to what happened in your wife's first relationship (s?) which produced the children? Was she seeing you when her last relationship got the "space" speach? Just a thought.
dead-dyke Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Lakeside's on point here. I'd pay very close attention to her actions.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Yeah I would definitely start snooping through the phone logs,chat logs whatever it is you have. Dont trust what she says right now without full blown proof.
Gunny376 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Opppppp's Upside Your head! Tha Gunny's seen it time and time again! You going to belive me? Or your lying eyes?
TrustInYourself Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 How long was the courtship? How long were you married? How old are the kids? What are her actions during the day and the evening? Who does she spend the majority of her time with? Explain her past? Who is the father of her children? What's her relationship with him? How have you addressed the problem? What steps do you need to take? What is your part in this?
sumdude Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Some pretty hard core replies here.. and well.. we've been through it/> Seen it and heard it enough times. There are very very rare cases that 'needing space' means give me a break to figure this out. I do know this.. When I hear "I just need some space." again? I'll just say you can have all the space between here and Uranus.
Author CM2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 I have been checking out her actions, she's always text messaging. I just wish she'd just come out and say "look its over!!!" I feel like im being strung along
Author CM2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 How long was the courtship? How long were you married? How old are the kids? What are her actions during the day and the evening? Who does she spend the majority of her time with? Explain her past? Who is the father of her children? What's her relationship with him? How have you addressed the problem? What steps do you need to take? What is your part in this? Well we dated for 4 yrs before we got married, kids are 12 and 8, her actions right now is stay at home cause she works from home cause she had a stroke last yr and hasn't been cleared to return to work. So I don't really know what's really going on while im at work, she spends a lot of time with the kids or her sister who is 2yrs younger, the father of the children are losers who don't really do much for them, and her relationship with them is cordial.
Author CM2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Yeah I would definitely start snooping through the phone logs,chat logs whatever it is you have. Dont trust what she says right now without full blown proof. Yeah as of now I don't really believe a lot she says but the things is that she's always around her cell so I can't really check it like I want to
Author CM2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Well we dated for 4 yrs before we got married, kids are 12 and 8, her actions right now is stay at home cause she works from home cause she had a stroke last yr and hasn't been cleared to return to work. So I don't really know what's really going on while im at work, she spends a lot of time with the kids or her sister who is 2yrs younger, the father of the children are losers who don't really do much for them, and her relationship with them is cordial. I meant the father of the kids is a loser. I made it seem like their are multiples when their is only one
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