LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I know that I have been posting my advice here and have not given you my story so here goes: I was dating this guy that I work with for a year and a half, and we had our ups and downs but just because I felt like I gave 80% and he just gave me 20% of the relationship, it was to a point where I was getting tired. Anyways here comes February 09' where the problems began: We started to see less of each other and the phone calls became less as well. He would start coming over my house after a time where I was sleeping because I work early as well as he does. The intimacy pretty much wasn't the same. Here comes Valentine's Day. He calls me in the morning wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day which was all and well but he was suppose to come over that evening. When he called me around 9 he kept saying he was tired, which I knew was bs, so i politely asked, so does that mean you are not coming over now and he said, "No sweetie, I'm really tired...I will come by tomorrow". So verses raising a fit, I bit my tongue and I said well I made something for you at home and I thought that you would want to be with the person you love or so I thought and he had the audacity to tell me, well I see you enough already...so I said, you know what, I don't want to talk to you right now and I hung up the phone. I know I know...I was immature for hanging up the phone, but I've had my suspicions about him for the past few months. We stopped going out to the movies or dinner, he would come to my house sometimes after 10 where he would ask to take a shower, NOW granted when he called me earlier he told me he was at home relaxing, and he stopped bringing his cell phone into my house (not that I would check it, but it was odd)...so you know where my intuitions went. Anyways after a week of not talking I called him the following Sunday just to apologize about hanging up and than I confronted him of my reasons. So I asked "Am I the only person you are seeing or are you seeing someone else", and I gave with reason and he said "Why would you be with someone if you feel that they are dating another person behind your back", which meant he wasn't going to say yes or no, but I had my answer. I told him that all I ever expected from him was trust and if he couldn't give me that, than I couldn't continue on. Basically he didn't give me my answer so I pulled away dramatically. Well here comes February 25th and it was his birthday. Now verses me getting him a gift (because I originally was going to take him to Vegas, I chose to delay that until October), I just gave him a card to wish him a Happy Birthday. He called me that afternoon (NOW we do work with each other, but we try to keep it hidden from the executives because we don't want to find a reason to get fired), to thank me and I stated well if you want to go out for dinner, my treat and he said I'll stop tomorrow than. Here comes Thursday and he tried to play it off like he meant it was for Friday (knowing I had plans and I told him oh well you said Thursday, but let's do it for another day because I'm going away this weekend). Well here comes Friday, and my plans were post-poned but I didn't tell him. That was the night I decided I was going to tell him that we need a break because I wasn't dealing with the situation unless he proved to me I was wrong. When I was about to tell him, the phone died (either my connection or his connection) so I called him back and he didn't pick up the phone and I went on with my night. Well basically he chose to not pick up his phone pretty much ever since than until I got upset and started calling his phone on Sunday because I knew he was home and he had the audacity to pass his phone to his mother who than told me, "Oh this is not so and so's phone, you need to stop calling", and I was like excuse me...well I was like well don't worry, I'm through with it all and I hung up the phone. What gets to me is that he had the audacity to pass his phone off to his mother.....and he's 32 years old and I'm 27!!!! and yes I was hurt by it because he couldn't be a man about it and talk to me, but to have it been dealt this way is a major blow. So yes we do in fact work with each other so on Tuesday I was so nervous to go to work because I didn't want to bump into him, so I avoided him at all cost, but by signing on to this forum, it's been believe it or not making me stronger. I am doing the "NC" and I'm not going to be the one to call, but I'm just hurt overall because I don't open up myself to guys relationship wise. I have more guy friends than relationship because that's always been me, plus I have trust issues because of my past. Sorry so long, but it had to be posted as such.
flyguy23 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 so did you ever find out if he was cheating? thats really low of him and you def. deserve better than that im sorry to hear this
xxscarredxx Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 IMO, it's 1 of 2 things; either he didn't really want to be in a relationship, or, you're intuitions were right. Do you really want to be involved with a man that can't even take his phone calls? I, as well am curious as to why he quit bringing his cell when he came over. The "I'm tired" thing makes me think that he just didn't want to put in the effort and time. Girl continue the NC, I believe you're doing the right thing!
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 so did you ever find out if he was cheating? thats really low of him and you def. deserve better than that im sorry to hear this I never found out, but at this point, I have no choice but to move on because even if we were to ever get back together, which it won't happen, I won't trust him with every conversation and touch, ya know. Right now though I've been keeping myself busy not to think about him because for all I know he obviously isn't thinking about me.
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 IMO, it's 1 of 2 things; either he didn't really want to be in a relationship, or, you're intuitions were right. Do you really want to be involved with a man that can't even take his phone calls? I, as well am curious as to why he quit bringing his cell when he came over. The "I'm tired" thing makes me think that he just didn't want to put in the effort and time. Girl continue the NC, I believe you're doing the right thing! And you know what's funny is that I have nothing to hide so I would leave my phone wide open because I'm secure about beign loyal, but I remember one time he checked my phone and I was livid but verses gettign angry, I was a bigger person about it and just asked him during the day "Do you trust me". I think he knew why I asked him that. Either way when you have intuitions, 99% of the time, it's true. I just hate the fact that I put a year and a half into something that at this point was a waste.
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Don't worry. A year and a half is OK, it's not bad. try 22. Stay NC, don't break it, and even at wortk, look and talk to him only if the work situation warrants it. And then as briefly and curtly as common workplace decency will allow. make like you never met him before....
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 "make like you never met him before" Trust me I'm trying, lol. I'm not going to break a sweat in front of him if we ever bump into each other at work, imma continue dressing nice if not nicer and proving to only myself that I am stronger than I think.
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 And showing him that you're better than he knows.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I'm sorry he couldn't at least been a man and be honest or at least answer his phone. Does he not care how he has affected you?? I know what it's like to have some trust issues and finally put yourself in a relationship where you feel like you can trust someone for them to just slam a door in your face. It's a bad feeling, but you are on the right track, you need a man, not a boy that runs from relationships. You are correct intuitions are usually pretty accurate, although sometimes we dont like to follow them. So, at this point he has ignored your phone call, there was no official break up? I hope he does not think he will try to come back to you, Im hoping he has that respect for your feelings. You are going in the right direction, I know it's hard.
eclipseIDE Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 "make like you never met him before" Trust me I'm trying, lol. I'm not going to break a sweat in front of him if we ever bump into each other at work, imma continue dressing nice if not nicer and proving to only myself that I am stronger than I think. What does dressing nice have to do with being strong? Are you trying to make him jealous? Why? Are you that insecure about yourself
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 What does dressing nice have to do with being strong? Are you trying to make him jealous? Why? Are you that insecure about yourself Yes eclipse it's because I'm very insecure (sarcasm). R u serious? Anyways what it was meant was to say that I'm going to continue being myself and stay strong.
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 I'm sorry he couldn't at least been a man and be honest or at least answer his phone. Does he not care how he has affected you?? I know what it's like to have some trust issues and finally put yourself in a relationship where you feel like you can trust someone for them to just slam a door in your face. It's a bad feeling, but you are on the right track, you need a man, not a boy that runs from relationships. You are correct intuitions are usually pretty accurate, although sometimes we dont like to follow them. So, at this point he has ignored your phone call, there was no official break up? I hope he does not think he will try to come back to you, Im hoping he has that respect for your feelings. You are going in the right direction, I know it's hard. He obviously doesn't care but it's ok. And there was no official break-up, but if he had respect about my feelings, it wouldn't have gone as far as this. The best that I can do about this situation is to learn from it and move on. It's the best way.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Yes...just soo unfair to leave you with soo many questions. That should tell you what kind of person he is. Just be glad you found this out now. And you are 100% right, if he did have respect for your feelings, it would not have come to this point. I know it has to hurt, but just stay strong and be glad he isnt your problem anymore.
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Good morning everyone, So it's 6:58 in the morning and I have been one week and one day of NC and did my best to avoid him at work...UNTIL A FEW MINUTES AGO. I was pretty much done with having breakfast and was about to purchase an orange juice from the vending machine, I hear someone say "Hey you". I didn't turn around at first because I thought that no one was talking to me until I heard my name. It was my ex. I turned to him and although I didn't have any words for a second, I just said "Hey" with no facial expression, grabbed my orange juice and book and left back to my office. Now I'm sitting here wondering, why didn't I just ignore him and after doing what he did, why would he think it would be ok to say hello to me. Not for nothing but my head is a little messed up this morning because I swear to you, as days went by, I was getting better and moving on, now this happens and as cheesy as this may sound, my heart is hurting again. I thought I was stronger than that .
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 No, you did good. Turn it round and look at it from his PoV. He says hello. You ignore him. (You might at least recognise his voice....!) So he calls you by name (Oh good, you just didn't hear him!) But then - you're expressionless, and all you can say is 'Hey...' before you just up and leave....? "What?? No smile? No asking how I am?! WTF is with her? She blew me off! Why would she do that? Man, chicks are weird! Damn, that's gnna bug me all day now!" Get on with your day. You're fine. Jerk-britches is finding out just how big a jerk he is....
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You absolutely did the right thing!! You said Hey nonchalantly and not caring...You are a strong girl for keeping NC, keep it up!
Author LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 So after the whole nonchalant "Hey", he called me during my break, but I didn't pick up. He called later on that afternoon when I was leaving work and he called about an hour ago and I hope now that he's gotten the point that I'm moving forward with my life - without him. But get this: He states on one of the voicemails with his wannabe sad tone that it was nice to see me and that he misses me but doesn't understand why I have been ignoring him. (This is when my hurt turned to anger because now he is playing games and is trying to pretend like he did nothing wrong). He said something about if I ever want to talk to please call him or if I ever need help, for me not to hesitate to call (First off, don't want the mother to pick up {sarcasm} and secondly when I was with him I never needed nor asked for help). Guess what I ended up doing after the first message...deleting that one plus the other messages without listening to them. All in all I'm feeling better and ready to move on. Anyways have a great night everyone and I will be on tomorrow morning trying to offer some advice that I can.
Recommended Posts