lilmrcheerful Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Hi, My gf ended our relationship in early Jan to go back to her ex bf who was pursuing her for months, in the end she gave in and left. I initiated NC immediately after she ended it. A few weeks went past and she text me in which I ignored at first... then I responded. She still had her items here so I thought that needed to be sorted out as well as thinking it would be the final closure once all her stuff had gone. I initiated another period of NC until she text me again to say that she's picked her things and left me some items of mine. It felt "ok" that she text me, was friendly and it seemed she wanted to remain "friends" in which at first I thought was OK. We've been in contact ever since by text, but this has increasingly made me feel uneasy and restless. I don't like her attitude, she's just so casual about everything and what we've been through together the last 12 months, it's almost as if we were never together. This has triggered the hurt again that I inititally felt and thought I had got over but she's brought it all to surface again. I now sincerely regret texting her back a few weeks ago but I don't know how to get out of it. The last few days the texting has really slowed down, I suspect she's with her bf a lot more recently so she only text me when they are apart - i guess out of bordem. She can't seem to let go and she talks a lot about the past but in a very detached and uncaring way, it's horrible. If this is her way of "getting over me" then it's even more torture than when we were together and her talking/planning with her ex. I don't know what to do now, I want to initiate NC again but I don't know how to go about it without being mean. I feel that if I just don't respond to any of her messages then she will think "what have i done" and blame me for ignoring her. I don't really want to write her yet another message about not a good idea that we should stay in contact because I'd only be repeating myself and she would think i've gone mad. I don't know what to do, but I know that I really regret breaking NC. Thanks for reading.
janjan Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Start: thinking about yourself Stop: seeking her approval Go No Contact, go out there and meet new people, don't look back.
MotherGooze Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 If she texts you again I would recommend friendly asking her to leave you alone for a while, because you think it's best for yourself. Or if you really don't care you can just ignore her, but even I wouldn't do that. Having absolutely No Contact with her really is the way to go so that you can move on and start healing. I know it's hard, especially with these kind of people who don't seem to care if they have hurt you or not. But in the end you'll realise that it's those kind of people you don't want to be with anyway. Take care
Author lilmrcheerful Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Go No Contact, don't look back. Thanks, but I need to know the best way to do it now because it was easier at first when she broke it off with me because the owness was always on her, but since then I made the mistake of breaking NC she would have a reason to complain or blame me because by replying back to her I've in effect "accepted" the friendship.
Author lilmrcheerful Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 If she texts you again I would recommend friendly asking her to leave you alone for a while, because you think it's best for yourself. Or if you really don't care you can just ignore her, but even I wouldn't do that. Having absolutely No Contact with her really is the way to go so that you can move on and start healing. I know it's hard, especially with these kind of people who don't seem to care if they have hurt you or not. But in the end you'll realise that it's those kind of people you don't want to be with anyway. Take care Thank you for your response. I totally understand what you mean, however, the thing that really upsets me is that it's all my fault that we are in contact again because I responded to her and continued to, if she never text me I had absolutely NO intention of contacting her. I do blame myself, I should have stayed firm because I was doing really well up until that point. I am going to start off by ignoring her text and see what she does. Hopefully she won't moan about that and just let me be, but knowing her she will try to make me feel guilty again.
first_slice Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 if she doesnt care, why do you? the way i see it, if she brings you down why would you want to hang out anyways? And if you try to ask her to stop calling, it’s not going to work. shes just gonna keep calling or texting wanting to know how you are... basically if you still want her because she doesn’t care for you in that sense. Shes more interested in her vanity. So.. don’t let her walk all over you and just ignore her. Also you have to separate the reality of things and your emotions. the girl dumped you and your letting her stick around. now its up to you if you wanna continue to be discontented.everytime she calls press the ignore button, hold your head high and tell yourself... "I am worthy"
Author lilmrcheerful Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 And if you try to ask her to stop calling, it’s not going to work. shes just gonna keep calling or texting wanting to know how you are... basically if you still want her because she doesn’t care for you in that sense. Shes more interested in her vanity. So.. don’t let her walk all over you and just ignore her. Also you have to separate the reality of things and your emotions. the girl dumped you and your letting her stick around. now its up to you if you wanna continue to be discontented.everytime she calls press the ignore button, hold your head high and tell yourself... "I am worthy" Excellent and much needed post, thank you and that's what I've exactly done! The last time I responded to her text was on Saturday night. She text me again on Monday afternoon, I ignored it. She then text me again virtually screaming at me wondering why I didn't reply, and I held firm and still didn't reply. I felt guilty and awful at first, but realised that it was the right thing to do. The next day I felt great and in control of things again, she's not next me since so that's 4 days of NC and I am feeling good about it. NC really does work and I really urge people to use it. What NC does is gives you back the power and control of the situation because you're not allowing the other person to freedom to pick and choose what the hell they want to do and on their terms, I mean my ex was just basically wanting to talk with me when she was bored I think, she didn't genuinely want to be a "friend" because a friend does not text insensitive rubbish at random times of the day because they have nothing else to really say other then "hey I am still here and I want you to know that", when really they should be leaving the person they dumped alone to get on with it. I've never wanted her back, I just wanted to get that straight because I know it can seem that way and it can seem that people can't let go, but honestly what the girl did to me and how she did it is quite unforgivable and by default my demeanor towards her is one of disgust, I can't bare to look her in the eye which is why I said "i'd rather not see you" to her when she came down to get her stuff a month ago. All I gotta do is stay firm now, I've initiated it again and the main reason why it was broken before was because we still had some loose ends to tie with her things and some finances, now though there is absolutely NO reason to keep in touch and that's what I intend to do, I just hope she doesn't change her mind and realise what a cow she's been....
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