o_hopeless_o Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 So im having a problem and its been eating at me for days. I was in a 2 yr long distance relationship. (we'd visit each other too) trust me this gets interesting.. In january i had cut things off with my ex telling him i was not sure if I was in love (probably due to boredeom because we are so limited to do things, im 18 and he is 18 also, neither of us had our drivers license and I just finished highschool). At first he was devasted, professing his love to me, texting me, calling me, all of that stuff for a couple weeks. while this is happening i was trying to sort myself look at the problem of why did i break up with him and started to realize i was really in love with him but didnt think itd be wise to say this after JUST breaking up. At the same time I had kinda pushed him away due to the way he was coming at me (this happens ALOT its only human nature). At one point i said hey, i know how your feeling and its okay you dont have to tell me everyday. i did not say this in a hey, get off my back i dont want you type of way. i was not being mean at all and i wasnt sayingi do not want a relationship with you. so after that he sorta stopped but would call, act cute, i would like it but no show it. then he starts telling me about all these girls checking him out and giving there numbers to him and it would upset me, it seemed i was always upset and i was! i was jealous of all these girls, how could i not be? couples day go by and by the end of january i call him one night to say goodnight because i missed him. someone answers says hello then hangs up. i was rattled up by this a bit wondering why the heck did he hang up? i called a couple times and just went tobed angry. the next day he is asking me why im mad and i tell him. he tells me his friend needed his phone for a test the next day. okay this to me is bull****. who uses a cellphone on a test? then he tells me it was a girl. this made it even worse my heart started to shatter more. i just ended the conversation and went about my day. the next day, he was asking me why was i mad again and how could i be made about that etc? i told him it hurt to know you could just give your phone out like that (knowing its a personal gadget to many ppl, and they dont just GIVE out there phones to anyoine and everyone) and to find it was a girl hurt me. then the conversation starts getting intense. i find out that he "likes" her. this did trigger me to tell him my feelings but i was feeling them long before this. anyways, he goes on telling me he doesnt love me anymore and cant be with me. im asking him why and how could you just stop loving me after two weeks? he said i had hurt him so much during our relationship. now, i have never betrayed him but i will say at times i did have a big attitude and i wasthe dominated one because he pretty much let me, but he says how shattered he is through the relationship and in my eyes it was like hey we have bad times but we got over them because even i know our relationship was not hell the entire time. it was pretty normal. i dont blame him for being hurt but he never sat me down to say this. he also said about how i was always mad recently and im like it because you tell me about all these girls and i didnt want to hear about it and he KNEW THIS. To me it seemed like thats what he based it on because i had gotten upset and was mad about it and it triggered him to finally be like im tired of this i dont love her, but he was instigating the whole thing by TELLING me about them. anyways so im totally crushed crying balistically on the phone. he is like saying dont im going to cry too and all this stuff. why would he need to cry if he has no love for me? i asked if he wanted to be with her he said no. now. ANOTHER DAY PASSES and we are talking through AOL instant messenger and i am asking him how could that just happen and not love me in 2 WEEKS, etc again. i start saying im going to harm myself (which i wouldnt do) and he says you just expect me to be with you now and all this stuff. so he calls my sister and my best friend and they are all caling me and texting me. and i am just devasted, heartbroken, sick to my stomach, all those feelings. anyways so after that day i IM him again so desperately wanting him back i went as far as searching how to get your boyfriend back etc, but i told him i was sorry and that i was a jerk ( not showing my desperate side) and we shouldnt be toegther, it was rather quick but i was so wanting him back i was trying to follow the steps into getting him back. all he had to say was its okay its fine ttyl im busy. ( and the day of the phone call he was wanting me to still talk to him regardless of everything btw) so then im like okay i get it i know he doesnt want to talk to me and ill give him space. so we dont talk for 2 days and during those days im crying tryin to figure out how to get him back and learnin to accept that its over now and all i can do it look to the future and fix my flaws. then today comes (and im thnking of apologizing again with more sincerity) and now all of a sudden he is leaving all these lame away messages about his day etc. of course i am checking them wondering what he is doing and then it says "my girl :]" now this irritated me so much it makes me feel like he is posting these things to see me tick cause he NEVER did this before. so im like you have a girlfriend? (shouldnt have done but whatever i felt i needed to know) he says no im at the beach hold on with an lol. im like alright, then i ask him if he had gotten his pics back because he doesnt have many pictures when he was little so i was decent enough to send them back. he said yeah and i asked if he was sending mine anytime soon and he says yes i am ttyl brb. then i say hey wait and i wanted to give him a better and more formal apology. so it started like this. if you want to be friends lets be friends. i dont need teh cold shoulder attitude to be honest. he says Im not trying to be cold shouldering you I just been real busy I go out like a lot now with my friend (NOTICE HE SAYS FRIEND) And my internship Is tough im on aim to chat etc. then i tell him yeah you know on aim to chat be we never really talk regardless you know(after everythign thats happened), like you dont have to be my friend (i dont want him to pity me or fake a friendship but i didnt expect to be talking alot after this convo i was still going to give him space.). he says oh i understand no we can talk and i tell him i just dont want to be the one taking the iniative doing so. i told him i still care for him and he goes off about me saying i hated him and i reassured him that i was totally out of line and i didnt mean that and that im sorry for any pain ive caused him and not being together is the best for us. he didnt say much after that but i ended the convo saying i had to go. it broke my heart to feel that he is lying to my face telling me he isnt trying to be with this girl and trying to tell himself that he isnt in love because i feel that its bull****. it cant happen that fast. first ur telling me about your love then your saying you dont love me. all in the matter or 2 weeks he fell out of love? i know with the breakup i hurt him badly but it was either be with him and not be sure of my feelings and let him suffer or be without him. (even though he was so willing to be there while i was in confusion i didnt think it was best cause people usually need time to think this out without them) i dont really believe in breaks because i dont see how u can take a break from a relationship. anyways he still has been posting dumb away messages about how GREAT his days are now etc. i mean im happy he is happy but its like he is rubbing it in and wanting me to read those. i want to be happy with him and just wishing him to realize we can accomplish so much more only if he'd let it happen. anyways i blocked him for the time being. i know most of you will say you should go out mroe and all this stuff my my own individual life right now is sort of in a waiting process. i was in independent studies so i finished school way faster. im wiating for my diploma and the graudating ceremony and getting my license and a state id first so i can get a job now but everyone these days is so tight on money its hard to do it all at once. i also have have two sister i watch because everyone is working so much. my friends are 30 mins away from me since i moved the middle of last year and ones pregnant the other lives with her andgoes to school daily and one i in independent studies like i am goes to work and has the responsiblity of watching a baby brother. she is the only one who ive been mainly talking to about this. so you see where im at right now. always home so its hard NOT to think about this. ANYWAYS! ive been looking around online reading articles on many things (how to get your boyfriend back, what not to do after a break up, rebound relationships, etc! they made me feel a little better) and wondering why would he rebound himself to another relationship (which i bet is true) because its most likely not to succeed. he is hurting me (which he doesnt care) and will most likely hurt the other girl and himself. sometimes they do but majority of the time they dont. i know things are not done between us, i can feel it in my blood but its ironic to me how it went from him telling me all his feelings and me pushing him away to me telling him my feelings and now he is pushing ME away. i just wish he'd realize whats going on here. i really do not know what to do (theres is little i can do i know) and yes it is my fault that i didnt tell him my feelings at first but i thought i was being wise once again. i really want him back so bad, i would totally appreciate him more and all that. its not the fact that im lonely at all. its okay that i have no one but i WANT to be with him. i recognize what ive done but im not trying to dwell on it because i cant change the past. do you think he will come around or what? anything is welcome i just really need some input. sorry this was so long, for incorrect spelling or grammar. please be on a positive note though, i really need some positivity. i really am in love with him. thank you for whoever toke the time to read this.
briteyes Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 give him some time he will come around!! if you do talk to them you really need to make youeself seem ok!! men will not respond to you asking to come back after how bad you made him feel!! he will feel like you r dimissing his feeling which will only piss him off more!! i learned this the hard way. when someone feels hurt they feel hurt no matter how big or samll u think it is!! start posting messages on how you r but make them great cause if you read his he reads yours beleive that!! stay bizz that is so important. i agree you cant fall out of love in 2 weeks but he may believe he is cause hes so hurt!! u have to make him miss you and the best way to do that is to act like your dong just fine. i dont know why this works but it worked for him u had those feelings but didnt bring them out till he started making you think he didnt need or miss you anymore!! good luck i hope you get him back i just lost my marriage so i have the same pain with just a lil more bagadge!
Recommended Posts