f123456789 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I was having an E/A with MM for a little over a year though he wanted it to be physical. I always told him it would not be. We had a great friendship/relationship. Without warning MM abruptly stopped ALL contact with me. I didn't know it at the time so I called/text as normal but it was only after calls/text not being returned did I notice something was wrong. I did not contact him any more either. 2 months went by and I found out his brother had passed away so I called him and left a message on voicemail giving my condolence. He emailed me thanks etc. Since then we have emailed and text (no calls) each other on and off until present. No explanation as to why he stopped talking to me was given. We do not talk about what was ( you would think we did not know each other before) LOL, just stuff going on in the news etc, general conversations. The way he behaved cleared the fog for me and has allowed the healing process to speed up tremendously. It showed me what type of a person he is. Sometimes having LC can really get you out of the fantasy you are having in your mind and you get to and see the truth. The fog has been lifted and NO I would not get back with him . I would not mind being his friend. My Question is should I continue to be friendly towards him seeing how things were ended. How would you deal with this situation.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I would not mind being his friend. Why do you want his friendship? List 10 reasons what good he can bring into your life. List 10 reasons what good you'd bring into his life? You two had an affair and once people have an affair and it ends, it isn't wise to keep intouch and be friends. Not only for your sake, and his sake, but his WIFE's sake and their marriage. It would still be a selfish friendship as I highly doubt he's going to bring you home to his wife, and you're not going to be her friend. So again, ask yourself what you'll be getting out a friendship with your exMM?
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1956236&postcount=18 What has changed? OK, I didn't know you were married, or I just forgot as there's so many posters with similar situations. Is being friends with the exMM fair to your husband? Would he approve of it?
jwi71 Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 What makes you think you will only just "be friends" this time around? Haven't you proven that you are incapable of NOT crossing the line? A better question would be: What are you doing to improve YOUR marriage?
Author f123456789 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Posted February 2, 2009 Why is is that you guys are always ready to jump on the band wagon. Sometimes it is hard to post all the facts of the situation. you should just answer the questions that are asked. By the way how do Which way is up know that the MM and I are not seperated from our spouses. STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT KNOWING ALL THE FACTS.
2sure Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 If you were friends but then the friendship cooled on his part because you told him it would not include sex..... That would make me feel trashy. And then the friendship resumed but only vaguely and did not include real friendship.... That would make me feel like he was just talking to me in case I ever changed my mind.
carhill Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 No problem. Go out to dinner as couples. Which is which is up to you Seriously, that's what "friends" do. If you can't do that, you can't be friends nor "friendly", IMO.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 Because I looked at your previous post about you wanting to let go of MM and work on your marriage, that you were in NC mode and wanted NO CONTACT with the MM ever again. You even said that you didn't want to call him or for him to call you. Unless things have changed and your and your husband have broken up - It still doesn't make sense of why you'd want to be friends with the MM. I assume he's still married and living with his wife? I am sorry if you feel attacked, I just want you to think, because if you are still married your choice in befriending the MM DOES affect your marriage and the relationship between you and your husband.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT KNOWING ALL THE FACTS. What are the facts, maybe if we knew, it would help us give you better advice.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 My Question is should I continue to be friendly towards him seeing how things were ended. No, you should have no contact with him whatsoever. He is married and you had designs on each other. No good can come from ANY contact with him whether it be for you or his family. Might be a moot point anyway since he is obviously a dog and will try to find his next conquest elsewhere. Too bad his wife doesn't know.
Bryanp Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your husband had been involved in an EA for two months while this woman always wanted to get physical with him? How would you feel if your husband asked you if it was all right to start up the friendship again with her? How can you not see how disrespectful and hurtful this is to your husband resuming a friendship with another man who wants to have sex with you?
Owl Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 I don't understand your anger at the "jumping to conclusions". If you don't post pertinent details, its a very safe bet that posters will respond based off the last information they knew. Are you still married? Does your H know about your affair? Are you still attempting to reconcile your marriage? These are pertinent details, and if they've changed, then it would make sense to post them as part of your question. At the end of the day...no, resuming a friendship with MM would be a foolish thing to do, all the way around. Even IF you could manage not to fall back into the EA, there's no garauntee that MM could stop himself from doing so. Even then, would your husband be willing to accept this, assuming that the two of you are still attempting to reconcile? Do you really think that your marriage would not be negatively impacted by ANY continued contact with MM? Even if you have changed plans since the last we knew...do you think a 'friendship only' relationship would be ok with HIS wife?
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2009 Posted February 2, 2009 About a month ago you said you were in NC mode with the MM and trying to get over him. You did another post asking if it was OK to break NC to say Merry Xmas or Happy New Year to him. Everyone advised you not to break NC.. What has changed? You obviously miss him, or miss how he made you feel.. Instead of missing him, why not focus on your husband and fixing your marriage? Go out on fun dates with your husband, reconnect and remember why you got married in the first place? To lust and want the MM is only going to ruin your marriage and your life as you know it.
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