missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Ok I definitely need help with this complicated situation that totally got out of control. I have worked at this place for almost 7 months now. I am in my early twenties and the assistant manager is 4 years older than me. We have both had huge crushes on each other since I started there and there has been a lot of sexual tension. All the other employees know about it, its pretty obvious. He has a girlfriend so nothing ever happened along with the fact hes my boss. Well about 4 months ago this really pretty girl started to work there and at first no one liked her...she seemed really stuck up. well she tried to become friends with me so over the last couple months we have become really close, almost best friends. well i confided in her that i liked the manager. she also has a serious boyfriend that she has talked about getting engaged to and buying a house soon. over the last few months the manager has been flirting ALOT with both of us. last night he has a little get together and both us girls go along with a few other ppl from work and the manager's girlfriend. we all end up getting really drunk and his girlfriend gets really jealous of me and my friend even though we didnt do anything wrong. her and my manager get into a HUGE fight and she ends up leaving. at this point no one is sure if they broke up or not. after she leaves he pulls me into his bedroom and starts kissing me. i immediately stop and tell him that im not going to let him cheat on his girlfriend and im not that kind of girl. he says "oh stop it, shes crazy and we're not together anymore anyway." then he turns off the light, takes off all his clothes except for his boxers and gets into bed and pulls me down with him. i have been wondering what it would be like to be with him for a longgg time so i kind of went with it for awhile and we were making out and dry humping. i kept stopping and saying we shouldnt be doing this, i dont want to get either one of us in trouble, etc but he kept saying "ive wanted this for so long, you know i am crazy attracted to you, you know i want you, and you can have whatever you want when it comes to me, etc." suddenly i just got this feeling that him and his girlfriend didnt break up and i was helping him cheat which i promised myself i would never do. i was also suddenly not attracted to him AT ALL, i was actually totally disgusted and didnt even want him touching me. i rolled over and told him i was going to bed and he said "ok but i want to hold you and cuddle with you all night" and he wraps himself around me. i just felt so bad i couldnt do it anymore and i got out of bed and went out to the living room where my friend and another person were laying down for the night. they immediately bombarded me with questions like what happened and my friend was just so jealous i could tell she was really mad at me even though she has never told me she likes him and most importantly she has a serious boyfriend. 10 mins later she gets up and goes into his room and a short while later i can hear them having sex. i was so mad i was shaking and felt like i was going to be sick. i couldnt believe that she was doing that after i was just in there, she has a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and we are like best friends and she knows i liked him. it was wrong on so many levels. the other person that was in the living room with me was appalled as well and he said that she tried to hook up with him too while i was in the bedroom but he wouldnt do anything with her. this is such a horrible situation....i am SO mad at him and her i cant even explain it. i seriously dont know how to handle this situation at all. i really dont want to talk to either of them but i work with them and hes my boss! i dont want to lose my job because i ignore him or let him know how angry and disgusted i am with him but i also cant carry on like nothing happened and what he did is ok. also im afraid of whats going to happen once this gets out around the job and people find out about it. do i have a right to be mad at him and her?? i mean is this a dealbreaker between me and my friend? should i say something to her? i could really use some advice on what to do and how to treat both of them once i see them again which is very soon! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'd start looking for another job today. This is a good lesson in how to become more discerning about men. Hope it helped you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Everyone was drunk. Getting drunk with people you work with, especially management , is NEVER a good idea. This is something many of us , including you, learn through experience. That being said , I have great news. The next morning, EVERY person involved here , had regrets. Except you. YOU have nothing to regret , or woory about. No one is going to be looking at you in the future and know you did something skanky. That title belongs to all the others. Even though you are attracted to your manager - he is a slime ball, at least when he is drunk. He didnt want you specifically, he wanted to get laid. He knows he was an ass. The other woman behaved whorishly, considering this was a work gathering and she hit on the two remaining males. This will be remembered and spoken about amongst themselves. NEVER get drunk with work people, NEVER EVER sleep over. If you must go out with them while they drink - GREAT - remain sober, and be the only one with dignity in the morning, as well as knowing first hand all the stupid mistakes they made. Professionally, this is an excellent position to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 NEVER get drunk with work people, NEVER EVER sleep over. If you must go out with them while they drink - GREAT - remain sober, and be the only one with dignity in the morning, as well as knowing first hand all the stupid mistakes they made. Professionally, this is an excellent position to be in. To add to that -- NEVER get involved with your boss, especially one that acts unprofessionally with his subordinates. Don't mix your personal life and professional one. Party with your friends, not coworkers. Get your resume updated, start looking and keep mum about the whole episode at work. Only discuss work related topics with your boss and this coworker, or else you'll just be encouraging even more gossip. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Don't mix your personal life and professional one. Party with your friends, not coworkers. Worth repeating TWICE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missmebaby Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 yes i have learned my lesson...and that attraction and feelings i had for him are definitely gone. im just not sure how to feel about him and my friend. do i have a right to be mad at my friend because she knew that i had liked him for a long time and blatantly chose to sleep with him? i would never do that to any of my friends. and dont i have a right to be mad at him because he knows i have feelings for him and chose to sleep with one of my best friends? basically i think they were both horrible friends to me that night. he JUST text messaged me a few mins ago and said "hey thanks. you were right. you really are a great girl." meaning thank you for not sleeping with me and putting a stop to things, and i was right that it shouldnt happen and he shouldnt cheat. and im a great girl for not being a whore and not enabling him to cheat on his girlfriend. the only thing is i dont know if he is being sincere or if this is something hes doing to get us on good terms again so i wont tell anyone about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Until you see this guys words as white noise, you'll be a dollar short of the lesson. Back when I was your age, I followed my instincts when in such situations and those instincts saved me from a lot of pain. Later, as I learned more, I was better able to discern such people before such situations took place and was better able to use my time and energy in a productive way. IMO, the whole pack of them deserves a silence sandwich and you deserve a new and healthier workplace Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Can anyone see a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen? Stay away from the guy obviously. And look for a new friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'd start looking for another job today. This is a good lesson in how to become more discerning about men. Hope it helped you. I totally agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
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