He wants to fly me to LA

[Cherry Blossom 35]

So, the guy I've been dating for about a month now is going on an extended trip to the Far East, and he wants me to meet him in LA on his way back. He's staying at a really nice resort north of the city.

 

I wouldn't have to pay for airfare or hotel.

 

I'm freaking out, but I'm not sure if it is validated.

 

He's brought it up several times and I told him that I didn't think I could go because there was one day of work that I may have to go to (I'm already off the other days). Now he is offering to pay the airfare. He says he "wants the company".

 

I really enjoy his company, and I'm happy when I'm with him, but I'm not sure about him. He seems so much more sure about me than I do him. We knew each other from work before we started dating, but we had pretty limited contact.

 

We've had a lot of fun since we've started dating, and my friends like him, too, but it's not perfect. For example, the sex isn't exactly mind-blowing. Normally if that was the case I just wouldn't even continue dating the guy. But we really do get along so well and I'm very comfortable with him.

 

But this is making me uncomfortable. It's almost like he's trying to keep me around while he's gone by planning this trip. I don't know. I do have commitment issues, so it is possible that this is entirely normal and I just don't know what normal is. My friend told me I was "crazy" if I didn't go, and she doesn't think it's weird at all.

 

It seems like one day I really like him and I think I will miss him when he's gone, and the next I'm happy he's going away for a while.

 

What do you guys think???

[Trialbyfire]

Cherry, he does seem to be in a hurry. You could always slow it down by saying, hey, why don't we talk about this when the time gets closer? We can chat through cyberspace, since your hotel will probably have an internet connection.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Yeah, I told him I need a little time on this one. We were emailing back and forth earlier and I asked him why he wanted me to go. He said because it would be more fun with you, and he doesn't want to wait 5 weeks to see me. He comes to LA and then heads to Seattle for a bit before coming back to DC.

 

He really seems to like me, and we don't know each other that well. I like him, too, but I'm not sure yet. I need more time. Plus, I wonder if there is something wrong with him for liking me so much right away! I hope he is not like the crazy stalker I had a few years ago!

 

At the same time, this has happened many times before. I like someone, I want them, I get them, and I suddenly wonder if that's what I really want.

[Trialbyfire]

Cherry, try something different this time to break the pattern. Without being harsh about it, let him know that you'd be interested in meeting him in LA but want to discuss this a little closer to the actual time. Then go and have fun. I suspect you'll miss him after not being with him during his time away.

 

Oh, also, you don't have to take time off work. Why can't your time with him be shortened by that one day?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

That's a good idea, Trial. The work thing is weird because I have a few days off but the one day I'm supposed to work is in the middle of that bunch. It was sort of a mistake, but I need to find out if it is ok to leave.

 

It could be fun!

[carhill]

If the sex was mind-blowing, would you be freaking out?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Haha, Carhill, maybe not!

[2sure]

You keep saying "you're not sure" about him, regarding your feelings. When we get married, we have to be sure, maybe when we introduce our parents we like to be sure, be sure when you have kids....but why do you have to be sure just to go on vacation?? If he has the means to pay for it - Its just an extended date. You are already having sex so I assume he is safe as in not an axe murderer.

 

I can understand that you may have commitment issues - but this is no commitment, its a few days. My only question would be - can I deal with this person for a few days. As in, is he irritating? If so, book a spa day at the resort - solo.

 

You said he is staying at a nice resort - these places are so nice , and always so much more fun with someone! Is it possible he asking you to make plans now because if you don't go...he might consider asking someone else to join him?

[sb129]

I think you should go!

 

Its a bit of fun.... I suspect you will probably miss him more than you think you will and it will be nice to see him earlier than planned once that time has elapsed.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

SB129- Yes, I think I'm going to try and go! I told him I needed a bit of time to think about it, and I have to check with work. He said great, he didn't mean to freak me out or anything. He just thinks we would have a lot of fun, and he also thought that he would miss me since he would be going away for so long. I felt better after talking to him.

 

2Sure- You bring up some good points. I know, it is only a trip and I don't have to be sure about anything. I just get really freaked out when I start dating someone and they really like me. I feel like they will suck me in and I won't be able to escape if I need to, haha! And no, I highly doubt there is another woman in this case. With some guys I would suspect that, but not this one.

 

I will keep you all updated!

[Star Gazer]

Seeing as you're not sure, it doesn't sound like you'd be devastated if it didn't work out after this little trip.

 

I say go, and enjoy yourself!!!

[2sure]

lol. It sounds like you have the classic insecurity:

 

I dont want to join any club that would have me as a member.

 

When i was dating, as soon as a man showed much interest in me - I became suspicious of him.

 

Even if I had a huge crush on him , when it was returned , I cooled off.

The better looking, the more dynamic, the more successful he was - the more suspicious I became. Eventually I had to realize that it was my own insecurity telling me I wasnt good enough.lol. I got over it!

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Haha, 2Sure, that is totally me. Same thing- even if I have a HUGE crush on a guy, if he starts to really like me, I'm like, ok, he's not that cool. Anyway, I'm going to give this one my best shot because he might be worth it. I certainly need to change my patterns and challenge myself to give up on some of my thought patterns that CLEARLY have held me back in the past.

 

Another problem I have is that I find it difficult to be in the middle ground. I'm either standoffish and holding them at bay or I am completely sure that this is the guy I want and I want to know FOR SURE that he likes me. I even waver between the two states with the same guy. I don't know how else to explain this, but it leads to some intense moods and it can make me feel very erratic in regards to my identity.

 

Anyhoo- I'm going on the trip! Yeah! I'm excited. I think I needed him to go away for a bit. Now I'm more excited to see him in January.

[carhill]

Warning: If the sex isn't mind-blowing on the trip, dump him

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Yeah, I hope so. I might need to teach him a thing or two.

 

*sigh*

 

The guys who blow my mind in bed are usually pretty bad for me. That's why they're good at what they do, because they're always practicing.

[carhill]

If you're healthy and ready, the guy who is right for you will do both (sex and the R part) in a mind-blowing way. Enmeshing both and trusting your instincts is paramount, IMO.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Aha, Carhill, I know you are right. That is one of my fears here, that I've actually met a very cool guy who just doesn't do it for me between the sheets. This trip will be eye opening. At least we will be leisurely, and not tired. It seems like we're always so tired when it's time to go to bed.

 

That is my new thing, trying to trust my instincts and to really believe that ultimately I know what is best for me and I need to not cave in to external pressure. I have never really trusted or believed in myself fully, and I need to.