likestolaugh Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 hey, so tomorrow afternoon I'm going to a museum with a girl who I used to be a T.A. for (last year). I was quite attracted to her last year, but obviously as I was the TA I couldn't make a move at all. She was added to facebook but that's it. We never really talked at all through fbook though, until recently when she commented on a few of my profile pics and a few other things. We exchanged a few messages and as I mentioned I was thinking of going to see a certain art exhibit (we're in art school) and she wanted to know when I was going so we could go together (keep in mind we've never done anything outside of school, and never really talked). So here's the thing... I don't know what her motives are... I'm pretty sure (98%) she's not looking at this as a date. I've no idea if she would be attracted to me in that way, although I'm relatively sure she's single. I would love to try dating her, but since I've never been in a situation quite like this one, I'd have no idea as to how to go about getting that to happen. I suppose it's more what to say at the right time... or something. hm. reading this over I'm not sure what I'm asking... I guess I just needed to get it out there... I also don't think it would be right to pay for her right..?
Ricardo Montabon Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 likestolaugh, it would appear to me that you may be over thinking this whole time. You'll drive yourself insane trying to analyze every single move she makes. My advice would be to talk this "date" at face value. You'll get a better sense of where things are in person, by reading her body langue and such. I would also hold off on any kind of dating talk. Go out, have fun and let it be known you had fun. Then use that as a catalyst to line up another date. Just be breezy and conversational, good luck.
clapyourhands Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 can i just say: i'm blown away by Ricardo Montabon's wisdom. he's right, don't overthink the whole thing and impress her with your extensive knowledge in modern art. or if that's not your thing, the impressionism era is a great conversation stimulator. and remember the Montabon knows.
katrik Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 I would say just go as a friend and have a good time and get to know her. Figure out whether she is single and if she is interested in you or she is just looking for a company for the event....because this happend to my friend she asked a guy we can go together for a fair and they went and she just invited him as a friend but he thought it was a date...so, we had a good laugh after that...... So be casual and see what she is upto else, just have fun at the exhibition and you never knew she might get interested in you after the fair ....
prettybaby Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 It's not a date. But it's a nice get-to-know-each-other type of situation; really quite perfect actually. Don't pay for her at the exhibit, but suggest grabbing something to eat together afterwards, or something to drink; that's where you can and should pay for her. And once that's done, you've got the door open to suggest going out some time again because you "really enjoyed" the exhibit outing. That's of course if you two get along well and enjoy those few hours together.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 we're meeting after lunch... and she has work after our outing... so no chance of that unfortunately.
Perry Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 The bottom line is that you can't beat communication. Don't try any of those silly games, or "tests," like trying to kiss her or grabbing her hand to hold to see how she responds. You could try being flirty around her, but even then there is a possibility that you will still be left confused, not knowing for sure. You could ask in several ways, while at the same time saving face, and not making the whole thing uncomfortable IF she isn't interested in you in that way. In a humourous manner, or not, while eating, or looking at the exhibit, you could say something like, "Soooo, is this a date?" Then give a s h i t-eatin' grin. Or after the exhibit say something like: ''So when are we going on a real date?" Or you could give her an option, a way out, so she isn't put on the spot: ''So when are we going on a real date, or don't you have the time to date right now?" Make it light, no pressure. If she isn't interested, you can simple say: "Eh, it's ok. I had to try." Then go on talking, or whatever it is you two will be doing at the time, as if nothing has happened. Don't make it a big deal, and it won't be. If neither one suits you, perhaps you can get some ideas of your own from them.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 those are some good suggestions. I have an inkling that she's a bit of the shyer type (just from what I know of how she behaved in class)... I hope she's not too hard to read. oh, and I'd never do the whole "grab and kiss" thing. That's just rude.
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Well you could try consumating the relationship and then not call her back after she catches feelings for you, that outta do it. Maybe take her to a restaurant in Montreal since I believe that's where your from. And if she gets sick, you should ask to see the doctor bills that way you know she's not making it up and you might actually believe her after she showed it to you.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 right. I've noticed that she's very recently (last couple weeks) started commenting on a lot of my facebook activity. She never used to do this... as I said, we never communicated at ALL (except for a happy birthday post). I'm a bit surprised I guess... so I've recieved mixed advice about paying for her... it's only 4 bucks... what to do what to do...
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 so I've recieved mixed advice about paying for her... it's only 4 bucks... what to do what to do... Get there early and buy the ticket for her. When she goes to buy her own, just casually let her know you already got them. Hey, it's only $4.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 it's gonna sound like I'm nitpicking... but I can't do that. We would get student rates... and therefore I need her for that. (well, I get in free... I'm a member. Don't know if she is. prob not)
prettybaby Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Oh, then simply ask her to hand you her student ID or whatever and take the lead at the counter. Girls LOVE when a guy takes care of them and is in charge of the situation, even for silly little things like that. I know I'd be impressed. Especially since it's only 4 bucks; it won't make her uncomfortable and it will be cute enough to leave an impression. If it was more expensive, she could be like wtf lol but in this case, I think it would be a great move.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 so we met today. I do get the feeling she may be interested... it's hard to tell, as she could be a bit shy. Anyway, the night before we met she fbook messaged her phone number incase I ever needed to phone her (I gave her mine back of course). Anyway we got along really well I think. I let her pay for the museum, I felt at the moment that it may have just been awkward not too. Anyway, partway through our visit she hinted that maybe we get something to eat afterwords... she didn't actually say it, so I did, and she agreed. As far as convo's go, she seemed to give off signs that she was either interested/nervous... kept good eye contact etc... smiled a lot, laughed at nonsense.... so we went and got a light bite to eat... my intention would have been to pay for her at that point, but it was a buffet style and she finished loading up before I did... and went ahead and payed for herself... so I didn't really have a chance. Ah well. Anyway, as I mentioned she had to get to work so I walked her there... asked if she'd like to get together next week and go on a gallery tour, and she agreed (hopefully next Thursday... she has an exam before that, and I'm not free anymore until Wednesday). So I gave her a hug to end it... and that's about it then... so all in all, I think it went pretty well. (and prettybaby, if I'd seen your post, I might have done that then... but still... dunno)
signedin2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 So I gave her a hug to end it... I think that's the most important part. Casual colleagues don't hug each other. Just a "bye" will usually do. A hug (well, at least in America) is usually reserved for friends (borderline good friends) or potential dates or casual dates. Did she hug you back openly and warmly?
Author likestolaugh Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 I think that's the most important part. Casual colleagues don't hug each other. Just a "bye" will usually do. A hug (well, at least in America) is usually reserved for friends (borderline good friends) or potential dates or casual dates. Did she hug you back openly and warmly? yes, she hugged back. I mean it wasn't a long warm hug because she needed to get in to work, and it was also kinda freezing outside (thus we had big jackets and such on). I couldn't really think of any other way to end it... other than the "bye" and walk away without doing anything...
prettybaby Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 Oh, it sounds like it went really well actually! yay!
Author likestolaugh Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 yep! Rarely will anything ever go perfectly... but this went well as you said. This is the part that I really hate the most... the whole preamble to a relationship (if one comes at the end of it that is).
Author likestolaugh Posted December 12, 2008 Author Posted December 12, 2008 I guess I'm wondering where I go from here... I know what the dating etiquette would be... but since this isn't the typical date situation.... I don't know how much (if any) contact I should make with her till next week...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 she just sent me this message through facebook: "hey (insert my name here), how are you? It was fun meeting up last thursday! If you still want to explore the (insert place here) this week, anytime before thursday is good for me, my schedule is pretty flexible until then. Let me know :)" I take this as a good thing...
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Sounds to me like things are going well. Ball's in your court!
Author likestolaugh Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 yep, well I sent a nice response last night. She hasn't responded yet, but I expect she will sometime later today...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Teaching Assistant. so in this case the professor's assistant. Helps with marking, giving advice to students, occasionally giving demos, etc...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 so I saw her again this evening... we wandered through a building full of art galleries. Afterwords I suggested we get something to eat, and she suggested a place she likes best. The conversation was generally good... a few awkward pauses, but not too many. The unfortunate thing is that when asked by the waitress if she wanted to split the bill or pay together she said split it... I said I'd get it, but it was too late (it was the type where you have to go up the cash to pay, so I didn't want to push it, or it would have looked odd.) I payed my share and at least the tip anyway. I still don't know if she's interested... I think she may be. I'm unsure about the chemistry... I think there's something there though. Anyway, I ended it with a hug again, she may have been expecting a kiss on the cheek... I don't know, but it was a bad place to do anything... sitting on the metro surrounded by people. I was trying to think of some event or something to ask her out to again (and in fact there is something tomorrow... but she has to study, and anyway it's too soon), but I couldn't think of anything so I said hopefully I'll see you soon... I don't remember what she said. I need another meetup to know everything for sure. Now I just have to find a reason and a way to ask her out to a non-art related thing (since that was a mutual interest and certainly at least part of the reason we met up in the first place).
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