going crazy. starting out NC. sigh. ???

[music3000]

i`m sorry it`s sooo long but plz bear with me and i really appreciate it.

 

So i officially ended contact with my ex after we`ve been broken up for 4months now. we got sooo close in the span of 4 months than we ever did when we together. maybe it was easier for him bc we had no title but it put me through hell bc you just don`t know what`s going on. he led me on. what am i suppose to think? he always starts talking to my friends before he starts talking to me and that drives me crazy. i know there is only a matter of time before he contacts me again and idk how im suppose to act bc no matter what i`m always gonna love him. he was my first boyfriend. my first everything. sigh im so weak for him. i`ve ended it EVERY single time with him bc he just won`t do it. he agrees with everything i do and never questions it! well basically i went home for thanksgiving break last week and we had a lot of drama happened bc we had been planning to have sex and to make a long story shoot the condom slipped and stuff so i had to get an emergency contraceptive and we didn`t really talk the rest of the week except when i told him to call me. i wanted to end the sex relationship bc that scared me too much to risk something like that so he told me he was fine with it and stuff. even tho i know he wasn`t but whatever. anyways, i had found out a little bit earlier when he told that his OTHER ex gf came over his house (which i had a bad feeling about) and he was just talking about it but he doesn`t know that i found out that they 'made out & stuff'. even tho i don`t think they had sex but that`s besides the point. ugh i cant stand that girl she`s been trying to have sex with him since we were together and he`s the main one complaining about her!

 

so anyways, he was just telling me that his little brother and sister were calling her my name trying to be smart i guess but ehh anyways. i told him i liked talking to him a lot but i couldn`t do it anymore bc i felt like he wasn`t being entirely honest with me. i told him i wasn`t accussing him of anything but i felt like something was wrong. or something. while im away at school he could be doing God know`s what with God knows who. he told me that he "doesn`t really mess with anyone" and i said "u dont really?" and he said "i dont mess with anyone" and i said '...okay.' i handled it very maturely and told him i honestly didnt want to get back with him bc i knew he wasn`t ready for a relationship and bc i know he wants to mess with other ppl. i told him i wanted to move on with my life and i felt like i was staying in the same spot. i told him about how he sends me all these mixed signals and i dont know what anything meant. i wanted to date other ppl and not have to wait for him to get it together. i said i loved him but it didnt matter anymore. he didn`t say much. actually he was just mumbling at first and i couldnt understand anything he was saying. he voice had changed completely bc we had been talking regular before i brought it up. i know he was upset bc after i finished he quickly got off the phone with me. he told me that he hoped i was successful in life and that he hoped that i find someone to make me happy or happier.

 

now i dont know what to do, i just know this hurts so freaking bad. sigh i really do love him and stuff but he`s just so immature and reckless and i know he wants to mess with other girls and if he could just tell me that maybe it would make it easier. but he sent me soo many mixed signals. he would tell me he loved me and stuff and wanted me to say it back to him and tell him why i did. he rode alll the way up to the school with my big brother just to spend some time with me before he left for a trip out of state... he`ll stay up on the phone with me allll night when we both have class in the morning and i always have to end the conversation short and i know he bought a webcam just so i could see him. it was just so ****ing complicated. we never talked about what was going on though. it was enough for him but not enough for me. i mean he told me he didn`t want me messing with anyone else and i told him the same. that was our agreement, so why not be back together officially right? but he downplayed us a lot. he just showed so much interest in me after we broke up and went away to school. but he messed everything up. but i kinda know thats who he is and no matter how much he says or maybe does love me, he`s never gonna change for me. i wasnt even mad that he kissed her but the fact that he lied i mean i wasn`t shocked it was only a matter of time before he did something like that.

 

now i just want to move on with my life and i`ve been doing NC since friday, early saturday morning and it just started to sink in. he even did something as petty as remove me from his top friends list! so i know he has to be pretty upset or something bc he`s still in mine and i plan to leave it in there you know... not be petty or anything. i wanna show him that im doing great without him to cause him to think about somethings...but i know we`re both really young (18 and hes about to be 19) and i know he wants to experience other girls bc that was who he was before we began to date but it just hurts me so bad bc it was so real for me and i thought it was with him but i wasn`t good enough to be his girlfriend. i know he`s immature but some part of me just wants him to apologize for everything and profess his love for me but i know that isn`t gonna happen. eventually he`s gonna contact me for something random and hopefully i don`t get too caught up with him like i do everytime. (everytime we start talking again it leads to something more and him telling me that he cares and how pretty he thinks i am... stuff like that.... )him and his best friend who is also my close friend argued because she was angry with him for us having sex.. and they havent talked since and he keeps saying all over his site updates that he`s heartbroken and idk if he`s talking about me or her. he hasnt even been online that much like he use to be so idk what he`s doing but i told him i dont care who he messes with anymore. he use to be online alll the time and he hasnt been on that much at all since everything happened. and we talked online a lot. we also had a talk about dating other ppl before and he told me if he ever got another gf he doesnt know if he`ll be able to leave me alone.

 

i just want to know how should i go about doing everything? i wanted to send him a bday card bc it is coming up but idk if i should and i promised to get him contact to let him know that everything was okay about what happened last week. what should i do?? i want to move on but i want him to want me back so bad. he always told me that he never felt like this with any girl before. but ahh i just wanna cry again but i`ve been doing swell putting up a good front but thats not how i feel. should i continue NC?

 

 

[Cub]

Interesting.

 

Well, I have to start with a congratulations for pulling yourself away from him. This relationship sounds like it was/is a nightmare from an outside, completely objective viewer's perspective. I realize that his bravado has captured your heart, but you must know that there are much better guys out there - guys who will treat you how you want to be treated, have personalities even more attractive to you than his, and who won't put you through hell for the sake of stroking their own egos (as this mess involving his ex seems to be doing).

 

There are a lot of girls in this same type of situation, but they're so caught up in hoping the jerk will change that they don't realize their own worth; they don't realize that such behavior on his part is inexcusable.

 

Ah, so sad.

 

But you need to keep going! You've taken the first step, now move forward and don't look back. If you want, you can send him a short birthday greeting, but don't let it develop into a full conversation; don't even respond if he says something following your well-wishes. You have to distance yourself for the relationship or you will find yourself returning to, breaking up with, then returning to, this guy again and again.

 

It's an awful cycle and he will never change this way.

 

From there, start dating again. Even if you don't want to, force yourself to. You have to get a scope of just how many other, better guys there are - it'll really speed up your healing. Meanwhile, ignore every advance by your ex. I would wait at least a month before responding to him about anything, but even that might not be enough time for you to collect yourself. Just take it one day at a time, and feel free to come back here whenever you feel your strength waining.

[music3000]

i definitely will. thank you so much! i am just so sick of this guy but i always go back to his idiotic, stupid, and immature ways. it`s gonna be a slow process but i am gonna try dating i guess but i`ve never been that successful bc i`m so shy but i will try!

[DSM-IV Tom]

What an unfortunate situation. You can tell you really love him.

 

I am going to write out a long reply here in a few minutes. What's your first name, so that I know what to refer to you by?

[moonmoon]

youll be over him very soon from the way youve described everything, trust me

[music3000]

What an unfortunate situation. You can tell you really love him.

 

I am going to write out a long reply here in a few minutes. What's your first name, so that I know what to refer to you by?

 

 

thanks. and my name is Kellise.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Ok where to begin, Kellise.

 

That's a nice name.

 

Well, it seems to me that you are going through a (needless to say) tough time. Your bf sounds a little on the *crazy* side. He is immature, can't defend himself for the most part, and wants to basically mess around (USE) other girls?

 

He is more than likely insecure, to say the least. It could be deeper psychological problems, though... who knows.

 

My best mode of action, though? I'd say leave him and move on. You talk about how he sucks you in and it just goes bad again. Then you've answered your own question.

 

I know how painful no contact is. Believe me. My ex broke up with me November 4th and this month has been hell on Earth. And to make things more dramatic, my birthday was Nov. 30th and I spent it alone. I know the type of pain you are facing is CERTAINLY not easy, and you'd give anything to get them back.

 

But it sounds like in this case you're better off letting go, since he is the way he is.

 

I never understood that messing around stuff-- I always preferred a relationship. Meaningless sexual relations are just that: meaningless. In my opinion.

 

Keep your resolve strong and post on her frequently if you need help.

[music3000]

Ok where to begin, Kellise.

 

That's a nice name.

 

Well, it seems to me that you are going through a (needless to say) tough time. Your bf sounds a little on the *crazy* side. He is immature, can't defend himself for the most part, and wants to basically mess around (USE) other girls?

 

He is more than likely insecure, to say the least. It could be deeper psychological problems, though... who knows.

 

My best mode of action, though? I'd say leave him and move on. You talk about how he sucks you in and it just goes bad again. Then you've answered your own question.

 

I know how painful no contact is. Believe me. My ex broke up with me November 4th and this month has been hell on Earth. And to make things more dramatic, my birthday was Nov. 30th and I spent it alone. I know the type of pain you are facing is CERTAINLY not easy, and you'd give anything to get them back.

 

But it sounds like in this case you're better off letting go, since he is the way he is.

 

I never understood that messing around stuff-- I always preferred a relationship. Meaningless sexual relations are just that: meaningless. In my opinion.

 

Keep your resolve strong and post on her frequently if you need help.

 

 

thank you i always thought he was a bit insecure judging how he always tries to be something he isn`t just to say he`s different you know?

 

i`m definitely going to come on here anytime i feel like i need to talk to him.

this site has definitely been a tremendous help so far. i just hope that when he does contact me i wont fall for it im gonna really try! =]

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

I just broke up with my ex who also was very imature and didnt take me seriously. He also wanted to mess with other girls, he told me he "loved me alot forever and ever". Which is bulshyt. He has a problems with marijuana and sometimes takes extacy pills and recently had tried coke. He doesnt think before he does things and gets mad for no reason. I always thought it was becvause of his problem with drugs and specially that weed. He never changed even if he had promised me that he wasnt going to smoke or do any of that stuff anymore. He lied all the time and never attempted to change at all.

 

He has cheated on me and one time went into deppresion and thought he was going to die and told me in a long letter he was sorry for everything he has done to me (which has ben hell, name anything and he has put me through it), he sad he knew i deserved better and that he has never given me anything but tears and headaches. All that bullshyt he said didnt last much. Later on he acted like a careless imature *******. Everytime he got worst and worst. Yeah he was changing to another person, but changing into the worst bf i have ever had in my life. Dont ever believe a guy, even if they promise you the starts and the moon. Guys will never change their ways unless they are laying in a bed in a hospital about to die. Thats when they appreciate the things they had. If they are lucky.

 

I think you need to be strong turn off your cell phone (thats what i have ben doing since i broke up with my ******* bf since friday)..have no contact with him at all..if you really dont want to talk to him again dont answer none of his calls because trust me.. Exs always come back..always....the choise is yours to let him back in your life and **** it up again. Trust me i have done it almost 10 times. And fell for this stupid bitch's trap again. I am weak every girl that is in love is weak and will give numerous chances because they have the hope that that ******* bf will change...but trust that will happen only if he trully cares about you and loves you. But the sad thing is that most guys dont know what those two feelings are.

[kizik]

Exs always come back..always....

 

Bad advice, don't listen to this. My ex aint coming back, yours probably won't either, so the best thing to do is to accept reality for what it is. Don't hold out hope. Pick yourself up and begin a new life without him.

 

Because he aint coming back, and if he does, you should be smart enough to kick him to the curb.

 

So many women with SH*T men who say they want a nice guy, but when they meet one, he's "boring".

[kizik]

...that will happen only if he trully cares about you and loves you. But the sad thing is that most guys dont know what those two feelings are.

 

Also more generalizing BS. The person that wrote this knows nothing about men except for her own bitter opinions. You should take your male-bashing to a site with dumber people on it.

 

People are people. When you start saying, "Men don't care!", or if I start saying "Women are heartless!" all it does is make US look stupid. The fact is that everyone on this board got burnt by a selfish, immature, mean person.

 

But those things are NOT gender-specific. I hope you wake up and realize that.