Viking Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 There's this girl who works at the same grocery store as I and she's a total cutie. She's nice, likes to talk to me blah blah blah. Anyways, she's 20 and in the process of getting a divorce (?). She just filed a restraining order against her husband even though he lives on the other side of the state and it got denied. I didn't know about the restraining order until yesterday when I talked to her manager because I wanted to know if she was dating anyone and she told me the most recent news. She's (the manager) really nice and offered me advice on my last girlfriend situation, so I figured she'd be able to offer me advice on this cute girl. She (the manager) likes me and says I'm a nice guy, so I figured she'd help me. Anyways, what should the progression be if I want to take her out on a date? I've established that I'm not creepy because I don't follow her around like some of the other guys and I don't hit on her like them either. Rather, she's been the one that's talked to me and been interested in what I am up to. I'd like to take her to the movies or something like that. The only problem is that between school and work, I have very little time to do something unless its later in the evening (after 9PM) after work or 8:30 after class. Any advice on what I should do? I don't want to try to date her if she's not ready, but I would like to date her eventually. I guess starting out just talking and maybe a lunch or something would be good? Thanks a bunch!
Geishawhelk Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I don't want to try to date her if she's not ready, but I would like to date her eventually. I guess starting out just talking and maybe a lunch or something would be good? Yup. NEXT - !!
jason83 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I'd agree. Take it slow and see what happens. Get to know her a little then go from there
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Any advice on what I should do? I don't want to try to date her if she's not ready, but I would like to date her eventually. I guess starting out just talking and maybe a lunch or something would be good? Thanks a bunch! Yep, lunch or a late movie. You're only young once. Don't be too busy working and going to school and pass-up a good woman. When you're old they'll be picked over. Ask her out. If she's not ready to date she'll hopefully tell you. Then you'll know where you stand. If the other guys are following her around but she comes to talk to you that's a good sign.
Author Viking Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Yep, lunch or a late movie. You're only young once. Don't be too busy working and going to school and pass-up a good woman. When you're old they'll be picked over. Ask her out. If she's not ready to date she'll hopefully tell you. Then you'll know where you stand. If the other guys are following her around but she comes to talk to you that's a good sign. I asked her today and she said that she'd be interested in going to the movies and getting a late dinner of sorts. She turned another one of my co-workers down. My co-worker said it was because he's not Christian (I am), but I don't know how she knew unless her manager told her (I am friends with her manager). She's kinda shy and doesn't make a lot of eye contact, I don't know if its because she's working, nervous, shy or what (maybe she's not that interested?). Anyways, I told her I'd call her Sunday night to see if we could figure out a good time to meet up and do something. The problem is I've got class from 4:30-8:30 PM both Monday and Tuesday and work Wednesday from 12-9 PM and then Thanksgiving is Thursday and I work again Friday, Saturday and Sunday...kinda makes it hard to do much. Any suggestions as to what I can do for an activity with her? I want to do something fun, maybe a movie, but don't want to be too cliche and unoriginal. Also, getting a bite to eat afterward would be hard given that most places close up shop earlier than movies would get out. Thanks for your help again!
lovejennastill Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 mate, i suggest u go for the movie, dont go for a horror or a chick flick though, then she will think ur using it as an excuse to get too close to her, just find a film thats interesting for both of u, and if u want something to eat after im sure there will be some form of restaurant or something open somewhere just look it up on the interner to see local listings of restaurants and opening and closing times, try not to be too full on with her take things slow, let her know how u feel about her but be sweet about it, just tell her how at work u get worried that shes not interested in u because of the eye contact thing, that way you will know for sure if shes interested in you in that way. hope my advice helps mate, all the best and good luck, if u like her that much and she likes u im sure u will find urself closer and closer to her in no time at all
Author Viking Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 mate, i suggest u go for the movie, dont go for a horror or a chick flick though, then she will think ur using it as an excuse to get too close to her, just find a film thats interesting for both of u, and if u want something to eat after im sure there will be some form of restaurant or something open somewhere just look it up on the interner to see local listings of restaurants and opening and closing times, try not to be too full on with her take things slow, let her know how u feel about her but be sweet about it, just tell her how at work u get worried that shes not interested in u because of the eye contact thing, that way you will know for sure if shes interested in you in that way. hope my advice helps mate, all the best and good luck, if u like her that much and she likes u im sure u will find urself closer and closer to her in no time at all Thanks for the words of advice. I'm not too worried about her not being interested (right away at least), but I am concerned that her whole divorce situation might make it so that she wouldn't want to get involved (which is understandable). I'm not looking to go a million miles a minute with her, I don't want to rush at all because "haste makes waste", and in this instance, that is very true. I asked her what kind of movie she likes and all she said was she didn't like scary ones. On a side note, she is foreign, but speaks good English, I don't want to have to keep asking her to repeat herself and make her really self conscious about her accent. What is a way that I can talk to her and have more than just surface level conversation without having to worry about her becoming nervous? I want to chit chat without making her feel uncomfortable because I tend to talk fast. I'm just a little nervous because its been over three years since I've had a "first date"...:love:
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I asked her today and she said that she'd be interested in going to the movies and getting a late dinner of sorts. There. What you're doing on your date is already decided. Changing plans now will show indecisiveness. You don't have to utterly wine and dine her. keep it low pressure and low key. A 5 star restaurant or something like that would be a bonehead move. That would put pressure on her. You don't have to worry about impressing her, she already chose you as the guy she wants to date. She turned another one of my co-workers down. My co-worker said it was because he's not Christian (I am), but I don't know how she knew unless her manager told her (I am friends with her manager). Hopefully, your Christianity affects how you like your life, treat people. If people can't sense or tell that you have some sort of faith, maybe you should be praying about that. Sounds like she doesn't want a repeat of the EX. She's making her faith a priority this time. She's kinda shy and doesn't make a lot of eye contact, I don't know if its because she's working, nervous, shy or what (maybe she's not that interested?). I almost wish you were my little brother so I could come over there and slap you. Again, if she wasn't interested she would have shot you down just like the other guy. Of course she's nervous. This is her first first date since her Ex-husband. Any suggestions as to what I can do for an activity with her? I want to do something fun, maybe a movie, but don't want to be too cliche and unoriginal. Also, getting a bite to eat afterward would be hard given that most places close up shop earlier than movies would get out. Thanks for your help again! Just stick with the movie. It may be cliche', but, we at least know she's up for it. Do you have a Perkins in your area of the world? IHOP? I don't know her schedule, if she's a night owl or not. If its not too late for her you could do a late movie, then grab a bite. This will have the added benefit that the restaurant will be almost empty and better for conversation and hearing what she says the first time. Be a good listener, get her talking about things she likes. Make sure to compliment her. If you listen, she'll probably give you second date ideas.
Author Viking Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 There. What you're doing on your date is already decided. Changing plans now will show indecisiveness. You don't have to utterly wine and dine her. keep it low pressure and low key. A 5 star restaurant or something like that would be a bonehead move. That would put pressure on her. You don't have to worry about impressing her, she already chose you as the guy she wants to date. I don't want to be indecisive looking, that is one of the worst things I've heard (and experienced). I was thinking of doing IHOP/Shari's as the two options (you mention IHOP later, its great for dates, I've done it, just didn't know if it was first date worthy...) Hopefully, your Christianity affects how you like your life, treat people. If people can't sense or tell that you have some sort of faith, maybe you should be praying about that. Sounds like she doesn't want a repeat of the EX. She's making her faith a priority this time. It does, I conduct myself in a manner that is respectful of others. The only reason I was questioning was because I don't "preach" to others about it. I am not a pushy person when it comes to my beliefs as I don't want others to push theirs on me. I almost wish you were my little brother so I could come over there and slap you. Again, if she wasn't interested she would have shot you down just like the other guy. Of course she's nervous. This is her first first date since her Ex-husband. Very valid point. You can e-slap me if you so choose. What can I do to make her less nervous? She said yes, and that is a good thing. Just stick with the movie. It may be cliche', but, we at least know she's up for it. Do you have a Perkins in your area of the world? IHOP? I don't know her schedule, if she's a night owl or not. If its not too late for her you could do a late movie, then grab a bite. This will have the added benefit that the restaurant will be almost empty and better for conversation and hearing what she says the first time. Be a good listener, get her talking about things she likes. Make sure to compliment her. If you listen, she'll probably give you second date ideas. That is a great plan. I don't think she has a car (I see her sister pick her up from work), so that is another opportunity to talk to her as I'd probably drive her back to her house as I think I'll be picking her up from work. Thanks for the advice!
Author Viking Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 So it turns out that she's a bit more traditional than I thought. I called her up this evening and asked what movie she'd be interested in seeing. I mention James Bond and she has no clue who James Bond is, so I try to explain who he is. She says she doesn't want to watch a movie with fighting in it... Also, she asked me who am I bringing to the movies. I said, "What do you mean? I was thinking it could just be us two." To which she said, "I don't know you that well and neither does my mom...". Well, now I have to find a friend who'd like to go with me so that she'll go. She's bringing her sister along also. Its weird because I've never done a double date like this. I guess in the end, she still hasn't changed her mind about going with me, so there's that as a positive. I just was thinking that since she's 20, she'd be a little more willing to go out on a one on one date. Maybe this way she'll get more comfortable with me?
MN randomguy Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Wow, Where is she from? I've never dated that traditional of a girl. This could be a really good thing. * More people mean less probability of a dead spot in conversation. * You're meeting her sister right away. If you make a good impression on her then you've made an ally close to her. * You won't have to compete against every dirt-bag in town, All of the "players" won't put that much effort into her and she's not going to move fast enough for them. * It will dial down the tension a bit. She could have just went out with you and not told her family. But, she wants her sister around to make her feel comfortable. Your next thing is, who are you going to take as your double for her sister? You may be tempted to go for the flashiest best looking etc. of your guy friends. Don't, her sister is just going as protection. Find a guy who is interesting, respectful and self-less enough to worry about you looking good rather than being concerned with his image. I looked at the IMDB listings of current movies. If you get rid of the ones with nudity, violence or sexual themes you probably won't have too much of a hard time deciding which one to see. Keep us informed. I want to know if my advice is any good.
Author Viking Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 Wow, Where is she from? I've never dated that traditional of a girl. This could be a really good thing. * More people mean less probability of a dead spot in conversation. * You're meeting her sister right away. If you make a good impression on her then you've made an ally close to her. * You won't have to compete against every dirt-bag in town, All of the "players" won't put that much effort into her and she's not going to move fast enough for them. * It will dial down the tension a bit. She could have just went out with you and not told her family. But, she wants her sister around to make her feel comfortable. Your next thing is, who are you going to take as your double for her sister? You may be tempted to go for the flashiest best looking etc. of your guy friends. Don't, her sister is just going as protection. Find a guy who is interesting, respectful and self-less enough to worry about you looking good rather than being concerned with his image. I looked at the IMDB listings of current movies. If you get rid of the ones with nudity, violence or sexual themes you probably won't have too much of a hard time deciding which one to see. Keep us informed. I want to know if my advice is any good. She's Ukrainian. The problem is most of my friends (who I met here at college) are all going home for the Thanksgiving break...and I don't hang out with guys who are really flashy. I wouldn't want to have a friend who'd try to pick up my date. I've seen her with her sister at work before, as she comes and picks her up, but never actually talked to the sister. So, this could be interesting, I don't know how good her sister's English is. Last night in some texts, she said Friday would work for her, but I work from 12-9PM, and I tried for Wednesday, but that wasn't looking good for her. Its funny, because another friend I work with, after I told her I asked this girl out, said that she has all sorts of cool ideas for us. We haven't gone on a date yet and my friend is already concocting ideas for future dates, like going and painting pottery or going to the mountain with a picnic lunch and sledding. I hope we progress that far, I like her and think she's real cute and sweet. Oh, and I think Madagascar 2 and Bolt are probably the only two choices available as she's seen High School Musical 3 already...I wanted to go to Quantum of Solace.
Author Viking Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 So I found out that it is very typical for Ukrainians to do the whole double date like thing. I heard this from a classmate who is from Russia and she said it is typical, especially if the girl is under 25 and living at home. On a side note, I texted her and said I'd call her when I got home so we could figure out plans for Friday, but when I called, she didn't pick up and I left a voicemail that went something like this..."Hey, this is 'Viking', just calling to say hi and see if you'd checked on movies and whatnot. Anyways, give me a call back if you want whenever you get this blahblahblah." It was really kind of a lame voicemail. I sounded a little needy I think because I said "call me if you want or not" and "I'll see you at work tomorrow probably". I was really nervous and should have thought the voicemail through...:( Hopefully she doesn't think I'm lame, really shy, or just a plain chump. Should I be worried about it and should I worry about the lame voicemail?
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