kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I went to a concert tonight and I am 95% sure I saw my ex there. I obviously did not talk to her, so I cannot be 100% sure it was her, but godd*mn if the girl didn't look EXACTLY like her. The girl was with a boyfriend, some guy with dreads. When I saw her I kept looking at her. The girl looked at me once, and then did not look at me again, despite the fact that I got closer and kind of kept looking at her out of the corner of my eye. She seemed like her usual unfriendly self, but moreso after our eye contact. After the show ended I followed her and the boyfriend, whereupon the girl went to the bathroom. I hung out outside watching people leave, looking for her (for what? I don't know. It's not like I was planning on talking to her) but I never saw her again. The girl seemed upset, "dancing" with the boyfriend while I was nearby. But perhaps I am projecting this feeling, this "false" recognition of mine, onto her? In any case, the kind of feeling in my stomach that I got tonight is exactly how I felt the day after the breakup. I was in the kind of shock that is reserved for people who lose a limb. What if it wasn't her, and I am upset over seeing a girl that looks like her? Either way, the physical reaction I got just goes to show how affected by the whole thing I still am. Do you think I am foolish for thinking I saw the ex? Does the fact that this girl looked so much like her (down to the hippie dress sense and a handbag I half-remember) only mean that I am obsessing? I feel that I have done a great job trying to forget about her, and it's really not like I go around TRYING to see her. Oh, and her hair was exactly as long as it would be since I last saw her (six months ago). EVERYTHING about this girl screamed, "My Ex". My guess is, this new hippie boyfriend also likes the band I saw, she considered the fact that I might be there, but went anyway, and the "unthinkable" happened and we actually saw each other there. Simple. What do you think? I guess it's all speculation, but guys, I really need someone to talk to about this. Thanks for reading, this was unexpected, especially the total numbness I was in, and kind of still am, after it happened.
Nemo Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 No, it wasn't her. These "false sightings" happen all the time to dumpees. It might have seemed real, but the subconscious mind is a powerful influence. In time, your emotional wounds will begin to heal.
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 No, it wasn't her. These "false sightings" happen all the time to dumpees. It might have seemed real, but the subconscious mind is a powerful influence. In time, your emotional wounds will begin to heal. Thank you for your response. The thing is that, based upon her seemingly-upset reaction after seeing me, it very well could be her. We live in the same town. Why is it that I am sitting here wishing it was her?
justaman99 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 eesh. Well let's just get one thing straight. It may have been her it may not have been. Either way you're convinced it was and we need to think about your reaction to this person as if it was her. So let's see...... Well what is obvious to me is that you're not over her. Just the idea or the possibility that she is with someone else is hurtful enough to anyone and we all dread the day of seeing our ex with someone else regardless of who broke up with who in most cases. And in your situation kiz from what I recall your ex was a total bitch so why do you care? Man, I dated a girl like your ex and I felt the same way and I have no idea why. It ****s with my head too. I've gotten over girls that were good to me faster than the bitches. lol. sorry don't have a better way to put it. I think a part of me is convinced that the ones that treat us poorly are the ones we still need to convince that we were good for them, that maybe we can make them good people, that somehow we can fix them syndrome. ugh I don't know. It's too confusing and that thinking exhausted me a long time ago. -Just
WiseOne1 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Its possible it was her though, the same thing happened with me with my ex from years ago. I was at the fair and I see someone that looks exactly like my ex, I knew it was her because she looked back at me 5 times in a couple of seconds, I still don't know till this day if that was her or not, but it leads me to believe it was her. I dunno I hadn't seen my ex is 4 years str8. Lol I know exactly how you feel, you got numb and excited in the fact that you did see your ex, you maybe wasn't romantically excited but basically she caught your attention, kinda like a celebrity. Its possible that it was her, then again only you can be sure, did she walk or make movements like your ex?
orangehose Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Kizik, So sorry this happened. Obviously I don’t know if this girl was really your ex or not, but I totally understand how awful it is to have a run-in, or potential run-in. It’s like a kick to the groin – the heart just sinks, but in a peculiar way, as the previous posters have alluded to, you also feel excited. It’s like seeing a long-lost friend, except that you can’t go up and give them a hug and ask them how they’ve been. So yeah, a very weird and unpleasant mix of feelings. I’m sorry. Well, as with breakup angst itself, I don’t have much advice, except to say ‘fake it till you make it’. A run-in will set you back, dredge up the intensity of some initial breakup feelings you thought had passed for good. That’s completely natural. I’ve run into my ex a couple times since the breakup (he can barely say hello to me) and let me tell you, it was REALLY hard initially. I’d be set back for a couple days, old anger and longing would resurface. Ick. As for the tendency for false sightings, Nemo is completely right. Post-dumping, you see your ex everywhere, in everyone. So there’s less of a chance it was really her. As for wanting it to be her, well, it’s a manifestation of a lingering desire for some tie to her. It’s natural to want an answer about what happened to your ex, about someone who was such an important piece of your life for so long. When something like this happens, sure, you realize you're not 100% over the ex. But it doesn't mean you haven't come a really long way. So hang in there.
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Everyone, thank you for your responses. For all intents and purposes, even if just to give me some peace of mine, I have decided this girl WAS my ex. She looked, danced, dressed and acted EXACTLY like her. Portland isn't that big of a city, and whenever you run into someone who looks just like someone you know, chances are... they ARE. False sightings... perhaps. Not in this case, sorry. It's not like it's the week after the break-up. It's been 6 months. I no longer see her face everywhere... heck, I don't see it anywhere, save for last night. She looked unhappy. Exactly how I remember her. What a kick to the stomach. OK, I have nothing else to say... thanks for reading.
foxh1234 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Hey Kiz, that sucks man. I hope you at least had a good time at the concert. Hopefully you won't run into her again. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.
ioncebelieved Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Because you want to see her in misery after what she did to you. Admit it!! That is what it is, and just goes to show when you think you are about over them...they still affect you some. I see women that remind me of my ex and it bothers me, no lie there!
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Hey Kiz, that sucks man. I hope you at least had a good time at the concert. Hopefully you won't run into her again. Take care of yourself and keep in touch. Fox, I did have a good time, and at least I didn't see until 20 mins before the concert ended! Congrats on your successful date, as mentioned in your thread. I won't run into her again anytime soon, I am sure.
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Because you want to see her in misery after what she did to you. Admit it!! That is what it is, and just goes to show when you think you are about over them...they still affect you some. I see women that remind me of my ex and it bothers me, no lie there! IOB, I'll tell you what, she didn't look happy. Especially after she saw me. Trust me, I am not over her, though I didn't realize to what extent until I was forced into seeing her. This new boyfriend doesn't look so special to me. Just demonstrates that their life is far from perfect, you know? Josh
northstar1 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Everyone, thank you for your responses. For all intents and purposes, even if just to give me some peace of mine, I have decided this girl WAS my ex. She looked, danced, dressed and acted EXACTLY like her. Portland isn't that big of a city, and whenever you run into someone who looks just like someone you know, chances are... they ARE. False sightings... perhaps. Not in this case, sorry. It's not like it's the week after the break-up. It's been 6 months. I no longer see her face everywhere... heck, I don't see it anywhere, save for last night. She looked unhappy. Exactly how I remember her. What a kick to the stomach. OK, I have nothing else to say... thanks for reading. Hey Kiz. Im sure it threw you for a loop, unexpectedly seeing her. I'm sure it was like seeing a ghost. I can say that I think anyone would react the same way, if you see them after so long. No one would be unaffected. Just realize, that if it was her, her seeing you would also impact her as well.
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Hey Kiz. Im sure it threw you for a loop, unexpectedly seeing her. I'm sure it was like seeing a ghost. I can say that I think anyone would react the same way, if you see them after so long. No one would be unaffected. Just realize, that if it was her, her seeing you would also impact her as well. North, You're right, if it was her (I'm 99% it was), she would be affected. And it looked like she was. I don't even think the issue is if it was her or not; more like the surprising, shocking fact of how I felt upon seeing her/someone who looked like her. Just when you think you're making progress, God throws something painful and unexpected your way... sigh.
Peter_pan Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 so you beleive it was her then? i saw someone who came into the pub who looked like my ex, apart from i knew it wasnt her because this women was older 30 or late 20s and it reminded me of my ex cause she looked like how i would imagine my ex looking in 8 years and she was pretty. so i guess its worse cause you know she will turn out to be beautiful even when she is older
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 so you beleive it was her then? Yeah, if only because I need to decide something. But also based on undeniable physical similarities. And the way my body reacted chemically in her presence.
ioncebelieved Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 so you beleive it was her then? i saw someone who came into the pub who looked like my ex, apart from i knew it wasnt her because this women was older 30 or late 20s and it reminded me of my ex cause she looked like how i would imagine my ex looking in 8 years and she was pretty. so i guess its worse cause you know she will turn out to be beautiful even when she is older Ioncebelieved believes Kizik's eyes did not play tricks on him. I bet it was her! This thread reminds me of when we all were on here several months ago. These are familiar faces. A reunion of sorts!!!
Peter_pan Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 yeah must have been her if he reacted that way i guess ! what did you want to do kiz? you said something about a decision?
Author kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Hi guys, it was her. Plain and simple. Too many signs pointed to "yes". IOB, I am quite glad to see you, as well as all these familiar faces, on LS today. Pete, by "decision" I just mean that I have mentally decided it was my ex-girlfriend, and not just someone who looked like her. I am going to move forward and simply be glad this little "interaction" is out of the way, for now. Everyone, enjoy your Sunday.
sunshinegirl Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Seeing an ex after a long period of NC can be really traumatic. It's like they have come back from the dead, and suddenly there they are, fully alive, fully living life without you. I haven't seen my ex since the breakup but I dread the day that I do, especially if he's with the hooch. No matter how much healing I will have done, being face-to-face again with him will tear the scabs right off. Oh. Right. You're not actually dead.
You'reasian Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I would be happy to see any of my ex-es. I might even give 'em a hug. Wouldn't try to rekindle anything, but I would certainly welcome them....wait I said them......now wouldn't that be akward? A room with you and all your ex-es? Assuming its just one of them, no problem - I just hope they would be in good spirits and recognize my shiny smile
Author kizik Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Seeing an ex after a long period of NC can be really traumatic. It's like they have come back from the dead, and suddenly there they are, fully alive, fully living life without you. Quoted for truth. Thank you, SSG, for this insight.
Peter_pan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 oh god well my chances of seeing my ex are very slim so lets keep it that way. she can stay dead..
sedgwick Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Oh, and her hair was exactly as long as it would be since I last saw her (six months ago). Okay, the fact that you would think about this is a little creepy...
northstar1 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Okay, the fact that you would think about this is a little creepy... Ahh, I don't think it's creepy. Considering how much thinking, analyzing and focus we do after a breakup, this seems normal to me.
Author kizik Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Okay, the fact that you would think about this is a little creepy... Not really. But you're entitled to your opinion. So, I am doing quite a bit better today. Thanks to everyone here who responded. I am going to try to not think about what happened. That is always a good solution when all you're doing is torturing yourself. Josh
Recommended Posts