Konfuzion Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I am not sure this is the right forum for this but I didn't see a better match, Anyway. So I totally caved in, today I broke down and asked my ex to give me a second chance. I told her that I understand why she left me, and that I could see how I messed up and how I took her for granted. I told her I will not make the same mistakes again, and that I have improved myself for myself and she has noticed the changes. I told her how much I love her and that I miss spending time with her. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to jump at the opportunity, but she told me her gut was telling her not too. Anyway she told me that she would give it all a serious thought and get back to me, and we had a really nice afternoon together. If she does say yes I am going to insist on counseling, to avoid the prior mistakes. I am also open to any other ideas about what we should do/try to give us the best possibility at success if we do decide on a second chance.
Ronni_W Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 If she does say yes I am going to insist on counseling, I'd kind of approach it from the perspective of, "Hey, do you have any ideas for how we can prevent repeating our past mistakes? I was thinking about counseling...what are your thoughts on that?" And I'd do that especially if "controlling behaviour" was one of those past mistakes . PS: Did you just "cave in", or did you hear your heart and follow its suggestion? IMO, there is a big difference.
L-FUZZ Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 well i dont know your whole situation.. When i first got back together with my ex... it was a slow process.. like dating all over again,, We did not jump back into it with seeing each other everyday and all that. We had talked later on about going to counseling but we never did.. and looking back maybe we should have made more of an effort.. but then again people told me if your not even living together and are already talking therepy then maybe i wasnt in the right relationship... but who knows really every situation is different. I hope she calls you with good news... but i say proceed with great caution.. you need to protect your heart. i got my second chance and we were back together a year and ahalf. Now i've been dumped again by him.. plus this time he cheated on me. AND I thought things were going well... So your may get a second chance...aint no telling if it will work the second time around. hopefully yours will workout better then mine.
Peter_pan Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 good luck then mate, had she been with anyone else after you split? sorry to hear that l fuzz, ive heard of way to many stories where the second time round ends far worse. how you coping? edit just reading your post now
L-FUZZ Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 thanks Peter Pan.. Really?? you've heard alot of those stories(2nd times worse)? Im sad for everyone going threw it.... its horrible well it been almost 4 months since the breakup... No contact since.. except the email he sent saying he'd talk to me in 6 months.. Umm im doing alot better.. but its still hard. i've hit a wall lately and thats way im here on the boards. Hoping it will help me not call him. Also the 6months thing has me stupidly thinking that i will hear from him.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 PS: Did you just "cave in", or did you hear your heart and follow its suggestion? IMO, there is a big difference. Well I finally listened to my heart. Latest update is my ex saw my Mother today and my Mother said "We would really like to keep you in the family" and my ex said "I would like to stay in the family" and she started crying. She still hasnt given me an answer yet.
Peter_pan Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 you sound in luck, she still has emotions etc! was she with anyone else after you?
Author Konfuzion Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 you sound in luck, she still has emotions etc! was she with anyone else after you? That I know of she slept with one guy. But that isnt important, I have slept with other women too.
Peter_pan Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 oh right, yeah i guess if you have to then its kinda even. i want my ex back but i havnt had another relationship so to speak or slept with anyone else yet
MrMe Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Not to ask a dumb question, but what was the nature of this relationship (prior to the break-up of course)? How long had you been together, etc.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Not to ask a dumb question, but what was the nature of this relationship (prior to the break-up of course)? How long had you been together, etc. Well we were together for four years, and she has taken on my two children as her own. She is also the only person I can say I trust 100%. I realized how much I took her for granted and do not blame her one bit for leaving me.... In fact I am greatful beacaue it opened my eyes, and I wont be making the same mistakes twice.
L-FUZZ Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Well it sounds like your head is in the right place.. hopefully your ex feels she to has examined her on mistakes and willing to work on those.. Both parties have to come to these conclusions .. Im sure it wasnt all your fault that you guys broke up.. that being said.. It is amazing to me how people take each other for granted... nothing is forever. I wish more people embraced that. Unconditional Love is not to be taken for granted. You have to stop and really realize how lucky you are at times to have that.. WHILE you have it. NOT AFTER ITS GONE. just wish my ex had done that.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Well it sounds like your head is in the right place.. hopefully your ex feels she to has examined her on mistakes and willing to work on those.. Both parties have to come to these conclusions .. Im sure it wasnt all your fault that you guys broke up.. that being said.. It is amazing to me how people take each other for granted... nothing is forever. I wish more people embraced that. Unconditional Love is not to be taken for granted. You have to stop and really realize how lucky you are at times to have that.. WHILE you have it. NOT AFTER ITS GONE. just wish my ex had done that. Well still no answer, but I guess no answer is better than a no. Also I dont take 100% responsibility for our break up but it is about 70-80% my fault.
L-FUZZ Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 "I guess no answer is better than a no." That's true. .. did she say at all when she may get back to you? how long has it been? a day or two now? Also.. i think its not always a yes or no answer... and if it was under her impression that it had to be a yes or no.. then that might feel like alot of pressure to anyone in that position... So i think if she does call dont bring it up right away,.,, maybe you guys should just hang out with out it being so concrete YES or NO situation... You know what i mean? When i got back together with my ex... it was casual at first and we brought up the heavy stuff once we got comfortable to talk about all the emotional stuff..
Author Konfuzion Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Well waiting for her to call really isnt an option since we still live together. Also we do lots of things casualy together, yesterday we went and saw my family and then we went and saw a movie together, then I gave her an hour long massage before bed. But I will give her some space and not bring "us" up anymore.
L-FUZZ Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 haha ha! alrighty then... i dont know where your at all in your situation. you still live together?. obviously i need to read some of your older posts.... hmmm if you still live together ... how are you truely broken up?... im "konfuzzed".....He he;-) massage good!that will win her... for now.... just keep it on the soft side.. save the hard stuff for later... ahh.. no punn intended.
Author Konfuzion Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 I guess you could call it not really broken up, bit it sure feels like it to me. Anyway I am still waiting for an answer, its killing me.
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