didittomyself Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I'm 33 and got into a rebound relationship and brought myself a ton of pain. I met this woman a decade a go and have been friends for the better part of the decade. I always had feelings for her but never made a move because during that span she was always with someone. About 6 months ago she became available well at least left her beau. I was there for her to cry to , give her reassurance, I gave her encouragement to make the leap on her own;gave her my company when she felt lonely. It was platonic at first but as time went on my feelings surfaced quickly and in no time flat( i know mistake) did i confess my undying attraction for her. We spent lots of time together and thought we grew close, we began to flirt, take late night walks, hold hands etc. It was intoxicating that the woman I had feelings for 10 years was finally by my side. We began spending more and more time together, and the relationship became physical a natural progression one would think. I fell for her in a span of 6 months. Never had I fallen for someone so quickly. I knew it was wrong but it felt so good. I couldn't reverse the spiral that led to our demise. Now a little background on her, she's 33 as I am 34. Before me she was with her beau for 9 + years 5 of which they had lived together And before him she was in an ltr for5+ years. both of these men kept her on tight lock down. so if you do the math, she missed out on her 20's now that she left her 9+ beau, i feel like she wants to recapture those missing years and used me as bridge from her beau to her new life that obviously didn't include me. It was stupid to get involved with someone in that condition but I did and thought I could handle being a rebound thinking that we could fake it till we make it but alas, her desire to be on her own was so great that she ended with me right before my birthday. And now she pushes me so far away. I was hoping we could stay in touch as I have stayed friends with exes before and had hoped i could remain friends with her. I know it's hard but I was willing to make the necessary adjustments to bring it back don to previous levels. I miss her dearly, my heart feels heavy. I felt used like once she got back on her feet I was no longer needed. This hurt more than not being with her anymore. With the holidays coming up I made all these plans to spend it with her and am sad that they will no longer come to fruition. I know I did it to myself, I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my heart. It's tough because she's always on my mind and constantly wonder how she could be so cold to me when I had given so much. I was there when no one else was. *sigh* I would greatly appreciate any words of encouragement ( I really need them I feel stuoid for walking in front of a bus) and any tips on getting over someome. -didittomyself
BikerBeagle Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Man, I could've written your post for you, with only a few small changes. Unfortunately, I can't offer many words of encouragement ...only on day 3 myself. You just have to take one day at a time, stay busy, use the time to better yourself, do anything to get your mind off of it. I've had moments, but if it wasn't for a painting project, I probably would have gone insane by now. It's not easy.
FF84 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Quite similar for me too. I was seeing a girl who missed out on a lot with 2 long term relationships with very little time between them. We were getting on great and i well and truly let my guard down and everything was going so well, but then she turned around and said i wasn't what she wanted but she'd like to remain friends. I want her in my life, but my confusion has pushed her away even further. I feel angry, used and like my feelings don't matter. It's awful, and i keep breaking NC too just to make things even worse for myself.
Author didittomyself Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 It feels good not to just hear from other LS'rs but also to know I'm not alone . Not that I wish any of you pain as well. But the part of being a rebound I didn't anticipate was how hard I'd fall I'm in NC but it's so hard to go cold turkey when you spent so much time with one another. For that brief moment I felt needed by her and now that she feels healed, she also feels that I'm no longer needed. I feel angry because I was there when no one else was. I don't feel appreciated like the things I gave her weren't worth reciprocating She met my needs and I'm bitter because she refuses to do it for me anymore. It's not like she can't because she did, now she doesn't want to. This upsets me when I've given so much... I'm just rambling... but thanks again guys.
kyta Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I tend to find that haing a girl friend in a platonic way is great, but if u have feelings for them then things will allways go wrong if u get involved, i met my very close friend lisa when i first broke up 6 months ago i think, she helped me get over my x, (and i am over it all now) at first i thought i had an attraction to want to be with her, but then i realized it wasnt her i wanted to be with at all, we did end up in the sack a cpl time on our mad wkends where we got messy, but thankfully we are still very close friends, but both of us know we dont want to be in a relationship with each other, although we have a relationship without the sex, if we ended up giving it a go it would fail and we would lose a great friendship, i have had it happen in the past so know that it doesnt work out offten, friends are friends, dont confuse it with anything else, if u have feeling for ur friend then shut them off.
Author didittomyself Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 I tend to find that haing a girl friend in a platonic way is great, but if u have feelings for them then things will allways go wrong if u get involved, i met my very close friend lisa when i first broke up 6 months ago i think, she helped me get over my x, (and i am over it all now) at first i thought i had an attraction to want to be with her, but then i realized it wasnt her i wanted to be with at all, we did end up in the sack a cpl time on our mad wkends where we got messy, but thankfully we are still very close friends, but both of us know we dont want to be in a relationship with each other, although we have a relationship without the sex, if we ended up giving it a go it would fail and we would lose a great friendship, i have had it happen in the past so know that it doesnt work out offten, friends are friends, dont confuse it with anything else, if u have feeling for ur friend then shut them off. your post hits home because my ex was my close friend but we got involved both of our feelings got whacked, I fell for her all the while she was filling her void, being all lovey dovey with me...it hurts that that's all gone. I don't just want it I want it from her..*sigh* Not sure what day of NC this is , not even keeping track but it's been hard lately, not hearing her voice I miss her dearly today.
shm772 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I to was the rebound guy. My spidey senses told me i shouldnt do it but i was lonely and figured it would work out. she was married for thirteen years and then the marriage was on the rocks for a year, she then told him he had to go. she asked me to go out on a friday and he moved out the next day. SICK!!! she just left me a month ago telling me she wanted to see other people cause she never dated before. she is already seeing someone else because she doesnt know how to be alone. i feel stupid. the pain is ungodly. i loved her completely and then she changed into someone i dont know. and like you i feel used. i was a band-aid till she felt ok with the divorce. I hurt like a MOFO. I have lost weight sleep is messed up. i'm 36 and this isnt my first but definitely the worst. she is completely changed into something gross. my self esteem is so low because i still would take her back even after all this. i'm on no contact. the pain is immence.
newpainting Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 My gf just ended it with me after a year and no telling me it was over. I found out through someone else that almost a week later she was already dating somebody new! My heart plummeted. How can you treat our relationship with such little dignity? How can you do this to the next guy? Reading these posts I feel sorry for the rebound. Truly a horrible spot.
manugeorge Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 That's life guys, we all get to play the fool sometimes. All we can hope for is that our hearts remain resilient enough to heal each time. OP, you just have to take it one day at a time, this too shall pass as they say. You'll meet someone else that'll make you feel alive and loved again. This one is done, chuck it up to life experience and move on.
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