CAT100 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Ok well its been 3 weeks since I finally made the split from MM. He cant call me as I have changed my numbers but he emails me, and the other day he begged me to call him, which I did (I know i know it was a step back) When we spoke he told me he was seeing a therapist, during his therapy he discovered the following- * He was chronically insecure with me as I am 23 years younger, better educated & in his words 'unattainable in the long term' * All his previous partners had been more 'on his level' and not 'out of his league' * Therefore he was always worried that I would leave him when I saw the light and found someone better/younger/smarter etc etc. * So he had other OW to re assure himself of his worth, boost his ego & have a 'back up plan' should I leave him * He has now realised this, and understands himself a bit better * He has no future with his W as she is totally unwilling to engage in any kind of physical relationship with him & he is not willing to supress his needs either. * He doesnt want to stay married & either be celibate or get sex elsewhere He then went into one saying his W & kids are returning to the UK in a few months when they get finances sorted, he is staying abroad alone. He ended conversation by saying ' I would be lying if I said I didnt want you back, I do. I love you and you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. I lost you through my own insecurity & stupidity & this is something I will never forgive myself for. You dont have to say anything now but in 3 months time I will have a house by myself & I want to say to you- Im here alone, waiting for you, are you going to live with me? ' I speechless for a few seconds and he said 'Look dont say anything just think about it, but I know exactly what I want & I want to spend the rest of my life making the last few years up to you and making you happy, think about it, I love you, bye' and he just hung up! Now I just feel angry and stressed & upset & a whole range of things, Im thinking its time to change my email address & be totally unreachable? Thoughts?
Lizzie60 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Only you know what is the best thing to do... but since he had other OW while with you.. and his W.. makes me think this guy is a manipulator.. They are good at that... His W and kids are moving away.. does that mean they will get a divorce? or is she moving just for a while? Be extremely careful..
GreenEyedLady Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Personally, I'd never forgive the OOW thing, EVER... How wonderful he's getting counseling and realizing he's insecure...At the expense of how many others? Hopefully it will help him not f*** up in the future with someone else... Change your email address and be totally unreachable...He has to realize there are consequences...
Author CAT100 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 ^ He is a manipulator. He is trying to convince me that he has now realised this as a result of his therapy & has now changed. He says his W & kids are moving back to the UK & then will divorce. They all left the UK 18months ago as he bought a business abroad. I am curious as to whether or not the other OW is receiving the same contact from him, I have emailed asking her, and all she replied was 'We are still in contact, yes. Sorry' I asked her if he was trying to get back with her but she wont reply I dont understand why she just wont tell me, if he is trying the same line with her Id rather know, & wouldnt she?? Its making me really stressed, I think its bad enough that he is still in contact with other OW, he must be trying to get her back too? Unless they are talking about something else? That is seriously unlikely IMO
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 * He was chronically insecure with me as I am 23 years younger, better educated & in his words 'unattainable in the long term' * All his previous partners had been more 'on his level' and not 'out of his league' * Therefore he was always worried that I would leave him when I saw the light and found someone better/younger/smarter etc etc. * So he had other OW to re assure himself of his worth, boost his ego & have a 'back up plan' should I leave him * He has now realised this, and understands himself a bit better * He has no future with his W as she is totally unwilling to engage in any kind of physical relationship with him & he is not willing to supress his needs either. * He doesnt want to stay married & either be celibate or get sex elsewhere So he was seeing OOW because he was afraid you might leave him and he needed a backup plan? Forgive me if I have my stories mixed up but didn't he leave you alone to go visit the OOW? This is a load of crap. You have all of the information that you need knocking you over the head, its just not what you want. He understands himself better???? No, the fact is YOU understand him better. Change your email and let his OOW have him. He will never change.
Author CAT100 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 ^ Yes I see what you mean. He didnt leave me alone to see OOW, no, this must be someone elses story. There were times when he was abroad for up to 6 weeks & when he came back for a week there were obviously times when he could have been with me that instead he saw OOW. I really think she must be getting back with him, otherwise why the contact? I dont get why she wont just tell me, doesnt she want to know what hes been saying to me too? Maybe hes totally brainwashed her & told her I am having a nervous breakdown so she must not tell me anything or I will lose the plot. If she falls for that one she is more naive than I thought. I dont want to change my email add, as it is very convenient for me for work etc but I can block his email add
Geishawhelk Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 .....I asked her if he was trying to get back with her but she wont reply I dont understand why she just wont tell me, if he is trying the same line with her Id rather know, & wouldnt she?? Understand that she's probably going through an awful lot too, right now, and simply may not have the emotional strength to engage in a discussion with you at present. I'd back off from her and, as a "sister", give her some space. And him, the elbow. He could do with a door being shut in his face, if only to show him that his options are running out. Get a second e-mail account, advise all your friends in your address book, and move on. Really. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Im thinking its time to change my email address & be totally unreachable? Thoughts? Yes. There's no point in reading ANYTHING he has to say to you. He says he is in counselling, (bullcrap), he says he's sorry (I bet he is, but for the wrong reasons), he says he wants you back (like he BEGGED the other OW as well?).. You dont have to say anything now but in 3 months time I will have a house by myself & I want to say to you- Im here alone, waiting for you, are you going to live with me? ' In 3 months he won't change. People don't change that quickly, let alone a serial cheater like him. It's what he knows, it's how he is. DO NOT ever give that man a second thought, let alone a second chance. He's desparate right now and is pouring on the tears, trying to manipulate you.
NoIDidn't Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but I LOL'd when I read his lame words. I'm with OWL, change the email address. He's full of himself. And I'm with GEL, the OOW is a definite dealbreaker. You know that old song that says I'll be the other woman as long as I'm the ONLY other woman (it goes on to say you make love to, but that's implied to me). Too many dealbreakers. Is he a comedian? Oh, and change your phone number now too as he has that number in his caller ID. He's sneaky, this one.
Author CAT100 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Understand that she's probably going through an awful lot too, right now, and simply may not have the emotional strength to engage in a discussion with you at present. I'd back off from her and, as a "sister", give her some space. And him, the elbow. He could do with a door being shut in his face, if only to show him that his options are running out. Get a second e-mail account, advise all your friends in your address book, and move on. Really. Good luck. I agree apart from the bit about being a 'sister' to her. She is hardly helping me out in any way, I said to her I just want a 'yes' or 'no' one word answer as to whether she is getting back with him, and all I get is silence. I spent hours on the phone to her when she was calling me telling me she felt 'unable to carry on' and I really helped her through it. Now when I want something in return she wont help me. Not much of a 'sister' herself is she?? Shes welcome to him, but I would have appreciated some honesty between her and I at least
Author CAT100 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but I LOL'd when I read his lame words. I'm with OWL, change the email address. Oh, and change your phone number now too as he has that number in his caller ID. He's sneaky, this one. I am reluctant to change my email but I might just have to. I withheld my number when I called him, so he doesnt have it
Geishawhelk Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I agree apart from the bit about being a 'sister' to her. She is hardly helping me out in any way, I said to her I just want a 'yes' or 'no' one word answer as to whether she is getting back with him, and all I get is silence. I spent hours on the phone to her when she was calling me telling me she felt 'unable to carry on' and I really helped her through it. Now when I want something in return she wont help me. Not much of a 'sister' herself is she?? Shes welcome to him, but I would have appreciated some honesty between her and I at least I'm sorry, I didn't know this. I see your point. But maybe if she relied on you so much in the past it is both definite and evident proof that she seems to be a 'weaker' person than you are.
Lizzie60 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I don't understand.. really.. why all those calls and emails to the OOW... why all those questions about him.. just leave him and everyone around him alone.. He's a manipulative jerk.. just change all your numbers so he can't reach you ever again... This OOW doesn't owe you anything.. she's probably fighting to have him.. ... let him have the loser.. Do not lower yourself .. just move on.. be strong and independant..
GreenEyedLady Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I am reluctant to change my email but I might just have to. I withheld my number when I called him, so he doesnt have it Why are you reluctant? If it isn't bad enough he is married, he f***** how many other women while with YOU? And the OOW is crying and he lied to her too? And is still lying? Don't be a doormat. He's an A******. I don't know why'd you'd email him or talk to him at this point. He'd be s*** on the bottom of my shoe by now. Don't subject yourself to this.
NoIDidn't Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Why are you reluctant? If it isn't bad enough he is married, he f***** how many other women while with YOU? And the OOW is crying and he lied to her too? And is still lying? Don't be a doormat. He's an A******. I don't know why'd you'd email him or talk to him at this point. He'd be s*** on the bottom of my shoe by now. Don't subject yourself to this. Geez, GEL. Tell us how you really feel! LOL. :laugh:
GreenEyedLady Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Geez' date=' GEL. Tell us how you really feel! LOL. :laugh: [/quote'] Ok is there any part of my post you don't agree with? Men who love their women respect them. This isn't respect; it's pure torture. GEL
NoIDidn't Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Ok is there any part of my post you don't agree with? Men who love their women respect them. This isn't respect; it's pure torture. GEL I agree with it all. I've just never seen a post with so many f****** st*rs in it******! LMAO!! There is a function on my email program that allows me to relegate (is that a word) some emails to a JUNK MAIL box and then have all that redirected mail deleted without me ever having to see it. If CAT doesn't want to change her email address, this might be a good option too. Just use all known contacts as the filter and everything else gets deleted. A guy like this wouldn't have gotten a call from me.
miss tee Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 he is absolutely telling the OOW the same crap he's telling you right now. Just seeing who will take the bait. She's not responding to you because she probably thinks that YOU are the OOW that they are trying so hard to get out of their lives. Run from this man. He doesn't deserve you and your thoughts could be filled with so much more productive and positive things rather than keeping you in knots and making you feel sick to your stomach. give yourself permission to move. on. he is no prize. he is not a good man. You are not losing ANYTHING. you are gaining yourSELF back.
NewSunrise Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Based on the amount of replies. Majority wins! Dump the con artist. Dump his email address in your SPAM file. The A is FINITO! Pronto Finito! Comprende? Let the OOW be his doormat with tits!:D Don't you just love democracy?!:laugh:
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