TDiddy98 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Hey all, first time post here and I REALLY need some help to make sure I don’t f--- this up!! I recently re-connected with a girl that I haven’t seen or talked to since my Junior year of High School (10 years ago). Back then we were friends; not really close friends but the kind of friends that you hang out with in class but never really see outside of school. The summer between my Junior and Senior year is when I realized that I had feelings for her, but I was never able to pursue them because she did not come back to my school that fall. Now that we’ve been back in touch, I was happy to find out that not only did she still remember me after all this time, but she says that I’m one of the only people that treated her right back then. Ever since hearing from her, the feelings I had all those years ago came rushing back. I really want to see if there can be anything between us, but I don’t want to come across too forceful and at the same time don’t want to put myself into the “friend zone”. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!
whichwayisup Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Ask her out to dinner and a movie. Never know until you try! I take it she's single and available?
Author TDiddy98 Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 So I sent her a message on Thursday asking if she wanted to get together for dinner or coffee on Friday or Saturday (unfortunately as I just got back in touch with her online a week ago, I didn't have her number to call her). She hasn't replied to me yet; it does sometimes take her a couple of days to get back to me since she's really busy. I'm not sure if I should write her again and try to re-schedule for next weekend, or just wait and see if she gets back to me. What do you guys think?
LoveLace Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Any updates? I'd say no need to write her again, because chances are she did see the message or just hasn't checked messages YET. And are you sure she's single? Wait it out. But if you don't hear back in the next several days, maybe just drop her line to see how she's doing and if she'd like to get coffee sometime (leave that open so that she can tell you when is convenient for her). But I wouldn't go any further than that with it. But the best way to avoid the "friend zone" is by making it obvious that you are interested in her. Buy her coffee (dinner or whatever), ask her about herself, smile and flirt. Based on how she responds, you might even be able to go in for the hand-holding or a kiss. When the time feels right, just ask how she'd feel about seeing you again (and that should be enough for her to know what that means). If she isn't interested, she just won't flirt heavily or show any signs of romantic interest, really.. I say just tell her how you felt about her back then, that would be a good way to break the ice, just kind of laugh like you know, "it's funny, but back in high school, I thought you were really cute" or something like that.
Author TDiddy98 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 I'm like 99% certain she's single. She offered to me (without me asking) that she's not married and has no kids, then joked "I have a plant if that counts". I figured if she had a BF she would have mentioned that there, right? Thanks for the advice; I will wait a few days before writing her back.
LoveLace Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 ;)If she were in a serious relationship, I'm sure she would say so. But don't rule it out that she might be seeing someone too casually to mention, this soon anyway. If she doesn't respond don't be too discouraged because it there could be all kinds of reasons, she might be at a place in life that she doesn't feel the need for a relationship, she might not be ready to date due to a past one. It sounds like she thinks highly of you and remembers you well so that's a good thing. Also remember it may seem awkward for her to think about meeting up with you after so many years, so maybe she needs a little time to think about it. I just say that because people grow and change a lot when so much time passes, sometimes when you see them again its like a whole new person. My high school crush might be a total loser now or something, for example lol. Would hate to find that out the hard way he he. I'm sure that's not your case though.
Author TDiddy98 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Well, I guess she's just not gonna get back to me. I waited a few days and then sent a simple "Hi, how are you?" message to her, and I haven't even gotten a response to that. I don't understand how she went from so happy to hear from me to not responding to me so quickly and randomly. I've gotta say, I'm completely heartbroken.
LoveLace Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I'm sorry that your heartbroken! I'm guessing she was excited to get in touch with an old friend, but nothing more. Leave it this way and you never know if she contacts you in the future. Until then try not to think too much about it.
D-Lish Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 here's the thing- sometimes people have mild to moderate interest in you, but the quick "let's get together" suggestion all of a sudden scares a woman off. I have been interested in someone and had them ask me out too quick... and then gotten a bit nervous- so I back off. Just leave it for the time being, and see if she responds.... But whatever you do- don't make contact again. If it's facebook you are connecting on- get some female friends to write on your wall and vamp up your profile- if she's a friend- she'll see it happening and it might stir up interest.
LoveLace Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 here's the thing- sometimes people have mild to moderate interest in you, but the quick "let's get together" suggestion all of a sudden scares a woman off. I have been interested in someone and had them ask me out too quick... and then gotten a bit nervous- so I back off. Just leave it for the time being, and see if she responds.... But whatever you do- don't make contact again. If it's facebook you are connecting on- get some female friends to write on your wall and vamp up your profile- if she's a friend- she'll see it happening and it might stir up interest. All good advice from D lish. And it makes sense about the date, because I recently reconnected with an old guy friend that I once had a crush on too, but I waited until close to 4 weeks of contact and running into him a couple times, before giving him my phone #, and once I did, he had a pretty positive reaction; had I thrown it at him right off the bat, I'd doubt we'd still be talking.
Author TDiddy98 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 Ahh, I knew I should have waited! Ok, I guess it's time to wait and not make any more contact. Hopefully she'll eventually decide to contact me. Thanks D Lish and LoveLace for the advice!
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