Defeated or motivated?

[LikeCharlotte]

I am hours or days (depending on flight costs) from getting a flight to visit the person I talked about here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t155917/ and I am completely paralyzed. I was very excited to find that I might actually be able to go and visit and was planning blissfully until this weekend. I'm not afraid that we won't get along because I'm quite sure we would. I'm not scared that I will enjoy myself thereby making it harder, in fact I'd have considered it wonderful to have a motivating factor in my life.

 

So what is bothering me? The one thing that I swore wouldn't have the slightest effect on me at all. Jealousy. I have not felt this way since I was a very young girl and it wasn't about a guy. I think it was a dress. I can't do this. I can't. I just made myself sick thinking that I could try to manage to go on not knowing and trying not to care for even longer. I believe firmly that an exclusive relationship is not an option considering the short time we've known each other... even after a visit. All along I have been fine and fully support the "if you find someone local" philosophy and as soon as I am actually confronted with it (by mere suggestions) I can't even begin to imagine going on like this for months on end. Apparently I don't have the kind of patience or confidence it takes to handle it because right now I am a mess. As much as I want to go; part of me wants to run screaming in the other direction from this awful feeling.

 

If there is anyway that I can cope with this I would love some advice. Please keep in mind that although I empathize with jealousy in others I don't think I have ever felt this way. I want to go so badly but as much as I am sure I can control my reactions to what is just simply a reality, I don't want to have these feelings at all. Especially as an undertone to what is otherwise a really nice thing. I think I have found an insumountable distance. It is the one between my heart and my pride. Nail, meet coffin.

[sunshinegirl]

Welll, Charlotte, maybe you are realizing that you are not cut out for long distance relationships. That's fine; it's not for everyone.

 

Let's not forget that there are lots of logistical reasons relationships don't work out - in other words the two people can be perfectly compatible but obstacles like...distance...make a relationship unworkable.

[tealeafbud]

charlotte, it's normal to feel jealous, but it's how you deal with it that matters. You really need to identify what is making you feel that way. If it is other women, then it's just your own insecurities and you just need a better attitude and a self esteem boost, like, "You're awesome!". Anyway, you know what I mean.

 

of course no one wants to feel jealous. It's a crappy feeling. But so is feeling sad and frustrated. since you've never felt jealous a lot, it could be a challenging feeling to cope with, but keep your esteem high and it will slowly (or quickly) diminish. take care.

[motive2002]

I would like to share a little of my story. I really don't know if it would help or not.

 

I met my recent ex online, and she lived a couple thousand miles away from me. We hit it off SO well that it was all magic and butterflies etc.

Looking back I was a wreck most of that relationship, both before and after we decided to call it exclusive. Jealousy, suspicion, you name it.

At the end of the day, I realized that I had no peace of mind with her. For me it was not only some of her flaky behavior, and attitudes about casual sex and so on.. but the distance itself.

 

Long distance relationships are difficult for people that have been coupled for years, let alone people that are nurturing a new romantic connection. It absolutely drained me completely, both emotionally and financially, and I'm still trying to recover on both fronts.

 

I know your hopeful side doesn't want to hear it, but if I had a chance to make those decisions over again, I would never have let things get so carried away. If you're already tied up in knots now, I can tell you it isn't going to get any better. I'm speaking from experience on this.

 

Take care, and know that I honestly have your best interests at heart. I don't want to be all "gloom and doom", but I've been where you are now, and it brought me a lot of pain.

[Trialbyfire]

To reit what another member posted, there are people who can and people who can't be in LDRs due to personality types, for all kinds of reasons.

 

Of the one I entered into, it crashed and burned. I need to live close to a partner and so did he. Neither one of us were patient individuals and had conflicting needs in the manner of chicken and egg.