sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 ...then wanted to get back together. We've been back together for a couple of months but we're having a lot of problems, esp. since the girl he slept with was an EX who was after him the whole time we were together before, and because my bf has not been honest w/me about some things. Has this happened to you? Did you stay with your bf/gf? How did you get over the pain this caused?
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 yes ,my ex g/f pulled the same shannangin. How did I get over it.? Realizing I dont need a coward in my life. You see the true person not in god times but hard times. Our ex's showed there true colors. Screw them.
Author sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 yes ,my ex g/f pulled the same shannangin. How did I get over it.? Realizing I dont need a coward in my life. You see the true person not in god times but hard times. Our ex's showed there true colors. Screw them. What happened? I'm interested in more details if you're willing to say.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 -together 6 years -4 years in she cheated with my best mate -I took her back and kicked the bloke to the curb - she left me a year later - I thought it was me - we get back together but tells me she kissed a guy while split - I find out later she gave the guy a blow job - I was disgusted and left,I was hurt but had to do it.
Author sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 - we get back together but tells me she kissed a guy while split - I find out later she gave the guy a blow job. Wow-sounds familiar-my guy told me he got with his ex just once, and it "just kind of happened." Then he let it slip that it was more than once, he just didn't count the first time cuz, well they didn't seal the deal, if you know what I mean, but it was cuz of the affect of an extracurricular substance Guess he had to go back for more to prove his manhood...whatever. I'm over this crap.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Yes honesty is the best policy.And when someone decieves us we need to cut them off for good. Gotta have boundries and stick to dealbreakers.
nowhereman82 Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I can understand the hurt of thinking of your ex with someone else and dealing with it if you get back together....but that's life and to be expected. If you really want this to work I suggest having a serious talk down and tell him basically you dont want any bull****, and if you even detect an ounce of bull**** you are out that door....and have a heart to heart where you are completely honest. Better to know the truth and make a decision on it...than to make decisions based off assumptions.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I can understand the hurt of thinking of your ex with someone else and dealing with it if you get back together....but that's life and to be expected. If you really want this to work I suggest having a serious talk down and tell him basically you dont want any bull****, and if you even detect an ounce of bull**** you are out that door....and have a heart to heart where you are completely honest. Better to know the truth and make a decision on it...than to make decisions based off assumptions. Whats to stop a cookie thief from stealing from the cookie jar again? No amount of forgiving or overlooking the situation would ever change anything.
wareagle Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 I agree with xpaperxcutz! Once a cheater always a cheater!! Have some self respect and don't let him do it to you again!! Get gone!!
Author sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 I agree with xpaperxcutz! Once a cheater always a cheater!! Have some self respect and don't let him do it to you again!! Get gone!! Well, TECHNICALLY, he didn't cheat cuz we were broken up. I did find out tho, that him and the nasty b***h exgf were contacting each other behind my back when we were together-it started after he and I had a fight:confused:. And given how much he's misled me, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he didn't wait til we broke up to jump into bed with her. i have no evidence to that effect but whatever, I don't need it. It's bad enough that he didn't want to get rid of her when we got back together. He only did it when I pretty much forced him to by breaking up w/him YET AGAIN. I'm so tired of it all.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hold on, be strong I know them ain't tears comin down your face When it's on it's on but Wipe your eyes Hold on, be strong In this world When it's on it's on but Only the strong survive y'know Hold on, be strong Hmm, I know it's hard out there When it's on it's on but Welfare Hold on, be strong AIDS, earthquakes Cause when it's on it's on but Muggings, carjackings Hold on, and be strong Yeah we got problems Cause when it's on it's on but But believe me when I tell you Hold on, and be strong Things always get better Cause when it's on it's on but God don't like ugly Hold on, and be strong And God don't like no quitters Cause when it's on it's on but You know what Billie Holiday said bay-bee Hold on, and be strong God bless the child that can hold his own Cause when it's on it's on but Y'know? Hold on, and be strong You got to stand strong Cause when it's on it's on but And when these bustas try to knock you out your place Hold on, and be strong You stand there to they face Cause when it's on it's on but Tell em hold on, and be strong Hold on, and be strong The game don't stop Cause when it's on it's on but Hmmm Hold on, and be strong but If you don't never leave nothin, learn one thing It don't stop, til the casket drop Hold on Thug, for Life... feel me? All my homeboys and my homegirls, stay strong When things get bad, especially come the first and the fifteenth Stay strong, and stay ballin, hold on I'll catch y'all at the next life, we in traffic
BCCA Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 i have no evidence to that effect but whatever, I don't need it. I think you have enough to leave you wondering, which is just as bad. You should KNOW without a doubt that he didnt, or walk. That little voice in your head that brings doubt up usually does so for a reason.
verve Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Hold on, be strong I know them ain't tears comin down your face When it's on it's on but Wipe your eyes Hold on, be strong In this world When it's on it's on but Only the strong survive y'know Hold on, be strong Hmm, I know it's hard out there When it's on it's on but Welfare Hold on, be strong AIDS, earthquakes Cause when it's on it's on but Muggings, carjackings Hold on, and be strong Yeah we got problems Cause when it's on it's on but But believe me when I tell you Hold on, and be strong Things always get better Cause when it's on it's on but God don't like ugly Hold on, and be strong And God don't like no quitters Cause when it's on it's on but You know what Billie Holiday said bay-bee Hold on, and be strong God bless the child that can hold his own Cause when it's on it's on but Y'know? Hold on, and be strong You got to stand strong Cause when it's on it's on but And when these bustas try to knock you out your place Hold on, and be strong You stand there to they face Cause when it's on it's on but Tell em hold on, and be strong Hold on, and be strong The game don't stop Cause when it's on it's on but Hmmm Hold on, and be strong but If you don't never leave nothin, learn one thing It don't stop, til the casket drop Hold on Thug, for Life... feel me? All my homeboys and my homegirls, stay strong When things get bad, especially come the first and the fifteenth Stay strong, and stay ballin, hold on I'll catch y'all at the next life, we in traffic Pac knew the score. I actually referenced that track in one of my other posts today haha.
Author sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 i have no evidence to that effect but whatever, I don't need it. I think you have enough to leave you wondering, which is just as bad. You should KNOW without a doubt that he didnt, or walk. That little voice in your head that brings doubt up usually does so for a reason. Best. advice. ever. When he gets back from a 2 week vacation, after Labor Day, this will be the crux of the issue of why I'm going to break up with him.
nopainnogain Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Pac knew the score. I actually referenced that track in one of my other posts today haha. Yeah,this song always brings up my spirits. Thats why I like pac . He came from the struggle . So whatever problems I got I know there not as bad and they got through them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIC1ZraYJb4
verve Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Also worth checking out Do For Love, Me Against The World, Nothin To Lose for good break-up songs to make you feel better. If you're feeling angry Hit 'Em Up is a good one too
You'reasian Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 Well, TECHNICALLY, he didn't cheat cuz we were broken up. I did find out tho, that him and the nasty b***h exgf were contacting each other behind my back when we were together-it started after he and I had a fight:confused:. And given how much he's misled me, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he didn't wait til we broke up to jump into bed with her. i have no evidence to that effect but whatever, I don't need it. It's bad enough that he didn't want to get rid of her when we got back together. He only did it when I pretty much forced him to by breaking up w/him YET AGAIN. I'm so tired of it all. Not as bad as your gf getting a call from one of her lovers WHILE you guys are hanging out and overhear the guy saying that he still loves her...then playing it off. Talk about trust-building
You'reasian Posted August 25, 2008 Posted August 25, 2008 ...then finding out that she'd talk on-and-on about her past lover with her best guy friend (who is also a former lover!)...
Author sandrawg Posted August 25, 2008 Author Posted August 25, 2008 ...then finding out that she'd talk on-and-on about her past lover with her best guy friend (who is also a former lover!)... I'm assuming this happened to you. That sucks. I'm sorry. Some people are attention-whores. They can never seem to get enough attention from the opposite sex, so they keep ex-lovers around like dead weights.
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 I suppose this is the young guy.. My only advice : dump him... don't waste your time on this jerk.. there are a lot more guys out there..
breakupunderachiever Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 i had a similar thing happen. actually had the classic 'friends' scenario when he slept with someone else (a coworker who had been chasing him for months even though she knew he had a gf) within 24 hours of being on a break. in my case i was the one who called the break. we got back together but i found it too hard to deal with all the trust issues. like you, i got only part of the story when we got back together. when additional material surfaced i started to lose it. i found myself becoming this suspicious, emotionally aggressive nutcase in the relationship. eventually i had to break it off. i just was not prepared to put my sanity on the line. there were no good guys and bad guys in that situation. just a really unfortunate learning curve. i think the key is knowing what you can and can't deal with. if you can do it, knowing its gonna be tought, then i wish you all the best. if its hurting too much all the time, you know what you have to do.
Author sandrawg Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 i had a similar thing happen. actually had the classic 'friends' scenario when he slept with someone else (a coworker who had been chasing him for months even though she knew he had a gf) within 24 hours of being on a break. in my case i was the one who called the break. we got back together but i found it too hard to deal with all the trust issues. like you, i got only part of the story when we got back together. when additional material surfaced i started to lose it. i found myself becoming this suspicious, emotionally aggressive nutcase in the relationship. eventually i had to break it off. i just was not prepared to put my sanity on the line. there were no good guys and bad guys in that situation. just a really unfortunate learning curve. i think the key is knowing what you can and can't deal with. if you can do it, knowing its gonna be tought, then i wish you all the best. if its hurting too much all the time, you know what you have to do. That is my story to a tee. Yes, it hurts, and yes, I feel like I'm going crazy. Everytime I hear some new truth that reveals a previous lie, I feel sucker-punched in the GUT. Lizzie...thanks foe the advice. Yes, it's the young guy. I am thinking I need to stick to guys closer to my own age...30s, at LEAST!!
Author sandrawg Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 i had a similar thing happen. actually had the classic 'friends' scenario when he slept with someone else (a coworker who had been chasing him for months even though she knew he had a gf) within 24 hours of being on a break. Oh, and within 24 hours?? He couldn't wait a whole day?? wtf? At least my guy waited a week or two. So, what was the excuse your guy gave you for why it happened? Was it because he was "just using her for sex"? Sorry it didn't work out. I think you are better off.
breakupunderachiever Posted August 26, 2008 Posted August 26, 2008 yup. he said it was 'just sex' and said it had only only been when he was boozed and that they had never hung out really. but it turned out that it was more than that, she had come over and made him dinner etc. then i started grilling him like a nutcase as to whether he had emotionally engaged etc. you know what sux? seeing yourself become the 'interrogation woman' and knowing that no matter how many questions you ask you can never be sure. then all the issues with him working shifts with her. a couple of months later (we were still together) while i was travelling in india he called her when he was boozed on new years eve and invited her to come to a party that he was at (even though he had promised to break contact - they weren't ever friends). nothing happened as they were robbed on the curb then had to go to police station. mutual friends told me but the wotifs drove me crazy. that was the last straw. i can definitely live without the obsessing, the long tortured phonecalls and the impact that feeling that i couldn't trust him had on all the other areas of my life. sux when something like that happens. unfortunate that things can become so messed up with someone you love.
Author sandrawg Posted August 26, 2008 Author Posted August 26, 2008 yup. he said it was 'just sex' and said it had only only been when he was boozed and that they had never hung out really. but it turned out that it was more than that, she had come over and made him dinner etc. then i started grilling him like a nutcase as to whether he had emotionally engaged etc. you know what sux? seeing yourself become the 'interrogation woman' and knowing that no matter how many questions you ask you can never be sure. Ah yes, I know that feeling well. He accuses me of "bear trapping" him or "cornering him". As for his ex, they not only hooked up, but they SLEPT together. To me, sleeping in the same bed-spending the night over-which they did more than once-is serious. Oh, and get this. I found out by reading his email (he left it open on my computer and I couldn't resist, cuz I was tired of all the conflicting stories...) that he had told her he loved her! He claims he just rattled it off really quickly as he was getting out of her car, in response to her saying "I love you." And the drunk-dialing your guy did-that sounds like my guy as well. He confessed a few weeks ago, that he had drunk-dialed the ex/whore after we'd had a fight, back in February. This was after he'd promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore. I had no idea they were contacting each other while we were still together or I would've never agreed to get back together with him. I'm just really sick of guys who want to have their cake and eat it too. They can choke on that cake, for all I care.
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