The Lying, The Witch & The Wallet...my not so enchanted fairytale

[MRevolver]

So after months of debating I figured I’d break down and post my own story of woe in hopes of shedding some light on an otherwise confusing situation. I’ll try and make it as cut and dry as possible...scuse any typos.

 

I call this “Nothing says ‘I Don’t Love You’ like paintbrushes!”

 

Starring: Me, guy, his friend and other girl.

 

Me and guy acquaintance begin hanging out back in December. I decide after several weeks of getting to know him better that I like him but am afraid to make a move (he’s 21 and pure on ALL accounts and I’m a 27 yr old reformed wild child). After much debating, I decide to put crush out of my mind and be content with just a friendship. We continue hanging out weekly and talking daily. Enter March. By March I get a text msg from his friend saying guy is very interested and has been since August, but is very scared to make a move. I reveal that the feelings are mutual and the friend decides to set us up on a pseudo-date. Sparks immediately fly! Guy finally asks me on an official date. We go a few weeks later and have an AWESOME time (holding hands, laughing, etc). We actually have so much in common its scary! He texts me several times that evening just to let me know again what a great time he had and how he couldn’t wait for next time! I agree and we spend the next evening cuddling my couch (nothing sexual as we both practice abstinence). Day later guy leaves for trip overseas and is gone a month. Guy keeps in touch somewhat while away by phone and email and says he can’t wait to pick up where we left off. However upon return guy is acting very strange. 1st day back he’s happy to see me, 2nd day I don’t hear from him till 10PM, 3rd day I have to call him. He says he’s over a friend’s house but will come see me at work. However he does not show up. I see him next morning and am polite but I don’t say much to him. He in turn gives me no explanation or apology. We wind up attending an event that night and me, him and his friend ride together to save gas money. There is another girl in the car with us who has always blatantly flirted with him (she is 27 also but pretty green to the world like himself) and I am wondering why she is with us. We sit together at the event (just me and him) but still do not speak much. On car ride home, the girl is not with us and guy is now almost downright rude when we do speak. Next day, guy is calling me again as though nothing is wrong. I email guy and say “hey maybe we just need to slow down, I don’t want you to feel pressured into a relationship.” Guy seems ok with this and we are back to normal…for a week. Guy becomes ‘indifferent’ again. Guy begins canceling plans 1 minute, trying to buy me flowers the next. He is very sweet and attentive 1 day but then going out of his way to avoid even sitting beside me. I am very frustrated by this point because he is still calling or texting several times a day. He finally says we need to talk, but avoids the actual conversation whenever a chance presents itself. This continues for about 3 weeks. Very end of June I go out to dinner with some friends. He shows up also, but with the girl who blatantly flirts with him. I am mortified and wanting to cry. The jerk has nerve enough to sit with me at the table. About that time she pulls out a Coach wallet. When friend asks about it, she says it was a “gift from overseas.” I am now an exploding ball of silent misery. The only thing he brought me back was paintbrushes (granted I’m an artist but still…), PAINTBRUSHES ! He brought her a Coach wallet, his friend Dolce & Gabbana shoes and I got paintbrushes! He gives me this very guilty/concerned look and leaves with her shortly afterwards. 10AM next morning he texts me to ask a question about a job I was trying to help him get. I answer but am short. 2:30 that afternoon he emails me and says he thinks we should “just be friends for now and not to be concerned if he doesn’t call or text me for awhile.” I am very hurt by the fact he had the audacity to break up with me 1) over email and 2) say that HE “had no hard feelings” at the end of his letter. We wind up at an engagement dinner with friends that night and speak only when we have to. He is very cold. I try to be mature and polite but he continues to act very callous. Later that week I begin to go NC as much as possible- as me, him and the girl are required to see each other on a weekly basis, due to our situation. Either way, I continue NC for several weeks. He has to drop off some papers to my house mid-July and we actually have a decent conversation. Next night he asks our friend if he can come out to dinner with her and myself. She agrees in hopes we will make amends. Night actually goes ok and we all have fun. We begin being somewhat civil. However by next week he is throwing his flirtations with this other girl back in my face moreso than ever and being very short with me again. I finally say “forget it” and decide I’m gonna continue to be my normally pleasant self despite his immaturity. Welcome August. The month begins and he’s being unusually friendly to me. He’s complimenting me 24/7 but still flirting with this other girl. They are not official and she claims she’s not interested but any onlooker would not be able to tell. They are practically joined at the hip. We all go on a trip with several friends. During the trip I mention a poetry contest I’m thinking of attending and he coyly suggests we go together. I respond maybe “a group” of us should go because I have no idea what he’s up to. He continues to compliment me and flirt with me for the remainder of the day in front of that girl. But by the next day, he barely acknowledges I exist. I decide he sucks and say forget it again. Back to NC. He continues trying to be friendly with me the next week and even sneaks in a couple of calls just to ‘ask’ random questions. But he is still seemingly with this other girl… SO WHAT GIVES?!? Or better yet, how should I handle this hot/cold mess from here on out??? Also, if he was so wrapped up on this other girl, why didn’t he just pursue her in the first place? Cause as forestated she’s always flirted with him and we’re talking for years!! His friends keep telling me he and her don’t like each other and but I just think they all need glasses !! Any thoughts??

[Art_Critic]

Nothing says I Love You like a set of camel hair brushes.. were they at least Winsor Newton's ?..

 

I think the guy has only wanted to be your friend.. I also think he was grooming the other chick far longer and wanted to get in her pants..

 

He was using you for his ego boost and as a back burner girl till he was able to make it happen with the other girl..

 

He is a player of sorts... and you really need to tell him the friendship is off...

[MRevolver]

Nothing says I Love You like a set of camel hair brushes.. were they at least Winsor Newton's ?..

 

I think the guy has only wanted to be your friend.. I also think he was grooming the other chick far longer and wanted to get in her pants..

 

He was using you for his ego boost and as a back burner girl till he was able to make it happen with the other girl..

 

He is a player of sorts... and you really need to tell him the friendship is off...

 

 

LOL. No they weren't Newton's...they weren't even camel hair! Mine were made from authentic weasel hair! My heart is melting right now just thinking of all the fine, young weasel that must have died for those brushes he used to make me feel like nothing! Perhaps I should use them to paint dead, mutilated cupids all over his face next time I see him. Now there's a thought!

 

And yeah I think you're right that maybe stuff was going on way before I got in the picture. Thing is I questioned him about her when we first got together (seeing as she'd always flirted with him) but of course he said it was nothing. Whatever. Either way, he definitely won't be getting in her pants till after marriage. She don't put out! ...besides...he's pretty scared of his own nudity let alone anyone else's

[LucreziaBorgia]

This is definitely a bullet you want to dodge, and the sooner the better. If he is doing this to you, imagine what the other girl's story is! Best to just let this one go.

 

By the way - your thread title is awesome.

[daphne]

I cut him some slack because he's still a baby and extremely stupid, er immature when it comes to being responsible in relationships.

 

But better her than you. You don't have to deal with this hot/cold flakey nonsense. It may never get better and it's not worth it.

[Billie63]

He's far too immature for you. Those 6 years between you make all the difference emotionally. It's all so new to him but not new to you.

 

Do yourself a favour - find yourself a man, not a boy!

[MRevolver]

This is definitely a bullet you want to dodge, and the sooner the better. If he is doing this to you, imagine what the other girl's story is! Best to just let this one go.

 

Sad thing is he seems to be treating this other chick like gold! And others have told me he's never seemed to act like this with any of his other exes. So I can't figure out why he chose me to be the experiment of his sugary dirt labratory and acting so downright psycho. Maybe he just watched the movie or something But I agree with everyone...there are definitely some maturity issues there. No telling how long till he flakes out with this girl!

 

Which, just for the record, my favorite color is black!