Float On Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Some of you may be familiar with my wife's post she posted in the om/ow section under the name smooth. My wife has been lying to me for 2 months she has started the affair with om yet again he is also married,I had been telling my wife for months thatshe needed to find another job because working with the xom will only lead to her cheating again and that I will never be able to trust her while she is working there,she always told me I would never be with him again I don't have feelings for him anymore I love you,she begged me to trust her she promised me. She posted on here a few weeks ago because we had been arguing alot I had been pressuring her about finding another job and changing her cell number,but she would refuse and tell me things like you argue with me just for working,well come to find out she was'nt just working. On july 18 it was all confirmed I found out my wife had started the affair again with the xom,first let me say after reading what everyone was saying onher thread I started to open my eyes more and I started looking me into what she was doing. I questioned her and I put alot of pressure on her,and I would'nt let it go until I broke her and she confessed to everything,SHE was the one who went to him she had been trying to get his attention for awhile,but he kept turning her down he was leaving work oneday and she ran to him and was crying saying how she can't get over him and she missed him has feelings for him,she was even telling him she loved him. From the emails I was reading she wanted to leave me to be with him and was planning on it,my wife has ruined her whole life for this guy,I don't understand why she gave up onher family along time ago and now she might even lose her job behind this,the om does not want to be with her he lied to her he even went so far as to report her to HR and they are considering getting rid of her. I feel horrible I feel like a nobody my life has been crushed yet again,I feel like it is my fault had I made her and kept pressuring her tofind another job she wouldnt have done this again to me. Your support and advice will be appreciated.
Moose Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Document everything. Get as much documentation from her job too. Get witnesses, then get an attorney. You've done nothing to constitute infidelity, now you're only, (smartest) recourse is to get the upper hand while you can. Sorry to be so blunt, but your wife isn't going to change, she's made her choice.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Your wife's an idiot. and I said so. But affairs are an obsession and she got caught up in it. Whatever you decide. I suggest you get her away from your family and out of your house and legally seperated so that way she can be responsible for taking care of herself. The problem is not you. At the end of the day she's responsible for her own actions and nothing she can say can justify what she done. 50% of the marriage problems, she get's 100% of the affair. And look on the bright side. The OM doesnt want to be with her, she's loosing her job, she's been humiliated, embarrassed, thrown out of the workplace. Those choices rests on her sholders. Be happy you dont have to deal with that. You can find someone else and start over. because a woman with that much baggage is nothing but trouble! She'll cheat a 3rd time if given a chance. You dont wanna be on the receiving end of it.
Bryanp Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 1. Get a lawyer immediately. She is absolutely toxic to you and deserve better. 2. Immediately contact the OM's wife and expose this. 3. Your wife indeed is an idiot. Please don't waste your life on someone like this.
Author Float On Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 My wife was trying to make it seem like I was going crazy,when I would bring it up she would just laugh at me and at times she would get angry and walk away and act upset because I did'nt trust her,she even told me she did'nt want me coming on here to read the replys from her thread that she posted because she said I was only going to get brainwashed by unhappy people. I hate her for what she did to me I thought our marriage was healing instead she just went backwards,I know I don't need this in my life nor do I want it in my life.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I feel horrible I feel like a nobody my life has been crushed yet again,I feel like it is my fault had I made her and kept pressuring her tofind another job she wouldnt have done this again to me. Your support and advice will be appreciated. Don't you in any way feel horrible. It is NOT your fault she is a cheater. Getting another job is what she should have done without you "pressuring" her to do so. I know you don't want to think about it, but I think its time to secretly get an attorney and get your ducks in a row. This woman obviously isn't going to change. And even if she did, why would you want her? Get rid of her. She is trash.
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 2. Immediately contact the OM's wife and expose this. YES. I absolutely agree.
Author Float On Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 I am working on getting my kids and getting away from her,I just don't understand why someone would do this to another person I don't think my wife loves me she is selfesh she only cares about herself. For the past 2 months she has been ignoring me and the kids she was just basically coming home and taking a shower and going straight to bed,she did't care about spending time with the kids she'd rather be shacked up in some motel room having sex with this om oh yeah and having sex in her car. OM's wife knows about it she was seperated from him for awhile,which is why he went along with the whole thing,om's wife and him got back together so he dumped my wife om is the one who basically told me everything he told me to have my wife leave him the hell alone he even went to HR and repoted her because she would not leave him alone. How do you think thatmakes me feel when another man tells me all these things and says you need to tell your *&^%&* wife to leave me alone I don't want nothing to do with her and she know's he said this,but then she goes back and beggs him to talk to her.
Spectre Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Your wife isn't an idiot, she's simply just a whore, that is why she is doing this. Leave her before you catch a friggin STD.
Owl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Float on...so what's your gameplan from here? Do you want to try to reconcile/rebuild your marriage, or do you want to file for divorce and move on? Either courses of action are honorable, and make sense at this point. I'm sorry to hear that you're in the situation you're in...and sadly have to admit that I'm not surprised. As a matter of fact, I think I even mentioned in a response on her thread that she sounded like she was STILL in the affair. Honestly, give some thought about what your immediate goal is...post that here, and then I can try to offer advice either way. I'd also suggest that you be careful about how much information you post on this forum...since you know your wife comes here, she might well use this to help form a battle plan against you as well.
Moose Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Either courses of action are honorable, and make sense at this point.These guys can tell you, if I say divorce, it's valid....divorce to me is the very last option....
Author Float On Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 I no longer want tro be with my wife,i would be a fool to stay with her. As far as my wife coming on here,I doubt it she did'nt like aything that was being said on her post so she just decided to stay away even told me not to come back and read any of it,because I was only going to get brainwashed and upset. I get soangry when I go back and read all the bullcrap lies she was saying about how I should trust her it REALLY hurts. Why could'nt she just leave me,and then she was the one going after him after he kept rejecting her until he finally gives in where are her morals does she even have a backbone? Why would I want her after she has basically been used up and then literally tossed out by the om.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I am sorry that this is happening to you and that your wife can't see what she is losing, what she is doing to you and your kids, the whole family. She's selfish and sadly, she is NOT the woman you fell inlove with, married and had children with anymore.. Protect your kids, try to make this as easy as possible on them.
Tripper Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 FO, I read her OP and followed the thread. The sense I got was that she had no consideration for you vis-a-vis your wanting her to change jobs. It seemed like all she wanted with agreement and sympathy. She is totally to blame for this mess. Had she really wanted to end it and rebuild your M, she would have found away. At this point do you believe that a) you have the possibility to rebuild?? b) there's anything to rebuild?? c) you even want to try?? This whole mess is totally her fault. I can understand trying to sort things out after DDay and trying to figure out how you will move forward, but after the second affair and finally having HR getting involved I don't think you need the hassle. And the OM sounds like a total loser too. He cheats on his wife, screws your wife and when she becomes "attached" to him cries foul. Juvenile behaviour. Can't clean up his own mess. Whines to you about it. Jeez.... IMHO, I think you should just file for divorce because this isn't the end of this and you really don't need this...
Tripper Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I no longer want tro be with my wife,i would be a fool to stay with her. Kudos to you, my friend, for coming to this realization. This is the first step in your journey to recovery.
Author Float On Posted July 28, 2008 Author Posted July 28, 2008 I know she is not the woman I thought she was or believed she was. Why would I stay with someone like that I know just about every detail that went on with her and om he forwarded me all the emails.How could I try and work out things with her it's useless a waste of my time it would be lies,she only cares about herself,selfesh I dont even think she cares about the kids I know for a fact she would give me custody of kids.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I hope you do get custody of your kids because they need you! They need a stable parent who is going to put them first -No matter what.
Owl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 So you're pursuing divorce...rock on! I've not done that myself, so I'm not a "guru" at that, but have seen it a lot on all kinds of forums. Start a journal. Document EVERYTHING. If OM sent you the emails...save them. Print them out...fwd them to an email acct your wife can't access so that you have them for reference later. Protect your assets. Start seperating your finances from hers, and take steps to prevent her from running your credit into the ground. I'm sorry to say...you can't trust her to care about where you're going to end up in this. Follow your lawyer's advice. Other than that, all I can do is wish you the best of luck, my friend!
Lookingforward Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 OM's wife knows about it she was seperated from him for awhile,which is why he went along with the whole thing,om's wife and him got back together so he dumped my wife om is the one who basically told me everything he told me to have my wife leave him the hell alone he even went to HR and repoted her because she would not leave him alone. How do you think thatmakes me feel when another man tells me all these things and says you need to tell your *&^%&* wife to leave me alone I don't want nothing to do with her and she know's he said this,but then she goes back and beggs him to talk to her. I realise the exOM would like to act like this is all your W's fault, but it takes two and he was in the A just as much as she was.......what a crybaby HE is........like someone else said, can't even clean up his own mess
bish Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I am working on getting my kids and getting away from her,I just don't understand why someone would do this to another person I don't think my wife loves me she is selfesh she only cares about herself. There is nothing to understand about selfish people like her. All you need to understand is you need to be free from people like that. The fact that she ignores the kids so she can screw other men tells me she needs to lose them. You need to be the strong and stable one in their lives.
Rooster_DAR Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I'm sorry to hear about this, I went through the same thing with my ex fiance and her affair with co-workers. I was also promised I was her true love, and she would never do it again. It's the worst back-stab ever, and it's really changed my views on women and relationships unfortunately. Don't let her do it three times, it's going to eat you alive. Get some emotional help if needed, consult with close friends as well. Unless she dedicates herself to a straightjacket and phsyco-therapist for a year I would not even considering negotiation anything except a foot in her ass. Good luck,
soda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I'm very sorry that you're going through this, Float On. I'm also not surprised. I remember reading your W's posts here, and she sounded a lot like my wife...looking for someone to validate her position, not for advice on how to fix her marriage. Your wife is a selfish person. You are better off without her destructive personality. However, it appears that she's about to receive hers. It sounds like she's about to lose her job, her kids, and still won't end up with the OM. Be prepared for her to come crawling back to you with a song and dance. Reality is about to hit her hard, and I suspect it will rip her out of the fog that she's been living in. But do you really want her back? Do you really want to give her another chance? Be strong my man. My W and her OM are about to experience the same reality. Corporate policies can work out great sometimes...especially when the head of the company is a BS. I've already contacted a friend who will remind me to remain strong when my wife comes back pleading.
soda Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 Yeah...I just reread your crummy W's old thread. What a bunch of BS. Document everything. You've been at home raising the kids while she's been out having the affair, so you have this going for you. Get the best attorney you can afford. Keep your nose clean in every way imaginable. Go for everything.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 These guys can tell you, if I say divorce, it's valid....divorce to me is the very last option.... :eek:OMG! Moose said the "d" word! He must mean it. Okay, just trying to give a little levity here. But this is a serious situation. I am like Moose, I am a hopeless romantic and would take my vows very seriously. You need to divorce her for yourself. No more chance. No lets go to counseling. No nothing. And for good measure, you need and I am saying you BEATER tell this guy's wife. She deserves to know as much as you know. Right now, I am telling you, take off the kiddie gloves, lock yourself off from her, and deal with whatever you need to deal with to prepare for a life without her (or if there are kids involved, how to be at least civil with her for their sakes), but you need to go and now. You know she is putting you and your loved ones at risk. You don't know if she might catch an STD that is serious enough to kill you from this guy. You don't know if he or his wife might be a psycho. You don't even now if she might be plotting on you. Paranoid, maybe, but things to think about, well you look at the news and do research and tell me if you are willing to be macho and think nothing like that could happen to you. Affairs are a WHOLE lot messier than most people want to realize or who realize these things too late. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but now you know what kind of woman your wife is and now you have to make a decision. I wish you well with whatever you decide. DNR
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 ...he was leaving work oneday and she ran to him and was crying saying how she can't get over him and she missed him has feelings for him,she was even telling him she loved him. How do you know that? Were you there? Hum...that is strange!!!
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