Peter_pan Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 thinking about the whole getting a chance to "get your own back" looking into other posts etc, it got me thinking that i had the chance but possibly missed it? basically my ex told me in an email that she was seeing this guy now etc etc blah blah i was on holiday at the time so when i got back i didnt know what to do. i was so upset, angry, all the rest of it that i couldn't talk to her. anyway 3 weeks later i decided to call her and try and change her mind obviously she said "no im sorry" in her sympathetic demeaning tone, but she said she wanted to be in contact at least. i said to her "is this how you want things to be between us then (implying you being with this tw@)?", she replied "what YOU not contacting me", i was upset that you werent replying to me. I said well its a bit awkward now you HAVE A NEW BF isnt it? she tried to blow this off by saying "its nothing serious" i said (amazed) well i dont care what it is, he is still your NEW BF (god is she thick). Then i said unless i have completely moved on or got a new gf then i dont think i can do that as i am to hurt and upset. looking back i wish i had said more i guess and had my say. mainly based on the fact >> she hasnt contacted me since that call so i may of well have gone the whole hog instead of stupidly holding on to false hope that she might change her mind over the phone. god what a dick head i am. but then a friend of mine said well its best you didnt slag her off because it might have given her the upper hand and IF you ever wanted to be friends of back with her in the future it would pretty much eliminate that oppitunity. anyway i guess im dwelling on the past again, but i guess i was just going over what i couldnt see at the time. and now looking at it i wish i had never contacted her saying "hi hows it going"? ..... no reply to that one, then next couple days later i sent another one sayin, Is there any reason as to why you would be ignoring me? no reply to that one, then the next week before i left the country "ok well im leaving in two days and so would be good to see you before i leave as i may not ever see you again".....again no reply... but i found out through her friend its because she had fallen out with him, and thought i new and obviously didn't want to talk about him. she isnt with him now anyway, and i dont know whether to be a friend to her should the chance come up. im so confused and upset really since i would have loved to have been her friend. but i cant stop the reality that she would get a new bf and it would gut me.
critter909 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Since you still have feelings for her wouldn't it be very difficult to be friends with her? Do you want to hear about guys she is dating etc? Hear about the new ex BF? Doesn't sound like it. If you are not looking to get back together with her you should probably not contact her again.
stlnsmile Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 thinking about the whole getting a chance to "get your own back" looking into other posts etc, it got me thinking that i had the chance but possibly missed it? basically my ex told me in an email that she was seeing this guy now etc etc blah blah i was on holiday at the time so when i got back i didnt know what to do. i was so upset, angry, all the rest of it that i couldn't talk to her. anyway 3 weeks later i decided to call her and try and change her mind obviously she said "no im sorry" in her sympathetic demeaning tone, but she said she wanted to be in contact at least. i said to her "is this how you want things to be between us then (implying you being with this tw@)?", she replied "what YOU not contacting me", i was upset that you werent replying to me. I said well its a bit awkward now you HAVE A NEW BF isnt it? she tried to blow this off by saying "its nothing serious" i said (amazed) well i dont care what it is, he is still your NEW BF (god is she thick). Then i said unless i have completely moved on or got a new gf then i dont think i can do that as i am to hurt and upset. looking back i wish i had said more i guess and had my say. mainly based on the fact >> she hasnt contacted me since that call so i may of well have gone the whole hog instead of stupidly holding on to false hope that she might change her mind over the phone. god what a dick head i am. but then a friend of mine said well its best you didnt slag her off because it might have given her the upper hand and IF you ever wanted to be friends of back with her in the future it would pretty much eliminate that oppitunity. anyway i guess im dwelling on the past again, but i guess i was just going over what i couldnt see at the time. and now looking at it i wish i had never contacted her saying "hi hows it going"? ..... no reply to that one, then next couple days later i sent another one sayin, Is there any reason as to why you would be ignoring me? no reply to that one, then the next week before i left the country "ok well im leaving in two days and so would be good to see you before i leave as i may not ever see you again".....again no reply... but i found out through her friend its because she had fallen out with him, and thought i new and obviously didn't want to talk about him. she isnt with him now anyway, and i dont know whether to be a friend to her should the chance come up. im so confused and upset really since i would have loved to have been her friend. but i cant stop the reality that she would get a new bf and it would gut me. You see, I was feeling quilty about this too, ex initiated contact about 4 weeks after breakup, asking me about my life etc...said "I at least want to be friends" bla bla bla....I feel I had a chance there, but the truth is...it takes two. I can not second guess every thing I did, I can not, he knew I loved him, I had told him, he knew I didn't want to break up, and no matter what he knew where I was. He could always call, I made sure things were as friendly as I could at first. I just don't care anymore. You can not be responsible for other people and their feelings and doing everything perfect. You won't, you won't do everything perfect, and chances are, even if you did, she may not contact you. If she really wants you in her life, she will contact you, she knows she can. Stop worrying about these sorts of things, because the only person you can take care of is you not her anymore.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 thanks guys stlnsmile I get where your coming from xx and no i dont want to hear about her new ex! he is a C**t i guess i'll only ever know if i did want to be back with her AFTER i have been out with someone new? I just think not being with someone anymore is weird... like i saw her brothers ex with someone new yesterday when i was out with mates. (he went through loads of heartache because of her, now he is with someone new), and it made me think how much it didnt bother me. it just made me realize no one really gives a flying f*** about who's with who at the end of the day. it makes me think if he was in my shoes and saw me with a new girl that he wouldnt be bothered, no one gives a flying f***. even though i was like part of there family . we where like brothers. in all honesty i looked t him like he was the brother i never had, even her sisters felt like they where my sisters that may sound weird i know but i am looking at it from someone elses perspective if you get me\?
sunshinegirl Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I understand what you're saying: basically nobody else is torn up about our breakups the way we are. It's hard to imagine that the world keeps turning as it always did for pretty much everyone else, while it has come to a virtual standstill for those of us who are trying to cope with what feels like a devastating loss.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 I understand what you're saying: basically nobody else is torn up about our breakups the way we are. It's hard to imagine that the world keeps turning as it always did for pretty much everyone else, while it has come to a virtual standstill for those of us who are trying to cope with what feels like a devastating loss. yeah you get where im coming from, ugh its not fair is it lol
northstar1 Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 I understand what you're saying: basically nobody else is torn up about our breakups the way we are. It's hard to imagine that the world keeps turning as it always did for pretty much everyone else, while it has come to a virtual standstill for those of us who are trying to cope with what feels like a devastating loss. LOL, that is so true. I feel like one one else has possibly gone through my particular situation.
sunshinegirl Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 yeah you get where im coming from, ugh its not fair is it lol Well, I try to turn it into something positive: namely, no one in my life thought my ex was anything special, so it's no wonder they're not the least bit broken up that we're no longer together. And, frankly, I'll bet that everyone in my ex's life thinks he made a seriously stupid decision. (I was very well liked by his people...unlike how my peeps thought of him.)
stlnsmile Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 thanks guys stlnsmile I get where your coming from xx and no i dont want to hear about her new ex! he is a C**t i guess i'll only ever know if i did want to be back with her AFTER i have been out with someone new? I just think not being with someone anymore is weird... like i saw her brothers ex with someone new yesterday when i was out with mates. (he went through loads of heartache because of her, now he is with someone new), and it made me think how much it didnt bother me. it just made me realize no one really gives a flying f*** about who's with who at the end of the day. it makes me think if he was in my shoes and saw me with a new girl that he wouldnt be bothered, no one gives a flying f***. even though i was like part of there family . we where like brothers. in all honesty i looked t him like he was the brother i never had, even her sisters felt like they where my sisters that may sound weird i know but i am looking at it from someone elses perspective if you get me\? Believe me, I understand, I was best friends with my exs three sisters, his parents, went all over the country with them, family trips, dinners, pictures, everything...his friends, my friends (sort of). And I realized the same thing. No one gives a fu**. Not one of his friends said "man your makin a big mistake" not one. Not one of his friends said, dude...what are you thinking, she's a great girl. No not one...those exact same friends, who supposedly thought I was so great for him, his own brother, who knew how good I was for him.....not one of them skipped a beat hooking him up with someone new and supporting him in his idiocy. You just have to let go. Its not your life anymore. I mean I lost my best friend, his sister, when I lost him.....I miss her more than I miss him...it sucks....but I couldn't keep the relationship with her. That would have kept him too close to me and I never would have gotten over it. Maybe someday, her and I can be friends again...but not any time soon. As they say, too much water under the bridge. Again, his life, his family, his friends, his sisters and brothers (who I love if they ever read this) they are not mine to have...they are his to have. They should be there for him and not for me, thats how it goes I guess. I wish one of them had been honest with him...just one. But again.....not my business. Even if they were, he would not have listened. So I have to let all that go...and so do you.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 @sunshine, yeah well in that example for me its different, cause everyone i knew loved her, and everyone she knew loved me. aww stlnsmile x sorry to hear about what you have been through/going through. it's horrible isn't it but you seem strong which is good and i guess it does get easier. Like there is more at loss than just them and it is a shame. seems like we have that situation in common. thank you for your words, if you ever wanted to chat over msn, i would be more than happy to talk pm your addy to me if you like. lol at faux input, hit the nail on the head
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 im finding stuff hard just now, probably cause im thinking about her and have looked through a few dating sites and no one is attractive in my eyes. would i be stupid to try and get back with her? i know she is so stubborn that she would probably never contact me again
Nemo Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 im finding stuff hard just now, probably cause im thinking about her and have looked through a few dating sites and no one is attractive in my eyes. would i be stupid to try and get back with her? That's a very good idea. If she's the only one you find attractive, then you can be sure that no one apart from her finds you attractive. So, you see, she's pretty much your only hope.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 pretty much... i feel like such a loser. im 20 for goodness sake !!!! this shouldn't be THIS bad lol
stlnsmile Posted July 2, 2008 Posted July 2, 2008 Okay Peter, don't know if you are actually familiar with Nemo's sarcasm if you haven't been around for long...but that was sacasm. You are fine, and you will meet someone eventually, maybe not for a long time, cause finding someone special that you click with just does not happen over night, but you should not take crumbs thrown on the floor because you are afraid to be alone. Be alone and get to know you again, then you can think about dating someone. Whats the rush.
Author Peter_pan Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 i did pick up the sarcasm! just thats how i feel so thought i would post seriously ugh yeah time time and more time. do you think i should just "try out" different girls and stop looking for something so serious? just "live my life" as it where
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