My BF is taking some serious babysteps..considering cheating

[Shygirl15]

Friends,

 

I hooked up with this guy about 6 weeks ago. He's really nice and intelligent and somewhat deep in his Faith. Also emotionally and financially very stable; and he treats me like a queen:) ..so in short I like him a lot and see my future with him. He tells me he likes me a lot too. We have had several dates maybe around 8. It's always the same routine, lunch or dinner, movies, walk in park, sightseeing, cruising, very innocent stuff. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours. He seems to enjoy me as much as I enjoy him, and several times he has mentioned that he feels so lucky to have met me. I gather, from my conversation with him, he has been used a lot by women. He has dated a lot of gangsta type of women, and I'm totally opposite of that.

 

Anyway, my problem is: he has never initiated any sexual gesture towards me apart from a kiss, which we only had for the 1st time last Sunday, and which I initiated. Sometimes we hold hands and he ocassionally gives me lustful looks, but that's it. Okay, so I'm getting kinda impatient.

 

2nd problem with this person is that he's available to me from Sunday to Thursday, come Fri and Sat he kinda dissapears. It's sort of impossible to get him on Friday nights and Saturday mornings; he may emerge sometime around Saturday afternoon and come up with some story. It's always work, or hanging out with friends in a noisy place so didn't hear the phone ringing, or I forgot my phone in car etc etc. I have stopped calling him on Fris and Sats, and he doesn't neither.

 

I understand that we've been dating for only 6 weeks and that he may still be seeing other people, since perhaps ours is not yet a firm deal, but where does that put me? I practically do not have any other connection with other guys besides him.

 

Now my ex-BF whom I broke up with about 3 months ago, came running back last week with phonecalls and text messages, asking if we could get together and that he misses me and all. He promises that he'll be a better person this time and apologizes for all the pain he caused. The reason why I broke up with this person is that I always came last in his list of priorities, he basically didn't give me his time of the day. I'm not sure if he cheated or not. So I'm really tempted to hook up with this guy for now, on temporary basis. I'm not interested in anything further than sex. My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend.

 

Okay, so I don't see my current guy giving me any, anytime soon, and this ex whom I used to really enjoy having sex with, is throwing himself at me, at the exact time when I'm so sexually frustrated. I need advice/thoughts from you guys; 1st, why is my BF taking too long, I mean is this normal? He's not getting over a relationship or anything and I'm so very sure he's attracted to me a lot. So, why?

 

2nd, if I should really get it on with my ex, but I think I can guess your answers to that... I mean all this could have been avoided if my BF took that step further, but all he talks about is next visit to the park and if we should eat Italian of Japanese next time.

 

Thanks guys, long live LS.

[quankanne]

dump the new guy, because obviously he's not in a position to give you what you want. Even though he may be hesitant to go fast with a "nice girl" (you're the antithesis of the kind of women he's dated), even though he might be trying very hard to walk the walk of his faith, he just does not sound like what you need right now.

 

your ex, on the other hand, is perfect because you can restrict him to being just a booty call. I highly doubt he's reformed to a point where he'll put you first the way a partner should be put first in a relationship, but the added bonus is that you know you'll get good sex from him AND you'll be in control of the relationship.

 

you obviously have certain needs that the new guy is not capable of meeting at this point in time, so why waste anymore time trying to turn him into a boyfriend?

[Trialbyfire]

Cheating is never justified. You're no victim so get off the victim mentality of "he made me do it".

 

Get rid of both of them and find yourself someone who better meets your needs.

[Untouchable_Fire]

you obviously have certain needs that the new guy is not capable of meeting at this point in time, so why waste anymore time trying to turn him into a boyfriend?

 

As a guy... I'm going to say the EXACT opposite of Quank.

 

First, messing around with your ex would kill any future you have with your BF. It's a really bad sign from a personal standpoint that you would even consider it.

 

Now, with your current BF... don't be a weenie! Talk to him about sex. Find out why he is not pushing for it.

 

Nobody respects passive aggressive losers... so stop thinking like that! He isn't giving you what you want because your too afraid to ask for it. That isn't his fault... it's yours, and your not talking to him is not justification for sleeping with your X.

[quankanne]

I see it as why waste her time when her obvious goal is sex, and she knows she's got a good, constant and ready source for lovin' from her ex?

 

while "My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend" it doesn't seem to be enough to make her stop and question HIM how he feels about sex, but rather makes her look for it from other avenues as a stop-gap.

[Jilly Bean]

Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.

 

That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.

 

I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.

 

I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.

[Shygirl15]

As a guy... I'm going to say the EXACT opposite of Quank.

 

First, messing around with your ex would kill any future you have with your BF. It's a really bad sign from a personal standpoint that you would even consider it.

 

Now, with your current BF... don't be a weenie! Talk to him about sex. Find out why he is not pushing for it.

 

Nobody respects passive aggressive losers... so stop thinking like that! He isn't giving you what you want because your too afraid to ask for it. That isn't his fault... it's yours, and your not talking to him is not justification for sleeping with your X.

 

 

See, I'm just so confused as I have never been in a situation like this where a guy is so slow and I have to prompt him for sex, but I'll try and bring it up with him.

 

I see it as why waste her time when her obvious goal is sex, and she knows she's got a good, constant and ready source for lovin' from her ex?

 

while "My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend" it doesn't seem to be enough to make her stop and question HIM how he feels about sex, but rather makes her look for it from other avenues as a stop-gap.

 

My goal is not just sex, but I'm one of those who believe sex is a very important aspect of any healthy relationship.

[Shygirl15]

Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.

 

I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.

 

I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.

 

Thanks Jilly, I also think this is a red flag too, but I'm not sure if 6 weeks is enough to make any conclusions? Or I'm just in denial. He dissapears a lot of Friday nights, he usually emerges Saturday afternoon. He claimes that they have a big project going on that's supposed to end before June 30, and that after June 30 he will be less busy and available most of the time. So I'm waiting to see. So far, we have been spending all Sundays together.

 

That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.

 

Could be, since I'm "nice" and don't push as hard..

[Jilly Bean]

It's tough to tell. Perhaps there is a big project he is working on, but then why the suspicions about his whereabouts? I really believe those with nothing to hide aren't hiding anything...

 

Sucks that the nice girl doesn't get the short end of the stick sometimes - lol.

 

What are you going to do?

[Calisto]

Racist much?

 

Where do you think your new guy goes every weekend? If a man is not available on FRI and SAT nights, and completely disappears, then it's pretty safe to say he has a GF.

 

That's probably why he's not making a move on you. Perhaps he spends the weekends with Ghetto Girl, and you get the rest of the week.

 

I dunno - that would be a HUGE red flag to me that he is not exclusive with you, and also not as into the "future" as you may think.

 

I'd ask him flat out why he is MIA on the weekends.

[Untouchable_Fire]

See, I'm just so confused as I have never been in a situation like this where a guy is so slow and I have to prompt him for sex, but I'll try and bring it up with him.

 

You need to be able to talk to him... or any other guy you date for that matter. Otherwise it wont work.

 

Maybe he is thinking your not ready. Sometimes men can misread your signals. If your straight with him... he should appreciate that!

 

My goal is not just sex, but I'm one of those who believe sex is a very important aspect of any healthy relationship.

 

He may believe it's best to wait for reason's of faith. At that point, you have three good options. Wait for him, dump him, or corrupt him.

 

Oh, and just because you can't get ahold of him 1 evening a week, does not mean he is seeing other women. That is not enough evidence by itself. It would be stupid to assume otherwise.

[AAlike]

Why on earth would you ponder ruining the potential relationship with the guy that you really dig before at least talking to him about it? I don't think that it's at all unreasonable to tell him that you are interested in taking "the next step" with him and that you could do that without necessarily creating an uncomfortable situation. I would think that the weekend thing will probably sort itself out once you have that part taken care of.

 

fyi - it really is funny to think of someone who regularly dates "gangsta types" as you put it as a big prude.

[Shygirl15]

One day we were talking about seeing each other the next day, and he said he wants to enjoy every minute of it so he'll take his vitamins (it sounded like sex was on the menu), so I was like 'WHAAT?' (in annoyed tone, but I was pretending anyway), so he rephrased it and said, oh I just want to have enough energy to take you around and stuff, so I said okay. I think this is what killed it completely.

 

Question for guys: how would you take it if your new GF is asking for sex, I'm mean is that flattering or embarrassing or red flag?

[AAlike]

 

Question for guys: how would you take it if your new GF is asking for sex, I'm mean is that flattering or embarrassing or red flag?

 

I mean, if she's my girlfriend I'd take it as normal!

[blind_otter]

Racist much?

 

I think you're the one who assumed that "ghetto girl" referred to race.

 

Having been a ghetto girl in my past, I have to say that ghetto girls come in all races, shapes, sizes and creeds. I happen to be half asian and half white, myself. It's about the attitude, not the race.

[Shygirl15]

this new guy is not ready for a relationship. But why not take things slow i see nothing wrong with what the new guy is doing, if u cant accept him wanting to take time u need to go on. but it should be a good thing that he is not trying for sex. If he is as good as a guy as u say he should be worth waiting on, give the guy a break and give him time. why do women always want to jump into things?

 

Thanks Manup..On the other hand, I seem think he wants us to become exclusive. Since we met online, yesterday he said to me that we need to close our accounts because "things are really great between us". I agreed.

[trubella]

Thanks Manup..On the other hand, I seem think he wants us to become exclusive. Since we met online, yesterday he said to me that we need to close our accounts because "things are really great between us". I agreed.

 

didnt update your last thread but how did he react when you told him about your son?

[Shygirl15]

didnt update your last thread but how did he react when you told him about your son?

 

Hi Trubella, I had conversation with him, and he was very sympathetic, but said he didn't know much about the condition. So he said he'll look for more information online. He said he once lived with GF who had a 3-year old son with cerebral palsy, and he said he enjoyed spending time with the boy and took care of him in his GFs absence. He says he didn't see it as challenging as most people do.

 

Girl, I had such a huge relief.

[12jgossett]

You asked guys wat would they think if their new girlfriend asked for sex:

Well, I would first make sure that I loved her and that she loved me...and then, I would not take it as a red flag or embarrassing...we would then do it!

[Sks]

I wouldn't be interested in sex for 8 months to a year once we started dating, it allows evaluation of the person prior to intercourse.

[Shygirl15]

I wouldn't be interested in sex for 8 months to a year once we started dating, it allows evaluation of the person prior to intercourse.

 

Okay, so meanwhile, what will you do to satisfy your sexual desires?

[Sks]

Okay, so meanwhile, what will you do to satisfy your sexual desires?

 

I think the British term is.....wanking.

[nicki]

Um, have you ever been to his home? Are you sure he isn't seeing someone else?

 

The "faith" thing might be a real reason to avoid meaningless wanton sex, or it might be a convenient cover for someone who won't have sex with you yet and wants to keep you around....say, someone with a girlfriend?

 

If you are seeing each other often, and you've been to his home and know where he works, then things are probably on the up and up. Otherwise, I see possible deception.

 

Assuming the best case scenario that nothing is going on, why not talk to him? You've been together 6 weeks. You can have the exclusivity talk. Tell him your ex has been calling. See what kind of reaction that gets.

 

If you are not exclusive, the ex is up for grabs, so to speak.

[bish]

Friends,

 

I hooked up with this guy about 6 weeks ago. He's really nice and intelligent and somewhat deep in his Faith. Also emotionally and financially very stable; and he treats me like a queen:) ..so in short I like him a lot and see my future with him. He tells me he likes me a lot too. We have had several dates maybe around 8. It's always the same routine, lunch or dinner, movies, walk in park, sightseeing, cruising, very innocent stuff. He calls me everyday and we talk for hours. He seems to enjoy me as much as I enjoy him, and several times he has mentioned that he feels so lucky to have met me. I gather, from my conversation with him, he has been used a lot by women. He has dated a lot of gangsta type of women, and I'm totally opposite of that.

 

Anyway, my problem is: he has never initiated any sexual gesture towards me apart from a kiss, which we only had for the 1st time last Sunday, and which I initiated. Sometimes we hold hands and he ocassionally gives me lustful looks, but that's it. Okay, so I'm getting kinda impatient.

 

Uh.....so make a move:confused:

 

Maybe he respects you and doesn't want to rush things. Women make men wait longer than that.

 

He is a good man. And since you are considering cheating and have that in your character, maybe you should leave him alone.

 

I understand that we've been dating for only 6 weeks and that he may still be seeing other people, since perhaps ours is not yet a firm deal, but where does that put me? I practically do not have any other connection with other guys besides him.

 

Well your title was regarding you wanting to cheat, which would mean that you 2 have an understanding and somewhat of a committment for what you are thinking about to be considered cheating.

 

But if you 2 are not exclusive and you feel he is seeing other people, then it isn't cheating.

 

 

Now my ex-BF whom I broke up with about 3 months ago, came running back last week with phonecalls and text messages, asking if we could get together and that he misses me and all. He promises that he'll be a better person this time and apologizes for all the pain he caused. The reason why I broke up with this person is that I always came last in his list of priorities, he basically didn't give me his time of the day. I'm not sure if he cheated or not. So I'm really tempted to hook up with this guy for now, on temporary basis. I'm not interested in anything further than sex. My mind is so taken with my current boyfriend.

 

Ok, so you call him your boyfriend. So you 2 do have an understanding, committment, whatever you want to call it.

 

And you are going to cheat on him with a jerk? If your "bf" is a good man like you say he is, then he doesn't deserve this. Maybe you should break up with him.

 

 

Okay, so I don't see my current guy giving me any, anytime soon, and this ex whom I used to really enjoy having sex with, is throwing himself at me, at the exact time when I'm so sexually frustrated.

 

 

Women chastise men all the time for getting impatient when women make their man hold out. Whats the line I always hear? "If I am worth it, he'll wait". So if this guy is worth it, why not wait? Or like I said...why does he have to be the one to make a move? Why don't you do it?

 

I mean come on. A guy tries to get into a woman's pants too quickly and he is a player, jerk, whatever.

 

A guy respects a woman and waits is about to be cheated on. We can't win.

 

 

I need advice/thoughts from you guys; 1st, why is my BF taking too long, I mean is this normal? He's not getting over a relationship or anything and I'm so very sure he's attracted to me a lot. So, why?

 

I dated a girl a I really liked a long time ago. I didn't initiate sex for 4 weeks because I didn't want to scare her off and wanted to take my time since I didn't want to have sex with just anyone.

 

things were rolling along good until she went to see her jerk xBF and stayed the weekend with him.

She tried to say we weren't exclusive, but I wasn't swayed. So I never called her again. I was willing to see if the R was worth the wait....she wasn't, so she showed me that I wasn't worth the wait, even though she begged and pleaded that I was.

 

But like I said, YOU can make a move too. There is nothing wrong with it.

 

 

2nd, if I should really get it on with my ex, but I think I can guess your answers to that...

 

If you feel the need to get it on with your ex, then break it off with your bf and leave him alone.

 

 

I mean all this could have been avoided if my BF took that step further

 

it takes 2. You have a pair of hands that can undress him too you know.

[bish]

Cheating is never justified. You're no victim so get off the victim mentality of "he made me do it".

 

Get rid of both of them and find yourself someone who better meets your needs.

 

yes, find someone that will get in her pants right away, no matter how much of a jerk he may be.