Peter_pan Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 hello, well i joined this forum at around February time, and well my ex left me for her manager at a nightclub sort of jan time and told me in an email whilst i was on a snowboarding trip, we where together for 3 years and we are now 21. basically she changed me her job and bought a house... all in the space of a few weeks. she changed so quickly once she started working in this nightclub. The last time i spoke to her was feb when i wished her luck i wasn't angry or shouting at her. she said she wanted to be in contact, but i said that would be to awkward etc so unless i had completely moved on and that i was to hurt right now wished her luck and left her to it.... few weeks ago i decided to contact her again so that i could get some answers as to why she did it all as she never gave any real reason. Anyway i got no reply. So i spoke to her best mate and she told me that her and her new bf had fallen out and she wasn't talking to anyone about it so obviously wouldn't want to speak to me about him. I didn't know this of course and so left it. the last txt said, I'm leaving scotland soon and do not know if i'll see you again so would be good to see you before i left. she didn't reply however. week later i hear from my friend that he saw her brother and he said that they had broken up because he couldn't trust her and that she was to good for him etc. he told my mate that she was confused about what to do because i had txtd her. and he wanted to meet up with me because i was like a brother to him...... so then i txt her best mate and ask if she knew why they broke up and she said she dosnt no they just "fell out", but i think there ok now. grr. then last week i hear from my mate that she was back in town and had gone to speak to him, gave him her number and he told me that she defiantly wasn't with him anymore... she didnt tell me she was back to visit though, so obviously she is blanking me, or maybe she is to embarrassed about everything or finds it to hard to talk about? (oh and she dosnt work at the nightclub anymore and she quit uni... this was about a month and a half ago.) now i dont know what to do, basically i miss her and the things we did but its not going to change what happened and how she treated me at the end of the relationship. also she lives in scotland now that her dad bought her a place there. so i dont know whether i should even bother getting in contact again or not? because after all IF we ever did get back together i would have to move back up there and look how far that got me.... plus i don't think i could ever let go of the pain (At the time i had to move into the halls, now im back in england) I guess i would have liked to have my say etc then leave it but i still had feelings for her and wanted her back and didn't want to regret anything later, but i still obviously have feelings for her and its hurt me very deeply that she changed like that and i do wonder if she might have changed back? Dont know if being friends is possible due to how it ended and my feelings etc, its been 6 months and ive had a "date" and the girl was very pretty,but i didnt like the girl so left it. I cant get my ex out of my head and Its driving me crazy. i dont know if i'll find someone else who i will be interested in or attracted to like i was to my ex. who will be as nice as my ex was to me. so tonight i am going to ask my mate why they split up etc. I'm still so confused about what to do i wish i could move on but something is stopping me and its horrible.
TrustInYourself Posted June 25, 2008 Posted June 25, 2008 What are you holding onto if she could just walk away from it over the weekend and let you know via email? Be honest with yourself, first and foremost. Are you/were you married to this gal?
Author Peter_pan Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 weren't married. i wanted to propose to her when i got back we said we "were single" a month up until that point. we agreed we needed some space etc. we still slept together did everything like normal ( i even went to a jewelers and bought her a very expensive bracelet, which later i returned...) and she even wanted me to move in with her. then she got the job and changed, then i go on holiday and she sends me that email. she was like i dont think we are right for each other and i am seeing this new guy now its nothing serious and i dont no if it will go anywhere but its nice not knowing.... i want you to have fun and live your life
Author Peter_pan Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 yeah i guess so. but what can i do about the missing her part? i mean i wasnt happy with the person i was when i was with her but i am better now and more prepared i realised what i had and so would love to get another chance. i guess that will have to be with someone else
FloraPost Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 I read on here somewhere something about this. Sometimes we miss the idea of the relationship and all the potential that it has/had more than the actual individual. Maybe it isn't her you miss so much as that... just a thought.
Author Peter_pan Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 yeah cheers man your probably right, she was my first everything and i guess that plays a big part to
RubyTuesday Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 If she won't talk to you their isn't much you can do. You may find in time she could come around and want to try again. Live your own life, find happiness in yourself. The pain you feel will pass with time, but there is no quick fix to making it go away, the only thing that works is time and getting out/experiencing life without her.
Author Peter_pan Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 yeah i hear you, the funny thing is though when i first txtd her, it was bad timing on my behalf since she had "fallen out with him" and didn't even talk to her best mate about it... and from my friend who saw her recently when she came back home, he told me she was not with him. and why did she give him her number? also my friend said she seemed maybe to "embarrassed" about speaking to me ? maybe your right, im sure she is probably out with some new guy anyway i still have pictures of her on my phone and i'm to scared to look at them to delete them
RubyTuesday Posted June 26, 2008 Posted June 26, 2008 yeah i hear you, the funny thing is though when i first txtd her, it was bad timing on my behalf since she had "fallen out with him" and didn't even talk to her best mate about it... and from my friend who saw her recently when she came back home, he told me she was not with him. and why did she give him her number? also my friend said she seemed maybe to "embarrassed" about speaking to me ? maybe your right, im sure she is probably out with some new guy anyway i still have pictures of her on my phone and i'm to scared to look at them to delete them I have a different perspective because I was the girl in this relationship over 5 years ago before finding my husband. People make impulsive decisions, yes, she may regret it or she may not. You can let her know that you are there if she feels like talking but don't push too hard or you'll run her off. If she truly loves you, she will come back to you, it may not be tomorrow, a month, even a year. Meanwhile, move on with your life, go out, date when you feel you can. I'm sorry I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
Author Peter_pan Posted June 26, 2008 Author Posted June 26, 2008 thanks yeah i wish there was something someone could say to make it better. i suppose i get more annoyed sometimes because she never talked about all this to my face. before i went on holiday on the friday i saw her to drop off her bday present and said goodbye and that i would show her the photo's when i got back. I was waiting on an email that i had sent which talked about how much i loved her and wanted to work things out etc, but i did not bring this up when i saw her i thought i would see how the ground lay. she even offered if i wanted to go shopping for a sofa for her new flat! then the saturday i got the email saying how the email made her smile etc but she was seeing this guy. so when i called her when i was in france i was upset and was like "how could you do this to me". she would just try and get off the phone and say i cant talk im going out for my bday night out. and "dont you care about what I want". she was pretty nasty. i had even txtd her on the friday and asked if i could take her out for a birthday meal and she had said yes.... ugh i dont know what is inside me driving me to contact her and yet i dont know whats inside me from not contacting. i guess its the hope that she might contact me.... im to scared to contact her again incase she blanks me and that she may even be back out with him.... who knows! I deleted my bebo and face book because i didn't want to see photo's of them together. it would crush me. i know my friend did tell her to contact me but obviously she hasn't. I hope i meet someone new that i really like
Author Peter_pan Posted June 27, 2008 Author Posted June 27, 2008 little bit of an update but not much of one, i went out last nigh and ended up missing her again and dreamt of her again only i was really angry at her and wanted to know why she ever went out with him and left me also i saw this girl that used to work with a friend of hers and she said "oh i was talking about you the other day with someone that new your ex..." and then she couldnt remember the person, so i said well what was is about anyway, and she just said oh something about someone moving in with someone ugh, she was drunk so im going to have to catch her wen she is sober. and do you guys think NC really is best or should i try and get the ball rolling again? after all she was the one that wanted to stay in contact, it would have been to painful and i DID explain that to her. so why is she blowing me off now i get so angry its unreal
FloraPost Posted June 28, 2008 Posted June 28, 2008 NC is by far the best route in my opinion. Don't torture yourself if you can help it! I'm just so sorry. Keep posting here too. The Coping board is a big help too. I sure wish I had wisdom and deep thoughts but I'm working on all this myself. Just know that you aren't on the road alone!
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