imbewildered Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Hi All - I have been dating a really pretty woman for two months. WE are both professionals (she teaches school and I am a law academic) On our second date she told me that she still lives in the same house as her former fiance and her two teenage children . He is wealthy and is 13 years older than she is. She also said for me not to worry because they have no relationship left and no emotional or sexual connection anymore. They ceased their "relationship" almost three years ago. I felt a little uncomfortable with this news BUT I believed her because I wanted to, and she appeared to be a genuine lady. I was really "taken" with her. WE had sex on our the second Saturday night date. She bought the condoms. AS we dated some more she was becoming increasingly uncomfortable about my friendship with a couple of other women pals. SHe clearly wanted exclusivity but did not use that word. WE talked at length about our histories and she openly told me that she had been married for ten years, but only lived with her husband for half of that time. THey constantly broke up and then made up . She said," From day one my marriage was in turmoil. We broke up every three months." However, one sunday afternoon about six weeks in, she and I were in bed one sunday and she said " I would also like a male friend " .. She then told me that there was another guy who she was seeing occasionally after school but he was " just a friend ". MY senses were on alert but I had NO reason to disbelieve her. Fast forward to last Sunday. She called me at about 2pm and obviously had been drinking a little. She said " There is nobody home over here. The children are away for the weekend and Jo ( the ex fiance) has gone to his other house in the country for the weekend. Why don't you come over and have sex with me in my big bed." I drove over to her house and we she seemed surprised to see me. Anyways we had a drink and then did what she had suggested in the phone call. After about an hour of hot love she got out of bed to go to the bathroom . Her cell rang and she picked up saying" Oh, helloooo" and walked out of the room and down the hall. SHe talked for about ten minutes in hushed tones and then returned to the bedroom. My gut was tingling . Eventually we dressed and went out for some coffee. I steered the convo around to the phone call and she said ," Yes it was Tony ( her "friend"). He asked me to meet him for coffee tomorrow afternoon. I said I would meet him." I sat there in a daze not knowing what I felt, or what to do or say next. I was thinking ," She called me to come over and make love to her in the big bed that she used to share with Jo (Ex fiance). WE had hot sex for more than an hour in which we exchanged body fluids. WHile we were both in the "afterglow" she took a call from another man and made a date to meet him the next afternoon. " Ladies, I am bewildered about this incident .I have never had to deal with any situation like this..Is what she did acceptable behavior these days ? Is Sex in the City" becoming the norm?. I asked her about "Tony" again yesterday and she admitted that he has written her confessing his "love" for her...but she sees him still as "just a friend". I am not a needy or an insecure guy usually, BUT this has disturbed me in some way that I do not understand . I cannot get my head around this. Is her behavior insulting and disrespectful OR am I being just TOO precious ? Your thoughts, comments, and recommendations please.
Leia Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Yes. Run. Away. From. Her. FAST! Seriously, I don't see anything positive that can come out of this 'friendship' except well, the sex but you sound as if you are developing feelings for her or you just don't like to share her with anyone else. Why can't she move out of the house? Can't she afford a place of her own?
dreamergrl Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Here's my theory. This woman thrives on what she can get out of a man, but one man isn't enough, so she's with several men draining them for what they give her. The "ex fiance" gives her a home, OP is giving her sex, who knows what the other is giving her, or how many others there are. It's like a freakin' soap opera.
SugarKiss Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 absolutely run!!! this woman sounds like she is a manipulative psycho, there is a reason she had such turmoil in her last relationship she sounds like an extremely jealous and possesive woman, your life will be nothing but mysery by her side. everything you have shared so far about her makes her sound like she is completely emotionally unstable. it seems like she wants to have an exclusive relationship with you yet her way of acheiving that is through playing extreme psychological games of jealousy with you? that in itself denotes her level of immaturity and lack of ability to deal with her emotions in a relationship which is a very dangerous sign. in the long run she will always use maniuplation to get what she wants, instead of communicating with you via talking like most normal people would. what's next? tie you to a bed post and leave you there for days without food or water to make you realise you spend too many hours at work away from her? think long term man!!
Gawdess Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I have a guy friend who is very attracted to me and has wanted to date me for years (since 2000), but I have never felt romantically attracted to him. However he is a very intelligent man and fun to talk to, so we do meet for dinner or hanging out in Portland occasionally (We are both from the midwest and he moved to Oregon, and I moved a year later to Oregon, completely by coincidence.) Well in the last few months he has become engaged and we still hang out occasionally. We enjoy each other's company but there is nothing romantic going on. I see nothing wrong with this.
Author imbewildered Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 absolutely run!!! this woman sounds like she is a manipulative psycho, there is a reason she had such turmoil in her last relationship she sounds like an extremely jealous and possesive woman, your life will be nothing but mysery by her side. everything you have shared so far about her makes her sound like she is completely emotionally unstable. ! She is extremely jealous like you said. Three weeks into our "relationship" we were in a local club. Another woman who I have known casually for a few years came up to chat briefly with me. My g/f waited for a few minutes , then grabbed her purse and stormed out . Like a fool I went after her and calmed her down and brought her back into the club. She also told me recently how she met her husband. When she was 17 she met her first real boyfriend (A) He was a "nice guy". They went together for six years. One night when she was 23, she went out on the town with some girlfriends and met another guy (D) and had fun with him. Three weeks later D came looking for her and tracked her down and asked her out. During these three weeks A proposed to her and put a ring on her finger. SHe dated D for a while behind A's back and after nine dates, D asked her to marry HIM. She accepted his proposal and broke up with A. D and she married shortly afterwards- she says that this man created "lust" in her for the first time and that is why she dumped her nice guy boyfriend.. However she continued to stay in contact with A and occasionally she would see him for dinner ... ????
freckles73 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 You say your are professional, and I am assuming well-educated. But somehow you fail to use your rational head when analyzing this situation. Please, stop thinking with your other head and see the writing on the wall. This woman is trouble. She thrives on drama. She thrives on the thrill of the chase. She thrives on having men at her beck and call. And you, my friend, are falling for it hook, line and sinker. Also, you mention "exchanging bodily fluids". I hope for your sake you are speaking of sweat and spit alone. If not, get thee to the doc ASAP and get yourself tested for a full STD panel. I would bet any amount of money that her body is frequently used as a receptacle for the bodily fluids of many. Bottom line: Think, man.
SugarKiss Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 She is extremely jealous like you said. Three weeks into our "relationship" we were in a local club. Another woman who I have known casually for a few years came up to chat briefly with me. My g/f waited for a few minutes , then grabbed her purse and stormed out . Like a fool I went after her and calmed her down and brought her back into the club. She also told me recently how she met her husband. When she was 17 she met her first real boyfriend (A) He was a "nice guy". They went together for six years. One night when she was 23, she went out on the town with some girlfriends and met another guy (D) and had fun with him. Three weeks later D came looking for her and tracked her down and asked her out. During these three weeks A proposed to her and put a ring on her finger. SHe dated D for a while behind A's back and after nine dates, D asked her to marry HIM. She accepted his proposal and broke up with A. D and she married shortly afterwards- she says that this man created "lust" in her for the first time and that is why she dumped her nice guy boyfriend.. However she continued to stay in contact with A and occasionally she would see him for dinner ... ???? there you have it, it sounds like your lady friend has some serious emotional issues. for one she does not communicate with her partners, the idea that she leaves one guy to go to another and back and forth she is clearly used to catering to her immediate needs and has no regard for what she brings to the table. I suspect she is a very attractive woman who is also sexually exciting and this is what traps men, but take note of this trap because if something better comes along while you are with her you will clearly be the last to know because she does not confront situations like an adult she does things underhandedly and through mainpulation. so does she live with her ex fiance or ex husband then? in the opening post you said fiance and here you are talking about a husband. does she talk to you at home infront of her ex that lives there? and do you pick her up while he is there? sounds like she is cheating on him and they are not seperated at all.
Author imbewildered Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 so does she live with her ex fiance or ex husband then? in the opening post you said fiance and here you are talking about a husband. does she talk to you at home infront of her ex that lives there? and do you pick her up while he is there? sounds like she is cheating on him and they are not seperated at all. She lives with her ex fiance (Jo) They bought the house in 1999 and ceased being a "couple" in 2003...This man is not her husband (D). He and she were divorced about ten years ago.They have two children together. I do not have her home phone# nor do I pick her up at her house. She meets me outside her home or comes to my place. I have never met her ex fiance, Jo . My relationship with her is happening behind his back. She claims that he sleeps in a separate room and when I went to her house that one time to have sex with her, I saw some men's clothes on a bed in a separate room. I know that this situation is far from ideal. However my emotional investment in her is HUGE( for some reason ) - so much so, that I cannot think clearly . I am coming to the realization that this woman is a drama addict who lives a live of turmoil and uproar with men. THis is her life movie and I am the newest leading man in the latest remake of that same movie. I have not been an angel either in my past. However this current situation has a surreal quality about it. There are so many "firsts" in this that I do not know which way is up . I am struggling with her ethics and morals ( and mine for that matter ). When we first met she was so feminine and sweet. A gorgeous "girl next door " type - a "china doll" . I guess that I formed my perception of her in those first few days. NOw I am seeing and hearing some evidence that is really disturbing and is so contradictory to my image of her.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Sounds like you've fallen for the image, not the reality. Reality is creeping in and it's, well, creepy. Drama, manipulations, jealousy.....get out now unless you love the dramz too.
Lizzie60 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I see nothing wrong with it.. she is not 'committed' to you.. so she can basically do what she wants... I have had many lovers for years.. do I owe them an explanation.. NOT at all... She is independant.. (like me) and I bet she has all the men she wants at her feet.. it works every single time.. When you don't really want them.. they want you..
Author imbewildered Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 I see nothing wrong with it.. she is not 'committed' to you.. so she can basically do what she wants... I have had many lovers for years.. do I owe them an explanation.. NOT at all... She is independant.. (like me) and I bet she has all the men she wants at her feet.. it works every single time.. When you don't really want them.. they want you.. Your post and the way that you wrote it has convinced me to dump her today.
Lizzie60 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Your post and the way that you wrote it has convinced me to dump her today. Good for you.. cause you are not compatible.. she needs men like her.
daphne Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 A gorgeous "girl next door " type - a "china doll" . I guess that I formed my perception of her in those first few days. NOw I am seeing and hearing some evidence that is really disturbing and is so contradictory to my image of her. I fell for that too, once. All American boy next door. Sweetheart. Intensely loyal to me, even if I was wrong. Took a few years to realize he wasn't all that sweet and actually a selfish, manipulative, using, lying, opportunist. He brought unnecessary drama as well. Not as much as yours has, but more than I can handle. Whereas I don't think she's as crazy as everyone else on here is insisting, I do not think she's good relationship material.
D-Lish Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Good for you.. cause you are not compatible.. she needs men like her. But Lizzie- I could not see you getting angry at a man and storming out of a bar because he talked to a female friend... That kind of behaviour is psycho. She's letting him know that she believes he DOES owe her something... I think she's more of a manipulative character- yet still a woman he should stay away from. I'd run screaming from this woman... The whole situation is messy.
Lizzie60 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 But Lizzie- I could not see you getting angry at a man and storming out of a bar because he talked to a female friend... That kind of behaviour is psycho. She's letting him know that she believes he DOES owe her something... I think she's more of a manipulative character- yet still a woman he should stay away from. I'd run screaming from this woman... The whole situation is messy. Not at all.. I'm not the jealous type.. It seems that this woman has many relationships going on ..and the OP doesn't like it.. I think she needs men like her.. meaning she probably wants men that aren't needy and that have their own agenda.. she has her own.. Maybe I understood it wrong...
SugarKiss Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 She lives with her ex fiance (Jo) They bought the house in 1999 and ceased being a "couple" in 2003...This man is not her husband (D). He and she were divorced about ten years ago.They have two children together. I do not have her home phone# nor do I pick her up at her house. She meets me outside her home or comes to my place. I have never met her ex fiance, Jo . My relationship with her is happening behind his back. She claims that he sleeps in a separate room and when I went to her house that one time to have sex with her, I saw some men's clothes on a bed in a separate room. I know that this situation is far from ideal. However my emotional investment in her is HUGE( for some reason ) - so much so, that I cannot think clearly . I am coming to the realization that this woman is a drama addict who lives a live of turmoil and uproar with men. THis is her life movie and I am the newest leading man in the latest remake of that same movie. I have not been an angel either in my past. However this current situation has a surreal quality about it. There are so many "firsts" in this that I do not know which way is up . I am struggling with her ethics and morals ( and mine for that matter ). When we first met she was so feminine and sweet. A gorgeous "girl next door " type - a "china doll" . I guess that I formed my perception of her in those first few days. NOw I am seeing and hearing some evidence that is really disturbing and is so contradictory to my image of her. hmm it sounds like you could be the other man, to many other men not just her "ex fiance"
Author imbewildered Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 hmm it sounds like you could be the other man, to many other men not just her "ex fiance" After she stormed out of the club because I chatted with an old friend/acquaintance, we talked and we almost worked it out in the carpark. She agreed to come back in the club but the night was ruined by her pouty demeanor for the next two hours after that. The next day we met in the coffee shop and went over then whole event again. She appeared to be "back to normal " after a few hours of talk and coffee.. I foolishly felt that I needed to make it up to her in some way and I tried to "hose down" her anger at my chatting with the other woman. AS we walked to the car park later she said , " What would you do if you saw me driving with another man in my car. He MAY just be another teacher from school ." WTF ? We had just repaired a meltdown and now she is tossing emotional handgrenades at me. I walked away BUT she called the next day and reverted to nicey nice. I get the strong impression that she is ADDICTED to having control of men via sex and when she feels a loss of control she casts around for some tactic to gain the upper hand again. I do not want a relationship with some one who's agenda is power via sex. I plan to dump her when we meet tomorrow.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Do it. She's into control. She's jacking you around. You deserve better than that.
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 If you're interested in reading about another member who got hooked for years, over a woman who used sex as a weapon, read up on NorCalDave. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=4268527
mental_traveller Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I was involved with a woman a bit like this once. Basically, she is unhappy in the marriage, but hasn't plucked up the gumption to leave it (probably for financial reasons). Her compromise solution is to **** around on the side - she may or may not still be shagging her husband, you don't know. If she can do it with you she can do it with any other guy too. So, if you are cool with no strings porkage of an unhappily married chick, that's fine. But the trouble here is she is jealous of your female friends. If you just want to have sex with her, tell her to go to hell and you will screw whoever you want, and until she divorces and gets exclusive with you, she will just have to deal with that fact. The alternative is to dump her - I would recommend this, as she is clearly a bit unstable and self-centered. Unless she is an Angelina Jolie lookalike, the potential drama and hassle is just not worth it, trust me.
mental_traveller Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I see nothing wrong with it.. she is not 'committed' to you.. so she can basically do what she wants... I have had many lovers for years.. do I owe them an explanation.. NOT at all... Nonsense - she is trying to dictate whether or not he interacts with other women. If she is not committed, then its none of her business. You don't owe your lovers an explanation, I agree. And they don't owe you an explanation. I bet you don't go all bunny boiler on their ass when they talk to an old female friend for a minute or two, do you? No? So stop comparing your situation to this one which is totally different.
Mary3 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 What chick calls a guy to " come over and climb into my big bed " while she has someone else ? Answer : a S***
Author imbewildered Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 What chick calls a guy to " come over and climb into my big bed " while she has someone else ? Answer : a S*** I guess that is what she really is -a painful realization. . However I have not read any replies or opinions about her taking a call from another admirer and making a date with him while she was still butt naked after screwing me for the previous hour in the bed that she shared with her ex fiance until they "brioke up" and he moved down the hall. Whats wrond with that picture ?
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