Aboohoo Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Hi guys, Its been a while since ive been on as i was doing well but now my ex has got back in contact and my world has been disrupted again. A quick recap for you... i was with my ex for 3 years, lived together, he fell in love with a girl he met on the internet, dumped me, i had to move out, lost job and start my life again, he went out to see her in US (we're UK)and havent heard anything from him, not even im sorry for 6 months (all happened in Jan this year), he was vile to me and treated me badly, basically didnt want anything to do with me, i was a mess.... Anyhoo its now June, ive moved into a new city, living with friends and in the process of getting a new job. Life was finally starting to turn around and was ready to start dating again but yesterday my ex got back in contact!!!! He msn me, just asking how i was etc... he's been really ill with a viral infection and as a result is really depressed. He told me that things arent going well with his new girlfriend as she isnt sure she wants to be in this relationship after breaking up with her American boyfriend (shes scared). He was spilling his heart out to me about how much he loves her, how happy he makes her... (like i need to hear all the details!) and i was just taking it in. I am well aware that he only wants me now things are bad with his new relationship and that as soon as things start going well again it will be my ex who???? But it was nice being in contact with him. He sent me a message saying that im his best friend in the world and that he really misses me and he's sorry for everything.... What should i do? I told him i dont want to get hurt again (im aware that he wants nothing more than friendship and nor do i - it took alot to get over him but ive done it, i dont love him but i still care for him - alot). Should i just stop contact now or should i be his friend? Am i just being a muppet and heading for a fall? He told me he isnt doing this to be a d@*k but that he's genuinely missed me! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleas help loveshackers xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Hi guys, Its been a while since ive been on as i was doing well but now my ex has got back in contact and my world has been disrupted again. A quick recap for you... i was with my ex for 3 years, lived together, he fell in love with a girl he met on the internet, dumped me, i had to move out, lost job and start my life again, he went out to see her in US (we're UK)and havent heard anything from him, not even im sorry for 6 months (all happened in Jan this year), he was vile to me and treated me badly, basically didnt want anything to do with me, i was a mess.... Anyhoo its now June, ive moved into a new city, living with friends and in the process of getting a new job. Life was finally starting to turn around and was ready to start dating again but yesterday my ex got back in contact!!!! He msn me, just asking how i was etc... he's been really ill with a viral infection and as a result is really depressed. He told me that things arent going well with his new girlfriend as she isnt sure she wants to be in this relationship after breaking up with her American boyfriend (shes scared). He was spilling his heart out to me about how much he loves her, how happy he makes her... (like i need to hear all the details!) and i was just taking it in. I am well aware that he only wants me now things are bad with his new relationship and that as soon as things start going well again it will be my ex who???? But it was nice being in contact with him. He sent me a message saying that im his best friend in the world and that he really misses me and he's sorry for everything.... What should i do? I told him i dont want to get hurt again (im aware that he wants nothing more than friendship and nor do i - it took alot to get over him but ive done it, i dont love him but i still care for him - alot). Should i just stop contact now or should i be his friend? Am i just being a muppet and heading for a fall? He told me he isnt doing this to be a d@*k but that he's genuinely missed me! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleas help loveshackers xxxx what a pig id say... like you want to hear how his life is... karma hahaha has a funny way.. sorry but if he left you why bother? id say glad things are good for you! its soo strange that for most as soon as you start living your life without them and things are better, up they pop.. your happier now why listen to his crap? just my thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 It's more complex than just saying he's a pig, I think. If only we lived in a world where people always thought of others. But that aint the case. He let his feelings take over his head and that's why he left and treated you badly and didn't contact you. At the end of the day, most people have to put themselves first. He figured his next relationship would be better. That said, he didn't treat you right. What you need to do is work out if you wanna be friends with him and on what conditions you wanna be friends with him. Will he be there for you when you're feeling down?? It might be ok to have correspondance (as long as its internet only) with someone who knew you well. Maybe he can help you out with any of your problems? BUT, are you DEFINITE that you never wanna get back with him and that you don't love him??? If you're not 100% definite, then cut all contact until you're sure, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 It's more complex than just saying he's a pig, I think. If only we lived in a world where people always thought of others. But that aint the case. He let his feelings take over his head and that's why he left and treated you badly and didn't contact you. At the end of the day, most people have to put themselves first. He figured his next relationship would be better. That said, he didn't treat you right. What you need to do is work out if you wanna be friends with him and on what conditions you wanna be friends with him. Will he be there for you when you're feeling down?? It might be ok to have correspondance (as long as its internet only) with someone who knew you well. Maybe he can help you out with any of your problems? BUT, are you DEFINITE that you never wanna get back with him and that you don't love him??? If you're not 100% definite, then cut all contact until you're sure, you know? sorry the "pig" bit was in relation to him telling her all about his relationship.. with the girl he left her for.. imo id think wat a pig.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I think it's absolutely ridiculous and insensitive that he talked to you about his current girlfriend, seeing as how he left you for her. Who does that?! I would be furious that he wouldn't spare you the unnecessary details as it should be obvious to most people that this is something that would be hurtful for you to hear. In my opinion, I think I would be extremely wary of a friendship with this man. It sounds as if you think that he is only contacting you because things are going badly with his current girlfriend. He left you hanging for so long until he needed an ear to be lent to him. This is not friendship and it's not courteous. I think you are better off without someone like him popping in your life when they feel it is necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Ugh. Major pet peeve alert! If I were you, I'd remember that dark place he put you in. You're the only one who knows if staying friends with him or even keeping in light contact with him will be "okay" with you. I don't think it's worth it. Sometimes there are people who think that seeing or talking to someone who's hurt them badly - friend, boyfriend, gf, business partner, whoever - will just cause the bad feelings to resurface, and then they find out that the feelings are gone. They can either keep not caring anymore or re-establish a relationship of something with that person who caused pain. The only way you'll find out if you're ready for him to be in your life again is if you maintain this contact. Honestly, though... I'd walk away. Time is my most precious commodity and I don't want to dole it out to unimportant matters - like an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2Laugh Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Okay-the author who wrote the book He's Just Not That Into You also wrote-It's Called a Breakup For A Reason-or something along those lines. Buy it! Read it! And then report back to us. Honey-if the guy and you broke up there's a reason why.....move on. Trust me. Been there, done that. It's better to start fresh with someone Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 The guy breaks up with you, doesn't talk to you for 6 months then pops up. Oh poor me Im sick and my girlfriend, well she sucks but I love her. Please help me. I need you now. I know you care about him but he's being selfish and it's all about him. He just needs an ear and someone to stroke the back of his little dome. I say sorry but I can't talk right now. You will have to deal with this on your own. Remember he dumped you and busted you to pieces. I can't believe he calls you out of the blue and asks for support about his current girlfriend. He used the viral thing to get the sympathy vote and soften your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I think it's absolutely ridiculous and insensitive that he talked to you about his current girlfriend, seeing as how he left you for her. Who does that?! I would be furious that he wouldn't spare you the unnecessary details as it should be obvious to most people that this is something that would be hurtful for you to hear. In my opinion, I think I would be extremely wary of a friendship with this man. It sounds as if you think that he is only contacting you because things are going badly with his current girlfriend. He left you hanging for so long until he needed an ear to be lent to him. This is not friendship and it's not courteous. I think you are better off without someone like him popping in your life when they feel it is necessary. I totally 100% absolultely agree, mine did that once, its like why are you crying about her but its me you dumped,these people are clueless and Sultry youre right,he is a PIG! Link to post Share on other sites
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