muse82 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 So i mailed my ex last week. Got a reply today on the cell. It read: Hey:-) thanks for the mail:-).Im happy to hear from you.How are you.Im doing okay, lot of ups and downs but okay.nice pictures of your kittens:-D. I responed casually and waited an hour before replying.Just said nice to hear from you to.Im doing good, very busy. Enjoying the sun.How is things with your dog? Im happy that she responded but i didnt expect it. If she didnt want to communicate with me she just could have ignored it.Its been a long time since we talked. Thinking she wants to be my friend. Normally she dosnt write smileys.
nab0610 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 coupe of questions... how long has it been since you've talked to her? how far do you live from her? you obviously want to get back together with her right?
Author muse82 Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 coupe of questions... how long has it been since you've talked to her? how far do you live from her? you obviously want to get back together with her right? Its been a bit over 3 months since i spoke to her last. I live about 2 hours from her, kinda long distance but i guess it could be worse. I want to get back together with her very much so. Right now we just take it very slow and friendly and im not pressuring in any way. Kinda of weird..when we text she always replies exacly one hour from receiving my text.I reply quite fast.
nab0610 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 well in my she's 2 hours away from you...you barely speak since she's taking forever to respond to you... next time she sends you a message asking you a question or something wait at least 6 hours to respond if not a whole day and say something like sorry i was out and give her a short response saying your busy don't just take it slow force it to be slow your trying to make it fast with your messages just slow down way down...
Author muse82 Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 well in my she's 2 hours away from you...you barely speak since she's taking forever to respond to you... next time she sends you a message asking you a question or something wait at least 6 hours to respond if not a whole day and say something like sorry i was out and give her a short response saying your busy don't just take it slow force it to be slow your trying to make it fast with your messages just slow down way down... yeah your right, i think ill tone it down for now on. She always replies my messages with another question like she really wants to talk but dont want me to get the impression that she is over eager to talk. Just happy that she responded and we are communicating again. She had a BF for 2 weeks for a couple of months ago.He was mentally ill diagnosed with paranoia and skizotypal disorder.Guess thats why it didnt last
nab0610 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 yep you if you tone it down and you feel like she's starting to come around and message you like she really does want to talk...try to think back to how she messaged you when you were dating i know thats kinda hard and confusing... but like if she messaged you constantly wait for her to start messaging you more frequently...you can tell when someone is truly interested in you because they'll actually talk to you if an ex messages me i usually respond however if they start pulling this 10 min 20 min **** on me i just ignore them because in my opinion that usually means this "i'm trying to tell you that i'm not interested in dating you, i might want to be your friend, but i just really want to know how your doing" girls can be difficult to read sometimes dude...if your strong enough and can deal with the ups and downs i would do this live your life go out have fun...if she texts you talk to her, but live your life be vague when you talk to her...don't go out of your way to tell her ur going out with some girl because it might make her jealous but she'll see right through it if you don't think you can do that just don't respond just straight up ignore her if she sends you 2-3 messages and you don't respond then she calls you and you don't answer she'll get the point...if she wants something with you she'll leave a voice message or a text message saying just that... its hard to give advice when i don't really know you, but those are the 2 paths that i'd recommend pick your poison more or less lol
Author muse82 Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 yep you if you tone it down and you feel like she's starting to come around and message you like she really does want to talk...try to think back to how she messaged you when you were dating i know thats kinda hard and confusing... but like if she messaged you constantly wait for her to start messaging you more frequently...you can tell when someone is truly interested in you because they'll actually talk to you if an ex messages me i usually respond however if they start pulling this 10 min 20 min **** on me i just ignore them because in my opinion that usually means this "i'm trying to tell you that i'm not interested in dating you, i might want to be your friend, but i just really want to know how your doing" girls can be difficult to read sometimes dude...if your strong enough and can deal with the ups and downs i would do this live your life go out have fun...if she texts you talk to her, but live your life be vague when you talk to her...don't go out of your way to tell her ur going out with some girl because it might make her jealous but she'll see right through it if you don't think you can do that just don't respond just straight up ignore her if she sends you 2-3 messages and you don't respond then she calls you and you don't answer she'll get the point...if she wants something with you she'll leave a voice message or a text message saying just that... its hard to give advice when i don't really know you, but those are the 2 paths that i'd recommend pick your poison more or less lol Yeah ill live my life and see where this goes.Im gonna casually reply and of cause waiting some time before i do.But your right girls are hard to interpret but perhaps she is not sure if i have a GF or im not really serious and she is testing me..This stuff is confusing
mystic_pizza Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 yeah your right, i think ill tone it down for now on. She always replies my messages with another question like she really wants to talk but dont want me to get the impression that she is over eager to talk. If she is replying with another question it is because she WANTS to talk to you but is afraid of being rejected. If I were you I would continue to communicate with her in a very relaxed but interested manner and see where it goes from there. Do not start playing games like the other poster suggested because that will only send her the wrong signal. She will think you are not at all interested and might stop communicating with you altogether. There could be a number of reasons she takes an hour to get back to you. One of them might be that she doesn't want to appear too eager because she is afraid of scaring you off. Or she could have just been busy and wasn't able to respond until she did. Don't over analyze the situation and just keep communicating with her as you have and see where it leads. If she is responding she is definitely interested. You will only ruin it if you start to play stupid games...especially if you are interested in her.
Author muse82 Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 If she is replying with another question it is because she WANTS to talk to you but is afraid of being rejected. If I were you I would continue to communicate with her in a very relaxed but interested manner and see where it goes from there. Do not start playing games like the other poster suggested because that will only send her the wrong signal. She will think you are not at all interested and might stop communicating with you altogether. There could be a number of reasons she takes an hour to get back to you. One of them might be that she doesn't want to appear too eager because she is afraid of scaring you off. Or she could have just been busy and wasn't able to respond until she did. Don't over analyze the situation and just keep communicating with her as you have and see where it leads. If she is responding she is definitely interested. You will only ruin it if you start to play stupid games...especially if you are interested in her. i also think that if you reply with another question, then your interested.I even tried writing a message where i didnt ask anything, kind of short as well and she still wrote me again asking about stuff. She has been living with her mother and stepfather for almost a year now because of complicated stuff..now she has moved in with her sister The last message she said: Havent got my pets anymore, they are with someone else.i cant care for them when i move around so much.Things are a mess at the moment.Think ill go to bed now, hope you sleep well.It was good talking to you. Hugs from me. Just dont hope she is doing it out of pity or something and not really because she wants to--dunno
Author muse82 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 cant stop thinking..she wrote things are messed up at the moment..Dont know what to make of it..it got me kind of worried about her.. last night i dreamt that i wrote her if she would like to grab a cup of coffee and i took the 2 hour drive over to see her.. dont know if i still have feelings for her but i do care for her a great deal..
mystic_pizza Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 It sounds like she is feeling really alone and is reaching out to see if you actually do care about her as a person. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to her and offering your compassion and support. You don't have to solve her problems...just letting her know you care about her as a person and are there for her as friend is probably the best thing you can do right now. Forget about expectations and fears at the moment and just show you care. Showing you care doesn't mean you have to give her a marriage proposal. If she responds in a good way, who knows...a really incredible friendship can develop. If she doesn't respond well then you know to keep your distance so you don't get hurt. Hope this helps. Sorry it took me a while to respond...I was away from the computer for the rest of the day after I posted. mystic_pizza
mystic_pizza Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I guess what I am trying to say is be true to yourself and only offer what you are comfortable offering and nothing more. Being clear about your intentions with her will help set a healthy boundary that allows the both of you to be yourselves.
Author muse82 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 It sounds like she is feeling really alone and is reaching out to see if you actually do care about her as a person. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to her and offering your compassion and support. You don't have to solve her problems...just letting her know you care about her as a person and are there for her as friend is probably the best thing you can do right now. Forget about expectations and fears at the moment and just show you care. Showing you care doesn't mean you have to give her a marriage proposal. If she responds in a good way, who knows...a really incredible friendship can develop. If she doesn't respond well then you know to keep your distance so you don't get hurt. Hope this helps. Sorry it took me a while to respond...I was away from the computer for the rest of the day after I posted. mystic_pizza Yeah i told her that i was there for her in any way and if there was something i could do then she shouldnt be hesitant.And wished her sweet dreams.Its hard sitting here kinda waiting for her to write..trying not to think about it.Just wish i could take away her troubles.I dont think she is seeing anyone.But i know that nobody thinks about her like i do and nobody feels for her the way i do.I must try not to let my negative assumptions take over.But at the end of the day she wrote me back and didnt have to but she did that must mean that she is interested in some way. I havent written her today but the urge is there.I just dont wanna make the same mistakes as i did some months after we broke up, pleading and saying i love you and miss you and that scared her away.She usually dont write texts in that way it was always really short and without very much interest.She has had trouble expressing herself. When we were together she would always tell me that i was the best thing that have ever happened to her and i was the sweetest and most loving and you must never leave me she always told me.She only has had one BF before me and he was very verbally abusive.He cheated on her many times and she finally left him.That have made her somewhat afraid of commitment and getting hurt. I really appreciate your advice and its nice to know there are people like you out there for confused individuals like myself.
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