Update...plus facebook!

[ninjaturtles]

Hi everyone,

 

If you dont remember my story, I will give you a brief update. The ex and I broke up almost 6 months ago. It was very abrupt and he avoided contacting me, turned very cold etc.

 

Well, after about 5 months of virtually no contact(I contacted him via email three times after the breakup and his responses were very curt and short), he actually called me on my birthday!

 

I was shocked to say the least because this was someone who avoided me etc. However, I did not pick up the phone. This was in Feb. About 7 hours later, I text him thanking him for calling..(because he left me a voice message etc). He replied saying 'Hope I had a nice day' and I replied saying 'yes, it was good thanks. Hope you had a nice day yourself'..and he replied saying 'yes I did, thanks'.

 

A few days later, I sent him a text saying I thought he looked liked some musician. I dont know why I did that but he really does..it was a short text as well. He replied , found it funny etc..I replied, he replied and I sent the last text. Later that evening, I got a missed call from him. Instead of callng him back, I text him an hour later asking if he called because I saw a missed call from his number. He did not reply.

 

Anyway, this was in Feb..and since then I have been feeling good, back to NC. I felt a bit better about him because at least he contacted me via a phone call and I thought at least maybe he did actually miss me a bit .

 

First Q. Do you think the way I responded was fine? I mean by not calling him back on my birthday etc? Was it right to text instea of call?

 

Anyway, this Ex of mine was previously on facebook. I then noticed that about a month ago, he de activated his account. I thought to myself, maybe he is dating someone and thus has no need for facebook distraction. However, his status always said 'single'.

 

I was doing fine but last night a friend of facebook put up some pictures. Would you believe who was in the album? My ex. I was taken aback. Remember we split when just before he moved about 4 hours away from me to start his post graduate degree for a year( from sept 2007 to June 2008). Anyway, this city he is in right now is a student one..very interesting, full of beautiful women and nice clubs...and cheap alchohol.

 

The pictures took me back to square on. They were all at a party and he was with this particular girl. I remember this girl because whilst we were together, he claimed she fancied him sometime ago). Well, I always knew them to be nothing more than friends (as I actually thought he fancied HER friend). In the pictures, he was with her, dancing together, seating together, holding her waist...I was so upset.

 

I have been crying since last night and I know I should be over him now because this was one of my shortest relationships. Anyway, I dont know what to do anymore and I dont know why I am so upset. Maybe the reality of things are surfacing..i.e that he has moved on and is having fun. He looked so happy...I feel crushed because its like he found more happiness after breaking up with me.

 

Anyway, his birthday is coming up and I was going to call him to wish him happy birthday. I dont know if I should anymore.

 

I feel so awful.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

PS- PLease dont forget my 1st question as well.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads and takes time to reply.

xxxxx

Edited March 13, 2008 by ninjaturtles

[ninjaturtles]

He is 21 years old, going on 22 in a month or so.

[s_n_d]

Aww, Im sorry to hear that.

 

I think part of the reason you brokedown when you saw the pictures is because you werent ready to see him with someone else. I know its hard.

 

I knew about my exs girlfriend a couple of months ago. I chose not to look at any pictures of them until I got over him (atleast partly). I looked at a picture of them yesterday and I felt absolutely nothing looking at him or seeing him with someone else.

I was pleasantly surprised.

 

Hang in there. I know its hard. It was like a knife to the heart when I found out initially about my exs "girlfriend". I still dunno if she is infact his girlfriend because my friends have told me that his facebook relationship status is unchanged. Either way, I have moved on and only want him as a friend now.

 

P.S. my ex is 21 as well.

[1bee]

Hi everyone,

 

If you dont remember my story, I will give you a brief update. The ex and I broke up almost 6 months ago. It was very abrupt and he avoided contacting me, turned very cold etc.

 

Well, after about 5 months of virtually no contact(I contacted him via email three times after the breakup and his responses were very curt and short), he actually called me on my birthday!

 

I was shocked to say the least because this was someone who avoided me etc. However, I did not pick up the phone. This was in Feb. About 7 hours later, I text him thanking him for calling..(because he left me a voice message etc). He replied saying 'Hope I had a nice day' and I replied saying 'yes, it was good thanks. Hope you had a nice day yourself'..and he replied saying 'yes I did, thanks'.

 

A few days later, I sent him a text saying I thought he looked liked some musician. I dont know why I did that but he really does..it was a short text as well. He replied , found it funny etc..I replied, he replied and I sent the last text. Later that evening, I got a missed call from him. Instead of callng him back, I text him an hour later asking if he called because I saw a missed call from his number. He did not reply.

 

Anyway, this was in Feb..and since then I have been feeling good, back to NC. I felt a bit better about him because at least he contacted me via a phone call and I thought at least maybe he did actually miss me a bit .

 

First Q. Do you think the way I responded was fine? I mean by not calling him back on my birthday etc? Was it right to text instea of call?

 

Anyway, this Ex of mine was previously on facebook. I then noticed that about a month ago, he de activated his account. I thought to myself, maybe he is dating someone and thus has no need for facebook distraction. However, his status always said 'single'.

 

I was doing fine but last night a friend of facebook put up some pictures. Would you believe who was in the album? My ex. I was taken aback. Remember we split when just before he moved about 4 hours away from me to start his post graduate degree for a year( from sept 2007 to June 2008). Anyway, this city he is in right now is a student one..very interesting, full of beautiful women and nice clubs...and cheap alchohol.

 

The pictures took me back to square on. They were all at a party and he was with this particular girl. I remember this girl because whilst we were together, he claimed she fancied him sometime ago). Well, I always knew them to be nothing more than friends (as I actually thought he fancied HER friend). In the pictures, he was with her, dancing together, seating together, holding her waist...I was so upset.

 

I have been crying since last night and I know I should be over him now because this was one of my shortest relationships. Anyway, I dont know what to do anymore and I dont know why I am so upset. Maybe the reality of things are surfacing..i.e that he has moved on and is having fun. He looked so happy...I feel crushed because its like he found more happiness after breaking up with me.

 

Anyway, his birthday is coming up and I was going to call him to wish him happy birthday. I dont know if I should anymore.

 

I feel so awful.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

PS- PLease dont forget my 1st question as well.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads and takes time to reply.

xxxxx

 

 

What you should have done was ignore his message altogether. But alas, all of us make those mistakes. It was a lot better then calling him though so good job . If I were you, I wouldn't call him or text him or do anything for his birthday. He's already made a big statement to you by choosing to be with someone else and if it hurt you that much even though it was the shortest relationship you ever had, then the bastard doesn't deserve anything. Pick up your pride and self respect and ignore his ass.

[ninjaturtles]

Thank you for responsing both of you!

Snd, I read your thread regarding facebook. You are indeed lucky:). Well done and let us know what happens regarding thr facebook request.

 

Now, back to the thread and those who responded, yes indeed it hurt like a knife when I saw the pictures. I do not know for a fact that they are dating but thet definitely looked very cosy and he looked so happy etc. I will take it as they are, in order not to be in denial etc.

 

I guess I should not have even contacted him on my birthday. Well, its all done now. So you suggest I should not wish him a happy birthday?

 

Thank youguys so much.

 

ps- SND- Are you sure you want to be friends with him?Are you sure that may not draw you back? Did he treat you well after the breakup and I persnally dont think you are completely over him because if you were, you would not really bother to be his friend.

 

However, I know what you mean about no wanting to keep malice.

 

So do you reckon I dont contact him on his birthday?

 

xxx

[s_n_d]

I agree Im not 100% over him yet. Maybe about 95 or so at the moment.

Im not sure if I want to be his friend, but I sure dont want to be his enemy or not talk to him at all.

Id rather talk to him SOMETIMES that not talk to him at all.

Time will tell...

I know I wont be drawn back to him because hes a different person now as opposed to the person he was when we were together.

After the breakup we were friends for a little while and then he turned cold after he saw that I wasnt getting over him. I guess he stopped talking to me to help me get over him. I know hes done it to his exs before me.

 

Like i said, Time will tell.

[s_n_d]

I think you should call him if you want to.

If you hold no resentment towards your ex, then go for it.

[ninjaturtles]

Yes indeed. I hope you were not offended by what you said. To be honest, ild rather keep him as a friend than an enemy. I mean, not close friends, but I hate to be the EX who is still mad at him because of the breakup. The EX who is bitter etc.lol.

 

I know sometime in the future, I will speak with him. I dont want to right now because I dont want my hopes high or anything.

 

I think he will realise what a great person you are, especially as you are not bitching or hating on him, even when you know he has a new girlfriend. Its always good for the EX to see you are doing fine without them.

 

One thing that worries me is the loneliness. To be honest, I do get a lot of male attention..from time to time but since the breakup, I rarely even go out. I simply go to classes, come back home, use the internet, talk to a few friends. I do get very lonely sometimes and then I start to miss him.

 

Are you seeing anyone now? Or is there anyone that's a source of distraction to you? If no, how did the feelings evaporate? I understand what you mean about his looks changing.lol. I saw a pic of my ex and he looked gorgeous. sigh. Oh well, thats done and dusted.

 

Thanks again xxxxx

[s_n_d]

Yes indeed. I hope you were not offended by what you said. To be honest, ild rather keep him as a friend than an enemy. I mean, not close friends, but I hate to be the EX who is still mad at him because of the breakup. The EX who is bitter etc.lol.

 

I know sometime in the future, I will speak with him. I dont want to right now because I dont want my hopes high or anything.

 

I think he will realise what a great person you are, especially as you are not bitching or hating on him, even when you know he has a new girlfriend. Its always good for the EX to see you are doing fine without them.

 

One thing that worries me is the loneliness. To be honest, I do get a lot of male attention..from time to time but since the breakup, I rarely even go out. I simply go to classes, come back home, use the internet, talk to a few friends. I do get very lonely sometimes and then I start to miss him.

 

Are you seeing anyone now? Or is there anyone that's a source of distraction to you? If no, how did the feelings evaporate? I understand what you mean about his looks changing.lol. I saw a pic of my ex and he looked gorgeous. sigh. Oh well, thats done and dusted.

 

Thanks again xxxxx

 

ninjaturtles, I am not seeing anyone at the moment or am I planning to anytime soon.

 

There was one source of distraction though with a friend of mine. I guess you could say we're friends with benefits? Although I hate using that term. All we've done is makeout and ofcourse he kept telling me how I deserve better etc... That only lasted a few days or so. I made it clear to him that he should stop making moves on me. Obviously it was unfair to him because at that point I wasnt over my ex. Anyways, now we're back to being JUST friends and its good. Im glad our friendship isnt ruined. To be honest, this guy wasnt even my type either. Hes one of those guys who has a new girlfriend every month.

 

Needless to say, Im happy being single.

 

Anyways back to what you asked me... How did the feelings for my ex disappear? NC helped A LOT. Being with my family and friends helped me a lot too. I guess the way he treated me after the breakup (being cold etc...) helped the feelings disappear too.

 

Thank you for your kind words, ninja.

[ibitealil]

ninjaturtles, I am not seeing anyone at the moment or am I planning to anytime soon.

 

Hi Ninja,

 

I had exactly the same thing happened to me...i wanted so much to be friends with him but crushed when found out this new girl on his FB etc. Its been more than six months now and the friend thing didnt work at all instead i ended up hating him even more. If he means a lot to u the best way to get over him is NC. At least until u get apathetic.

 

good luck