OK guys I got her back here's how.

[themessenger]

Trying to make this as short as possible. I lost my cool drinking one night and scared her away. She doesn't like fighting and drama and she reached her limit. She also doesn't like to have serious talks so i get frustrated. She always thought I was this jerk like my friends. shes no angel in this but the point is I was given a .000000001 shot of getting her back on this website. I was using another name. Trust me you would have never thought I had a shot. I spent months locked up in my apartment not eating but reading self help books which is good but denying everything elase in my life. It wasn't till I started enjoying life and living and growing that call it what you will abell went off in her head and she was back. BUT IT TAKES TIME AND FAITH AND I'M SORRY TO SAY IT, KNOW U CAN GO ON WITH OUT THEM MENTALITY.

 

So I've learned from previous relationsips grovelling and crying and I will change and all that bull**** doesn't work. I send her a text message and say no hard feelings i will learn from this. Maybe I'll see ya around. Good luck. about about 3 or 4 weeks later I send her a text message saying hello. with a cute inside joke picture from the lion king. she said hello back. I wait another two or three weeks and say hello to her on IM short converstaion she didn't seem interested in. a few weeks later I send her an email a realy nice one apologetic and all that crap she replys with a smily face. My friends told me to take this as a hint she doesn't want anything to do with me but shes being polite. A couple weks later I take off for vegas with my friends to get her out of my head. She sends me a text message "I hate you for how you turned out"I replyed stop being silly and maybe get to know who i am now.I get home and about a week or two later i send Her a long pathetic email I mean Pathetic!All of a sudden........I am blocked on AIM by her. So I say the heck with it, I really messed up now.

 

A month goes by and all of a sudden my phone rings....its her!She thinks that I am randomly sending her messed up messages to her phone when in fact it was one of her ex boyfriends that I know. After convincing her it wasn't me and yelling at her because this is what it took for her to contact me her tune changes. I **** you not.Alll of a sudden shes texting me constanly. calling me. unblocked me on AIM. at this point I was realy indiffernt to her. I mean realy.I forgot to mention the first 2 months with out her...I didn't eat or leave my apartment. So its the holdiays now i hanging out with girls my friends what ever this girl is still calling me. And the more I'm blowing her off the more shes hanging on. Finally I say screw it and ask her to dinner. Long story short.IT took some convincing, and I also didn't put all my eggs in her basket. We start seein eachother again. Now, here's the problem.

 

She has an ex from before that still lingers. I drank again and gave her a hard time about him. She wanted to try a drug that I don't do and she used to accuse me of doing and I flipped on her. Now two months has gone by we go to new york and the sex is better then ever. we have dinner a few days later and she starts to act distant. I can tell she is brewing still about me yelling at her. but guys like i said before she doesn't like serious talks and it seems like yelling has been getting through to her up until now. I mean sometimes i'd bicker and then she'd ask me to come sleepover. The entire time this was going on, I was being told I would never get her back. Then we reached a milestone.Fast forward to today. Like I said before shes acting distant. Now I go out of town and my niece gets sick. Basically I have to fly back home and this girl doesn't have the time to talk to me when I'm upset. I always listen to her crap. To be honest I suspect she was hanging out with him.We have a humongous falling out. I mean I blow up on her on AIM and saying i never want to talk to her again.

 

Then shes calling me texting me leaving messages pressing my buttons. saying she couldn't wait for this day to come etc. etc. being mean. and then now I call her and fire back and she hangs up. Now shes not answering. Now I send her the meanest messages ever. I mean the worst things you could say to somebody. Now bare in mind it was this junk that made her call me again. NOT acts of kindness. Part of me says I resorted the other part says damn it I over reacted.Now I'm sending her emails calling her texting her for a week with no reponse!Shes has me blocked on AIM. I'm starting to feel like I'm herassing her.Here's the point gentlemen.first of all...here's a tip never let a girl upset you no matter what she does. Think of yourselves as a team. You both have a common goal. to enjoy eachothers company and maybe even care for eachother. why are you attacking your teammate? If she does something to upset you talk to her about it. My girl didn't like serious talks but it seems that ultimatly yealling at her didn't help either. It did over the holidays.

 

Frankly I think she was at a point where she was ready to talk. She was becoming comfortable with me. Maybe its why she wanted to experiment with that drug. I didn't read that.Another thing, if you feel that you are being attacked by her now matter how bad the things she says just let it go in one ear and out the other. don't get me wrong I know there is Jerry sPringer all out crazy bitches out there. well don't date them. I've found that whena girl attacks you with her words and you fire back it is no difernt then her slapping you and you slappin back.Now the lesson to belearned from all this ultimatly is this. When I did get her back there were points where she was more into this then me. There were points where i was feeling suffocated. And shes kind of a jerk some times to be honest. Look even you angel is a jerk sometimes. I was imobile for months for that?Now I swear TO GOD I know how some people feel here. You WANT them back, You cant eat, you have visions of youself putting a gun to your head, you will never meet another person like this again.

 

All of that reallly reallly reallly reallly really reallly really look i'm not making this up, is crap!So now I have sent her a text message the other day. I have no ties to you and we are not talking, maybe time will bring us another milestone. be well.Let me tell you something boys My ego wants her back. I have unfinished business with this girl in the bed in the heart and in the head. And man i miss her and the fun we have together.And frankly...i care abouther deeply.Ya know what during the time we were dating I gave her a couple outs cause she would get scred or I would feel she should go see if she has anything left with this guy. but she didn't want it. Its almost like she wanted it to come to this to have a clear consience. In a way maybe I said those things so she could be set free. if it comes ack to you well you know the drill.So, here's whats gonna happen now. Could I have handled some situations differntly? yes. could we maybe be together still? yes. But I'm putting my nose in the books.

 

I'm hitting the gym. I'm working on myself harder on my flaws and I am enjoying life. When I am 100% again maybe a month or so from now when she has cooled off and realizes maybe she misses me. And i have grown more and enjoyed my life. Maybe I'll contact her. What do you think will happen? I can't care about what will happen. i have to focus on myself in oreder to have the best chance of getting her back.Look people you are NOT going to ever get them back unless (and I know its easier said then done) u give them time to cool and give yourself time to heat up. You are not a martor. I'm not asking you not to take responsibilty for your actions. But you are no good to them if they do come back and your the same person you were before. and they need time to chill. and the more you prevent them from getting that time the worse its gonna be. And if they don't come back maybe it really isn't all that bad. Mine came back, it wasn't paradise. maybe the next time around will be better. if it comes we'll see. till then I gotta do what i gotta do for myself. in the end maybe it will wind up being for her.And rememebr something else. I would bet that people who do get there exes back most of the time don't come back here to tell their stories.

 

I didn't. till now. when shes gone again. lol I just realy want you guys to not let some of the people on this site take hope away. But at the same time you have to be practical. YOU HAVE TO GET YOU **** TOGETHER!!!! There is no real way to get a person back. The only thing you can do is let them go for a while get your head right and maybe contact them down the road. don't worry about who they are dating or none of that crap. all of that will work against you. When you are ready to see them again and they are ready to see you just be sure you ar ebetter then whoever they were seeing. work on your insecurities. if you don't et them beack by default you will have a better life. AND GUESS WHAT YOU WILL WANT TO LIVE IT WITH OR WITH OUT THEM.

 

The longer you drag this out. the less prepared you are gonna be for the possibility of them coming back down the road. and when you get them back trust me if it was Jessica simpson, at some point you will say, i can't believe I beat myself up that much.Now you gusy might say geeze, didn't he learn his lesson? the last time he drank and got mad she left, why did he do it again? frankly i got mad at her drinking or not this time around because i care about her and it seemed like the only way to get threw to her. Yes this is a problem we struggled with before but trust me we comunicated allot better this time around more often then not. She drove me to a boiling point and even though i shouldn't have blown up she shouldn't have antagonized me. If we have another shot I will not yell at her if she doesn't want to talk i will walk away. And she will have had to made some changes of her own as well. OUR story is complex this post is how i got her back. I am already learning about not reacting with the first emotion. I’m also learning about better techniques for conflict resolution and also more more importantly how to avoid them. Shes gotta want to play ball to though. frankly I don't know if i want her back this time around.</p>

 

OK remember now this is about how i got her back. The relationship issues are another story. The point of it all is time to work on yourself and space for them to heal or experience or realise what they've lost WHATEVER! and the menatality you need to take on.

 

Could be months before they even agree to see you again if at all. I've actually pulled this off with another girl before as well. trust in science. its time to let go. you are pushing if you don't.

 

I shared this story because i think people who get there exes back don't come back here. Not because I am overconfident. I am humble in the fact that I may not get the ex back again. If she doesn't want to take responsibilty for what she contributed to the break up then maybe I'm better off without her. Although maybe i should have kept my cool. something made me uncool. To her the fact i even had a reson to be uncool is up for debate in some situations. maybe some are I doubt it though.I won't go into more details about her this is long enough. I can only take responsibility for my actions. I am confident in the fact that grovelling, begging and beating yourself up into depression won't.

 

That alone should give you reason to smile.

 

I'm going to work on how I comunicate and react to things so i wind up not being the bad guy. So I don't cancel out what they did. Maybe a better me will inspire them not to do those things.I'm gonna get in shape, accomplish soem goals. Get my slef into a realy good place mentaly spiritualy physicaly career whatever. maybe then she will be ready to talk and have grown some as well.

if not then skies the limit.

 

This girl is an impossible nut to crack and i did it. shes very headstrong about who stays in her life and who doesn't. so guys enough of this crap. time to focus on other things. for you and maybe just maybe it will wind up being for them too.

 

By the way if you were wondering what i got upset about the first time it was that she was seeing someone else and hiding it so i did some investigating. now we didnt have an exclusive talk and the relationship was young. it still seems a little grimy to this day though. and he's still around. they are friends with the same friends.

Edited March 12, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[loveinlife]

Sounds like you are on a journey to improve yourself. Good luck

[themessenger]

I'm always trying to improve myself. Sometimes the mornings are tough. waking up and shes not there. thats a signal its time to JUMP out of bed. I was thinking if it realy is possible to take back the mean things i said to her. I was always giving her validation that I was not like the jerk she dated in the past that used to say awful things to her. For one night I stooped to his level. I guess I was always looking for validation that she wouldn't go back to her ex. Because she has done that before. she said i was more into this then her. truth is if it seemed that way it was only because I was trying to seperate my self from the jerks shes dated in the past. Its hard being pinned up against exes that way. You become an emotional tampon which is not always attractive. and i think if i start to show signs at all of being like them she'll figure I've already got a jerk around like that I don't need another one. I think I said the things i said for many reasons, i had to force space she wouldn't take it when i offered she would cry, i felt like why bother not saying these things to her these other guys eventualy get away with it, she wasn't responding to anything else and when she thought it was me sending her stuff like that in the past she called, maybe not happy about it but she called and finaly yes i lost my cool. OK and the day begins.

Edited March 12, 2008 by themessenger

[messiah]

so you did get her back? or you still waiting it out? sorry i dont quite understand your posts...

[heartoutside]

From what I gather is he got her back only for her to leave again. And here is my 2 cents. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago, I won't even go into detail about the first 5 months. But basically, I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted (as a friend while she needed space) so she jumped into a relationship. So I went NC. Deleted her from my life! For 4 months she would text me every so often, trying to piss me off sometimes, or just saying that she saw something that reminded her of me, etc etc.

 

Then about a week before thanksgiving she sends me an email telling me everything I've been waiting to hear but never thought I would. We talk a few weeks later and then hang out. The next day she dumps her "guy." WE get back together a few days later.

 

It lasted 2 or 3 weeks.

 

And here is where you story kind of goes wrong and is something I don't think you realize. You can change yourself, or work on yourself as much as possible (and I think everyone should in a situation like this, it's important to focus on YOURSELF and regain that sense of self worth!), but the one thing you can't control is her (or him).

 

In my case, i did nothing wrong. I may have rushed into things too fast and she freaked. But, like our 4 yr relationship prior to the 2 week one, there was nothing wrong. She has issues that are deep inside and are issues she needs to face. And she and I won't ever see a real relationship until she faces those issues head on.

 

Now I"m not saying your ex (or GF) has issues. But there are two people in this situation, and if you are doing everything in your power to be the best person you can be for her and she is still turning her back, then she needs to have time to fix herself as well....

 

In my case, it really is all her. And there won't be an US until she faces what she knows she needs to face, but right now is too freaked out to do so.

 

SO my friend, do everything in your power to work on yourself, but don't do it to get her back. Do it because YOU deserve to be the best person YOu have the power of being! Not because your ex deserves a better you!

[themessenger]

Yes I got her back, Yes i lost her again, and yes she has issues she needs to face and yes i am continuing to improve myself and if you read my story you will know that if she doesn't come back and work on her own issues i will survive. The relationship won't work unless we both find common ground and that won't happen unless we both on our own character flaws. The point is I got her back and I wanted to show people the time frame and mentatlity it took to do that. If you want you SO back you have to focus and your self and let them go.

Edited March 13, 2008 by themessenger

[alexanderberson]

cant tell you how many second chances i got. probably around 20 so far .

takes a lot of work.