goodguy15 Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 I have a problem here me and my girlfriend have been going out for 2 years and three months and I just saw her for a few hours on Friday and about 8 hours on Saturday.And now we'll see each other for four hours next Friday night and our our usual 8 hour night Saturday.So, what I'm trying to say is I don't feel same way a she does about seeing her more and she wants to see me more.I never really had a girlfriend that wants to see me more than I do.Or she has more fun than I do.It just feels uneven sometimes.I don't feel happy with her sometimes because i feel jealous because of her physical attributes.I can't even make moves on her anymore like I used to and she always made the moves on me then she told me it was up to make the moves.I just doesn't come natural to me anymore like it once did.I'm not as attracted to her as I used to me when I first met her and now things changed because I've been going through a lot of unsureness right now.I think I want to be with her and sometimes I don't.I really need some help with this and it's driving me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 The infatuation period is over. You're in a mundane place now because it's not exciting anymore. Well, guess what? Break up with her and get into it with someone else and you'll be in the same boat again in another few years. What can I say except you have to decide if you want to be with her or not. If you decided to split, then you face the consequences. Whatever you do, don't tell her that she is bad. Don't tell her that you are bored, that her friends are stupid, that she is crazy, etc. Tell her that you feel that the time has come for you to go your seperate ways. And don't say "Well now I'm going to get another girlfriend!" with a bright smile on your face. That is cruel and unusual punishment. And don't say "You're a wonderful woman and you've given me the knowledge that I can find another just as wonderful as you are!". (In case you haven't guessed, all of this has come from experience.) If you decide to stay with her, good for you. Work at it. Do not give up on things, there are no garantees in life. Unless there is something else you are not telling, it sounds like you are just looking to spice things up. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 I don't feel happy with her sometimes because i feel jealous because of her physical attributes. Please explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy15 Posted March 2, 2008 Author Share Posted March 2, 2008 (edited) Please explain. Ok, well she does have a great personality but unlike her physical appearance she doesn't have a body like Jessica Alba.I'm not trying to be heartless or anything.I've always pictured myself with a very good looking woman way before i met her like in college.But now I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to have a girlfriend with a great body, pretty smile and a cute face.She has a physical illness called a mild case of cerebral palsy and with psoriasis all over her legs, forehead, chest and arms.The psoriasis didn't bother me before and now it's like a turn off and the reality is starting to take affect on me.It's like i don't know how to handle it anymore like i once did.I'm like the only guy that I treat her like a human being and I still do being polite and stuff.And she told me it's been a long time since I've been treated that way, maybe say like 4-6 years.It feels like if I do break up with her then I'll feel bad.I'm only 27 like how many guys do you marry to the first girl that you encounter and that doesn't happen very often.But how do i deal with the fact she's not Jessica?I've always dreamed to have girl like that, that's fun, energetic, loves to dance, and a overall clutz. Edited March 2, 2008 by goodguy15 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 (edited) Well, there was something about her which attracted you to her in the first place, regardless of her physicality. What was that? Does she have spastic hemiplegia? You said "mild". I assume she functions normally intellectually and this is purely a motor control issue. Again, as this is genetic, she was born with it and had it when you met her. Something attracted you. Same for the psoriasis. IMO, do not stay with her because you feel sorry for her or think you can't do "better". Really bad reasons to be in a relationship. She has a disability and it's not going away. Do you love the person who she is? Her life is never going to be "easy". Are you up for that and and the possibilities that neither of you can yet envision? Just some food for thought.... Edited March 2, 2008 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 You're having commitment issues. After dating fo 2 years, you feel like you're smothered by your current gf, especially since she's your first. You use her disability and physical defects as a sympathy cry to stay with her, at the same time you're wondering what other options you have out there in the world, because you're 27 and you don't want to settle. If that's truly how you feel, you might as well end it before you hurt the poor girl any deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy15 Posted March 2, 2008 Author Share Posted March 2, 2008 You're having commitment issues. After dating fo 2 years, you feel like you're smothered by your current gf, especially since she's your first. You use her disability and physical defects as a sympathy cry to stay with her, at the same time you're wondering what other options you have out there in the world, because you're 27 and you don't want to settle. If that's truly how you feel, you might as well end it before you hurt the poor girl any deeper. Well, she's not my first girlfriend she's my 4th.I've dated and hung out with al ot of girls that were pretty cute but I was dumb enough not to give the relationship a chance or that type of girl wasn't for me.I have given this relationship a chance and it's been over 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy15 Posted March 2, 2008 Author Share Posted March 2, 2008 Well, there was something about her which attracted you to her in the first place, regardless of her physicality. What was that? Does she have spastic hemiplegia? You said "mild". I assume she functions normally intellectually and this is purely a motor control issue. Again, as this is genetic, she was born with it and had it when you met her. Something attracted you. Same for the psoriasis. IMO, do not stay with her because you feel sorry for her or think you can't do "better". Really bad reasons to be in a relationship. She has a disability and it's not going away. Do you love the person who she is? Her life is never going to be "easy". Are you up for that and and the possibilities that neither of you can yet envision? Maybe because of her pretty face, her eyes. but I managed to get passed her minor problems that she had when i first met her.It just feels like someday I'll see her everyday and I'm not quite ready for that yet.I know she wants to get married someday and have kids but to it just seems like I cant imagine myself with her for my whole life.When it comes down to activities she can't do them and then I'm stuck doing it by myself and it's no fun for me.And she tells me well yeah what's the difference if you do it by yourself and doing it together.And there is gap with doing physical things together.And I never thought of that when I met her until 2 years down the road.Also she told me run for me but it's not the same as doing it together.I'm not as lucky as some people that run together.Play sports together.It's a whole bunch of crap.Well, it's probably my fault because I led her on and everything and now I'm stuck with her because I can't tell her how I really feel because doesn't want throw everything away because what we went through. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 Well, there was something about her which attracted you to her in the first place, regardless of her physicality. What was that? Does she have spastic hemiplegia? You said "mild". I assume she functions normally intellectually and this is purely a motor control issue. Again, as this is genetic, she was born with it and had it when you met her. Something attracted you. Same for the psoriasis. IMO, do not stay with her because you feel sorry for her or think you can't do "better". Really bad reasons to be in a relationship. She has a disability and it's not going away. Do you love the person who she is? Her life is never going to be "easy". Are you up for that and and the possibilities that neither of you can yet envision? Maybe because of her pretty face, her eyes. but I managed to get passed her minor problems that she had when i first met her.It just feels like someday I'll see her everyday and I'm not quite ready for that yet.I know she wants to get married someday and have kids but to it just seems like I cant imagine myself with her for my whole life.When it comes down to activities she can't do them and then I'm stuck doing it by myself and it's no fun for me.And she tells me well yeah what's the difference if you do it by yourself and doing it together.And there is gap with doing physical things together.And I never thought of that when I met her until 2 years down the road.Also she told me run for me but it's not the same as doing it together.I'm not as lucky as some people that run together.Play sports together.It's a whole bunch of crap.Well, it's probably my fault because I led her on and everything and now I'm stuck with her because I can't tell her how I really feel because doesn't want throw everything away because what we went through. Like I said, you're having commitment issues. You're not sure you want to settle just yet, but the vibe you're getting off your girlfriend points to marriage in the near future. Settling down doesn't seem a problem, but you don't want to settle with your current gf. You're physically unattracted to her and you figure that there must be something better out there. Why question it any further? You want to get the sympathy vote? The only person that's gonna get the vote will be your gf, because you're continously leading her on that you're in love with her. But you're not. So the sooner you stop stringing her along the better. Sooner or later she's gonna know about your feelings but by then you'll be in so deep, it'll be a wonder how you managed to keep the other woman a secret. Holding on past memories will only hinder you. The only thing you'll build from them is resentment towards your gf, becuase you'll feel that it's her fault that you're trapped in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy15 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Like I said, you're having commitment issues. You're not sure you want to settle just yet, but the vibe you're getting off your girlfriend points to marriage in the near future. Settling down doesn't seem a problem, but you don't want to settle with your current gf. You're physically unattracted to her and you figure that there must be something better out there. Why question it any further? You want to get the sympathy vote? The only person that's gonna get the vote will be your gf, because you're continuosly leading her on that you're in love with her. But you're not. So the sooner you stop stringing her along the better. Sooner or later she's gonna know about your feelings but by then you'll be in so deep, it'll be a wonder how you managed to keep the other woman a secret. Holding on past memories will only hinder you. The only thing you'll build from them is resentment towards your gf, because you'll feel that it's her fault that you're trapped in the relationship. Well, my gf told me that it was up to me if I want to marry her in the near future but right now it feels like that I don't want to.And she doesn't force me into things that I don't to.I've always this problem with commitment but how do I fix it though.I love kids and such.It just feels like I don't want to marry her when that time comes.I just don't like the idea that I'm only hers.I treat her perfect and she tells me that and it irritates me because I know that I'm not perfect either.Maybe I'm just dealing with the reality of being owned. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Well, it's probably my fault because I led her on and everything and now I'm stuck with her because I can't tell her how I really feel because doesn't want throw everything away because what we went through. You're only hurting her by not telling her. You don't have to be brutal with how you tell her. As in don't use the phrase "now I'm stuck with you" - but don't stay with her out of guilt or pity. IMO she deserves to be with someone who feels more for her. You should want her for her and be able to accept her for who she is. It seems to me that you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Just so you're aware, marriage is not "being owned". It's freely and completely giving yourself to another human being. When you're ready, you'll know. Talk with her about this. She sounds like a stand-up gal Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Well, my gf told me that it was up to me if I want to marry her in the near future but right now it feels like that I don't want to.And she doesn't force me into things that I don't to.I've always this problem with commitment but how do I fix it though.I love kids and such.It just feels like I don't want to marry her when that time comes.I just don't like the idea that I'm only hers.I treat her perfect and she tells me that and it irritates me because I know that I'm not perfect either.Maybe I'm just dealing with the reality of being owned. Ummm... I'd say you just don't appreciate her anymore. When you get to a point where you feel like you can do better, and want to do better, your going to struggle, and struggle hard. Especially now that she is making you initiate and your not doing it. I'm going to give you a piece of advice. You will be much, much happier choosing women based on more than looks. I can almost guarantee you will never actually be happy with a Jessica Alba look alike. So, make your choice and make it quick. Link to post Share on other sites
nickilovespookie Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 How do you feel when you're together? Do you think "I could do this forever" or not? Just be honest with yourself. When you think about going your separate ways how do you feel? When you think about spending the rest of your life with her, how do you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy15 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 How do you feel when you're together? Do you think "I could do this forever" or not? Just be honest with yourself. When you think about going your separate ways how do you feel? When you think about spending the rest of your life with her, how do you feel? Ok, well I feel anxious and scared because I never dated anyone more than 2 years before and we're going on a vacation for a week together this summer and I never really had anybody go with me before because I've always gone by myself.And as of right my life isn't all there yet because I am laid off and searching for a job.As of right now I just want to give up because I'm going through so many emotions and heartache from past relationships because I'm not with her but when i want to spend more time with her I get all anxious.How do i feel about going our separate ways? I'll probably feel alone.Well the spending my life with her is I'm not so sure about that because I'm not ready for a commitment yet.I try to enjoy her company but sometimes it feels like it's new and exciting anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Ok, well I feel anxious and scared because I never dated anyone more than 2 years before and we're going on a vacation for a week together this summer and I never really had anybody go with me before because I've always gone by myself.And as of right my life isn't all there yet because I am laid off and searching for a job.As of right now I just want to give up because I'm going through so many emotions and heartache from past relationships because I'm not with her but when i want to spend more time with her I get all anxious.How do i feel about going our separate ways? I'll probably feel alone.Well the spending my life with her is I'm not so sure about that because I'm not ready for a commitment yet.I try to enjoy her company but sometimes it feels like it's new and exciting anymore. Maybe all your uncertainties and frustrations stems from your being out of work and therefore you're acting it out on your gf. But that in no way means that you should not take some time to truly think over what you want from this relationship. Your wants and needs are selfish in this case. It's a RELATIONSHIP. You're wanting to stay with her just for companionship to ease your loneliness is not a plausible reason to stay in one. Especially with someone whom you're not sure you even love or care for Link to post Share on other sites
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