Kind of told MM about pregnancy

[Gwyneth]

Since he's Still ignoring my emails (or he's really dead or something tragic), I sent him my farewell email. Why should I have to keep trying to reach out to him? I do not think I have to. If he felt that we should end it, he could at least have said "let's end this," not ignore me like the plague.

 

Anyway, I did in the email express that maybe we shouldn't have had sex, and that if I knew he's treat me like this afterward, I wouldn't have (I am only trying to make Him feel guilty). I honestly have no idea why he's not responding to me, or even showing up at work. Someone should tell me if something happened to him, especially since his workers do know that he and I are close and also probably know we have been having an affair. Even if I am the OW, I still think I deserve to know if he's ill or hurt.

 

Anyway, I said two things that should clue him in about this pregnancy. First thing I said was "Hopefully you won't leave her in the situation you have left me in," when saying to him that he's probably moved onto another affair. Then my final words are, "Thanks for it all, and for the miracle you have given to me."

 

Knowing men and how most of them don't read in between the lines and analyze words as much as women, he probably will not figure out what these mean. However, I don't feel that I should come straight out in an email and tell him. He is irresponsible and should pick up his phone and call me, or reply to my messages so that I can tell him I need to discuss something with him.

 

I don't know what else to do. Today I feel like I should tell him, but tomorrow maybe I won't feel this way.

[NoIDidn't]

Yep

 

He pretty much is only going to see that you are saying that he is the miracle and thus think that he is all that and a bag of chips.

 

At least you are now considering telling him. He might call, he might not.

[imstunned]

I dont mean to sound harsh - but Gwyn this is just more of the same. You are continuing to play the same game. I honestly think its very dangerous now.

 

If you cant decide what to do then take time out, leave him alone and think about it.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Trust me, some men cant read between the lines, he's trying to cover his own ass. He really doesnty care about you and you've been a fool for so long.

Suffice to say, you kinda brought this situation upon yourself. You really think if you told him you was pregnant he'd leave his wife?

 

You'd really think he be a full time father?

 

Get real! What you need to do is tell him point blank, I'm pregnant , it's yours and I'm going to get some child support. Good bye!

 

Is that so freaking hard!??

[NoIDidn't]

Get real! What you need to do is tell him point blank, I'm pregnant , it's yours and I'm going to get some child support. Good bye!

 

Is that so freaking hard!??

 

Of course it is for some people.

 

And you two are right, she is still playing a game to get his attention. MM really know how to pick 'em. I can't say that I feel sorry for the MM or the OW in this type of A situation.

 

Truth is, IMHO, no matter if she tells him or not about the baby, he's gone. What MM disappears after the sex? And, yet it seems he did. There seem to be two things you can say to a MM that will ALWAYS send them packing:

 

1. I told your W

 

2. I'm pregnant.

 

Its a lose-lose sitch.

[Owl]

Gwn-

 

Why have you been trying to contact him? I thought by your previous posts you were just breaking things off with him?

 

What is it you want out of all this?!?!?!?

 

He's MARRIED. He cheated on her with you...which makes him a lame human being. And he either deliberately or SOMEHOW accidentally had unprotected *** with you.

 

He got what he wanted from you...you went cold shoulder on him...AGAIN...he walked away.

 

You keep playing this push me/pull me game with him.

 

How do you really expect him to respond to all of this?? What is it you really want to happen by telling him??? I DON'T GET IT.

[whichwayisup]

Gwen, fact is, you and MM slept together and haven't spoken since. That says alot about who he is. He's not responding to your emails, so why are you hellbent on still trying to contact him? Take this as a blessing that he isn't contacting you. Use this time to really decide if telling him IS the right thing or wrong thing. Dropping hints is just playing a game...To keep him interested and wondering what is up with you. Hate to say it but by dropping those hints and saying you're not sure depending on your mood if you tell him or not, isn't putting the needs of your child first. If you tell him out of spite, out of revenge, out of just wanting ANY reaction kind of reaction from him, be prepared for ANYTHING.

 

Assume since you've not heard from him, it's over. YOU make it over, you don't need him to tell you that...YOU take control, don't leave it in his hands.

 

He is irresponsible and should pick up his phone and call me, or reply to my messages so that I can tell him I need to discuss something with him.

 

You knew what type of man he was from day one...Are you really surprised he's treating you this way? Ignoring you? Some soulmate-friendship, huh? He doesn't respect you, so don't respect him. Do your best to move on, focus on the baby.

[blind_otter]

I just read your other thread, I had no idea. Congratulations, fellow preggo lady! I'm in my second trimester now and believe me, it's much better than the first. I was always worrying about miscarrying during the first trimester (I've had 2 miscarriages in the past). TBH, I still am worried about one day going in to the midwife and not hearing a heartbeat. I probably won't stop worrying until I'm dead, .

 

My 2 cents? I think you should tell him. And I think you should ask him to sign off his parental rights and agree to an order of no contact. JMO.

 

I have a friend who is raising her daughter solo. Sadly, her daughter is the product of a rape. Obviously, this requires a bit of finesse when dealing with daughter. She does ask question about her dad. All she knows (AFAIK) is that her dad was a bad man who hurt her mom.

 

They do ask questions, so you have to be prepared to answer them somehow...

[norajane]

Since he's Still ignoring my emails (or he's really dead or something tragic), I sent him my farewell email. Why should I have to keep trying to reach out to him? I do not think I have to.

 

Why WERE you trying to reach out to him?

 

No, he's not dead. He either changed his schedule so you don't see him anymore, or he could be on vacation. Everything else is him deliberately ignoring your calls and emails.

 

Anyway, I said two things that should clue him in about this pregnancy. First thing I said was "Hopefully you won't leave her in the situation you have left me in," when saying to him that he's probably moved onto another affair. Then my final words are, "Thanks for it all, and for the miracle you have given to me."

Nah, the 'situation' he'll think you're referring to is disappearing immediately after finally having sex with you. And the 'miracle', knowing his ego, he'll think it's the sex...must have been that good, whoo boy!

 

I don't know what else to do. Today I feel like I should tell him, but tomorrow maybe I won't feel this way.

If you want him to know about the baby, call him and leave a voice mail and follow up with an email. That's really the only way you have of reaching him, and unless he's deleting everything before he even reads it, then he'll know.

 

If you don't know if you want to tell him about the baby, do nothing and give it some more thought until you DO know for sure.

[Gwyneth]

While some of you understand what it's like to be pregnant and in my shoes, others of you really should rethink what you are typing before hitting "post."

 

Chrome Barracuda, I don't even know what you are talking about. What game am I trying to play? And at this point, it really doesn't matter if he cares about me or not--I think he needs to care about himself before he cares about others. Clearly he doesn't care about himself (he sometimes admitted that). You asked, Is that so freaking hard!?? Yes, to answer your question, this is "so freaking hard" when the guy has gone MIA on me.

 

I'm not playing a game people. I'm prgnant...HELLO!!!!!! This is a bad situation and the father of this child has not been responding to my emails. I need to talk to him and possibly let him know that I am with child. How is this playing a game? No matter what, I am still connected to him because of this baby. How naive and irresponsible of some of you to say that I am playing a game, that he doesn't care about me, and why am I still doing this. Because I'm pregnant!!!! With his baby!!! Still am--that will not change.

 

NID, you said she is still playing a game to get his attention...What game am I playing? I have been trying to get him to respond to my emails since the day I found out I am pregnant. How is this a game? I don't think pursuing the attention of the father of my baby is game playing at all--I am for real, and this is getting real--trying to tell the father in the most mature and responsible way possible, that I am pregnant with his child.

 

I am not looking for him to leave his wife, and I'm sorry some of you feel that way about me. I had always said I didn't want him more than just a lover. Allbeit I do have him more than a lover; he's my baby's bio father. What am I supposed to do? Abort this baby, or give it up for adoption because some of you think it's so Cruel, childish, and that I'm playing games? No, you need to get real!

 

I'm here for support, not attacks. So please, mellow out on your attacks, or don't respond to my posts. And thank you to those who have been supportive and suggestive. Right now that is really what I need. It is easier for me to come on here and talk to strangers than my friends and family.

[Lizzie60]

I don't think pursuing the attention of the father of my baby is game playing at all--I am for real, and this is getting real--trying to tell the father in the most mature and responsible way possible, that I am pregnant with his child.

 

I think.. that in a way you are trying to get his attention. Why are you playing 'riddles' with him.. just be straighforward.. and tell him in a mature and responsible way that you ARE pregnant.. period... the way you deal with this situation is very immature IMO...

 

How old are you anyway?

[LucreziaBorgia]

trying to tell the father in the most mature and responsible way possible, that I am pregnant with his child.

 

Then I would suggest not sending any more coy emails designed to fish to see if he still cares for you.

 

Instead, send him a short note saying in no uncertain terms that you are pregnant and that you intend to keep the child.

 

I would suggest having a lawyer handy for advice from there on out.

 

Be prepared for any reaction. It can range from a resigned acceptance, to an all out "demanding you abort" freak out. Married men don't tend to take "I'm pregnant" too well.

[Gwyneth]

am nto sure if I want to tell him in an email, though. How lame is that? I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to tell him via internet. What did people do before the internet? Telegram? I mean let's be real here. I never imagined ending up pregnant in this way, and I certainly never imagined telling the father that I am pregnat via email. I need to see his reaction in person, and up 'til now I have tried everything to get him to reply and he isn't. I guess I am desperate right now to tell him, but I cannot tell him through an email. That was the last email I will be sending him, which is why I guess you can say I was "coy" and used a beating around the bush way to tell him that I am pregnant.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Gwen, this man is avoiding you. He is not going to take the bait and contact you. You will have to contact him and request a face to face. My guess is that you will have to call him. Make the meeting spot somewhere neutral, where you will not be trapped alone with him. You have no idea how he will react, so pick a spot that is discreet and semi private but not so private that you can't get help if you need it.

[norajane]

I need to see his reaction in person, and up 'til now I have tried everything to get him to reply and he isn't.

 

He's probably thinking you want to talk about why he disappeared after having sex with you. That's why he's not calling you. He doesn't want to have that conversation.

 

And that's why, if really want him to know you're pregnant, you need to just tell him, via email or on a voice message.

[Gwyneth]

That is exactly what I have been doing, and the reason I am being "attacked" here, seeing things such as I am playing games, trying to get his attention (yes, but not in the ways I think some of you think I am), and so forth.

[OldEurope]

Hi Gwenyth,

 

I agree that there is something tacky about doing this "email" and if you do follow LB's advice to meet up in person, I also agree you should do so in a semi public place (a park, the lobby of a building where you might sit down). Perhaps you could have your sister along somewhere in the wings just as a layer of protection? I say this only because his behavior is so erratic and cruel, you don't know how he might "react".

 

Part of me thinks he might believe you to be pregnant and is avoiding you for this reason. For, it is curious that having "at last" made love, he is not coming back 'round, as is typically MM, for more (or trying to see if he could).

 

I would be distant, polite, and cautious and matter of fact. But I would be careful.

 

xo

oe

[Lizzie60]

Then what if he never answers your messages, etc...

 

Are you going to end up knocking at his door..

 

Really, what's wrong with an email.. tell him you're pregnant.. simple.. and just wait.. if he doesn't contact you.. well I say move on with your life..

 

at least, you'll have your child just for you..

 

That's what I did for my daughter.. I never wanted him around her..

[Pyro]

Your best bet is to just flat out tell him. Otherwise I don't see him contacting you.

[JackJack]

(I am only trying to make Him feel guilty).

 

This is the part that seems game playing to me. But just my opinon on that.

 

Moving along.....I didn't know he wasn't showing up at work. How long has it been since he was last there? Is it possible he took some vacation time? Maybe his wife found out and they are trying to hash all of this out??

 

I dunno. I just think that if you are going to tell him you should do it and get it over with. Be point blank and tell him you're pregant, period. He can decide what to do from there as far as being in the child's life etc.

 

I hope this doesn't happen for you and I'm not trying to sound negative just realistic, but I have a strange feeling things are going to get way worse before they get better.

[Gwyneth]

He's probably thinking you want to talk about why he disappeared after having sex with you. That's why he's not calling you. He doesn't want to have that conversation.

 

And that's why, if really want him to know you're pregnant, you need to just tell him, via email or on a voice message.

 

That's not what happened at all. We talked after we had sex, several times. We even saw each other once after the last time, but I was p'd off at him and gave him the cold shoulder. He was willingly trying to talk to me. I have given him the cold shoulder before and he knows by now that means " give me space, please." Since that day, I have not seen or heard from him. That is why I do not know if something has happened to him. He didn't show up for work the next day and if his schedule changed, it would not have changed beginning on a Sunday (I had seen him on a Saturday).

[Owl]

I need to talk to him and possibly let him know that I am with child. How is this playing a game? No matter what, I am still connected to him because of this baby. How naive and irresponsible of some of you to say that I am playing a game, that he doesn't care about me, and why am I still doing this.

 

You stated that you were going to do this alone, without him. Then you changed your mind and decided to contact him...and are angry because he's not responding to you, after you did your cold shoulder part as well.

 

You're playing the same game with him you played with him before.

 

You'd get close to him, then you'd pull away with doubt. Things would get rocky, you'd blast him with a scathing email...then you'd get close to him again and it would all start over.

 

I get it...you're pregnant. I'm sorry...that's not an excuse for poor behavior or bad judgement. Sorry...there are millions of pregnant women out there who aren't allowed to stop thinking and just react just because of that.

 

 

What is it you expect him to do about the pregnancy? Are you planning on getting financial support from him now that you're pregnant? Do you expect him to suddenly want to be the child's 'daddy'? What are you hoping to gain by telling him about the baby?

 

The odds are, he's going to fight you every step of the way. If you want something from him at this point...don't bother contacting him personally...you'd better do this legally.

 

I'm sorry...I know this is harsh. But here's the thing...pregnancy isn't an excuse for continuing the same push/pull games you've been doing all along with him. You need to quit REACTING, and start PLANNING. AND THINKING ABOUT HOW YOU'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS.

 

What's your PLAN?

[sb129]

it really doesn't matter if he cares about me or not-

 

Yes, it does. Your behaviour demonstrates that it matters enormously to you.

 

See further evidence below.

 

I'm not playing a game people. I'm prgnant...HELLO!!!!!! This is a bad situation and the father of this child has not been responding to my emails. I need to talk to him and possibly let him know that I am with child. How is this playing a game? No matter what, I am still connected to him because of this baby. How naive and irresponsible of some of you to say that I am playing a game, that he doesn't care about me, and why am I still doing this. Because I'm pregnant!!!! With his baby!!! Still am--that will not change.

 

 

What game am I playing? I have been trying to get him to respond to my emails since the day I found out I am pregnant. How is this a game? I don't think pursuing the attention of the father of my baby is game playing at all--I am for real, and this is getting real--trying to tell the father in the most mature and responsible way possible, that I am pregnant with his child.

 

You are playing a game because you are NOT telling him in the most mature or responsible way possible at all.

 

Instead of saying- I'm pregnant, and you are the father, you are sending him little "clues" that he probably skims over thinking "WTF is she on about now?" before hitting the delete button.

Sorry to be blunt, but if he gave a sh*t, he would have emailed you back by now. The only way you can get his attention now is to tell him straight that you are pregnant. Although I doubt he will believe you seeing as you only had sex once, and you have been sending him freaky emails ever since. He will probably want a paternity test before he considers child support.

 

I had always said I didn't want him more than just a lover. Allbeit I do have him more than a lover; he's my baby's bio father. What am I supposed to do? Abort this baby, or give it up for adoption because some of you think it's so Cruel, childish, and that I'm playing games? No, you need to get real!

 

If the babys biological father isn't aware of its existence, it doesn't mean you have to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption.

You can bring a child into the world on your own, millions of women do it all over the world in all sorts of circumstances.

I appreciate it may be scary and difficult to do it alone, but I highly doubt that your MM is going to be the pillar of support for you during your pregnancy and your babys childhood. You need to look elsewhere for that support, from your friends and family.

 

I think you need to grow up. You are about to become responsible for another human being, and that should be your top priority at the moment.

[Lizzie60]

Hi Gwenyth,

 

I agree that there is something tacky about doing this "email" and if you do follow LB's advice to meet up in person, I also agree you should do so in a semi public place (a park, the lobby of a building where you might sit down). Perhaps you could have your sister along somewhere in the wings just as a layer of protection? I say this only because his behavior is so erratic and cruel, you don't know how he might "react".

 

Part of me thinks he might believe you to be pregnant and is avoiding you for this reason. For, it is curious that having "at last" made love, he is not coming back 'round, as is typically MM, for more (or trying to see if he could).

 

I would be distant, polite, and cautious and matter of fact. But I would be careful.

 

xo

oe

 

Good point.. about the safety issue..

 

I remember when I told my daughter's bio father, he was furious.. and one night I got scared.. he had a fit.. (I was living with him, 5th floor of a high-rise). He could have thrown me off the balcony and say I committed suicide.. because I was broke, in College and pregnant.

 

One evening.. he got all lovey-dovey.. I thought he was finally coming to his sense.. We had sex.. (he wasn't making love he was 'raping' me)... real hard.. the hardest he could.. hoping to abort me.. I realized it while he was banging me like a mad man..

 

Just be careful.. you never know how they can react.. mine was getting a divorce, he wasn't even with his W anymore..

[Gwyneth]

(I am only trying to make Him feel guilty).

 

This is the part that seems game playing to me. But just my opinon on that.

 

Moving along.....I didn't know he wasn't showing up at work. How long has it been since he was last there? Is it possible he took some vacation time? Maybe his wife found out and they are trying to hash all of this out??

 

I dunno. I just think that if you are going to tell him you should do it and get it over with. Be point blank and tell him you're pregant, period. He can decide what to do from there as far as being in the child's life etc.

 

I hope this doesn't happen for you and I'm not trying to sound negative just realistic, but I have a strange feeling things are going to get way worse before they get better.

 

No, no vacation time. He just came back from vacation less than a month ago. Then he came back to work a few days, then disappeared. The man looks for ANY reason Not to go to work--I told him he's suffering from depression but of course he disagreed. Anyway, it will be two weeks this Saturday that I have seen him at his job. We don't work together, but I come through his job in order to get to my job. That I cannot avoid but I can leave earlier to get to work (but who wants to do that?).