Doin my nut!

[WhyYouWanna]

I've been with my gf for 4 years now and we're never without our arguments. We're both each other's "first love" since 16 so we've come a long way together, but as of last she's doing my nut in.

 

As it's valentine's day you could bet your life she's got a reason to start - and she has. I've booked a table at a nice resturaunt for tonight and got her a card and a rose but it's not good enough because she didn't get the card this morning and I hadn't text or rang her enough today, when at the same time she hasn't either. But it's on me. I'm going mad now because we're due to go out in 2 hours and she's insistant on going in seperate cars and paying half each, which is rediculous as I wanted to take her out. She's also said that if we didn't go out tonight she wouldn't speak to me blah blah blah - so what the hell do I do?

 

All she's bothered about it that all of the other women in her office "have had flowers sent and been talking about valentine's day all day and she's had nothing". But she doesn't tell people when I took her on holiday last year to a relative 5* apartment, or the little gift I get her, or all the times I take her out, or christmas when I spend a small fortune.

 

I don't expect anything in return, just her appreciation and love back, but I barely get that. There's always something up, sex is rare (once a week if that and it's been almost two weeks since the last time) and anything I do now is just expected.

 

I honestly don't get what I'm doing wrong. I'm not a bad looking guy, I work out, I've got a good job and I'm also running my own business which I'm going to be going into full time in the next 8-9 months, personally to me things couldn't be better but it's just her. We still live with our parents.

 

It's hard to find reasons why I still love her and why I'm still sticking around.

 

What can I possibly do???

[peace_pipe]

What can I possibly do???

 

I don't know if there is much that you can do. Let me mull it over some more.

[spookie]

 

What can I possibly do???

 

Grow a backbone.

 

Then maybe she'll start to respect you.

 

Seriously dude... read your post and tell me what you think.

[MakeLemonade]

It sounds like this girl takes you for granted w/ a capital G. It also sounds like you cater to her demanding, unappreciative nature.

 

Start calling her bluffs, if she says if we don't go out I am not speaking to you, say fine and then don't speak for awhile, let her be the one to break the silence, I bet it won't take too long.

 

She behaves this way because you allow her to behave this way. You're both so young, if she isn't making you happy you really ought to just move on, find someone who appreciates you.

 

And trying to make you feel guilty when you have a nice night planned for the two of you? That's just wrong.

 

And the sex thing, that's a whole other issue - you both are around 20 if I am doing my math correctly? You should be going at it like crazy, even if you hate eachother. It sounds like she is bored, when people get bored in relationships they start taking the other for granted, that is one of the symptoms. Not saying that is your fault at all, but I am sure she would find a way to blame you.

 

It sounds like you might be a little bored w/ her BS as well.

[WhyYouWanna]

^^ Top advice I know, but it f**king hard

 

Maybe its me just wanting "everything perfect" because aside from her my life it's riding pretty spot on at the moment (touch wood). I work hard to get what I want, I always have and this is why I think people see so much in me when it comes to my company and what I'm doing there.

 

I want to move on to the next stage of life as in a home and growin up but I can't with her because of the way she is, I know I'd be setting myself up for more disappointment.

 

After 4 years it's hard to move on (I'm only 20).

 

I honestly wish someone else would come along and I could just walk away from her for good with a middle finger, but it's that whole "after her... then what?". Like I say it's hard after 4 years at this age.

 

I think I'm going to have to start doing what you said MakeLemonade and call her bluff.

[Geishawhelk]

The way I read it is that she's getting bored, and so will find whatever excuse to find fault.

Either this, or because she perceives the relationship growing stale, she's seeking constant validation.

I know we don't have her side of it (and forgive me, but if she were posting here, I'm sure she'd have plenty to say, and it would be from her viewpoint - you see what I'm saying?) but she's coming across as selfish.

Or she's sabotaging it because some light, somewhere has gone out, and she's putting the fault/responsibility on you.

She may not see she may be feeling differerently about you, but she's projecting this outwardly.

You know, just because you're 'childhood sweethearts' it doesn't have to be any better, more perfect or more lasting than any other....

it's just as subject to change as anything else...

 

I'm just shoving something forward here...

Anything click...?

[Geishawhelk]

After 4 years it's hard to move on (I'm only 20).

 

I honestly wish someone else would come along and I could just walk away from her for good with a middle finger, but it's that whole "after her... then what?". Like I say it's hard after 4 years at this age.

 

Sheeesh!!

Why do you need someone else to come along!?

You can walk away from her without there being someone else there!

Fer chrissakes, you're only 20, you shouldn't be thinking of settling down forever just yet, bud!

"After her then what?"

How about a bit of freedom to breathe without someone hanging on your arm all the time?

How about just hanging loose and letting life entertain you for a while!?

 

Come on, man!!

A young guy like you shouldn't be such a stick in the mud yet!!

 

Get out and get some fun, why doncha - ??

[MakeLemonade]

^^ Top advice I know, but it f**king hard

 

Maybe its me just wanting "everything perfect" because aside from her my life it's riding pretty spot on at the moment (touch wood). I work hard to get what I want, I always have and this is why I think people see so much in me when it comes to my company and what I'm doing there.

 

I want to move on to the next stage of life as in a home and growin up but I can't with her because of the way she is, I know I'd be setting myself up for more disappointment.

 

After 4 years it's hard to move on (I'm only 20).

 

I honestly wish someone else would come along and I could just walk away from her for good with a middle finger, but it's that whole "after her... then what?". Like I say it's hard after 4 years at this age.

 

I think I'm going to have to start doing what you said MakeLemonade and call her bluff.

 

 

The underlined part answers the bolded question. after her....then what? then what? You are ONLY 20 my man. There is so much life and dating and fun to be had. Don't worry about settling in and growing up JUST yet. Especially not with someone who takes you for granted, makes you question yourself, emasculates you and makes you feel like shytola to boot!

 

Try calling the bluff if you want, I like to think it is decent enough advice, but really - as young as you are - find someone you really click with and who appreciates you or several someones even - who is to say you even have to move on to another relationship, just date awhile, oh how I wish I had done more dating at your age. I know it is hard to let all that history go, I know how hard it is, really. But once you move on, you will be happy I bet? I just bet you might

 

I don't want to seem callous here either, if you REALLY love her, then give the bluff-calling a shot, grow a backbone and try to make her see the error of her ways. Do you guys talk about things? Really talk? Share common interests? Views on life and the world? It sounds as though intimacy is also lacking in the relationship. Are you two best friends too? You should have that also.

 

The main point I am trying to make is you are too young to waste time floundering around with something that isn't even your ideal relationship at its' best!? Or was it at some point? This is where I guess I have to stop as I have given advice to the extent of the info you have given. Anything else, would be conjecture. Feel free to provide some more details and I will be happy to chime in some more.

[StartingOver07]

I honestly wish someone else would come along and I could just walk away from her for good with a middle finger, but it's that whole "after her... then what?". Like I say it's hard after 4 years at this age.

 

 

If this is how you feel, you should walk away now.

 

Even in furstration, I can't imagine talking about someone I love this way.

[WhyYouWanna]

Just to add, we argue about the most stupid things, for example I've just taken up pro-wrestling (pretty good at it) and she moans at me for taking a night out a week to do that.

 

I couldn't possibly quote everything everyone's said but it's made so much sense and I'm so happy I posted this on here.

 

We are best friends in the sense we do everything together but it makes no difference, but thinking about it, if we did break up I'd bury myself further into my work, or wrestling or the gym - or heck - even going out with friends and socialising!

 

I've just spoken to her (she called me) about going out tonight all "if you're not here at 8:20 to pick me up then you won't speak to me again" and I just said "whatever". I think I will go out though so she can't throw this back at me and I'm not giving her the satisfaction of cancelling plans I made.

 

StartingOver07, I meant I think if someone else came along (even if I knew it wasn't going to be serious) it would take my mind off her and give me confidence enough to move on. I just feel I'm in a rut and can't get out of it.

[Lauriebell82]

.We are best friends in the sense we do everything together but it makes no difference, but thinking about it, if we did break up I'd bury myself further into my work, or wrestling or the gym - or heck - even going out with friends and socialising!

 

Ok, then why do you need another girl before you can break up with her? If your life would go on and you would have other things then why do you need her? And staying with someone until someone better comes along is not a very nice thing to do. Would you want some girl doing that to you???

 

.I've just spoken to her (she called me) about going out tonight all "if you're not here at 8:20 to pick me up then you won't speak to me again" and I just said "whatever". I think I will go out though so she can't throw this back at me and I'm not giving her the satisfaction of cancelling plans I made.

 

This is where as Spookie said, you need to grow a back bone. I mean come on dude, why in the world did you let her talk to you like that? She probably says stuff like that to you because she knows she can! How about giving her a reason not to?

 

.StartingOver07, I meant I think if someone else came along (even if I knew it wasn't going to be serious) it would take my mind off her and give me confidence enough to move on. I just feel I'm in a rut and can't get out of it.

 

Ok, I can understand that. It honestly just sounds like you don't want to be alone. Why is that? You sound like a good guy and your only 20! It actually sounds like you would probably be happier WITHOUT her!!!!

[EYECANDY000]

Your g/f has gotten to comfortable with things just being done for her, and dont realize you are doing it because you care. Seems like she likes to live her life in comparison to her co workers , if not better. You need to seriously tell her that you do the romantic things by choice not by force. Im sure if you stopped doing some of the nice things you do , she would soon appreciate the things you do , do for her.

[WhyYouWanna]

After dinner last night we talked last night (well, I talked she listened) and I told her I wasn't happy and wasn't putting up with it anymore. I said there's no point in us being together because we don't make eachother happy, there's no give and take and affection and love is none existant. I said a lot more but I can't remember all of what I said.

 

She reckons I hate her and that I don't look at her, which is rubbish I don't hate her and do look at her but I find it hard to be all false and loved-up when really I'm not and sitting there last night (at dinner) I'd rather have been anywhere else because of what'd happened.

 

Take Christmas for example, we buy eachother stuff we wanted, but we always get each other suprises. So I'd done just that last year and when I told her I'd bought her a suprise that wasn't the type of thing what she wanted (i.e. used my own brain), she wasn't happy and when in fact it was gift vouchers (and lots of them) for Channelle (sp?) makeup. But again she went argumentative because even without knowing what the suprise was because it wasn't what she wanted. (She sounds such a bitch when I write this all down but she's not really like that!)

 

She rang me this morning (which is rare because normally I ring her and if I don't it's always "why didn't you ring me this morning?") asking if we were still together and I just said I didn't know. No doubt this'll be a conversation for latter...

[SpanksTheMonkey]

^

 

I honestly wish someone else would come along and I could just walk away from her for good with a middle finger, but it's that whole "after her... then what?". Like I say it's hard after 4 years at this age.

 

.

Well I think that right there pretty much sums up the relationship at this point don't you op when you see that on its own?

 

It will be harder after 8 or 10 years and a house in both your names and all the stuff that goes along with that don't ya think?

 

Doesn't sound like you two are cut out for each other in the adult arena of life remember you were CHILDHOOD sweethearts.

 

I some times think that those relationships are good until adulthood hits then they self distruct under the pressures and realities of the real world.

 

My advice let her go and move on yourself.