So she calls me and later texts me the name of a particular song.... meaning?

[ninjacookies]

I'll try to make an extremely long winded story short for the sake of everyone's pupils.

 

So me and this girl had been in a long distance relationship for about 5 months before I break up with her. We're a state away, and this relationship actually blossomed from her chance logging into her AIM screename after about 4 years of inactivity and not chatting on the net. I am currently 28 and she is 21 (yes, big fact, I know.)

 

Rewind back 4 years, she had messaged me online after seeing my profile and admittedly fell head over heels for me...despite the fact I was already in a long term (what ended up to be a 7 year relationship). She was only a puerile 17, but somehow she became nearly obsessed with me. I always kept our chats friendly despite her advances, however, when she mentioned she wanted to come up and see me and I devuldged the fact that I had a gf and well...that pretty much crushed her. She left me a pretty nasty note and that was the last I ever saw/chatted with her.

 

Ok so now fast forward 4 years. She logs in one day and I see her screename and I send her a quick 'hello I'm not sure if you remember me...---" yada yada...and well, it took her a second to remember me, but after she did let's just say things took off quicker than a Bughatti Veyron on a dragstrip. We were both single and took the plunge right into it, talking for nearly 8 hours on the phone day after day...not even realizing it. About a month in a half in we both admit that we love each other deeply, despite not having seen each other in real life. Half a month later she flies to come see me and both our expectations are met and far exceeded. It really felt so natural and real. During that time we gave each other a set of promise rings. There were actually constant talks of her wanting to move here to be with me. However, about a half month in, I lost my job due to company reduction, and everything seemed to go downhill from there.

 

I don't know if that was the sole reason, but it seems like after that she just began losing her feelings for me. I am far from financially dependent, and have almost 15k saved up in my account for a rainy day, but it just seemed like that all correllated to the decline of the relationship. Our phone conversations became more strained, we actually began to have small arguments (who doesn't?), and eventually it led to no contact for multiple days on end. I still do believe that she may have cheated on me during this time, as every time she wouldn't contact me for days it'd be a new and quite 'absurd' excuse. Regardless....

 

I actually initiated ending the relationship twice during the final 2 months of the relationship, each time citing that she seemed so 'distant.' The first time she begged and pleaded and said that she didn't want to end it and wanted me more than anything and couldn't live without me. Second time she agreed that the relationship wasn't going anywhere and said it was 'up to me if I wanted to end it, but hoped I'd reconsider.' After an emotional phone convo in which she denied cheating and stated it was just perhaps that 'the relationship moved to fast and she isn't quite ready to settle down', we decided to work things through.

 

So finally, after going 4 days without hearing from her right before this past christmas, I decided to just end it there....but end it without any contact or explanation. Seemed fine on her end, as I never recieved any contact from her...so I think we were both on the same wavelength. So right after christmas I decide to send her promise ring she gave me back to her with a note attached saying that 'i wish you all the best and happiness with your life, i'd appreciate if you could please send my ring back.' She sends the ring to me about a week and a half later. Ok, cool...now I can begin moving on.

 

Well....about a month of no contact goes by and it's pretty hard on me, but I'm doing quite well and working on things to improve myself. However, in this plight I make a very boneheaded move. I wrote her an email stating how I'm sorry for how I ended things, and that I still cared for her and had feelings for her and Loved her. I stated that I wanted this breakup to serve as a relationship strengthener if we were ever to get back together. But I did end it by saying that if I never heard from her again that it would be ok with me and I wished her happiness and she'd always have a small piece of my heart.

 

So about 2 days pass and I recieve a call from her. We both admit we've been doing 'ok,' and I'm happy to hear that she's doing a lot better with her anxiety disorder since our breakup due to her getting back into the gym and doing things that 'make her happy.' On the phone I admit to her that I made a mistake writing the email, and she told me that I shouldn't apologize and that she said we're just both enjoying our lives right now and doing things for ourselves and that we 'never know what the future holds.' We're both cool with that and end the conversation very cordially on a good note. She'd apparently went on a few dates during this time appart but didn't have a boyfriend. I didn't really care.

So in my head that chapter of my life is closed and I'm happy to move on.

 

Ok so fast forward 4 days from there. I recieve a call from her on a saturday. However, out of best judgement I ignore it due to my busy schedule. Sunday night I decide to be nice and return her call. This is where things get weird.

 

She acts unusually cordial, and one of the first things she said is 'yeah, I decided to give you a call because I was thinking about you, gosh I wish I could hug you right now.' I played it off. So we just talk about how our weekends went, very friendly conversation...and then she just busts out randomly "guess who I still sleep with everynight?' I already knew the answer (a nicknamed teddy bear that I built for her while she was here), and told her. She giggled and said yeah. Ok, so I giggled back and played that off. We talk for about an hour (first time in a long time, even during our relationship), and she states that I should keep in touch and not be a stranger. I cordially state that I wouldn't. Nothing wrong with being friends. We both got off the phone after stating we needed to go to sleep.

 

Ok, so 2 hours later (much later than her usual bedtime) I recieve a text message from her with an artist and song name

 

Paual Deanda - Walk Away

 

I had never heard the song or even knew the artist, but for those not familiar just do a search on youtube and you'll find it. I listened to the lyrics and I'll admit, they touched me. But now I'm so damn confused. My birthday was 2 days later after that phone convo, but she never contacted me to wish me a happy b-day or anything (not that I expected it)

 

What is she trying to tell me now with this phone call and the text message? Am I reading too deep into this? I've already got several local girls as prospects that seem to be really interested in me, but I have to admit that I do believe me and this girl could have been such a beautiful thing together if not for the distance. But that seems like a dead horse now. She still lives at home with her parents and I'm already 28 and looking to settle down and have my own place and responsibilities...and she's too scared to take the plunge.

 

*sigh*...why do things have to be so complicated...

[ninjacookies]

bump ? : /

 

would just appreciate a female's point of view to what they may interpret her actions to symbolize?

[niceconfusedgirl]

oh no, that was so long! i was going to reply but i confused half through! well i wish you luck

[CalamitousJane]

Ok, I'm a female, and if I did what she's been doing that would mean that I'm thinking about you and missing you and hoping you'll man up and get real and start talking about whether it could work out between the two of us.

 

If you feel that way about her, it's up to you to prove it. She's definitely leaving the door open.

 

Just my opinion.

[ninjacookies]

sorry again for the original longwinded post haha

 

jane thanks so much for your response...it means a lot

 

that's actually kind of the 'vibe' I was getting from our last convo too...however, what bothers me about her is that towards the end of our relationship, I felt I assume the more traditional 'female' role in the sense that everytime I would attempt to break it off, I was the one that was rambling for over an hour about why 'communication' in the relationship was important and why I wanted to talk to her at least once every day. I would be spilling my heart out and when she always seemed to be so reserved with her feelings...to the point where I felt like I was 'coercing' her to talk and spill how she really feels. The first time I wanted to break up with her due to us not calling each other for several days, she told me 'wait I can't let you go right now...let me think things through and then call you back tonight, please?' Well, she didn't end up calling until 3 days later...and by that time I was pretty much over it. But she balled her eyes out and screamed and explained that she didn't call because she was 'scared' and 'didn't want to admit she still loved me' and possibly have me not say I love her in return. That bothers me because I'm the type that's been very upfront in the relationship and for once I just want her to assume that role and meet me halfway and be real about things, instead of just dropping hints or leading me around in circles guessing. I wrote her the email spilling my heart out a few weeks ago, and for once I'd just appreciate if she was real too instead of just sending me a text message with a song title and telling me how she still sleeps with a teddy bear. And then not even wishing me a happy birthday 2 days later.

 

In a way I do want her back, but a part of me thinks nothing will ever bring us back to where we used to be...and I doubt she'll ever want to make that move up here to be with me (I can't move down there since I have an apartment lease) since she seems quite content there in the land of sunshine. So it almost seems counterproductive and lead to ultimate repeated heartache.

 

I dunno...I'm just really confused right now...

 

It's already been over a week since we last spoke and she sent me the text....I'm thinking maybe just waiting it out til the end of the week

[CalamitousJane]

But she balled her eyes out and screamed and explained that she didn't call because she was 'scared' and 'didn't want to admit she still loved me' and possibly have me not say I love her in return.

 

Yeah, exactly. You want her to meet you halfway, but she's too scared.

 

Why not meet her more than halfway. You're the man, it's good for you to learn to be brave. In German there's a common expression that describes some people as "needing an extra invitation". It's not a criticism, exactly, more a statement of fact. Looks like she's one of those people.

 

If you love her enough to accept that aspect of her, you will figure out a concrete plan for when and how you guys could be together geographically and you will propose it to her.

 

If you don't do this it shows you're more in love with tragedy and loss than you are with her. If you do this and she declines, it show's SHE's more in love with tragedy and loss than she is with you. But at least then you'll know this and you can move on.

[ninjacookies]

Yeah, exactly. You want her to meet you halfway, but she's too scared.

 

Why not meet her more than halfway. You're the man, it's good for you to learn to be brave. In German there's a common expression that describes some people as "needing an extra invitation". It's not a criticism, exactly, more a statement of fact. Looks like she's one of those people.

 

If you love her enough to accept that aspect of her, you will figure out a concrete plan for when and how you guys could be together geographically and you will propose it to her.

 

If you don't do this it shows you're more in love with tragedy and loss than you are with her. If you do this and she declines, it show's SHE's more in love with tragedy and loss than she is with you. But at least then you'll know this and you can move on.

 

 

Extremely wise words...thanks so much for the insight...I'm going to contemplate on this more this week and make my final decision by this weekend. I'll definitely keep this thread updated

 

thanks again

[CalamitousJane]

Good luck to you!