fray718 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I've always been the dumpee...this is my first time being the dumper and I'm trying to cope. I feel like such a bad person, I feel guilt, sadness, loneliness. I wish I can make things better for him and make it ok for him but I just got off the phone with him just now and I can feel the hurt in his voice as we say our last words to each other. I feel no regret this time. I know I made the right decision. I also don't think I can do anything to make it better for him or can I? How do you all deal with it?
Star Gazer Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I'm sure the people in the Coping and Breakup forums can help you.
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 For me I try to remember I'm breaking up to help myself. Unfortunately it causes pain to the other person but my main focus is on me. Yeah it hurts to let go of someone you care about. Even for a dumper. But try to stay focused on why you broke up. It's for a reason so just keep thinking of all the reasons you two shouldn't be together anymore.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I've always been the dumpee...this is my first time being the dumper and I'm trying to cope. I feel like such a bad person, I feel guilt, sadness, loneliness. I wish I can make things better for him and make it ok for him but I just got off the phone with him just now and I can feel the hurt in his voice as we say our last words to each other. I feel no regret this time. I know I made the right decision. I also don't think I can do anything to make it better for him or can I? How do you all deal with it? Why did you dump him? Cause that's your answer. If you made a good choice... it shouldn't hurt much. If you made a dumb choice... it will be hard to get over.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I've always been the dumpee...this is my first time being the dumper and I'm trying to cope. I feel like such a bad person, I feel guilt, sadness, loneliness. I wish I can make things better for him and make it ok for him but I just got off the phone with him just now and I can feel the hurt in his voice as we say our last words to each other. I feel no regret this time. I know I made the right decision. I also don't think I can do anything to make it better for him or can I? How do you all deal with it? I think it might help to revisit your own perceptions of the times when you were the dumpee. Did you think they were 'bad people'? If so, you might now realize that this perception helped you cope, but that it was more likely incompatibility at work. I for one never thought people were 'bad people' because they dumped me. If you didn't think they were 'bad people', then you know letting someone go because you know things aren't going to go anywhere is the best choice to make. It's a tough decision, but the fair decision.
Author fray718 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 I think it might help to revisit your own perceptions of the times when you were the dumpee. Did you think they were 'bad people'? If so, you might now realize that this perception helped you cope, but that it was more likely incompatibility at work. I for one never thought people were 'bad people' because they dumped me. If you didn't think they were 'bad people', then you know letting someone go because you know things aren't going to go anywhere is the best choice to make. It's a tough decision, but the fair decision. Thank you for your words. The phone call at 10am ended with kinds words from him 'too bad it didnt work out, take care...' but it was really brief. He did not question my reason for breaking up with him this time...I went to cry for 30 mins in the bathroom at work and kept saying to him in my mind 'baby, its going to be ok, pls it will be ok!', came back and he had txtd me with 'Funny i actually believed you when you said you wanted to be with me forever! Ha. What a sucker i was'.... I don't know whether I should reply or just let it go. At the time I told him I wanted to be with him forever I was not lying. That was how I felt. In fact, it is all true how I told him about my insecurities that I feel like I am just another gf to him while he is special to me. All those feelings I had for him were true at the time. But over the past few days, I thought really hard and just know that things won't work out. I've never been so sure about this.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Thank you for your words. The phone call at 10am ended with kinds words from him 'too bad it didnt work out, take care...' but it was really brief. He did not question my reason for breaking up with him this time...I went to cry for 30 mins in the bathroom at work and kept saying to him in my mind 'baby, its going to be ok, pls it will be ok!', came back and he had txtd me with 'Funny i actually believed you when you said you wanted to be with me forever! Ha. What a sucker i was'.... I don't know whether I should reply or just let it go. At the time I told him I wanted to be with him forever I was not lying. That was how I felt. In fact, it is all true how I told him about my insecurities that I feel like I am just another gf to him while he is special to me. All those feelings I had for him were true at the time. But over the past few days, I thought really hard and just know that things won't work out. I've never been so sure about this. Fray, don't reply. All break ups are based on broken promises. He is hurting and if you keep in contact with him you will only get drawn in a game of recrimination. He will one day be able to forgive you, but that day is not today. Today he is allowed to feel angry and disapointed. Nothing you say or do will help him right now.
Author fray718 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Fray, don't reply. All break ups are based on broken promises. He is hurting and if you keep in contact with him you will only get drawn in a game of recrimination. He will one day be able to forgive you, but that day is not today. Today he is allowed to feel angry and disapointed. Nothing you say or do will help him right now. You are right. As much as I'm hurting right now from what he said, I know I made the right decision. I greatly appreciate your advice. I will not reply.
reliance Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I think the worst thing you did was break up with him over the phone. I am the kind of person that likes to break up or be broken up with face to face. Phone breaking up us just not good enough for me....sorry.
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