Snap22 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Hi guys! For those of you who aren't familiar with my story, you can catch up here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142840/ We've been two weeks NC and I feel like im getting back to my usual self slowly but surely. The only problem i'm finding really hard to overcome is this constant feeling of furious anger which sometimes can be so overwhelming. When the relaity of his actions really sink in and I realise who outwardly cruel, selfish and spitefil he has been since the break up, I just seeth! I feel incredibly used by him. I feel that he took me for a ride for four years whilst he had nothing and traded me in for a newer model at the earliest oppotunity. He has made no effort to 'be friends' (at the time of the break up he said he still wanted me to be a big part of his life)...i guess that was all a load of rubbish as well. To be honest, I wouldnt wanna be friends with him if he was the last functional human being on the planet. All that aside, it still infuriates me how he has just cut me out his life like a cancer. It infuriates me that someone new can just take my place within a week of us splitting, she has already met the whole family and they seem to be serious (according to him), all this is going on whilst im just left behind to get on with it. When he told me about her, I didnt react positively as you can imagine, I told him a few home truths...a few days later he demanded an apology from me! Who does this guy think he is?! Does he really espect me to be cool about him hooking up with somone else a week after we broke up?! When we were in contact he was also quite rude and cutting at times, it is almost like im the one who has gone off with someone else! Apologies for the rant but I'm starting to feel that the anger I fel towards him is slowly consuming me. I've joined a gym to work off some of the frustrations but it's still so hard. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just going crazy?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Oh trust me, you're far from alone on that feeling. So many people have this same situation. For some sadistic and selfish reason, the person who decided to get with some one else is mean to the victim (like you) to help themselves feel justified. If he stays angry at you, gets a rile out of you and a reaction, he can think to himself "Oh, yeah, that's why I did what I did, it's all HER fault." The blameless can commit the most aweful acts towards another person, but so long as they convince themselves they are justified, they feel better about themselves. It's a sickness, it really is. Just understand that this is in fact a VERY typical reaction of jerks like him. Men and women both pull this crap. They prefer to turn the victim into the problem so they can feel satisfied in themselves. He has no right to be a jerk, but only a jerk could do such a thing in the first place. He doesn't deserve to be your friend anyway, and you having nothing to do with him is the best thing for you to have ever done. Take pride in your accomplishment of that.
Confused9 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 My x did the same thing. He cheated, left me, then left me broke because he stopped paying me money he owes me and still treats me like CRAP! Utter crap. I had no idea any of this was coming. We were getting married in October and he just split. Moved away, stopped talking to everyone, and was MEAN! VERY VERY MEAN!!!! It was absolutely brutal and the worst part of the whole break-up. I have not been angry with him yet, but I am sure that will come in due time. It's been about 4 months since the start of this but I know I need to move on. As hard as it is...don't dwell on the why's or how's. Concentrate on getting YOUR life in order and get him out of your life. He is toxic. he doesn't deserve you. He is an @sshole. All I can say is...karma!
Aboohoo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Hi Snap, I just read your old thread to get some background on the situation. Your ex sounds horrid, the way he's used you just reminds me of how my ex is with me - he too left me after 3 years living together for some other girl he's never met (they talk on the internet and apparantly he loves her blah blah balh)! I understand what you are feeling, the anger, the hurt and the pain that someone can totally disregard you after all that time together. It sounds like you (and me with mine) gave everything to your ex and he just took took took until he got bored, a better offer! Trust me i believe this new relationship of his wont last, his true colours will appear and he'll be left alone - he's put all his time and energy into this new relationship instead of spending time to 'mourn''/ heal from yours that has ended. You are dealing with all this heartache in the right way and you will be stronger for it. The feelings of anger are normal and sooner or later you'll realise (as im doing) that he doesnt even deserve that! One day you'll wake up and he wont be on your mind, you would have moved on. A way that helps me is that im trying to thank my ex for what he has done to me in the way that i now know that i will NEVER let myself be treated like this again and that he has set me free to move on with my life and new relationships (in time). So my advice is to keep doing what you are doing, remain NC and eventually you'll feel nothing for him and the situation. Just think that poor girl has it all to come (thats what i think about my exs new girl) and now you're free and you'll get a new MAN and not a little boy who uses you. You deserve better...sorry i've written so much its just that i can totally relate to how you're feeling. Hope this helps xxxx
trustmelove Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Remain NC with him...complete NC, which means if he calls you, ignore it!! He does not deserve your time or attention...and you deserve SO MUCH more.... I also agree that his new relationship will not last...he will probably try to come crawling back to you, but you WON'T let him (hopefully)! Use this relationship as a learning experience to improve yourself and chill for a while....look at me giving advice when i need some myself.....LOL...you'll be fine.....God will make sure of that.....
Author Snap22 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Hi Snap, I just read your old thread to get some background on the situation. Your ex sounds horrid, the way he's used you just reminds me of how my ex is with me - he too left me after 3 years living together for some other girl he's never met (they talk on the internet and apparantly he loves her blah blah balh)! I understand what you are feeling, the anger, the hurt and the pain that someone can totally disregard you after all that time together. It sounds like you (and me with mine) gave everything to your ex and he just took took took until he got bored, a better offer! Trust me i believe this new relationship of his wont last, his true colours will appear and he'll be left alone - he's put all his time and energy into this new relationship instead of spending time to 'mourn''/ heal from yours that has ended. You are dealing with all this heartache in the right way and you will be stronger for it. The feelings of anger are normal and sooner or later you'll realise (as im doing) that he doesnt even deserve that! One day you'll wake up and he wont be on your mind, you would have moved on. A way that helps me is that im trying to thank my ex for what he has done to me in the way that i now know that i will NEVER let myself be treated like this again and that he has set me free to move on with my life and new relationships (in time). So my advice is to keep doing what you are doing, remain NC and eventually you'll feel nothing for him and the situation. Just think that poor girl has it all to come (thats what i think about my exs new girl) and now you're free and you'll get a new MAN and not a little boy who uses you. You deserve better...sorry i've written so much its just that i can totally relate to how you're feeling. Hope this helps xxxx Hiya! Your post was really inspiring! It's great to know im not the only dumpee who has these feelings. I do feel quite sorry for the new GF, she is seeing the charming funny guy I fell in love with but it wont take long until his true colours shine through. When he broke up with me, I asked him why he was doing now just when he had got a job and we had a real chance for the future and his reply was... 'well for the past couple of years I wasn't feeling myself!' ARRRRGGGGHH! It felt like he was saying if he felt himself he wouln't have been with me in the first place and now he was upgrading. The more I think about the things he said, the more I wanna put my foot up his @ss and wear him like a shoe! The NC is working though, I dont feel those horrible feeling of dispair and panic like I did at the begining. I've accepted it and understand that sometimes people (like him) dont know when they've got a good thing. Day by day I'm realising that life will go on without him and I do feel quite liberated (cheesy i know)! He will continue to be unsatisfied with his life and soon enough will realise what a HUGE mistake he made. That said, there is absolotely NO WAY will we ever be back together. That ship has well and truly sailed.
Frankie24 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 My ex has just left me for a second time for his ex!!! Im so god damn angry as well
Aboohoo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Snap - I SOOOO hear what you are saying!!!! Our exs have totally taken us for granted, blamed US for their own problems and so went for something new and exciting. Sooner or later that relationship won't work and they'll realise what a good thing they had with us and want us back in their lives! But by then we will have moved on and onto new, better and exciting things! Its their loss not ours!!!!
Author Snap22 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Seriously hun, he ain't worth the toilet you cr*p in! A bit rude I know, but sometimes there is just no other way to be when it comes to idiots like that. Stay strong, stand your ground, let him know your done with him. Keep smiling ;-)
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