fiyah Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 i kind of had a rebound right after my LTR ended. it was great in the beginning cuz i really didnt even think about my LTR. I was very relieved that i was out of that relationship with my LTR and getting a chance to explore something brand new. But now after a couple months have passed, i'm still dating the new girl and taking it slow one-day-at-a-time, but finding it increasingly difficult and heart-breaking. Right now, i'm feeling: - sad because i'm finally grieving the loss of my LTR, who i loved, but just couldnt work things out with. - conflicted because i obviously still have some feelings for my LTR, but know that i need to get through it. I don't want to hurt another girl as i'm dating someone right now. I've been honest with her about my current feelings, though. - guilty because part of me feels like i shouldnt have jumped into something so soon. - tempted because i really want to contact my LTR and just say hi even though we set a 2-year NC rule. Two years is so long. I really don't know if i can handle that time. - and i feel just sick sick sick remembering my LTR's last phone message to me. It was a day after we broke up. She wanted to make sure i wanted to go through with the break-up and told me how she really wanted it to work. She told me to call her if i wanted to give it another shot, but not to call her if i was really really ready to move on. i didn't call. She even talked about leaving some room open for us to revisit our possibility later on, after we've grown on our own. I even tried to poo-poo that idea because i didnt want to send her false hope. Now i wish i had left that possibility open for us because i really miss her and want to leave a little door open that later on down the road, maybe there is some hope. Stupid me. I thought that i was ready to move on after my LTR. I really didn't feel anything right after the fact. But now, almost five months after the fact, its hitting me smack in the face. I miss her bad.
NowWhat Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Okay, you need to stop and think about what you are doing. I just had someone do to me what you are now doing to your current girlfriend. It's not right to lead someone on when you know you might go back to your ex. You are trying to have your cake and eat it too. I'm sorry, but you need to tell your girlfriend the truth and let her go find someone who really wants to be with her and isn't just using her.
fabulousgal Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 amen. i just a guy do this to me, granted not that long but it still hurt my feelings. you have to end things with the current girl, and don't expect her to wait around. she shouldn't. when it doesn't work out with your ex, and you try to get back with this girl...i hope you will have learned that you really need to assess in your head how what you are getting into will impact someone else. i can't even think about dating another person when someone else is the one i long for, its so not fair to the person who isn't confused. you are leading her on. Omg and i just realized in the title of this thread you KNOW she is a rebound. have a heart and end this in a compassionate way and stay away from anything other than casual dating until you are really ready.
Author fiyah Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 okay. thanks for the advice. i was intending to keep things casual with the new girl. i told her from the beginning i wasnt ready to jump into a relationship. we agreed to take it slow and day-by-day. we agreed to be exclusive, though. when my sadness regarding my ex came up, i told her that i was still dealing with those feelings. she knows i need to take things slow. my intention was to continue getting to know this new girl and thought the feelings re: my ex were things i just needed to get through and that "getting out there and dating" would be a positive thing. the last thing i wanted to do was hurt another girl, but maybe i failed at that, too. so, do you absolutely think i need to let this new girl go, even if we took things really slow and open and honest about our feelings? thanks.
fabulousgal Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 so you want to get back w your ex or not? if she came back next week and wanted you back, would you? if your answer is yes, you know you aren't into this girl as much as you should be and you are not giving her the fair chance she deserves. i would ask you to consider though, you did break up with the other girl for a reason, so don't over romanticize her. you could find yourself without either if you go back to her. this new girl you are with may be better for you than your ex, you are just giving your ex too much credit. yeah you need to move on and deserve your time to do it, but if you can't honestly say you don't think you are the luckiest guy to be with your current girl, quit having your cake and eat it too.
Author fiyah Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 bottom line, no i dont want to get back with my ex. yes, part of me still wants her, but i know that its best for both of us if we move on, something that i'm trying to do. re: if i feel like "i'm the luckiest guy to be with her" - no, i don't feel like this yet, but i'm trying to keep things slow with her, not get too attached, and take my time getting to know her gradually. i am confused though. the first couple months with her, i did feel really really lucky to be with her, but i think that was the initial spark of it all. now that a few more months have passed, the "newness" of it is gone, and i guess my passion for her has decreased a little (but isnt this kinda normal for some people?). but i still would like to get to know her better and take the time to get deeper. but then again, i don't want to hurt her, since it seems like you feel like its not fair to her if i'm this confused and conflicted still.
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I'm confused. How much time passed between the breakup of your long relationship and this new one?
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Also, does/did the girl you're dating now know why you want to take things slowly... i.e., because of your feelings about your breakup with your LTR? Or does she just vaguely think you want to take it a day-at-a-time?
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