s_n_d Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Hey everyone. Heres the story: My ex and I met almost nine months ago. The first time we met, We went bungee jumping together and with him by my side, I got over my fear of heights. We have pretty much everything in common. It got pretty serious and I met his parents and some other family. He also met some of my family. We even talked about marriage and kids someday. Everything was absolutely perfect up until two weeks before our breakup. At that point we had a few pointless fights; Fights that were solely due to stress from university on my part. And i realize that i should have never taken my stress out on him. Nevertheless, My ex and I broke up almost two months ago. He broke up with me because of a series of pointless, and stupid fights that we had. Another reason for the breakup was my clingyness. What woman ISNT a little clingy with their boyfriend!?! He also said that his love for me "died". Would someone help me understand how love can "die" in two weeks because I just dont get it. A few days after the breakup, We met for a bit as he had to return a cd that he borrowed from my cousin. We got to talking. Talking turned into arguing and soon we were yelling and screaming. At the end of the course of three hours of the continuous arguing etc, the both of us were crying. It was absolutely horrible and painful to see the tears in his eyes. Its almost two months to that day now. One day we talk like we used to when we were together, text, chat online, etc.. And then theres no contact for two weeks at a time. After a week or so of no contact, I called him last night to wish him a Merry Christmas. We talked for thirty minutes or so, with my two cousins wishing him a merry christmas for a few minutes in between. He was with friends at the time i called him and i was on speakerphone, so I could hear it when his friends would constantly say, "Hang up the phone, man" or something along the lines of that. After this phone conversation, we started texting eachother and arguing over the breakup all over again. With each passing day I get more and more miserable. Everywhere i go, everything i see.. Theres always something or the other that reminds me of him. Hes the kind of guy who believes that if a relationship doesnt work the first time around, a second chance is almost non existant. Oh and I should mention that he was cheated on in a few of his previous relationships so I guess that contributed to how he thinks about second chances. Is there anything I can do to get him back? ANY kind of advice or your opinion or if anyone relates to my situation or anything would help me at this point. Thanks. P.S. Sorry for the very long post, everyone. I just had to get everything out.
sedgwick Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 (edited) Wow, it really seems like this happens a lot to the women on here (and some of the men, too), where everything is going well and then all of a sudden it just ends. It happened to me too -- everything was great one night, we fell asleep, we woke up the next morning, he dumped me. The difference between my situation and yours was that we weren't fighting at all, it just came out of the blue. However, in all fairness to him, I do know that part of the reason he felt he couldn't be in a relationship was that his life is incredibly stressful right now and he has almost no free time. That kind of stress takes a toll on anyone, and certainly being in college is a source of stress! Unless you said something really horrible to him, it doesn't seem like a reason for him to break up with you. What was the nature of your fights? Also, his friends in the background telling him to hang up? That sounds pretty immature. How old are these guys? Edited December 26, 2007 by sedgwick
Author s_n_d Posted December 26, 2007 Author Posted December 26, 2007 The nature of our fights? Like i said, they were pointless stupid fights. For example, either of us was in a bad mood and took it out on the other. so it ended up turning into a fight. POINTLESS. && Their 21. And yes very immature.
D-Lish Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 It happened to me too -- everything was great one night, we fell asleep, we woke up the next morning, he dumped me. The difference between my situation and yours was that we weren't fighting at all, it just came out of the blue. I think we only think it is out of the blue- when in reality they have been working up to it over a while. One guy that broke up with me told me he had been emotionally out of the relationship for a few months. I think the one chance you have for getting back with your ex is to stop fighting with him. And, no- guys don't like clingy (or drama)....at all. So- show him your independant side, he'll respect that. Let him see you out and about doing your own thing. But you have to stop fighting with him... and be consistent with that to get him back.
Bentodd Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 if you stop fighting things will be fine. You have to reallize that proving that your right does nothing to help your guyses relationship. You have to remember that and let some things slide or change the subject.
flosslight Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 I agree with D. It only appears to be out of nowhere. I cannot say that my break up was out of the blue because I asked him to honestly think about it. It just hurt so much to see him be so mean when he did break up with me. It hurts me so much to know that my love one was having problems for monthes and never told me. That is what seems the worst for me when these people just leave their partners. They did not trust or respect their partner enough to engage them in conversation. What is great about my ex is 5 days before we broke up I asked "Do we fight too much?" He said no. I said Cool because we seem to fight more than most of our friends in relationships. We then talked about how it was okay as long as we kept talking to each other and working on improving. He then tells me at the break up that he has had issues for monthes without telling me. I would so much rather have a person just tell me they are having problems. Anyway, you cannot get him back by doing anything. It is all on him - either he decides that he wants to be with you or he does not. It sucks but oh well.
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 well, don't despair. Just pull back and start showing him you are making the concerted effort to change. You want him to see you as the happy, independant gir he fell in love with in the first place... that is the key. When you take things back to the beginning- that will kekindle things. Yes, my bf of a year dumped me over the phone, told me hadn't loved me for months- then proceeded to tell me everything he thought was bad about me- including my character flaws. That messed me up for a while. just steer clear of the anger- and concentrate on light hearted fun. It will take a while to get him back- he needs to see the changes. Start with one meeting/phone call at a time. Good luck. I think's its salvageable if you can do these things. Dee
Author s_n_d Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Thanks D. I talked to my ex an hour ago. We're ok now(not fighting). We sorted out the fight we had a couple of days ago. And its all good for now. The way i see it..If God put him in my life, hes meant to stay in it regardless of our relationship not working out. So Im not going to mention our breakup or any of that negative stuff ever again. Im just going to focus on the positive stuff. And so far its working.. We even had a few laughs over it. Thanks a ton, everyone. All the advice was very helpful.
Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Oh my god !! ..... Looks like we are at the same page with a very very similar situation !!...... Please share your views on my situation ...
Author s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Whats your situation? Same thing basically?
Author s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Nevermind. I just remembered your situation. Theres tons of situations i read and its hard to keep track. Haha. There not much we can do. Its all up to our exs.
AudiA4 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 wow that is really similar to what is happening to me she says that she "loves me" but is not "in love" with me and I don't understand we were perfect we had the silly arguments like most people but was nothing really serious and not too many big arguments but the only difference is I truely feel it was because of me because I too have the university stress its not easy being pre med and wanting to hang out more but knowing you can't because this is your life and it will determine the outcome of everything. but we were engaged and our families met all that stuff it is really hard I still can't get over it like if it was yesterday it keeps repeating over and over to me I wish I could go back and change everything because I would in a heartbeat. she was the type of girl you would die for but this forums there are lots of great people who have been through or are going through and help out a lot with coping. it still hurts and I ball my eyes out all the time I see or think of something tha reminds me of her but I gotta try an be strong its really hard.
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Yeah it is really hard. Im TRYING to be strong. Its especially hard when your losing someone you love.
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