indianlover Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I had an interesting thought while browsing craigslist for an apartment and wandering into the personal ad section - craigslist, while doesn't represent all MM that get into relationships - is anonymous and allows these men to say what they really feel. Here are some interesting excerpts: On leaving their wife: (well none of them intend to)... "I want to suggest that a woman can find a satisfying relationship with a man who gives her many of the things she wants and needs, provided that she can accept a man whose situation is less than her preferred ideal. One of those situations can be a married man. Today, this is still considered scandalous – remarkable, in an era where “scandal” seems almost to have disappeared from the lexicon, or has been radically redefined" "First of all, I'm married, in a loving relationship, and I plan on staying that way. But I'm also looking for a discreet relationship outside of my marriage because my wife suffers from several health conditions which make it impossible for us to enjoy the kind of intimacy that most couples take for granted. I have no desire to walk out on her, but I also have normal needs that she cannot meet or even fully understand. " What they are looking for... "I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Then again, I'm not looking just to hook up either. If it's within the realm of possibility, the type of relationship I'd like to find is one of a special friendship that includes occasional meetings to hang out, get to know each other, play together, and also enjoy some romance and intimacy. I'd love to go out to dinner, go dancing, see a concert, or even just go for a nice walk together." "I am married...yet feel so lonely. There is no connection, no spark...nothing left. What to do? There is no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to look forward to anymore... Anyone else feel this way? I could sure use a special friend right now." "Marriages can become emotionally and sexually dry. Partners grow distant. I’m in that situation. Maybe you are, too. I understand that a family is your first priority. We’ll cultivate trust and the intimacy you might be missing without disturbing your situation." "...am married, and live with my family ; I don't want to change that. However I don't get quite enough attention at home. Or sex. I don't mean to hide that, to be fair I would like a girlfriend to have more sex. However that is not to say I want a one night stand." What they want to do for their OW... "I'll tell you that you are beatiful; I'll pay attention when you're talking; I'll surprise you with gifts; I'll make love to you like you're the only woman in the world. Come to think about it, those aren't small wishes at all..." "...a discreet, mutually affirming relationship. Career, family, life and love can be talked about. The liaison should grow in trust and affection to meet our emotional and physical needs. This opportunity is for a woman who desires an adult affair, friendly counsel, and (eventually) intimacy and sensuous loving. No one will be talking-down to anyone. It will be fun and helpful, not taxing – maybe some good times you’ve been missing." These are from all ages of married men, but usually 30+. Some themes I see are 1) need of companionship, 2) sex (but not causal sex) 3) unwillingness to leave wife. Sound familiar to any of you? Thoughts?
OpenBook Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Sounds like a lot of horse manure.:D I cracked up reading it!! Do they really think we're so stupid that we can't see right thru their words, and realize they have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in finding out what our needs are, much less meeting them?!!?! Painfully obvious that it's all about them, and what they want. They don't want to give up their family. But they expect you to just come along and fit into their cookie-cutter mold of a convenient side woman. Like going to Wal-Mart and buying a TRASH RECEPTACLE. Blue, green, or brown? I am never ever ever going to get married.
Author indianlover Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 But see! Its so easy for us to fall for them in person...if they were wearing something like this around their necks when we met them we'd run for cover! Anyway, its hard to sort through the BS. I find it interesting that men move from being single 20-something and having one or few night stands to being 30-something married and wanting something long term on the side. Weird, huh?
OpenBook Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 But see! Its so easy for us to fall for them in person...if they were wearing something like this around their necks when we met them we'd run for cover! Anyway, its hard to sort through the BS. But I wouldn't get involved with a MM who ADVERTISED for an affair. That's the difference -- already knowing them in person and falling in love with them (and them with you), when both of you least expect it and didn't look for it or plan it or even WANT it, is a totally different thing. I have no control over whom I fall in love with. But I have total control (thank God!!) over my own behavior. If I get involved with a MM, or an SG, or chuck it all and hermitize at my house - it's totally my choice. I think that's what chaps my @ss the most about these ads. They leave their intended recipients with little or no choice in the proposed matter. I find it interesting that men move from being single 20-something and having one or few night stands to being 30-something married and wanting something long term on the side. Weird, huh? Men are strange creatures to me anyway. But what that information is telling me is, no matter how old they are, their primary need is sex. How they get it may differ depending on how old they are... but they still need it, just the same.
PLAYBRAT Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I just threw up in my mouth a little bit....
reboot Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I am never ever ever going to get married.Awwww OB.... we're not all like that. Although I guess finding one that isn't does seem like a crapshoot.
Author indianlover Posted December 2, 2007 Author Posted December 2, 2007 But I wouldn't get involved with a MM who ADVERTISED for an affair. That's the difference -- already knowing them in person and falling in love with them (and them with you), when both of you least expect it and didn't look for it or plan it or even WANT it, is a totally different thing. I have no control over whom I fall in love with. But I have total control (thank God!!) over my own behavior. If I get involved with a MM, or an SG, or chuck it all and hermitize at my house - it's totally my choice. I think that's what chaps my @ss the most about these ads. They leave their intended recipients with little or no choice in the proposed matter. Men are strange creatures to me anyway. But what that information is telling me is, no matter how old they are, their primary need is sex. How they get it may differ depending on how old they are... but they still need it, just the same. Good point OO. I guess while our relationships don't start from an ad like these, it sounds like most As end because we don't get that all MM wanted was someone to love (and then MM realizes he can't leave his wife). The MM profile seems to be the "want his cake and eat it too" type. I think a lot of us hold on to the hope that our A is different...
OpenBook Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Awwww OB.... we're not all like that. Although I guess finding one that isn't does seem like a crapshoot. Yup, that's the right word for it!
Adreanna Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 On leaving their wife: (well none of them intend to)... "I want to suggest that a woman can find a satisfying relationship with a man who gives her many of the things she wants and needs, provided that she can accept a man whose situation is less than her preferred ideal. One of those situations can be a married man. Today, this is still considered scandalous – remarkable, in an era where “scandal” seems almost to have disappeared from the lexicon, or has been radically redefined" "First of all, I'm married, in a loving relationship, and I plan on staying that way. But I'm also looking for a discreet relationship outside of my marriage because my wife suffers from several health conditions which make it impossible for us to enjoy the kind of intimacy that most couples take for granted. I have no desire to walk out on her, but I also have normal needs that she cannot meet or even fully understand. " What they are looking for... "I'm not looking for a serious relationship. Then again, I'm not looking just to hook up either. If it's within the realm of possibility, the type of relationship I'd like to find is one of a special friendship that includes occasional meetings to hang out, get to know each other, play together, and also enjoy some romance and intimacy. I'd love to go out to dinner, go dancing, see a concert, or even just go for a nice walk together." "I am married...yet feel so lonely. There is no connection, no spark...nothing left. What to do? There is no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to look forward to anymore... Anyone else feel this way? I could sure use a special friend right now." "Marriages can become emotionally and sexually dry. Partners grow distant. I’m in that situation. Maybe you are, too. I understand that a family is your first priority. We’ll cultivate trust and the intimacy you might be missing without disturbing your situation." "...am married, and live with my family ; I don't want to change that. However I don't get quite enough attention at home. Or sex. I don't mean to hide that, to be fair I would like a girlfriend to have more sex. However that is not to say I want a one night stand." What they want to do for their OW... "I'll tell you that you are beatiful; I'll pay attention when you're talking; I'll surprise you with gifts; I'll make love to you like you're the only woman in the world. Come to think about it, those aren't small wishes at all..." "...a discreet, mutually affirming relationship. Career, family, life and love can be talked about. The liaison should grow in trust and affection to meet our emotional and physical needs. This opportunity is for a woman who desires an adult affair, friendly counsel, and (eventually) intimacy and sensuous loving. No one will be talking-down to anyone. It will be fun and helpful, not taxing – maybe some good times you’ve been missing." These are from all ages of married men, but usually 30+. Some themes I see are 1) need of companionship, 2) sex (but not causal sex) 3) unwillingness to leave wife. Sound familiar to any of you? Thoughts? He'll tell you all that for sure, does not mean every word he said is the truth. This piece of information make me sick. Women fall for this type of men.
Gwyneth Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 A few weeks ago, my friend directed me to the "personal encounters" link on Craigslist. I was appalled by the amount of men not only trying to pursue a one night stand, but would also post in the nude for a photo for the site. SICK!!!!! Major turn-off too.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I think the most comical part is the ad where one of those mouth-breathers actually said, "this OPPORTUNITY is for a woman who desires....." OPPORTUNITY?????? Give me a freakin' break. What a bunch of scumbags. They honestly think they can advertise on a site and the women are just going to come a'running. I wish them all good luck with that. Idiots.
frannie Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 The thing is, that is a list for married men and women to advertise to have affairs specifically with no strings, confidentiality, and no expectations of anything going any further. That's not how most of us who are on LS ended up in an affair.
Adreanna Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Excuse me, did anyone say that was how you ended up in an affair??
OWoman Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 OK it seems I'm the dissenting voice here, but I see nothing wrong with being totally upfront and honest about what you want and what you're willing to give. I think all relationships could benefit with that kind of honesty. While some people might not like what's on offer, it's their choice to say no thanks and walk on to something they prefer. There are others - and previously I'd have been one of them - who would welcome an involvement that literally was just what was offered - wonderful times, but no demands and no commitments beyond that. And certainly no expectations of breeding or housekeeping or listening to him whining on about his miserable day at work! What I despise are those people who OFFER one thing - explicitly or by insinuation - and then go on to have something entirely else in mind. Either promising (as in many of the stories here) a full-time, long-term happy-ever-after ending but in reality not able to deliver; or promising (as so often in my experience) no-strings fun only and in reality wanting your undying, single-minded attention and devotion and white picket fences and swimming pools and mini me's in matching outfits and the station wagon parked in the garage. And somehow expect you to be cool with the subterfuge, because of some notion that that was really what it was all about from the outset.
MissMaris Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I've seen those ads too. along with all the....er....naked pictures (in all their hairy, naked, flabby glory!) Ech! Makes me wonder though. There are the men who POST these things and then there are the men who are tempted to and don't. I feel very discouraged about long-term partnerships at this point in my life and these types of ads just seem to add to that feeling. How many men are disatisfied with marriage in general?
Gwyneth Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 The difference between us and the woman who are willing to spend one night with those scumbags is that we are having affairs--not a one night stand. BIG difference in my eyes.
silktricks Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I have no control over whom I fall in love with. I've heard this so many times. It seems like such total bs to me. But I have total control (thank God!!) over my own behavior. If I get involved with a MM, or an SG, or chuck it all and hermitize at my house - it's totally my choice. But this is the key. Thank-you for posting it OB. We all have control over our own behavior. Many of us should probably exercise that control more often....
nadiaj2727 Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 But see! Its so easy for us to fall for them in person...if they were wearing something like this around their necks when we met them we'd run for cover! Anyway, its hard to sort through the BS. I completely agree with you indianlover. This is what most MM are thinking, either sub-consciously or consciously, when they enter into an affair, but if they really TOLD us all of this, we'd say "no way." Instead, it's more subtle, and we fall for it because it's more personal, it's happening to US, instead of on some online site as an advertisement for the same exact thing.
twistedapart Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 "I am married...yet feel so lonely. There is no connection, no spark...nothing left. What to do? There is no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to look forward to anymore... Anyone else feel this way? I could sure use a special friend right now." "Marriages can become emotionally and sexually dry. Partners grow distant. I’m in that situation. Maybe you are, too. I understand that a family is your first priority. We’ll cultivate trust and the intimacy you might be missing without disturbing your situation." This is just a fact with most marriages. And it's a shame, but most of these women will never find out that their husband is cheatin!
OpenBook Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I've heard this so many times. It seems like such total bs to me. Just out of curiosity - do you think we DO have control over who we fall in love with??
OpenBook Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 along with all the....er....naked pictures (in all their hairy, naked, flabby glory!)... How many men are disatisfied with marriage in general? Who cares?!? Who would want to marry them anyway in all their naked, flabby glory?:D:D You crack me up MissMaris! I hear ya too... I have just about 0 faith in marriage anymore.
Gwyneth Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I'd rather eat meat than ever see those photos of the desperate guys in all their naked glory. Yucky!!! Not to mention I'm sure many of those well endowed men photo shopped their prized posessions. Yucks.
writeon Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 But I wouldn't get involved with a MM who ADVERTISED for an affair. That's the difference -- already knowing them in person and falling in love with them (and them with you), when both of you least expect it and didn't look for it or plan it or even WANT it, is a totally different thing. I have no control over whom I fall in love with. But I have total control (thank God!!) over my own behavior. If I get involved with a MM, or an SG, or chuck it all and hermitize at my house - it's totally my choice. I think that's what chaps my @ss the most about these ads. They leave their intended recipients with little or no choice in the proposed matter. Men are strange creatures to me anyway. But what that information is telling me is, no matter how old they are, their primary need is sex. How they get it may differ depending on how old they are... but they still need it, just the same. Hi, I was just wondering, why don't you have control over who you fall in love with? I used to date some real "not-so-winners"... guys with co-dependency issues, financial problems, guys who were jerks to me and others, typical "bad boys" etc. Then I decided to have a set of standards and "filter" out guys who had characteristics I didn't want in a partner. Example, being married. That way I gained control over who I dated and let myself fall in love with. I think you can have control over who fall in love with if you CHOOSE to. I've been going to pre-marital counseling and it's taught me a lot, for instance, love is a choice, and requires active commitment and reinforcement... love is NOT infatuation which is a passive kind of "it just happened to me" FALLING for someone, for more selfish reasons. There are lots of people we "could" fall in love with or feel feelings for, but only some that are the type of people we truly want to build a life/ long-term relationship with. Real love puts the other person first and sees that the other person puts US first. It's not just accidental feelings. I guess I don't think there's such a thing as FALLING in love, because love takes time and an attitude to develop. There is falling in lust, falling in infatuation, etc... and if we decide to, we can definitely control if the lust/ infatuation leads to love or not. I think we should be able to control who we fall in love with by not putting our hearts out there too much, protecting our hearts so to speak until our MINDs and GUTs also agree that this is a good guy to be with and situation for us to be in. Like, don't just fall in LOVE with everyone you fall in LUST/ INFATUATION with, so to speak. Ultimately that's probably not the wisest course. Yeah, you might find yourself falling in love with a homeless person, but is that the right relationship for you? Maybe... then pursue it. Maybe not... then don't pursue it. I think it would create all kinds of chaos if we just went around letting ourselves fall in love with anyone we might have a connection with. And maybe you would one day want to get married to someone that has withstood your filtering system... the right guy for you, the right situation for you, the right FEELINGS turning into the right ACTIONS/ commitment. Just my two cents (I'm pretty new here and have been lurking, but I just wanted to comment about that because it's something I've been thinking about a lot.) Thanks.
Gwyneth Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I agree and disagree what we can control whom we fall in love with or not fall in love with. I agree that we can control who we fall in love with because we Want to fall in love with that person. I am not sure if we can control who we fall in love with that we do Not want to fall in love with. Subconciously (sp), maybe we do want to be in love with this person. If we didn't want to helplessly fall in love with a particular individual, then we wouldn't spend time with this person and / or do things with this person that would help us To fall in love with them. We do have control over our actions that can lead us to falling in love with someone. Method? If you do not want to fall in love with someone, then Stay Away!!!
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