emotional break down - did I do something wrong?

[Dynamo]

Okay, so I don't really know what to do about all of this..

I'm friends with this girl, we've been friends for probably four years or so. Lately, I've begun to like her 'more then a friend' if you get my meaning, although she showed no sign of really liking me back. Thats okay with me - I'm not really in a rush to find a relationship anymore, just sort of taking life as it comes.

The other night I came by her house to drop off some DVD's I had borrowed from her, and she looked like she had been crying recently. I asked her what was wrong (I thought her dog had passed away because I remembered her telling me it had terminal cancer). She wouldn't tell me and wanted me to leave.

 

Eventually I calmed her down a bit and we went inside and sat down on the couch. I hate it when people are upset so I naturally started trying to figure out what was wrong - and thats when she had like a big breakdown right next to me. She told me that the guy she had been dating seriously for a couple years cheated on her and then called her, told her about it and broke up with her..

 

I was pretty suprised to see her so emotionally destroyed because she's an extremely emotionally strong girl, I've never seen her really sad / upset in all the years I've known her. I tried to comfort her by hugging her and telling her everything was going to be okay and such. I wanted to calm her down, I hate seeing people so emotionally shattered/upset.

 

She quieted down after I hugged her for a little while and then she whispered something in my ear - it was sort of hard to make out because she was still semi-sobbing but I THINK she said "I wish every guy was as great as you..". Now the part in why I'm telling you all about this: She kissed me on the lips. Like, a long kiss.

 

I stayed and comforted her for awhile, eventually she fell asleep and I got up and left.. I was extremely confused about what just happened.. The next day I saw her where my little group of friends hang out, and she seemed perfectly normal (no sign that anything was wrong / had happened). Whenever I was around she blushed and either wouldn't look me in the eye or would leave. She also wouldn't talk to me.

 

Did I do something wrong? Does she think I like, took advantage of her or something? She's the one who kissed ME though, should I have pulled away? Was it wrong for me to hug her in the first place?

 

I'm just really confused right now....

[jcster]

She's just embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong, and if you just act natural around her, she will get over it.

[Dynamo]

She's just embarrassed. You didn't do anything wrong, and if you just act natural around her, she will get over it.

 

Alright great, thanks for the response. Any idea why she's embarrassed though? Like, is she embarrassed she kissed me, or that she sort of had a breakdown?

[huh]

She might be embarassed that she lost control of her emotions and/or that she kissed you. You didn't do anything wrong. Obviously, you can't really talk to her about it with a whole group of people around. Maybe give her a call and/or stop by to see how she's doing. You can reassure her that there's nothing to be embarassed about.

[wizer]

She was emotionally weak, she was hurting, and she impulsively kissed you. Now she's afraid she gave you the wrong message because she sees you as just a friend, and nothing more, at least at the moment, and she's concerned that you will see her as wanting something more. Reassure her that you understand why she kissed you and you aren't assuming anything at all.

[Dynamo]

She was emotionally weak, she was hurting, and she impulsively kissed you. Now she's afraid she gave you the wrong message because she sees you as just a friend, and nothing more, at least at the moment, and she's concerned that you will see her as wanting something more. Reassure her that you understand why she kissed you and you aren't assuming anything at all.

 

Thanks man, you know I think your right. I'll probably talk with her in a day or two. Is that okay? I was thinking about giving her some time to think things out, but if I should talk to her ASAP I can do that as well.

[wizer]

Talk to her ASAP. This isn't one of those "no contact situations" where you need to give her time and space. You want to clear up a misunderstanding, and the sooner that happens, the better.

[Dynamo]

Talk to her ASAP. This isn't one of those "no contact situations" where you need to give her time and space. You want to clear up a misunderstanding, and the sooner that happens, the better.

 

 

Hmmm, alright, I'll call her cell in a minute. Before I do though, any suggestions on how to sort of get on the topic? It'll feel sort of akward if I'm just bluntly to-the-point about it.. Any suggestions on how to transition it over?

 

Sorry, I'm still sort of new to all of this.

[wizer]

"Hi, I hope you're feeling better, the last time I saw you, you were having a tough time". Let her say whatever. Then say "listen, there's something that's been bothering me. I value our friendship and I don't want to lose that. I hope that you don't feel uncomfortable around me because of that brief kiss the other day. I know you were reacting out of being upset, and don't worry, I completely understand and I didn't take it the wrong way".

[Dynamo]

"Hi, I hope you're feeling better, the last time I saw you, you were having a tough time". Let her say whatever. Then say "listen, there's something that's been bothering me. I value our friendship and I don't want to lose that. I hope that you don't feel uncomfortable around me because of that brief kiss the other day. I know you were reacting out of being upset, and don't worry, I completely understand and I didn't take it the wrong way".

 

Great, thanks Wizer! I'll say something along the lines of that. I'll call her in a couple minutes, hopefully it goes over well. I'll report back here and let you all know how it went.

[Dynamo]

Alright, so I called and everything went pretty good! It felt a little awkward moving the conversation over to the matter but we just joked for a little bit and then I brought it up. She got quiet after I told her that I knew she just did it because she was upset.. It was sorta a long pause. I don't know if she was just embarrassed, or if it meant something? Anyways she thanked me and told me "I really am a great guy" which I just sorta laughed at, told her I'd see her tommorow, and we hung up.

 

Should I have told her then that I liked her, or would that just complicate things? LIke I said in my first post I'm in no real rush for a relationship, but I don't want to let good opportunities pass me by.. Although, it's probably still too soon to tell her that.

 

Anyways thanks for all the hlep guys and gals!

[wizer]

You did well. Telling her that you liked her at this point would have been incredibly tactless and in very poor taste. Save that one for a bit later on.