what is he thinking?

[qwertyu]

it's been 1 mth & 2 weeks since we've broken up. i'm starting to feel like we're really over cos i do feel the time apart yet i still havent accepted it. as in, i still think that things might change.

 

anw nth much is gng on right now because ever since i saw him for his bday, i told myself to NC. one week aft his bday, he text-ed me on our supposed 2 yr anni, but it was merely a "hey how was your weekend" kinda thing. we exchanged a few msges a lil & i stopped replying. when i went online, he IM-ed me & said "hey did you get my msg?" and i replied "yeah, sorry just got home! really tired." which he replied "oh ok just wondering, thought my phone is spoilt. no one seems to be replying me"

 

well i thought it was not bad that he even initiated another convo w me online even tho i didnt reply or did he rly just IM-ed me becos he thought theres a problem w his phone? i kinda dont buy that excuse..i dont know, just sounds weird.

 

later at night, i sent him a msg & said like its supposedly our 2nd yr anni but we're no longer tog, despite this im thankful that ive shared part of my life w you & ive learnt so much frm this experience. finally i ended of by saying i love you. it was basically a sweet msg. i just felt like telling him that. i didnt rly expect a reply cos i know he might not know what to say. but he replied & said "hey, i remember too. you will always be someone special in my heart"

 

i guess im glad he actually rmbs? anw he's in manila now. im not sure for what reason. when we met on his bday, he told me he might go to manila for a few days to just take his mind off things. i didnt think it was true, im quite surprised becos we're still young (19) & he's in the army. i mean its kinda weird to just go there ALONE in a foreign place, not knowing anyone?

 

i called today cos i wanted to find out if he rly went. but once i heard the ringtone, i immed hung up. then he texted me "youre looking for me?" i didnt reply for a long time & he texted again saying "you called?" aftwhich i replied "oh i think its by accident! sorry"

 

sorry for the long story. but from the way he talks to me, do you think he still miss me? i have this gut feeling that he does (i know it doesnt make sense & i might sound delusional right now) but anw, what should i do? shld i continue to NC? by NC here i dont mean full nc, i mean i wont initiate contact but if he contacts me, i will still talk to him. but sometimes i really miss him & i just feel like talking to him as a friend, but will that make things worse?

[SunnyLady]

Creepy! We seem to be in the same position! Ok with some differences.

 

I get the feeling as well that he misses me. I saw him out recently and he seemed so happy to see me. When he hugged me i could literally feel relief like he had actually missed me! The other day he came on IM and spoke to me, although we had a short comversation he seemed like he really had missed me. The first thing he said when he came online was that "It had been years". Prior to our split he literally couldnt stand talking to me and would hardly ever return my call. Now when i contacted him a while back, a few weeks after our split he sounded so happy to hear from me! He missed my call, then called me back shortly after...when we were about to hang up, he told me it was very nice talking to me. It was a 50min conversation. etc.

 

I get the vibe too that he does miss me. And sometimes i feel like talking to him if only as a friend beacuse i miss him a lot. But i guess its best to stay away for now. Beacuse it might lead to a relapse. Besides i know that i couldnt be friends with him...that would make me miss him more.

[sedgwick]

Sounds to me like he misses you. Why not just ask him? I mean, at the very least it sounds like you have a good friendship (or at least as far as I can tell...I'm not sure what some of your abbreviations mean! Please consider writing in "real" words for us old people out here who aren't so hip to the lingo!)

[qwertyu]

Sounds to me like he misses you. Why not just ask him? I mean, at the very least it sounds like you have a good friendship (or at least as far as I can tell...I'm not sure what some of your abbreviations mean! Please consider writing in "real" words for us old people out here who aren't so hip to the lingo!)

 

ooh sorry! my apologies, haha. well,

anw = anyway. rly = really. gng = going. nth = nothing. and NC (you probably know), no contact?

 

im quite afraid to ask, i mean im just afraid of hearing things i dont want to hear. and so what if he misses me? i mean maybe he does (its not surprising right after being so long together) or maybe he just misses me as a friend but thats all.

[qwertyu]

I get the vibe too that he does miss me. And sometimes i feel like talking to him if only as a friend beacuse i miss him a lot. But i guess its best to stay away for now. Beacuse it might lead to a relapse. Besides i know that i couldnt be friends with him...that would make me miss him more.

 

i feel exactly the same way as you, just that im not just satisfied with talking as a friend. i guess for now it beats being enemies/not talking at all but i still hope that we can try again

 

so what are you doing now? NC unless he contacts you?

 

im waiting for the day i get to really spend a day with him & try to make him happy being with me. i made him a scrapbook before we broke up but never got the chance to give it to him. i think i will give it to him when that days comes with a letter expressing how i feel & decide how to proceed from there.

 

im just so impatient though!! i cant wait for that day to come (which will only be in dec) cos im having exams right now. im just trying to judge the situation here. i wanna see if there are improvements in our r/p & whether what i do would evoke a more positive response :/

[starlite]

It does sound like he misses you...but you said something along the lines of how you want a day with him to make him happy being with you. Like I say to a lot of people...you deserve better than that. Someone who IS just happy being with you, not someone you have to try and make happy with you.

 

I guess I am on this like power trip or something with knowing what I deserve (which is better than my ex).

 

I would do your NC. Focus on yourself. If he contacts you and you need to write back or talk to him let him know you are focusing on you and that you are doing well. He can know you miss him, but let him know that you have come to grips with it all. Basically dont let him know you are just waiting for the day that may or may not come when you two get back together.

[bessieboo]

I would suggest taking control of the situation. If it's over you need to think that it's over and take the steps forward to get over him and move on with your life.

If he then comes back and you think it's the right thing you'll get back together. If he doesn't then you're no worse off than you are now and you can start meeting new people.

 

I think if you make yourself avaialble everytime he wants to talk, you're not really giving him any reason to think about whether he's made a mistake. I think in this case you should be strong and start completely cutting him out of your life, at the end of the day your main concern is you and how you're feeling.

 

Stop letting him control this, it's your life too

 

x

[qwertyu]

I think if you make yourself avaialble everytime he wants to talk, you're not really giving him any reason to think about whether he's made a mistake. I think in this case you should be strong and start completely cutting him out of your life, at the end of the day your main concern is you and how you're feeling.

 

Stop letting him control this, it's your life too

 

x

 

ok just to clarify, its not like we talk a lot. ever since we broke up, ive only seen him thrice for a couple of hrs. ive cut down a lot of contact w him but i thought if he contacts me, its ok for me to sound happy talking to him & all (afterall, i am truly happy) when we text, i think the max no. of msges we exchanged would be around 5? and when we talk, max 5 mins. and we dont talk AT ALL during weekdays.

 

i mean i just want u guys to know its not a situation where im harrassing him everyday. i just dont rly understand the need to show him im happy w/o him or nonchalence when i talk to him, everyone in this forum seems to think the "reverse psychology" thing works or i have to give him a reason to miss me, is it really true? in my situation, i feel like it doesnt matter if i sounded excited or nonchalent when talking to him, i dont think he really cares?

 

cutting him out completely would make me miserable but i dont want to sound too eager or excited whenever he talks to me too cos i guess like what u guys say abt him knowing that he has control over me. im not sure if he actually will exploit it but he doesnt seem like the sort to me. anyhoo, im quite sure he knows i still feel a lot for him.

 

starlite: i agree with what you said but the catch here is that, i dont feel like i deserve someone better, instead he does. i know its a very low self esteem thing to say. i wont say he has been completely wonderful to me but he really gave into me a lot & i dont think i can find anyone who will ever put up with my demanding nature (altho im changing now, as in i realise my mistakes etc)

 

bessieboo: read your post. i think our situation is pretty similar, at least at the beginning paragraph. he loved me a lot when we first got tog & i wasnt that excited abt him but as time goes by, i started to love him more. i NEVER used to be possessive or jealous but when i started to love him more, i get troubled by insignificant things! and the worse thing is that he used to feel a lil happy when i get jealous (yknow the ego boost thing) but somehow towards the end, he even got irritated w me for getting jealous at the slightest things! which kinda hurt me.

 

like you, i dont think i can find anyone else, at least not in the near future. i just cant see myself w another person & i tend to compare them to my ex too. i wonder if we broke up becos the intensity of love we both experience often went in opposing directions? and a guy once said to me that "you must always make sure the guy loves you more than the girl" do u think its true?

 

seems like the same thing with my friends! girls seem to love a person more as time goes by but the guy gets bored. ohwell

[ninjaturtles]

I was reading your threads.....Your 1st thread...It caught my attention.

 

You said you meditated after your breakup and discovered a lot of things you did wrong..and you say he did not leave you for someone else so he must have left you for those things.

 

Are you sure about this? Plus you say you used to be jealous and he started getting irrtated..Are you sure you are not trying to look for a rational explanation/reasons he broke up with you?

 

Was it sudden or after a fight? Plus you blame yourself for being shorttempered etc? Where you very jealous? eg shouting at him etc...

 

I guess what im trying to say is, sometimes there are no rational explanations for falling out of love. 2nd, because he did not break up with you for someone else does not mean he broke up with you because of the things you mentioned. Caret to expantiate on these traits you blame yourself for? I would really really appreciate that

 

3rD- Yes, I have heard people say that its better for the love to be proportionate. or perferably it would be better for the man to love the woman more...Most of my friends in strong relationships feel equally for eachother...

[qwertyu]

I was reading your threads.....Your 1st thread...It caught my attention.

 

You said you meditated after your breakup and discovered a lot of things you did wrong..and you say he did not leave you for someone else so he must have left you for those things.

 

Are you sure about this? Plus you say you used to be jealous and he started getting irrtated..Are you sure you are not trying to look for a rational explanation/reasons he broke up with you?

 

Was it sudden or after a fight? Plus you blame yourself for being shorttempered etc? Where you very jealous? eg shouting at him etc...

 

I guess what im trying to say is, sometimes there are no rational explanations for falling out of love. 2nd, because he did not break up with you for someone else does not mean he broke up with you because of the things you mentioned. Caret to expantiate on these traits you blame yourself for? I would really really appreciate that

 

3rD- Yes, I have heard people say that its better for the love to be proportionate. or perferably it would be better for the man to love the woman more...Most of my friends in strong relationships feel equally for eachother...

 

hey,

 

i dont know the true reason why he broke up with me. he never said in details. it was only a few lines here & there so im left assuming & thinking of all possible reasons i could think of. we are currently NC-ing now (altho i will reply him if he initiates contact with, i just wont initiate). after my exams, i plan to ask him again once & for all (the reasons why we broke up...everything. i just want to make sure i am COMPLETELY aware of what caused it, when did he start to feel this way. hopefully he will ans me truthfully)

 

it was not sudden. i was pms-ing (ARGH!!! hate myself for this) which led to me getting irritated with him & he suddenly telling me "he cant take it anymore" etc etc that led to the break up. I was the one who said lets break up but it was due to what he said "he thinks he dont love me in that way anymore" but after meeting him, his excuse for breaking up changed "we were not mature enough". i asked if we still had chances in e future, he said he wouldnt rule it out, but the likelihood is the same as us not getting back tog.

 

we've been having arguments here & there for quite awhile alr. there was a period we had really tough times but managed to pull through & things got better gradually (then it was on/off, happy/unhappy) but stilll much better than the tough times. only 3 weeks before we broke up, every weekend (not weekdays), we would have some sort of argument & in the end we broke up.

 

yes, i was short tempered & i did shout at him at times, was unreasonable. jealousy wasnt a big issue. i was never jealous in the past, i only started to get jealous later part in our r/p but it didnt cause us to have any major quarrels.

 

i guess im sure if we had a second chance, it WILL BE different. it was hard for me to change when we were tog becos i think i never thought i would REALLY LOSE HIM FOR GOOD (which of cos, i regret now!). also he loved me a lot before & i know he's a GOOD guy, he gives into most of the time, never complained much so i couldnt get used to having to accomodate to him (when i did, i felt upset cos i felt like i kept giving & saw no returns). i did try to spice our r/p, do things different, did try to become better (but maybe it was still minimal effort, im so sure i could do more looking back).

 

it was hard because i was so used to him giving into me thus a lil hardship made me feel so worthless & when i did smth, i expected smth in return. if he doesnt 'live up to my expectations', i kicked up a big fuss. i guess that wore him out, sigh.