ConfusedRachel Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 He asked me a few years ago if I liked him . . . but I laughed at him and he hasn't asked me that since. He calls me at work sometimes on what seems like a pretext or no reason at all, and has told me at least once that he had asked me a question he could have easily found out the answer to himself . . . but he doesn't call me every time he knows I'm working . . . he seems to go through phases with this A couple of years ago he asked a buch of coworkers to a party he was throwing because his parents were going to be in town . . . I texted to cancel at the last minute . . . He brought his family and their friends to see the office the next day and glared at me the whole time he was talking to the district manager A few months ago he called and flirted with me after I found out he was seeing someone (he didn't know that I knew) . . . when I asked him how things were with the new girlfriend, he got mad and said that she wasn't his girlfriend and she see came to see him, not the other way around (?!) . . . when I asked what he liked about her since he was so negative, he said she was "nice" and "pretty" but then he still had complaints about her (he broke up with her later) He seems to really care about what I think about him We rarely hang out . . . but he asks others to go with us (we have hung out alone though) . . . he won't go if there's something else to do . . . I have to ask him . . . if he doesn't go, he asks how things went Sometimes when we are hanging out he doesn things that might be flirting . . . once we were sitting on the ground and I felt his hand slowly covering mine, but I moved my hand back because I thought he just wasn't paying attention . . . the last time we hung out he said something that might have been flirting, and looked in my eyes for a long time and smiled. Finally I got embarrassed and looked down, then he jumped up and stretched with a big smile on his face. He really seems to love helping me with things. Until last week he thought that my religion didn't allow me to date. He's not dating anyone right now as far as I know but he didn't say anything besides a speech on doing what's best for me. Please help me with this!! I've never dated anyone before because it used to be against my religion, so I've never had to seriously think about this stuff before.
tanbark813 Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Well it sounds like he likes you but you've shot down all his advances. If you want to go out with him you're going to have to avoid that in the future.
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Do you want us to tell you he does so that you can find more ways to kick him in the nuts? I refuse to be party to that, sorry. It seems like you don't really care about him. Why the question?
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 I guess I deserved that, Krytie TV. I'd like to know whether or not I should bother pursuing things with him (or even how I would do that, really.) I was just reacting in the way I was raised to react, and now I'd like to react in a different way. I just have no idea how this whole "dating" thing is supposed to work. I missed out on all of that in middle and high school when most people learn how its done. Besides, like I said there have been many times when I've asked him to do stuff and he's said no for different reasons.
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Well it sounds like he likes you but you've shot down all his advances. If you want to go out with him you're going to have to avoid that in the future. Thanks tanbark. Hopefully he gives me a chance to do that
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think if you look back on your original post, you will see several instances where you could have reacted differently if you wanted to show interest, right? If you feel really nervous about things, continue what you guys are doing, but next time that moment comes, act on it. Maybe slip your hand on his next time with a wry smile, or look into his eyes like he did you. It seems you guys have been fighting some urges so far. Just stop fighting so hard.
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If he was really into you, he'd have made a grander gesture by now. He sounds kinda wimpy. You want a man who can be real and ask you out, like real men do. He's just not that into you. Sorry.
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Besides, like I said there have been many times when I've asked him to do stuff and he's said no for different reasons. Please get that book He's Just Not Into You. He fits the perfect profile of the title.
tanbark813 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 He was into you, but you turned him down. If you're interested in a guy, don't turn him down. It's not rocket science.
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 If he was really into you, he'd have made a grander gesture by now. He sounds kinda wimpy. You want a man who can be real and ask you out, like real men do. He's just not that into you. Sorry. I'm not sure I understand what grander gesture he was supposed to make? He asked me if I liked him, then even after I laughed at him he said he thought there was something between us a couple of days later (to which I responded with a joke.) Also, he has asked me out. The first time was within a few months of us meeting around 10 years ago, but I was completely uninterested and blew him off. The second time was the time two years ago when he tried to put his hand over mine. The last time we hung out a few months ago we were when we were sitting outside a movie theater and I was talking about someone else and saying how you can never tell what a person's real intentions are so you have to be careful. So then he said, "you do know where I'm coming from don't you?" Then a couple of minutes later he pointed out Mars and Venus to me, and then he stared at me and smiled (and then I finally looked down because I was embarrassed.) The problem is that like I said I have a hard time reading "gestures" in real time because of my background. So really, does the thing where we were sitting outside the movie theater even count as a gesture?
Krytie TV Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Agreed OP. He made several attempts and you laughed him off. If you're interested in him now, you pretty much have some work to do. Personally, I would be a hard sell at this point if I were him.
blueberry sundae Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I disagree with these two posters. If he's interested, it doesn't matter what happened in the past, he DOES know you like him, btw. I mean, it's been a couple years since you 'turned him down' or whatever. He is completely aware you're gaa gaa for him. If he really wanted to date you that bad, nothing like the little things in the past would stop him from really spending time with you, meaning asking you on a date and pursuing a relationship. He would get serious about things, which he hasn't, serious about making a move. So far it's all been flirty fun, no real interest on his part. He knows you like him, and it is feeding his ego. That's what in it for him. I beg you to please get that book.
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Really? How does he know that I like him?
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Also, how is blowing someone off or laughing at them a little thing? I feel awful about it. By all rights, he never should have spoken to me again. Continuing to ask me out even though I'm saying (or signalling) no would be stalking or something, wouldn't it?
jcster Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 ok..it's been 10 years that this guy has been chasing you - and you haven't been interested until now. It's up to you to do the chasing this time, and hopefully, he won't return the favor and make you wait a decade!
jcster Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 ok..it's been 10 years that this guy has been chasing you - and you haven't been interested until now. It's up to you to do the chasing this time, and hopefully, he won't return the favor and make you wait a decade!
Author ConfusedRachel Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 It would be just my luck if he did that. So should I wait and hope he makes another move (and just be determined not to be scared and look away, laugh, make a joke, etc) or should I make a move on him? And if I should make the move, what's the best way to do it?
Recommended Posts