ilmw Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi all, I know several people on LS have read my thread... and have watched the days of my life... so hold onto your hats! :confused: Tonight... I have a date... dinner. You will never guess who she is?? I have a date with DW. She contacted my last Friday... wanted to meet for coffee.. as she wanted to tell me some things.. etc. I figured, I was going to get served the divorce papers?? So, we made arrangements...to meet. We did... and spent the next 2.5 hrs talking. In a nut shell... she let me know she was very sorry, she made a mistake... she wants to salvage are marriage. (Very basic of that conversation) We have spoken almost every night since. There is so much I could write... but I am still in a state of shock (in a good way) We are meeting downtown tonight... for are "first date"... we are treating this like we just met... as we are taking this SLOW. Through are conversations, I have learned a lot of what she has been going through over the past year and a bit... as she has of me. I truly sense something within her has changed. It was also.... really nice to see her smile like the woman I used to know.. and once again, hear her laugh. You know.. a real laugh. Yes... I am still in a state of shock... apparently she has been apprehensive about coming to me.. and laying her cards on the table... but she finally got the nerve up... and was willing to face the consequences... Trust me... we have had proper conversations... in the past few days... and it really sounds positive... Yeah... ummm, that's my news. Funny ol world ain't it?? I'll be back.. ilmw (good thing I did not change my nic after all)
melodymatters Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 OMG ilmw !!!! I didn't even know you split up, you were the "i love my wife" guy after all !!! I'm sorry it happened, but even gladder that it sounds like it's going to work out !!! You were always one of my LS buds and I wondered where you went !
mylifewillgoon Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Hi all, I know several people on LS have read my thread... and have watched the days of my life... so hold onto your hats! :confused: Tonight... I have a date... dinner. You will never guess who she is?? I have a date with DW. She contacted my last Friday... wanted to meet for coffee.. as she wanted to tell me some things.. etc. I figured, I was going to get served the divorce papers?? So, we made arrangements...to meet. We did... and spent the next 2.5 hrs talking. In a nut shell... she let me know she was very sorry, she made a mistake... she wants to salvage are marriage. (Very basic of that conversation) We have spoken almost every night since. There is so much I could write... but I am still in a state of shock (in a good way) We are meeting downtown tonight... for are "first date"... we are treating this like we just met... as we are taking this SLOW. Through are conversations, I have learned a lot of what she has been going through over the past year and a bit... as she has of me. I truly sense something within her has changed. It was also.... really nice to see her smile like the woman I used to know.. and once again, hear her laugh. You know.. a real laugh. Yes... I am still in a state of shock... apparently she has been apprehensive about coming to me.. and laying her cards on the table... but she finally got the nerve up... and was willing to face the consequences... Trust me... we have had proper conversations... in the past few days... and it really sounds positive... Yeah... ummm, that's my news. Funny ol world ain't it?? I'll be back.. ilmw (good thing I did not change my nic after all) ilmw, i just joined the forum & have read ur story. I feel so happy for you. I am just in the first week of seperarion and reading stories like yours is a great encouragement. Feel free to voice your opinion on my case, Young wife takes a break from me : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t131983/
Ladyjane14 Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 I'll be back.. Well, hell yeah you better. You can't leave us hanging on tenterhooks like that. Geez, I wouldn't be surprised to find Gunny tracking you down with bloodhounds.
Kasan Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Score one for the good guys!!!! Great news indeed!!!
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2007 Posted October 10, 2007 Yes, do keep us updated. Inquiring minds need to know. Good luck to you both!
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I'll be back.. OH GREAT, just like the freaking news!!!!!!:D You can't just spill your guts you have to make us ALL wait....:laugh: This is some great news my friend, now you get all kinds of new questions & things jumping around in your head. By the sound of it she just called you up & said; I'm sorry lets make it work? When my W started to call me & ask to do things it was kind of like, O.K. maybe I (her talking) screwed up but he will take me back & things will be all better now. I wish the best for you my friend, remember this wise man told me, BE PATIENT!!!! Starting slow can be so hard specially when you get those feelings back again for her but I know you have learned a lot & you will make us all proud.
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 What a surprise What goes around does come around after all. I have so many conflicting questions that I'm gonna hold on to right now for want of better timing. Good luck and God bless ... Just my two bits .. Bobby
AnonyMOUSE18 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Hi there, ilmw! Wow, this sounds like great news. Its so awesome to be given another chance, when thats what you wanted! It does give me hope that maybe my ridiculous ex will someday admit he was wrong. I would be thrilled just to get that accomplished. =) Best of luck! Let us know what happens! Love, Scraggle18
Missy27 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Oh how the worm turns ~ !! Well done cocker ~ Dont need me to tell you to go steady ~ I'll tell you anyway ~ !! Go steady treacle ~ take it as it comes ~ :bunny:
sumdude Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 That is the best news I've heard in a long while! Hope things go the way they should for the two of you. We'll try not to count any chickens yet though.. Eyes wide open my good man! Dang, almost brought a happy tear to this dudes eye.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Great news!!! Now, you set some boundaries as well as far as what you're willing to do for recovery.
Author ilmw Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 ... Hi all! Thanks to you all. To sum up a few things... because so much has been said between Dw and I over the past few days... We recognise what are individual "faults" were... We have both changed for the better. We have already discussed boundaries... as in.. what we will and will not except. (eye opener for the both of us) I truly am in a state of happy shock. I could not believe I was on my date with her last night... and it was like a first date.. It was also the most amazing date, I have ever been on. We laughed.. and teased () and had conversation which was so easy... it just went on and on.. without effort. We did stop at one time and we both commented on the fact that we could do this... talk with each other without effort... just comes naturally. As for taking it slow.. Yes we have kissed... lost in each others arms... but that is as far as it has gone... She is adamant, as am I, we do this right. She has said so many "crucial" things... or the right words. She has awed me... happily surprised me... She is full of regrets... and sorry.. I told her... we will work together... for her to get past this.. on the flip side to that... She is happy. You can see this. Why.. when I pulled up to the parking lot last night... she was waiting by the entrance... once she saw me... her face broke into a big happy excited grin... and she made an excited little jump... it was so cute... and distracting... I almost did not make my turn...:lmao: Yes, a lot of things have run through my head... and she has even stated this to me... that this must be so... She understands if I had hesitation... or conflict.... another reason she wants to take this slow... so we have the chance to see we are both "walking the walk" and not just "talking the talk" (not her words... but that is what she meant) I confirmed what she meant... something I learned on here, and in a couple of books... Dw has also been reading... she has read a good portion of Divorce Busting.. and we touched on it briefly last night.. She expressed to me... she has been having a few "ah ha" moments.. and "Oh Damn"...ones too. You know what... when you read a couple of books... and digest it... and actually learn something about the opposite sex... it makes listening so much easier.... I can now sit there... and not hear "wawa wa wa" (remember the peanuts cartoons) To sum up for now... we are not out of the water yet.. it feels like we are holding onto a piece of drift wood together... and the shore is in sight. This feels good... this feels right... and I know, I have grown enough.. (thanks to so many of you):love: ... to know what the right thing to do is... and I know from deep within myself... this does feel right.... and it feels good to feel drunk... when I have not had a drop... BTW... she looked stunning last night... everything was perfect... and... I had the best sleep ... that I can remember last night.... folks... I am feeling awesome today. Oh.. and I have to go to a parent teacher meeting with Dw tonight... for s6... oh Darn! I still feel humble for what has happened...over the past year and a bit.... I have also truly come to count my blessings... and to not squander opportunities... I know I am not the same man I used to be.... and this is something Dw.. brought up... she has seen the changes in me... has noticed them... She and I are just lucky... they are real, and not short term....... and who I am now...is who I shall remain. I will not change... this is me .... and a will remain so... I like who I have become... the man I also have always wanted to be...I earned these changes... I earned who I am now. Now I am 100% full... I can now share myself.. without draining myself... and become a vacuum and sucking the life out of others... I have enough of me to share... Hey I have to go... just noticed the time... here I am blah blah blahing.. and I have things to do today... I'll keep you all updated... ilmw:D
Woggle Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I hate to rain on your parade but this will not last. Once a woman gets divorce in her head it might lay dormant but it will never go away. Eventually when issues arise she will want out again and it will hhurt even more than the last time. I am sorry but it is the truth. This is a temporary high that will not last.
Author ilmw Posted October 11, 2007 Author Posted October 11, 2007 I hate to rain on your parade but this will not last. Once a woman gets divorce in her head it might lay dormant but it will never go away. Eventually when issues arise she will want out again and it will hhurt even more than the last time. I am sorry but it is the truth. This is a temporary high that will not last. Oh...another blanket statement from Woggle... thanks for your input.. but I am willing to take the risk.
reboot Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I hate to rain on your parade but this will not last. Once a woman gets divorce in her head it might lay dormant but it will never go away. Eventually when issues arise she will want out again and it will hhurt even more than the last time. I am sorry but it is the truth. This is a temporary high that will not last.Don't you ever depress yourself into unconsciousness?
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Oh...another blanket statement from Woggle... thanks for your input.. but I am willing to take the risk. Isn't everything a risk ? Glad you're not gonna get intimidated Keep up the good work. Just my two bits .. Bobby
JamesM Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Congratulations! I am of the more positive and optimistic type. I DO think this could be good. My wife was just noticing how many couples seem to get remarried these days after divorcing. Once "freedom" is obtained, the garss is never as green as we first think. Keep us updated...good or bad.
Missy27 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 ....... and who I am now...is who I shall remain. I will not change... this is me .... and a will remain so... I like who I have become... the man I also have always wanted to be...I earned these changes... I earned who I am now. YERP ~ ~ THATS what I wanted to hear ~ !! ~ You got it in the barrel treacle ~ ~ You've been through it ~ nothing can hurt you like that again ~ you wont LET it ~ In the words of Alabama Worley (True Romance) ~ "YOU'RE SO COOL"
Trialbyfire Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 It's very easy to self-prophesize that it will fail, therefore, it does. Don't let the naysayers ruin it for you ilmw. You're both grownups with a mature understanding of each other. The last thing you want to do is to live a life full of regrets from not taking any chances. Once again, good luck to you both.
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 I hate to rain on your parade but this will not last. Once a woman gets divorce in her head it might lay dormant but it will never go away. Eventually when issues arise she will want out again and it will hhurt even more than the last time. I am sorry but it is the truth. This is a temporary high that will not last. Woggy, I think this is one of those situations, if you can't say anything nice and supportive, don't say anything at all. Did you actually read what was written? You're looking at their marriage through some bitter and negative glasses, dear...Take off the glasses and see the roses that are starting to bloom again for them... As for taking it slow.. Yes we have kissed... lost in each others arms... but that is as far as it has gone... She is adamant, as am I, we do this right. She has said so many "crucial" things... or the right words. She has awed me... happily surprised me... She is full of regrets... and sorry.. I told her... we will work together... for her to get past this.. on the flip side to that... She is happy. You can see this. Why.. when I pulled up to the parking lot last night... she was waiting by the entrance... once she saw me... her face broke into a big happy excited grin... and she made an excited little jump... it was so cute... and distracting... I almost did not make my turn... This is soooo cute!!!! Good luck and I really hope that the two of you can work together and build upon this. Definately take it slow, and enjoy acting like teens too! The making out, the 'firsts' of it all...Never rush a good thing!
Gunny376 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 NO! NO! NO! DAMNIT! :mad: YOU GOT IT ALL BACKWARDS! BUY YOU BOOKS, PENCIALS, AND SEND YOU TO SCHOOL AND YOU ASS STILL DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT NOTHIN' THE WAY THIS IS SUPPOSE TO GO DOWN? You're suppose to become a sniweling, begging, pleading, crying, whinning shell of a man that becomes a weak-minded crack head wino lying in the gutter puking all over yourself! But! Noooooooooooooooo! You had to do the oppossite? Look what it got ya! But, seriously this is some freaking outstanding news! But more so than just communication? You and she need to create a dialog ~ a lifelong dialog which is sound as though you're doing! The path to "happliy ever after" comes one day at a time. I never could figure her out ~ and conculeded she was just stressed out about at the stressors in hers and yours life. And once she pulled back and re-grouped ~ caught her beath that she would see what she was throwing away. One thing I believe you should understand is this bit about changing. Life is about learning "I", and that means "change" and "growing" And that's life-long. I'd go slow ~ especially about becoming intimate again. Walking through a mind-field slow! Lay out your permiters, set your bounderies, lay a good solid foundation. You need "visualize" your and the DW sitting in rocking chairs, looking back a "good life!" Not with her sitiing there in her rocker asking you when you're going to make good on that promise? With your asking "what promise?" "The one for richer and better! Lord knows you made good on it for poorer and worse!" And granted? The statistical chances of your reconciling and make it work? Aren't very good! But I don't think that counts with the two of you! If you think hard about the two have invested a tremendous amount of time, effort and energy into this marriage? And, I think you've gone through the gaulet of this sepearation and have come out the otherside stronger, better, more aware, and conscious for the experience! Besides? When it comes to statistics? Its as Mark Twain said: "There are three kinds of statistics? Statistics! Lies! And, damned lies! Besides? What can she do that she hasn't already done? Leave you? Force you to move out of and sell your house? Turn you into a weekned Dad? Force you move into an apartment? Date other men? Once a person gone through this the first time? They build up a certain amount of immunity to it all! Its only the first one that the's hardest? Its the first cut that the deepest? After that? Piece of cake! And that's something that even Woggle would have to agree. In closing? I can absolutely assure you that you absolute best chance at martial happiness is with your first one ~ simply because you'll never will be quite capable of fully investing yourself emotionally and trust someone like your young, dumb, "don't have a clue" about what marriage is" ass did the first time! Now get out there and "man-up!" quit your whinning and do the best you can! Gunny ____________________________________________ To Woggle: Just curious? Does a prepetual black cloud hang over your head and follow you everywhere you go? Read, Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power Of Postive Thinking" And oldie but a classic! You've have had a lot of good things laid at your feet, a good and loving wife, a nice place in NJ,............... Just because there's a cloud,...............don't mean its rain! Just because you see a tear in someone's eye? Doesn't mean there's always pain!
Missy27 Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 NO! NO! NO! DAMNIT! :mad: YOU GOT IT ALL BACKWARDS! BUY YOU BOOKS, PENCIALS, AND SEND YOU TO SCHOOL AND YOU ASS STILL DON'T KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT NOTHIN' THE WAY THIS IS SUPPOSE TO GO DOWN? You're suppose to become a sniweling, begging, pleading, crying, whinning shell of a man that becomes a weak-minded crack head wino lying in the gutter puking all over yourself! But! Noooooooooooooooo! You had to do the oppossite? Look what it got ya! But, seriously this is some freaking outstanding news! But more so than just communication? You and she need to create a dialog ~ a lifelong dialog which is sound as though you're doing! The path to "happliy ever after" comes one day at a time. I never could figure her out ~ and conculeded she was just stressed out about at the stressors in hers and yours life. And once she pulled back and re-grouped ~ caught her beath that she would see what she was throwing away. One thing I believe you should understand is this bit about changing. Life is about learning "I", and that means "change" and "growing" And that's life-long. I'd go slow ~ especially about becoming intimate again. Walking through a mind-field slow! Lay out your permiters, set your bounderies, lay a good solid foundation. You need "visualize" your and the DW sitting in rocking chairs, looking back a "good life!" Not with her sitiing there in her rocker asking you when you're going to make good on that promise? With your asking "what promise?" "The one for richer and better! Lord knows you made good on it for poorer and worse!" And granted? The statistical chances of your reconciling and make it work? Aren't very good! But I don't think that counts with the two of you! If you think hard about the two have invested a tremendous amount of time, effort and energy into this marriage? And, I think you've gone through the gaulet of this sepearation and have come out the otherside stronger, better, more aware, and conscious for the experience! Besides? When it comes to statistics? Its as Mark Twain said: "There are three kinds of statistics? Statistics! Lies! And, damned lies! Besides? What can she do that she hasn't already done? Leave you? Force you to move out of and sell your house? Turn you into a weekned Dad? Force you move into an apartment? Date other men? Once a person gone through this the first time? They build up a certain amount of immunity to it all! Its only the first one that the's hardest? Its the first cut that the deepest? After that? Piece of cake! And that's something that even Woggle would have to agree. In closing? I can absolutely assure you that you absolute best chance at martial happiness is with your first one ~ simply because you'll never will be quite capable of fully investing yourself emotionally and trust someone like your young, dumb, "don't have a clue" about what marriage is" ass did the first time! Now get out there and "man-up!" quit your whinning and do the best you can! Gunny ____________________________________________ To Woggle: Just curious? Does a prepetual black cloud hang over your head and follow you everywhere you go? Read, Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power Of Postive Thinking" And oldie but a classic! You've have had a lot of good things laid at your feet, a good and loving wife, a nice place in NJ,............... Just because there's a cloud,...............don't mean its rain! Just because you see a tear in someone's eye? Doesn't mean there's always pain! THATS the one ~ in a nutshell ~ thass da kiddie :bunny: My sweetie split with his X wiff of 15 years ~ oohh ~ 6 year ago now ~~ and I ALWAYS remember one of his closest friends sayin to him when he got all bent and twisted bout the divorce (she left him for another dude) ~ "What the f*ck can HE do to her that you aint ALREADY done ??? ~ bar f*ck her in the ear hole ~ !! :laugh: I found that Hi- freakin-larious ~~ And SO true ~ !!!
dgiirl Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 ilmw, you brought happy tears to my eyes. I'm really happy for you and wish you the very best. Your wife was crazy to let you go and I'm glad she's realizing that now.
Gunny376 Posted October 12, 2007 Posted October 12, 2007 But you're not out of the "FIRE" yet Ivan! Forever the rest of the days of your life? You've got to "fight" for it! You've got to want it! You've got to earn it! be "worthy" of it! You can never take "it" for granted! It won't come easy! You're going to have to work for it! You've got to put HER AND your children before your wants and needs ~ and she yours! Your going to have to sweat for it! Bleed for it! But? You know that already? Don't you? You're off the blood! Of the Kin and Clan! You've been through and walked through the "Fire" and have come out the otherside! You have survived! YOU are a husband! YOU are a father! YOU are a MAN! oooooooRRRRRAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Honor! Integrity! Honesty! Fidelity! Truthfullness! Faithfullness! keep your HONOR clean! Semper Fidelis ~ "Always Faithful!"
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