daphne Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I dated a guy for a couple of months, that went from Mr. wonderful to an inconsistent person who didn't treat me so well. The final straw was when he went away on vacation for 2 weeks and I didn't hear from him for 3. We broke up after he got back. So it's been less than 3 weeks. He called last night and I had the phone in my hand waiting for my friend to call me back and I answered. I saw his name but I answered anyway. He sounded stifled and angry but I rolled with it. About 10 minutes of hearing him ramble, I started looking for my exit. I didn't know what this guy wanted, but he wasn't making it known too quick and I was tired of listening. As I start to wind it down, he asks "so are you happy?" I answered that yes, I was and was he? He said yes. He always is and that nothing gets him down (clearly our breakup didn't phase him). Then he proceeds to tell me that after he got back from his trip, he lost his job. He said they gave him some bs excuse that his heart wasn't into it. I asked him if it was true and he said no. Then with more prodding he admitted they were right but that he didn't care. It was just a job. Then he talks about moving to Costa Rica, the place where he vacationed. He had gone back after he was fired. I told him, if that's what he wanted, he should go. I see the carrot he's dangling. I'm not biting. He asks me to start playing poker with him. Said he would come down to Biloxi to see me next week and play at my table. Starts flirting. This is odd, coming from an unstable person who's planning on moving in a few months. Then he moves in for what he called for. "So are you dating someone?" I'm incredulous. "Why are you asking?" He proceeds to nag at me for about 5 minutes about it saying that he's just curious and why won't I answer him and I realize that there was a reason he's asking. So I ask him if he's seeing someone. I can hear the smile in his voice and he says yes. He met her in CR. I lose it. He said he met her on the second trip, but I'm wondering why he would have gone back if he hadn't met her the first time. I let him have it. And all he could say was "why does there have to be so much negativity?" and that he didn't call to upset me but he wanted to be friends cos he really liked me. I told him that whatever game he's playing, I deserve better. That he called for the express purpose of hurting me. That he has sex with people like others shake hands. When he kept asking to remain friends, I told him I don't respect him. He's not after friendship anyway. If he was so happily in love with a girl he met LAST WEEK, he'd move there right now and he sure as shyt wouldn't be calling me to get me to play poker with him. I basically read him the riot act. Before this happened, he tried to get at why I broke up with him. I told him it's because he wasn't really making an effort or showing interest. Essentially, he started treating me like a booty call. And not calling me for 3 weeks was the kicker. He said that he felt that I wasn't emotionally involved in it and that he didn't think I ever even cared about him. After he told me about the CR girl, I told him the truth. That it crushed me that he didn't call. That I did really like him. But he was acting super inconsistent and I was on my guard. But I let my guard down more than he did. And that he was behaving more scared than I was but liked to point out that I was scared. At least I know it wasn't that he had someone else on the side. If nothing, he's been honest about his actions even tho not at all about his motives. He was standoffish, like I suspected, because he was afraid I didn't like him as much as he liked me. So instead of going with the flow,he sabotaged it. So after all of the drama, he says "I guess by your reaction you're not seeing someone." I told him that if he can sleep with someone else less than 2 weeks after we broke up, he clearly wasn't the guy for me. Ok now I'm rambling. I'm just still...incredulous. He pretends he didn't call to tell me that and hurt me. Never apologizes for screwing up in the first place because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. but he pulled a classic ninja ex mind game. I don't remember having that done since I was in my early 20's. OMG. Is there a nutjob farm where they grow these guys? And is it located in my city?
birdie Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 sounds like you two had some classic communication issues and that he is not assertive/mature enough. playing silly games like that is very childish
PoshPrincess Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Daphne, sorry but this man sounds like a total tw*t and doesn't deserve you anyway! He was obviously just calling to rub your nose in it because he gets some sick pleasure out of doing so. One of these, 'I'm sitting at home bored, what can I do for some entertainment....? types. V sad. I've no doubt you can do so much better than this idiot! He's probably making the other girl up anyway.
Author daphne Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 sounds like you two had some classic communication issues and that he is not assertive/mature enough. playing silly games like that is very childish He forced me to communicate when we were dating so I did tell him how I feel. I told him that I wanted to see him more often. I told him I did like him. I just wanted to go slow. Yes, he's extremely immature for someone in their 30's. If he really wanted to get me back, all he had to do was apologize and be honest about his fears. I would have been very responsive to a mature approach. This one just makes me disrespect him.
Author daphne Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Daphne, sorry but this man sounds like a total tw*t and doesn't deserve you anyway! He was obviously just calling to rub your nose in it because he gets some sick pleasure out of doing so. One of these, 'I'm sitting at home bored, what can I do for some entertainment....? types. V sad. I've no doubt you can do so much better than this idiot! He's probably making the other girl up anyway. Thanks Posh. Yes, I know I deserve better and he admitted that I do. He is kind of stupid, but he does know a good thing. The problem lies within him and his insecurities. He could have had me if he had just been able to treat me well. I don't think he made the girl up, but I suspect now that he was exagerating her importance to be honest. If he had fallen in love, he wouldn't be thinking about me. The thing I"m wondering is if I lost face by being honest about how I felt and getting mad. But then again, I'd rather be true to myself than an inauthentic gamer who is so obvious he looks retarded.
Jinnah Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Sounds like he wants you for an "on the side" type thing... he's not a "one-woman man".
Author daphne Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Normally I would agree from the mo. Unfortunately tho, it doesn't make a lot of sense since a player would have moved on long before now. He doesn't get sex. One thing I got from teh conversation was that he didn't know what he wanted, and was scared of getting hurt at the same time.
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