What is a "catch"

[peace_pipe]

From a woman's perspective, what makes a man a "catch"?

 

A history of the cause of my question:

 

I consider myself a "catch" and while some women may agree, many, many do not. I see so many women with guys that have no career, no car, alcoholism, abondoned children, etc. They don't seem to care much as long as the guy is "attractive".

 

My situation - I am 30, in good physical shape, have a career, my own place and 2 cars. Not only that I work hard and am very motivated. I condsider myself to be slightly better than average looking.

 

Now I know material thing does not make the person; but where does character come into play here? I have posted similar items here before and the general response I get is that these things don't mean anything. I understand they ar enot everything, but I feel they are a huge part of who a person is.

 

I respect someone that has a good career and has made effort to not be divorced or have children outside of marriage. Do these things not speak volumes about someone's character?

 

It takes a lot of character to build yourself a career and to not have children outside of marriage, for example. I feel these are good traits that will carry over into oter areas of life.

 

So when did women start overlooking these things? While a career and a nice dwelling may not be everything, it's a hell of a good start. To me, it also shows strong character.

 

I am so frustrated of getting passed up for total losers. Women also seem to love jailbirds... UGGH

 

Help me break the evil cycle?

 

Or am I just I the oddball in a world of immorality?

 

For once it would be so nice to meet a woman with something to offer me other than drama.

[Krytellan]

Yeah, I'm a guy, but the sense I get from your post is this. You see yourself as better than other people because you own more than them or because you have a better job. You seem to place a lot of importance on these items even though you say you don't. The fact that you would call guys a loser who don't stack up to your perception of "desirability" I think speaks volumes for your situation. Your superior attitude likely comes out in your interactions with women. Do you comment about "losers" you see while with a woman? I think you might.

 

Try not to feel so superior and you may find that woman are more attracted to you. Just a hunch. Hope it helps.

[Touche]

So a person who has been divorced shows "bad character?" Are you excluding divorced women from your dating pool?

 

Kryt, great post. I have to agree.

[peace_pipe]

So a person who has been divorced shows "bad character?"

 

Absolutely. It shows lack of judgement, poor decision making, unability to resolve conflicts, fear of being alone and possibly much more.

[norajane]

Where are you meeting these women who are into jailbirds??

 

And how old are these women whom you say are overlooking character for looks? Perhaps they are at a stage in their lives where they just want to play for a while and aren't interested in settling down.

 

Are you seeking women of character?

 

Seriously, consider that the pond you are swimming in might have a lot to do with the women you are meeting who are overlooking you. I don't know many educated, independent women who would be interested in dating a jailbird.

[peace_pipe]

Yeah, I'm a guy, but the sense I get from your post is this. You see yourself as better than other people because you own more than them or because you have a better job. You seem to place a lot of importance on these items even though you say you don't. The fact that you would call guys a loser who don't stack up to your perception of "desirability" I think speaks volumes for your situation. Your superior attitude likely comes out in your interactions with women. Do you comment about "losers" you see while with a woman? I think you might.

 

Try not to feel so superior and you may find that woman are more attracted to you. Just a hunch. Hope it helps.

 

It's called being proud of myself. It's called confidence. It's called being successfull as the result of hard work and dedication.

 

I do believe I am financially and emotionally more stable than many "losers". Does it make them less human? Absolutely not.

 

Does it mean I have a stronger, better character than those who have achieved less as a result of their behavior? Absolutely.

[peace_pipe]

Where are you meeting these women who are into jailbirds??

 

And how old are these women whom you say are overlooking character for looks? Perhaps they are at a stage in their lives where they just want to play for a while and aren't interested in settling down.

 

Are you seeking women of character?

 

Seriously, consider that the pond you are swimming in might have a lot to do with the women you are meeting who are overlooking you. I don't know many educated, independent women who would be interested in dating a jailbird.

 

I have been dating from one "pool". The pool of american women. It's the way things are.

 

I know many women have have and are dating career criminals.

[Touche]

Absolutely. It shows lack of judgement, poor decision making, unability to resolve conflicts, fear of being alone and possibly much more.

 

Wow. Can't believe you think people who have been divorced have "bad" character.

 

Good luck with finding a woman. You don't sound like such a "catch" to me.

 

What is a catch to me? A man who is forgiving and not overly judgmental. One who is not arrogant. One who acknowledges and owns up to his mistakes. There are many things that make a man a "catch" to me but that's a start.

 

So do you fit the description above?

[mike7070]

Speaking for all the nice woman I've met you sound like most women's dream.

 

Don't sweat it and just take it as it comes......

 

As for:

 

"For once it would be so nice to meet a woman with something to offer me other than drama."

 

Take from an old dog....women=drama

[peace_pipe]

Wow. Can't believe you think people who have been divorced have "bad" character.

 

Good luck with finding a woman. You don't sound like such a "catch" to me.

 

What is a catch to me? A man is is forgiving and not overly judgmental. One who is not arrogant. One who acknowledges and owns up to his mistakes. There are many things that make a man a "catch" to me but that's a start.

 

So do you fit the description above?

 

You don't sound like much of a catch to me either.

 

Speaking of owning up to mistakes, when do you plan to own your divorce?

 

A divorce is a negative thing, a mistake.

 

I personally believe it takes a lot more character to refrain from marriage (instead of getting married for the wrong reasons) or resolve the conflict if you are married.

 

You were married, someone cheated, someone was not able to resolve it, someone made bad decisions.

 

If you went to apply for a loan, they would look at your credit history. If you had a reposession, chances are that behavior will continue. DENIED!

 

Why would I go into a relationship blind, not considering a person's romatic history?

 

Any decent man is going to take this into account. Of course the player doesen't care. That is what you'll end up with.

 

Damn fools.

[Touche]

Also I want to point something out to you. Character has nothing to do with mistakes in life...what you do as a result of those mistakes is what counts.

 

Making money and owning cars has nothing whatsoever to do with character. I've met plenty of wealthy men who have never been divorced who were of extremely low character. You're a little confused on this issue of "character" in my opinion.

[Touche]

You don't sound like much of a catch to me either.

 

Of course not. A man such as yourself would never think me a catch. I understand that.

 

Speaking of owning up to mistakes, when do you plan to own your divorce?

 

It's obvious that you haven't been around here much. I've never denied my mistake. Luckily, I didn't make it again. I found a REAL catch almost 13 years ago. Thankfully, HE thought I was a catch too.

 

A divorce is a negative thing, a mistake.

 

Absolutely right. Never said it wasn't. But it doesn't make a person have bad character just by virtue of having made a mistake.

 

I personally believe it takes a lot more character to refrain from marriage (instead of getting married for the wrong reasons) or resolve the conflict if you are married.

 

You were married, someone cheated, someone was not able to resolve it, someone made bad decisions.

 

If you went to apply for a loan, they would look at your credit history. If you had a reposession, chances are that behavior will continue. DENIED!

 

Why would I go into a relationship blind, not considering a person's romatic history?

 

Any decent man is going to take this into account. Of course the player doesen't care. That is what you'll end up with.

 

Damn fools.

 

Bad credit histories can be REPAIRED. Just like bad decisions in life can be repaired. Of course you should look at a person's past romantic history. I did. If it included cheating, then I would reject that person. If it was just a case of making a mistake in choosing the wrong person, why would I rejecct that person?

 

My H and I were both married once before. We each chose the wrong person. Obviously we learned our lesson and chose right the second time around. You're leaving out a whole pool of potentially good women if you reject those who have been married before. Your loss, I say.

[kitty99b]

From a woman's perspective, what makes a man a "catch"?

 

A history of the cause of my question:

 

I consider myself a "catch" and while some women may agree, many, many do not. I see so many women with guys that have no career, no car, alcoholism, abondoned children, etc. They don't seem to care much as long as the guy is "attractive".

 

My situation - I am 30, in good physical shape, have a career, my own place and 2 cars. Not only that I work hard and am very motivated. I condsider myself to be slightly better than average looking.

 

Now I know material thing does not make the person; but where does character come into play here? I have posted similar items here before and the general response I get is that these things don't mean anything. I understand they ar enot everything, but I feel they are a huge part of who a person is.

 

I respect someone that has a good career and has made effort to not be divorced or have children outside of marriage. Do these things not speak volumes about someone's character?

 

It takes a lot of character to build yourself a career and to not have children outside of marriage, for example. I feel these are good traits that will carry over into oter areas of life.

 

So when did women start overlooking these things? While a career and a nice dwelling may not be everything, it's a hell of a good start. To me, it also shows strong character.

 

I am so frustrated of getting passed up for total losers. Women also seem to love jailbirds... UGGH

 

Help me break the evil cycle?

 

Or am I just I the oddball in a world of immorality?

 

For once it would be so nice to meet a woman with something to offer me other than drama.

 

Although a great career, financial stability, good looks, no children, no divorce..etc are good qualities about yourself, they're not enough. I mean the reason why all these women are overlooking might be because of something else entirely that you haven't noticed...for example even though i'd appreciate those so called "qualities of yours"

I wouldn't want to be with you if you didn't have a nice sense of humor, or if you couldn't carry on an inteligent conversation, or if you didn't give me room to talk, etc....I like men with layers---one who has depths...I don't like men whose ego is tied up in what he does for a living or how he looks...my advice to you is to look back and see if you can find out why these women overlooked you...were you rude? did you give them chance to talk? did you perhaps brag too much about yourself? did you perhaps come out too strong?

[peace_pipe]

Also I want to point something out to you. Character has nothing to do with mistakes in life...what you do as a result of those mistakes is what counts.

 

Making money and owning cars has nothing whatsoever to do with character. I've met plenty of wealthy men who have never been divorced who were of extremely low character. You're a little confused on this issue of "character" in my opinion.

 

Character directly relates to behavior. Marriage / divorce is a decision that demonstrates your BEHAVIOR. Reasons behind the divorce is also a demonstration of your BEHAVIOR.

 

Yes, how you deal with obstacles is also relevant to behavior.

 

The nice condo / car is not everything. However, have you ever seen a successful man who is lazy, unambitous or unintelligent?

 

So my point to you is this:

 

Most men who are successful have achieved success as a direct result of positive behavior traits.

 

So just to make sure I understand you correctly:

 

Ambition and intellegence are undesireable to women?

[peace_pipe]

Although a great career, financial stability, good looks, no children, no divorce..etc are good qualities about yourself, they're not enough. I mean the reason why all these women are overlooking might be because of something else entirely that you haven't noticed...for example even though i'd appreciate those so called "qualities of yours"

I wouldn't want to be with you if you didn't have a nice sense of humor, or if you couldn't carry on an inteligent conversation, or if you didn't give me room to talk, etc....I like men with layers---one who has depths...I don't like men whose ego is tied up in what he does for a living or how he looks...my advice to you is to look back and see if you can find out why these women overlooked you...were you rude? did you give them chance to talk? did you perhaps brag too much about yourself? did you perhaps come out too strong?

 

I never brag about myself. I mentioned achievements here for the sake of this discussion. I also happen to have a good sense of humor.

 

At times I am rude, but I feel sometimes you have to be.

[Cobra_X30]

You don't sound like much of a catch to me either.

 

Speaking of owning up to mistakes, when do you plan to own your divorce?

 

A divorce is a negative thing, a mistake.

 

I personally believe it takes a lot more character to refrain from marriage (instead of getting married for the wrong reasons) or resolve the conflict if you are married.

 

You were married, someone cheated, someone was not able to resolve it, someone made bad decisions.

 

If you went to apply for a loan, they would look at your credit history. If you had a reposession, chances are that behavior will continue. DENIED!

 

Why would I go into a relationship blind, not considering a person's romatic history?

 

Any decent man is going to take this into account. Of course the player doesen't care. That is what you'll end up with.

 

Damn fools.

 

 

While I agree with what your saying in general this applies way more to men than it does women.

 

Plus, be very careful about stereotyping. Marriages fail for all kinds of reasons.

[Touche]

Character directly relates to behavior. Marriage / divorce is a decision that demonstrates your BEHAVIOR. Reasons behind the divorce is also a demonstration of your BEHAVIOR.

 

Yes, how you deal with obstacles is also relevant to behavior.

 

The nice condo / car is not everything. However, have you ever seen a successful man who is lazy, unambitous or unintelligent?

 

So my point to you is this:

 

Most men who are successful have achieved success as a direct result of positive behavior traits.

 

So just to make sure I understand you correctly:

 

Ambition and intellegence are undesireable to women?

 

No, you didn't understand me correctly and I don't think you will. I agree that those are good traits. My husband possesses every one of those traits.

 

Actually, I think kitty said it well.

 

And don't think that I didn't notice that you didn't answer my questions from above about some of what I consider a good catch to be. I asked you if you possessed those qualities. And you ignored my question. You're asking women what they think makes a man a catch and I answered.

[Cobra_X30]

I never brag about myself. I mentioned achievements here for the sake of this discussion. I also happen to have a good sense of humor.

 

At times I am rude, but I feel sometimes you have to be.

 

Well, unless your famous or fabulously wealthy, nothing is going to save you from bieng a putz!

 

Explain... are you having trouble getting dates? or are you having trouble keeping women interested in you?

[Cobra_X30]

No, you didn't understand me correctly and I don't think you will. I agree that those are good traits. My husband possesses every one of those traits.

 

Actually, I think kitty said it well.

 

And don't think that I didn't notice that you didn't answer my questions from above about some of what I consider a good catch to be. I asked you if you possessed those qualities. And you ignored my question. You're asking women what they think makes a man a catch and I answered.

 

Touche,

 

Once again you live up to your callsign! I pity any man who thinks he can win an argument with you!

[Touche]

Touche,

 

Once again you live up to your callsign! I pity any man who thinks he can win an argument with you!

 

Ha, ha! You're cute, Cobra. Maybe that's why both my ex-H and my H are both lawyers...must be the only type of man who actually COULD beat me in an argument. I don't like to win ALL the time you know.

 

Also, Cobra you made some good points with your questions. What exactly is the problem, PP? And I'm curious but when is it exactly that you think you have to be rude.

[kitty99b]

maybe you should expand your options some more. Have you ever dated non american women? spanish women complement well with american men...for example try brazil, the ratio of women per man is like 15!!

 

but to answer your question as in regard to what makes a man a catch..well to me a man is a great catch if he is smart, funny, kind, intelligent, has a good sense of humor, interesting...i dislike the uptight type or overly serious man...but you know what I really like the unpredictable type..maybe since you have all things "perfect" you might come out as the totally predictable american man...and most women I know hate routine ...so try to be a little more spontaneous and unpredictable....call them when they least expect it or don't call when you are expected to...be fun and take them out in creative dates like paint pottery and glass fusing...dinner and movie dates are soo predictable and sooo not creative..so did you take those women out in fun-creative dates?

[peace_pipe]

No, you didn't understand me correctly and I don't think you will. I agree that those are good traits. My husband possesses every one of those traits.

 

Actually, I think kitty said it well.

 

And don't think that I didn't notice that you didn't answer my questions from above about some of what I consider a good catch to be. I asked you if you possessed those qualities. And you ignored my question. You're asking women what they think makes a man a catch and I answered.

 

I am delighted to answer your question.

 

List of positive I traits that I look for and that I feel are also important in myself:

 

1) Intelligence. No one is born a genuis, only with the capacity to become one. Have you used your capacity?

 

2) Ambition. This means you are already successful or at least have the drive / dedication necessary to be successful in your career and other areas of life.

 

3) Respect for self / others. You respect yourself and care about how you look / feel. This mean that you make an effort to participate in activities that improve your level of self respect. Examples: Working out / learning something new. Not getting drunk, cheating and then blaming it on alcohol. You recognize that your decisions affect others.

 

4) Independence. This means you are not the type of person to go from one relationship to another for fear of being alone. This means you are perfectly fine and emotionally healthy on your own.

 

There are of course other factors but I am not here to write a book. I think these three are most important to me.

[peace_pipe]

Well, unless your famous or fabulously wealthy, nothing is going to save you from bieng a putz!

 

Explain... are you having trouble getting dates? or are you having trouble keeping women interested in you?

 

I don't really have trouble getting dates.

 

I have trouble dealing with women's drama once I get the date.

[Kamille]

PP what to tell you? You come up every once in awhile with these kinds of question and a majority of us always end up telling you that maybe you need to open up your criterias a little more and accept that no one is perfect (throw the first stone if you are), everyone is unique. Others, quite rightly, encourage you to join clubs where you meet women who share similar values as you, such as church groups or what about business associations?

 

The thing is, no one owes you anything just because you have all these remarkable qualities. It is commendable that you have them but they do not make you superior - they make you you.

[Cobra_X30]

maybe you should expand your options some more. Have you ever dated non american women? spanish women complement well with american men...for example try brazil, the ratio of women per man is like 15!!

 

If you go publishing info like that your going to blow it for everybody!!!