Dealing with a 'Paris Hilton' type GF

August 2, 2007

Not only have I tagged my mrs as a paris hilton type, other people unaware that I've said that have told her she's like Paris Hilton as well

Good looking
Designer clothes and accessories
Doesn't leave the house without her war paint (at least 1.5 hours preperation)
Stresshead (stresses over the tiniest things)
Drama queen
Says things without fully considering the consequences of her decisions
Never wants to fail no matter how ridiculous the situation is because she doens't want people thinking she is a loser type
Always needs her parents/friends approval
Talks things up a lot more than they are
Will lie to your face even if she is caught out
Claims to be worldy knowledgable but really has no idea most times
Says she is too stupid to make decisions, but insists on being the boss and if you try to tell her what to do, will accuse you of being a controlling pig.

I'm from a blue collar area and am accustomed to not tolerating Paris type behaviour. Whenever she acts up like Paris Hilton I give her the cold shoulder till she wakes up to herself but she doesn't, she keeps going with the Paris type behaviour until she gets attention. To the point where if I don't talk to her, she will scream. My view is that if you have a problem, you deal with it, work out a solution and get on with it, not cry. If you can't help but cry, have a cry, get your emotion out and then get on with it. My wifes opinon is that you cry cry cry, sweep the problem under the rug, don't face up to it, and pretend everything is ok and expect a lot of sympathy off everyone.

There is good in her but and I do love her, I just want some help as to how to deal with her Paris like persona.

August 2, 2007

I see a conflict between bullet points 1 and 3.

And I have no practical advise for the situation at large; I can't imagine why anybody would marry somebody they can't say anything good about.

Cheers,

D.

August 2, 2007

I see a conflict between bullet points 1 and 3.

And I have no practical advise for the situation at large; I can't imagine why anybody would marry somebody they can't say anything good about.

Cheers,
D.

A thousand times ditto on this.

August 2, 2007

I see a conflict between bullet points 1 and 3.

With these points, she is naturally beautiful, she doesn't need makeup but she feels like an ugly b*tch without tons of it. I think the amount of gossip magazines talking about weight, cellulite etc corrupt her brain.

Without makeup, she is stunning, she just doesn't see it and won't believe it when I tell her.

August 2, 2007

Brizza,

I have dated girls like this, and the result has never been good. You need to get her into personal therapy. I am convinced that these traits flow from a combination of selfishness on a level I can't even begin to comprehend, and complete insecurity.

August 2, 2007

I'm from a blue collar area and am accustomed to not tolerating Paris type behaviour. Whenever she acts up like Paris Hilton I give her the cold shoulder till she wakes up to herself but she doesn't, she keeps going with the Paris type behaviour until she gets attention. To the point where if I don't talk to her, she will scream. My view is that if you have a problem, you deal with it, work out a solution and get on with it, not cry. If you can't help but cry, have a cry, get your emotion out and then get on with it. My wifes opinon is that you cry cry cry, sweep the problem under the rug, don't face up to it, and pretend everything is ok and expect a lot of sympathy off everyone.

How the hell did you the two of you end up getting married?

What is your relationship based on? Anything other than that you're both good looking?

August 3, 2007

Brizza,
I have dated girls like this, and the result has never been good. You need to get her into personal therapy. I am convinced that these traits flow from a combination of selfishness on a level I can't even begin to comprehend, and complete insecurity.

I had a similar sort of opinon. I've never had any experience with regards to therapy before, what exactly is personal therapy?

How the hell did you the two of you end up getting married?

You can't help who you fall in love with. I do love her very much. Undernearth the facade she puts on she is a kind hearted, innocent (but confused) person. If anything I just want to help her.

What is your relationship based on? Anything other than that you're both good looking?

Thanks for the compliment as I never said I was good looking, haha.

We are very much in love and passionate for each other except I often find her Paris like behaviour immature and feel that it causes a lot of unneccessay problems for her and for us.

August 3, 2007

How old is she? Does she have a job? Do you have kids?

Throw some responsibility her way and let her sink or swim. Eventually, she'll have to grow up.

Designer clothes and accessories - are you paying for these? Put her on a budget or you'll never have security for your children and their college education.
Doesn't leave the house without her war paint (at least 1.5 hours preperation) - tell her what time she needs to be ready because you will leave then. Then leave if she's not ready. Do this a few times and she'll either cut down on her prep time, or will start getting ready earlier. You might also try telling her how beautiful you think she is without her make-up. Compliment her frequently when she's not wearing it.
Stresshead (stresses over the tiniest things) - Ignore this behavior. Suggest she take a yoga class to learn to handle her stress.
Drama queen - ignore this behavior. Drama queens feed off an audience.
Says things without fully considering the consequences of her decisions - quietly call her on it each time she does it. Tell her she made you/your mother/your mailman feel bad when she said X. And then explain the consequences of that particular statement (that she will have to apologize and whatever else the consequence might be).
Never wants to fail no matter how ridiculous the situation is because she doens't want people thinking she is a loser type - try to boost her self-esteem when does do something well. Ignore her failures, or remind her of their insignificance.
Always needs her parents/friends approval - unless this affects you, let it go. You can do very little to help her with this. She's insecure and needs more confidence in her own decisions. YOu can support her when she makes a good decision by showing your approval, but she's still going to seek that approval from someone unless she gets a handle on why she needs it so badly.
Talks things up a lot more than they are - more insecurity. She needs to make herself/her life appear to be more than it is. You can try to support her by complimenting the small things and celebrating the small things, so she sees that she doesn't have to exaggerate. Or, if she's exaggerating to protect herself (I was 3 hours late because of the huge traffic jam), call her out on it. Tell her you'd appreciate the truth (I was 3 hours late because I was putting on my make-up) more than her exaggerations because it helps you trust her to know she's honest with you.
Will lie to your face even if she is caught out - do not accept this. Tell her you know the truth and she needs to admit it before you can continue your discussion.
Claims to be worldy knowledgable but really has no idea most times - bring the world to her...go to the museum together, subscribe to the NY Times, talk to her about what you are reading, plan for trips so she can see more of the world, volunteer together for your favorite charity (whether that be at an animal shelter or soup kitchen). Discuss politics and religion and the state of the economy. Expand your own horizons and bring her into it, so she doesn't have to be so ignorant of the world.
Says she is too stupid to make decisions, but insists on being the boss and if you try to tell her what to do, will accuse you of being a controlling pig - Name calling is never acceptable. Make sure you let her know that you will not continue your discussion/disagreement if she insists on calling you names and if she does not apologize. And apologize to her if you have called her names (like, stupid). Then ask her why she wants to make the decision she prefers and actually consider what she says. Try and find common ground.

August 3, 2007

I'm going to call you out on a few things. There's condescension and control issues in your opening post.

Allow her to grow up, treat her as an adult and you will find some improvement. If you ridicule or negate everything she has to offer, this will do nothing to help her self-esteem issues.

August 3, 2007

Not only have I tagged my mrs as a paris hilton type, other people unaware that I've said that have told her she's like Paris Hilton as well
Good looking
Designer clothes and accessories
Doesn't leave the house without her war paint (at least 1.5 hours preperation)
Stresshead (stresses over the tiniest things)
Drama queen
Says things without fully considering the consequences of her decisions
Never wants to fail no matter how ridiculous the situation is because she doens't want people thinking she is a loser type
Always needs her parents/friends approval
Talks things up a lot more than they are
Will lie to your face even if she is caught out
Claims to be worldy knowledgable but really has no idea most times
Says she is too stupid to make decisions, but insists on being the boss and if you try to tell her what to do, will accuse you of being a controlling pig.
I'm from a blue collar area and am accustomed to not tolerating Paris type behaviour. Whenever she acts up like Paris Hilton I give her the cold shoulder till she wakes up to herself but she doesn't, she keeps going with the Paris type behaviour until she gets attention. To the point where if I don't talk to her, she will scream. My view is that if you have a problem, you deal with it, work out a solution and get on with it, not cry. If you can't help but cry, have a cry, get your emotion out and then get on with it. My wifes opinon is that you cry cry cry, sweep the problem under the rug, don't face up to it, and pretend everything is ok and expect a lot of sympathy off everyone.
There is good in her but and I do love her, I just want some help as to how to deal with her Paris like persona.

I dated a girl just like that for quite a while. I can agree about everything but the last four points in comparison to her. But no i did not dislike her. She was a bit of a spoiled brat at times and that came from her upbringing and closest circle of friends. But it's up to you on which to tolerate and what not to and if you're into each other *that* much everything in between you can work on, if she likes/loves you she will. If you say nothing and let her get her way on something you disagree with then you aren't really helping the problem but making it worse or ongoing. Her screaming seems more of a childish reaction...Which yes of course is not far off from Paris herself getting care packages and cupcakes in prison when she was supposed to be learning a lesson.

August 3, 2007

How old is she? Does she have a job? Do you have kids?

Throw some responsibility her way and let her sink or swim. Eventually, she'll have to grow up.

Designer clothes and accessories - are you paying for these? Put her on a budget or you'll never have security for your children and their college education.
Doesn't leave the house without her war paint (at least 1.5 hours preperation) - tell her what time she needs to be ready because you will leave then. Then leave if she's not ready. Do this a few times and she'll either cut down on her prep time, or will start getting ready earlier. You might also try telling her how beautiful you think she is without her make-up. Compliment her frequently when she's not wearing it.
Stresshead (stresses over the tiniest things) - Ignore this behavior. Suggest she take a yoga class to learn to handle her stress.
Drama queen - ignore this behavior. Drama queens feed off an audience.
Says things without fully considering the consequences of her decisions - quietly call her on it each time she does it. Tell her she made you/your mother/your mailman feel bad when she said X. And then explain the consequences of that particular statement (that she will have to apologize and whatever else the consequence might be).
Never wants to fail no matter how ridiculous the situation is because she doens't want people thinking she is a loser type - try to boost her self-esteem when does do something well. Ignore her failures, or remind her of their insignificance.
Always needs her parents/friends approval - unless this affects you, let it go. You can do very little to help her with this. She's insecure and needs more confidence in her own decisions. YOu can support her when she makes a good decision by showing your approval, but she's still going to seek that approval from someone unless she gets a handle on why she needs it so badly.
Talks things up a lot more than they are - more insecurity. She needs to make herself/her life appear to be more than it is. You can try to support her by complimenting the small things and celebrating the small things, so she sees that she doesn't have to exaggerate. Or, if she's exaggerating to protect herself (I was 3 hours late because of the huge traffic jam), call her out on it. Tell her you'd appreciate the truth (I was 3 hours late because I was putting on my make-up) more than her exaggerations because it helps you trust her to know she's honest with you.
Will lie to your face even if she is caught out - do not accept this. Tell her you know the truth and she needs to admit it before you can continue your discussion.
Claims to be worldy knowledgable but really has no idea most times - bring the world to her...go to the museum together, subscribe to the NY Times, talk to her about what you are reading, plan for trips so she can see more of the world, volunteer together for your favorite charity (whether that be at an animal shelter or soup kitchen). Discuss politics and religion and the state of the economy. Expand your own horizons and bring her into it, so she doesn't have to be so ignorant of the world.
Says she is too stupid to make decisions, but insists on being the boss and if you try to tell her what to do, will accuse you of being a controlling pig - Name calling is never acceptable. Make sure you let her know that you will not continue your discussion/disagreement if she insists on calling you names and if she does not apologize. And apologize to her if you have called her names (like, stupid). Then ask her why she wants to make the decision she prefers and actually consider what she says. Try and find common ground.

- Designer clothes and accessories

This has recently stopped and is no longer an issue.

- Doesn't leave the house without her war paint (at least 1.5 hours preperation)

I have been firm on leaving times and given much warning and she has started to get ready earlier to make sure she is on time. In terms of giving her compliments without make up, I do often but then she will read a gossip magazine which bags out how ugly Nichole Ritchie or Britney Spears look candid and I don't think me saying she's beautiful has much of an effect.

-Stresshead (stresses over the tiniest things)

I do but it doesn't cure it.

-Drama queen

Have been but still hasn't solved issue

Says things without fully considering the consequences of her decisions

Good advice although calling her out will lead to her becoming more defensive and coming up with ridiculous lies.

-Never wants to fail no matter how ridiculous the situation is because she doens't want people thinking she is a loser type

I constantly remind her of the lack of effects of failing with certain things but she still doesn't like the stigma of it

-Talks things up a lot more than they are

Do call her out on them and has had a small effect so far

-Will lie to your face even if she is caught out

I do say similar things but unless I have concrete rock solid proof that she is lying she won't admit it, and even when I do have proof will come up with unbelievable stories in an effort not to admit

-Claims to be worldy knowledgable but really has no idea most times

Point taken

-Says she is too stupid to make decisions, but insists on being the boss and if you try to tell her what to do, will accuse you of being a controlling pig

If common ground can be found then the problem is resolved but if common ground can't be, one person has to make the decision at the end of the day.

I'm going to call you out on a few things. There's condescension and control issues in your opening post.

Allow her to grow up, treat her as an adult and you will find some improvement. If you ridicule or negate everything she has to offer, this will do nothing to help her self-esteem issues.

That's what I did at the start but her mis management and poor decisions were affecting us and me to a point where I wouldn't put up with it anymore. One example is she went interstate to visit her family and I told her make sure she doesn't spend much because we have lots of bills at the moment and will be short next week so we need to conserve the money. At the time she wanted to make all the decisions about money so I agreed and just advised her of this fact incase she wans't aware of it. When she come back, she had spent $400. She had bought some nice clothes for me out of that so I didn't want to bite her head off but we were left with no money next week and had to borrow to pay bills. I then took over handling the money.

The purpose of me posting this thread wasn't to bag her out or say she is a bad person, but just to get third parties opinons on what I think is going on.

August 3, 2007

That's what I did at the start but her mis management and poor decisions were affecting us and me to a point where I wouldn't put up with it anymore. One example is she went interstate to visit her family and I told her make sure she doesn't spend much because we have lots of bills at the moment and will be short next week so we need to conserve the money. At the time she wanted to make all the decisions about money so I agreed and just advised her of this fact incase she wans't aware of it. When she come back, she had spent $400. She had bought some nice clothes for me out of that so I didn't want to bite her head off but we were left with no money next week and had to borrow to pay bills. I then took over handling the money.

The purpose of me posting this thread wasn't to bag her out or say she is a bad person, but just to get third parties opinons on what I think is going on.

I saw your thread about the joint accounts. I would insist on splitting up your finances from now on, with one joint account to pay all the household expenses from. She would have to contribute an exact amount per month to pay for her share of the joint expenses. Also, if there's some form of budgeting for savings, she will need to contribute a certain amount to that. Beyond it, let her take care of her own money. Take no excuses for her inability to buck up. If she can't buck up, she will need to raise the money in some other way like selling off some of her personal items or returning purchase items. Take no crap and treat her like an adult, therefore, with adult expectations of what her responsibilities are.

August 3, 2007

Only one possible solution...

Bend her over your knee and spank her azz.

It works. Seriously. Still I would think twice before hooking up with someone like her. Or having children with her....you already have one and pretty spoiled

August 6, 2007

Bend her over your knee and spank her azz.

It works. Seriously.

It certainly does!

Whew!

August 6, 2007

Not only have I tagged my mrs as a paris hilton type, other people unaware that I've said that have told her she's like Paris Hilton as well

Good looking

I don't think Paris Hilton is good looking at all. She has potato chip lips, too skinny, and has the brain the size of a golf ball.

August 8, 2007

Consider the possibility that she might never grow up. Cut your losses, dump her and get yourself more mature woman.

August 8, 2007

unless you two move to the woods with no tv and fashion/gossip mags she will never change! Unfortunately women like that get too much into that "paris fantasy world" and think it's cute to be like that. and to tell you the truth that's not a very motherly type person. Really consider this matter, it's better for you to go look for someone more appropriate for you now than after you have kids. She is never going to be want you expect either acept it like that or find someone else!

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