chill chic Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 I've been seeing this guy off and on, due to our jobs we're really busy, but we've at least spent quality time together here & there for almost 2 months that I've known him. Well, nothing has happened yet, like sexually, BUT he always hints, and talks about sex with me, even saying that it would be hot if he saw me in a slutty outfit, which I said I could do for fun, just to seduce him for fun and then actually do it, ya know like normal people. Anyway, I'm all up for it, since he's the one that brings it up and I just hint back to him, but we haven't done it yet, and it's like he's delaying hanging out with me even. Like he talked like that with me yesterday, and we planned on hanging out tonight, but I haven't heard from him yet, so why is it he talks the talk but doesn't follow through with it? Is it all just ego or what's the deal? And I'm the girl in this situation, isn't it usually the other way around? lol I don't know, but I'm just curious as to what's going on.
kymberann Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 Maybe he thought you actually would not follow through with it and he was just getting excited "talking" about it with you? And he has backed off a bit when he saw you were game? A lot of guys have troubles following through with what they say they are going to do. However just ask yourself before this goes on any further, do you want an R from this person or is it going to be based on sex once you two do "get together". Let's just see if he pulls through with spending time with you tonight first! Best!
norajane Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 How well do you know him? Maybe he has a girlfriend you don't know anything about.
Author chill chic Posted July 1, 2007 Author Posted July 1, 2007 I've known him for about 3 months, but starting seeing each other one on one about/more than a month ago. And as far as I know, he doesn't have a girlfriend, I've met some of his friends, even people he works with, and no girl around. But it just confuses me of why he's acting like this.
Leadnfllw Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Maybe he's a little timid about following through or maybe he doesn't want to go for it and get 'rejected.' I'm not that type of guy, but I used to be. From what you say though he must know you like him because you are giving him a ton of green lights.
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 I'm assuming you're not interested in a relationship with him, because talking about sex in this manner before you've even established any level of regular "dating" is like getting on a one-way highway to BootyCall-Land.
Author chill chic Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 ok SG, so how do I change it? just take away the sex talk all together? he is the one that usually brings it up, and I just follow, but then I pull back because I'm trying to figure out if he just wants a booty call or a regular dating relationship. although now after we talked about sex, he might think I'm all for it, which was my bad, but his bad too.
Author chill chic Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 or should I just say to him "seriously dude, what do you want, a booty call type relationship or a real dating relationship?" then I guess I would get my answer huh?
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 CC, you are driving me crazy! You do this same thing with every guy you like - you engage in overt sexual banter and flirting and dressing uber sexy, and then seem confused when they're not interested in a "real" relationship with you. The thing is, once you cross certain thresholds, you can't go back. One of those thresholds is actually having sex - you can't take it back. Another is doing what you're doing now - ridiculously overt sexual flirting. You can try to move backward and "start over" by having a conversation with the guy, but I doubt you'll be successful because you'll only come across as a manipulative tease. Everyone here on LS knows you're not being a tease intentionally, but your intent isn't going to matter in the eyes of John Doe. Once you've established yourself in a guy's mind as being booty call material, it's most often nearly impossible to change his perspective and see you as relationship material. You need to really, really, really try to change the your perspective on how to attract a quality man and your behaviors related to the same. You're attracting men by the dozens, but not the ones you want to be in a relationship with. STOP talking about sex until you're actually HAVING it with a guy - in a RELATIONSHIP. If he brings up the sex talk, simply say, "You know, I'm no prude, but I'd like to reserve those sorts of conversations until we know each other better..." and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT. Do not engage these guys in sex talk - it leads them to think it's okay.
Author chill chic Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 CC, you are driving me crazy! You do this same thing with every guy you like - you engage in overt sexual banter and flirting and dressing uber sexy, and then seem confused when they're not interested in a "real" relationship with you. The thing is, once you cross certain thresholds, you can't go back. One of those thresholds is actually having sex - you can't take it back. Another is doing what you're doing now - ridiculously overt sexual flirting. You can try to move backward and "start over" by having a conversation with the guy, but I doubt you'll be successful because you'll only come across as a manipulative tease. Everyone here on LS knows you're not being a tease intentionally, but your intent isn't going to matter in the eyes of John Doe. Once you've established yourself in a guy's mind as being booty call material, it's most often nearly impossible to change his perspective and see you as relationship material. You need to really, really, really try to change the your perspective on how to attract a quality man and your behaviors related to the same. You're attracting men by the dozens, but not the ones you want to be in a relationship with. STOP talking about sex until you're actually HAVING it with a guy - in a RELATIONSHIP. If he brings up the sex talk, simply say, "You know, I'm no prude, but I'd like to reserve those sorts of conversations until we know each other better..." and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT. Do not engage these guys in sex talk - it leads them to think it's okay. I'm sure you're about ready to strangle me right about now, after every post that I've started on LS since I've joined. I don't know why I act like this, and I think it might have to do with my past booty call type relationship which kinda messed with my head, and emotions. and I will compliments all the time, regarding sexual matter, which makes me have low self-esteem, even some of my girl friends refer to me that I look like a stripper, she said it when I was wearing jeans even! so I don't get it. I don't even talk about sex freely just with this guy that I'm mainly talking to, but it seems to not be working. So...I kinda want to email him back saying something like, "ya know, I've been thinking and I believe we should save the sex/kinky talk until we're actually in that stage or having sex, it just doesn't feel right otherwise" or what should I say or do?
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 You're not listening. Move on from this guy. Change your clothes, your attitude, and your conversation focus and find a new guy. Problem #1: Your image. I honestly have no doubt that you dress like a stripper as your friend said...even in jeans. There are cute/stylish jeans that a young woman with class wears, and there are hoochie jeans that a stripper wears. Your other threads/posts have referred to your choice in clothing as being very sexy...even a black halter dress to a dive bar, if I remember correctly. You are presenting yourself as a girl who's beddable, but not weddable. You've got to change that, but you've got to WANT to change that. Problem #2: Your actions. I don't need to rehash them here in detail, but you know what they are. Drinking to much while flirting. Telling two guys at the same time that you like both of them. Overt sexual flirting. Why are you dressing and acting like a sex object? Because somewhere deep down you think all you have to offer a guy is sex, your body, your beauty, etc. You're worth more than that, and until you know it and believe it, all you're gonna attract are the guys who want nothing more than an easy lay.
Author chill chic Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 well it's interesting because I just went back and read some of my posts, especially the "fling" thread, and I honestly don't know why I have such a thick head to all of this! I think it's good therapy for me to re-read threads that I've posted in the past, because truthfully, it makes me look stupid and I even have to laugh at some of the things I say because that shouldn't be "me". I know you'll tell me not to explain anything to this particular guy, but it would make me feel better to tell him that I want to stop the dirty talk until or if we even make it that far into a relationship. And if he stays, then good, but if he leaves, well than I know my answer. I don't want to look crazy of course by saying it to him, but I dunno I feel it's something I have to say to get him out of my mind. It's just odd, that if he talks ALL this talk even since I've known him for about 2 months now, and nothing sexual has happened.
Yamaha Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 There's a difference in heavy flirting ( sex talk ) and actually following through, especially in a work environment. If things go sour it would make it uncomfortable. Sometimes it's just fun to flirt with no intention of follow through. I agree with SG. If you want a R then you need to date and get to know each other before you go to the next level. If you do dress sexy for attention then you must realize that the attention you get will be to bed you. You can be tasteful and let a guy know of your interest without the overly sexy facade. Guys looking for a R want this type of women.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 My moma always said, " If your not catching what you want maybe you should reexamine the bait you are using." I tell my daughter the same thing, but I call it chumming, when she comes downstairs dressed in too little.
Leadnfllw Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 Once you've established yourself in a guy's mind as being booty call material, it's most often nearly impossible to change his perspective and see you as relationship material. Listen to this woman, because she is exactly 100% right. Guys WILL categorize you according to your behavior and we won't change our minds. If you have the booty call vibe the guy may hang out with you and even get into a relationship with you, but a few months down the line if he wants a serious relationship he'll get rid of you. Why? Because while the girl may be fun and all that stuff he really can't see himself with that 'type' of girl for the long term. Remember it's all in the presentation, because perception is greater than reality.
Recommended Posts