uniqueone Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 Hi...my story goes like this.....I met a guy online. He lives far away so it was a LDR. We'd met in person once and I went to visit him where he lives. We weren't exclusive. A few days after I get there we flew somewhere else for a few days --the weekend---and he brings his laptop along. I ask him why and he says for work and he gets irritated with me for asking him. Later that day he acted sorta rude to me. I attempted to get to the bottom of it and he changed his mood and all was well again. Late that night we get back to the hotel and I find him online emailing other women. I get upset and he gets up and leaves to go to another hotel, leaving me there upset. He calls the next morning and tells me we'll go back to where he lives and he'll book a hotel for me to stay in for the rest of my stay. I'm wanting to talk about how I feel but all he wants to talk about is arrangements and that's just upsetting me more. I tell him I don't know what I want to do. (I can't think). We weren't supposed to fly back to his town till the next day. I find out later that he goes back to his town that afternoon without me. My hurt starts turning into anger and I say things. He gets angry and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I spend the rest of the trip by myself trying to enjoy myself the best I can. What's bothering me is my need to talk to him....how I miss how things were before this trip....how I wished we could have kept it there and at least I'd still have those great conversations and emails. How maybe we should have just stayed friends instead. It's bothering me that he's mad at ME through all of this, putting the blame on ME and nothing on him. I've been sending emails mentioning how I could have reacted better on my part. He responded once only to blame me and also told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore. Why am I feeling like it's my fault and if I would have handled it differently things would still be ok?
LN99 Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 WHY are you blaming yourself? Personally if I was going to meet a guy I had been interested online and vice versa, I would expect for him to give me his undivided attention... or at least have the courtesy of NOT emailing other women from online in front of me during our first meetings. To me though, it sounds like this guy maybe thought things were gonna work out differently, or he was going to keep his options open. Nothing wrong with that seeing as you two just met. But, he should have been more open and honest that he is interested in dating other people and should have let you know his interest level. So, it didn't really work out with you guys. Sometimes that happens when you do finally meet in RL. Don't blame yourself for something that most women would find pretty much rude. Move on, there are other men out there. I mean you could try to pursue a friendship with this guy, but WHY do you really want to?
Author uniqueone Posted July 1, 2007 Author Posted July 1, 2007 We had already met in person once before this. I knew he dated other women and didn't want commitment. But still, I had come thousands of miles. I don't even think it was the emailing other women, it was more how his attitude had changed. I think his attitude changed because I had questioned him about his laptop.
LN99 Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 We had already met in person once before this. I knew he dated other women and didn't want commitment. But still, I had come thousands of miles. I don't even think it was the emailing other women, it was more how his attitude had changed. I think his attitude changed because I had questioned him about his laptop. I would have probably done the same thing though. (Questioning about the laptop that is.) I mean you came all this way to spend time with him and hang out etc, and here he is emailing random women during the trip. I mean couldn't it have waited until you went back home? Then, when you confronted him about it (which I would have also) he got all defensive and it led to a fight. Your really better off just letting it go. Let him have his laptop. It seems pretty darn important to him afterall. Find a guy who is interested in more then just his darn computer and one that doesn't get offended if you ask a simple question!
Steveto Posted July 1, 2007 Posted July 1, 2007 well, he got defensive for something. I bring my laptop(s) (got 3 of them soon to be 5) everywhere (usually 1 if it is a holiday) or at least make sure that I have some sort of access to a computer with internet..That's my business and I have to be available at all times. You could have asked me and I would have said "work", but in no way would I have been defensive or rude about it. Were you pushy? Like did you peer over his shoulder every 5 seconds trying to see what he is typing? He's definitely hiding something..his actions were way too 180 and abrupt. Different hotels and different flight itinery..come on..that's just stupid. Just drop all contact..this guy has issues big time. It sucks though that you had to travel sooo far to find out the dude is an imbecile. A family member told me that she had met a girl that came into the clothing store she worked at and told her that she met a guy there a few years ago....she had to go back to Australia where she lived..stayed in contact and discussed hooking up..so she saved her money spent like 3k for flight expenses..came back to north america...only to find out he had a GF..so basically he told her to come and they would hookup whilst NOT mentioning the fact that he was already in a relationship..now THAT is an *********.
Author uniqueone Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 well, he got defensive for something. I bring my laptop(s) (got 3 of them soon to be 5) everywhere (usually 1 if it is a holiday) or at least make sure that I have some sort of access to a computer with internet..That's my business and I have to be available at all times. You could have asked me and I would have said "work", but in no way would I have been defensive or rude about it. Were you pushy? Like did you peer over his shoulder every 5 seconds trying to see what he is typing? He's definitely hiding something..his actions were way too 180 and abrupt. Different hotels and different flight itinery..come on..that's just stupid. Just drop all contact..this guy has issues big time. It sucks though that you had to travel sooo far to find out the dude is an imbecile. A family member told me that she had met a girl that came into the clothing store she worked at and told her that she met a guy there a few years ago....she had to go back to Australia where she lived..stayed in contact and discussed hooking up..so she saved her money spent like 3k for flight expenses..came back to north america...only to find out he had a GF..so basically he told her to come and they would hookup whilst NOT mentioning the fact that he was already in a relationship..now THAT is an *********. I will admit that I DID know he was involved with others. No actual GF per se but other casual relationships. But I guess I figured after I'd come that far, he'd be able to put it aside for my visit. Yes, when I asked him about the laptop, he became a little angry at me, telling me that I am too accusatory. My tone wasn't demanding or anything like that. In fact, it was the opposite. What's bothering me is that I want to talk to him so much. All I keep remembering is the good things and there were a lot of things that made me happy regarding him.
Author uniqueone Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 It's easy for there to be only "good things" when you have an online relationship only. HOWEVER, this guy is a MAJOR jerk in person! Forget the a-hole!!! Of course he's free to date other women as you two didn't commit to anything. But to be contacting them WHILE with you? Big - HUGE - jerk! Not long after I got there, he asked me if I was going to fix somethign for him (something that I know how to do that he doesn't). It kind of made me feel bad from the start. I sort of joked 'so is that why you asked me here' and he said 'well, not JUST for that'. He implied that he asked me there because he liked me AND because he wanted me to fix something. Then when I got to talking to him about what we were to each other--such as were we dating--- and just the progression of our relationship and how he changed (originally he'd acted much more serious towards me), and just stuff like that. He told me that he's told me that he dates others and that if they asked him to fly to visit them he'd do it in a minute. Was I too sensitive to feel hurt by these things? Should I have expected this from him? He'd been like this a few months ago but then the last few months (after we'd met in person the first time a few months ago), he acted nothing but nice to me.
Author uniqueone Posted July 2, 2007 Author Posted July 2, 2007 I would have probably done the same thing though. (Questioning about the laptop that is.) I mean you came all this way to spend time with him and hang out etc, and here he is emailing random women during the trip. I mean couldn't it have waited until you went back home? Then, when you confronted him about it (which I would have also) he got all defensive and it led to a fight. Your really better off just letting it go. Let him have his laptop. It seems pretty darn important to him afterall. Find a guy who is interested in more then just his darn computer and one that doesn't get offended if you ask a simple question! You make good points but the thing is, I really liked talking to him and I don't click with many people. I feel like I should have acted more casual and then I would still have him to talk to now. I want to have him to talk to again, even if it's just as a friend. No one else I meet is as smart or interesting or even close....or has the same sense of humor. I really feel like I made a mistake for actign like I did.
littlepiggy1 Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 The guy sounds like a complete douche. Seriously, what kind of loser sits there emailing other women after a RL one has come all the way to visit him? You're better off without him.
Fanny Posted July 2, 2007 Posted July 2, 2007 uniqueone, I think you hit the nail on the head about the laptop. I think he's addicted to chatting and he found your questioning of his habit threatening. Be glad he was stupid enough to bring it and that you didn't find out he was hooked after you'd been dating for a long time. Just keep in mind that the next person he meets is having the same experience (or brought her own lap top). Either way, you're better off.
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