randuff Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Long story short I am madly in love with a girl who cheated on me. We were together just shy of 4yrs. SHE broke off our engagement last Friday stating she can't keep hurting me because she needs to see counseling as she is screwed up (another long story) I understand completely that I shouldn't have given her a second chance and I should have just left her. Now instead she left me and I am crushed... Why??? I know I am better off with someone who is faithful or noone at all but it still hurts. She says she loves me more than anything but can't continue hurting me and she needs to work on her own personal issues. What I need is help coping... I am better off without her but damn is it ever hard making it through the day. I can't sleep, I don't eat, I cry way too much, I hate this...... NC is so hard and I have been trying my best to do this. Oh by the way she wants to still be friends which is going to be miserable for me and I know I shouldn't even try until I am over her completely. I guess I just need some helpful things to do to take my mind off things. P.S. She and I are suppose to "hang" out tomorrow!!!! :-/
wlminfla Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 DON'T HANG OUT WITH HER TOMORROW! Things that really help me cope...hope they help you! -Fill your iPod (or something similiar) with your favorite songs...make some badass playlists and work out hard, lay in the grass, drive around listening to music, etc. My personal gig is working out -Spend as much time with your guy friends as possible -Hang out with girls but keep it non-commital and fun -Go out and take some pictures -I don't know where you live but go see new areas of your town -Talk about it whenever you need to (don't be shy) but DON'T TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER. Get it out of your system with whomever will listen EXCEPT HER -Spend some time with your family and offer to help them in anyone -Write a hand written letter to an old friend to see how they're doing Trust me man. These things work. My relationship was six years and she broke it off! One thing you are right about that took me FOR-EVER to realize was that if you try to stay friends with her right away, YOU WILL BE MISERABLE!
Journey1220 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I am very sorry you are going through this. I am going through something similar except I cannot figure out a way to cut contact with the girl who I am miserable with. I am in a very similar situation and I can understand about coping. I myself have terrible coping skills. I know in my heart that the girl is not for me and will do me harm but I talked myself into believing that i cannot live without her even though in reality that is not the truth. This is an awesome website with lots of helpful people on it with different experiences and insight. Randuff, I get so emotionally overcome I shut down and do not want to do anything but think about this girl and pine over her, I know it is not healthy but I have not the slightest clue how to change my behavior and cope, so bro I can relate to how you are feeling and my relationship was only a little over three months! I wish you well. Journey
Icantletgo Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 OMG STOP RIGHT NOW!!!! My ex of 3 years cheated on me for 6 freaking months. The whole time telling me he wanted to marry me and that I was the love of his life etc etc. He ended up breaking up with me when I found out and he still wants to be friends while he is now with the new girl. STOP IT NOW. Being friends with someone who already showed you how selfish she really is is just going to prolong the torture. You wanna be her friend so you can continue to talk to her and hope that she will just put 100% back into the relationship. But the truth is: the day she decided to cheat on you, she already left the relationship. Seriously, stop talking to her so you can clear your thoughts and she can figure out what she wants from you. my advice is to just move on. You will never be able to trust her again. no matter what she says (if she even wants to get back with you) you'll always be constantly wondering if she's lying. So stop it. be strong and move on. Good luck
Author randuff Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 I am suppose to go and see her tonight and hang out..... I know I shouldn't but I want to soooo badly. We had a great sexual relationship and I know we will sleep together tonight if I see her, HELP!!! I know know know I shouldn't go so why do I so badly want to???? Why do people torture themselves knowing full well what will become of the situation. I have very little willpower at the moment......
upsetnhurt Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Randuff< You are thinking with the wrong part of your body!!!! What makes you so into her? Do you want someone in your life that has not one once of respect for who you are and does not appreciate you a bit? I doubt it, yet it is your choice. The problem here is you, not her. She has laid all her cards on the table and you continue to act as the doormat. Why do you think so low of yourself? Sit back and write down what you want in a person and I bet when you compare those traits to her, they will not be a match. You are simply scared of the unknown and think she is the easy solution to your problems. NOT! By having her in your life you are only preventing yourself from healing and attempting to meet someone new. Cut it off now as you will wake up 10 years later in the same place and have to start then........
Author randuff Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 Well she called earlier this afternoon and I answered. She asked about tonight and I said it probably wasn't a good idea. She of course said "is everything ok?" and I responded "yeah" What a lie! Anyways she said "ok what about hanging out tomorrow?" and I told her "we'll see..." Why didn't I just say no! Anyways I am trying to do the NC but it's hard. When she calls should I answer or not? My guess would be no.....HELP This is still difficult....
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Is there any way you could get away for a few days to clear your head? Outta sight outta mind! Leave the phone off! Go NC!
Author randuff Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Well I didn't see her on Saturday night but instead Sunday afternoon... I went over and we went to go sign the lease for her new apartment and then grabbed some food. When we got back to her place I broke down and kissed her. I could tell she wanted to but didn't at the same time. She said we shouldn't do this it will make things harder and of course it does. I did however tell her my feelings for her and she proceeded to tell me that she loved me more than I could possibly know and that she wanted me to get myself better. She apologized for all her wrong doings and said she never intended to hurt me but that she was "sick" and "not right" and needed to get herself better before she could have a working relationship. I agree with this 100% but can't help but feel so overwhelmingly heartbroken and sickened by the thought of possibly never seeing her again. I then looked her in her eyes and told her that I can't speak to her or message her until I am over her.... She cried but agreed... The only issue is some of the bills we have together, a car financed together and she is on my auto insurance. I can't just leave her out to dry and not help her can I? I am much more financially stable and helped support her a little when she needed it. The credit cards have about 8 grand on them but I plan to pay those off in the next month but the car is on a lease until November of NEXT year.... I dunno, my mind is racing and I am terribly confused right now. This all happened just 5 hours ago and I feel ok but can't imagine not ever talking to her. I know thats what I should do but it hurts... I need the support of the people here and the reassurance of everyone that it will be fine and I think it will....Just gonna be a long,tough road ahead............................
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Well I didn't see her on Saturday night but instead Sunday afternoon... I went over and we went to go sign the lease for her new apartment and then grabbed some food. When we got back to her place I broke down and kissed her. I could tell she wanted to but didn't at the same time. She said we shouldn't do this it will make things harder and of course it does. I did however tell her my feelings for her and she proceeded to tell me that she loved me more than I could possibly know and that she wanted me to get myself better. She apologized for all her wrong doings and said she never intended to hurt me but that she was "sick" and "not right" and needed to get herself better before she could have a working relationship. I agree with this 100% but can't help but feel so overwhelmingly heartbroken and sickened by the thought of possibly never seeing her again. I then looked her in her eyes and told her that I can't speak to her or message her until I am over her.... She cried but agreed... The only issue is some of the bills we have together, a car financed together and she is on my auto insurance. I can't just leave her out to dry and not help her can I? I am much more financially stable and helped support her a little when she needed it. The credit cards have about 8 grand on them but I plan to pay those off in the next month but the car is on a lease until November of NEXT year.... I dunno, my mind is racing and I am terribly confused right now. This all happened just 5 hours ago and I feel ok but can't imagine not ever talking to her. I know thats what I should do but it hurts... I need the support of the people here and the reassurance of everyone that it will be fine and I think it will....Just gonna be a long,tough road ahead............................ That's great!!! you finally got closure. She also apologized for what she done to you, most people who cheat dont even do that. You move on with your life, maybe she is screwed up in the head at that time. Maybe she wanted to be with someone else. Guilt weighed heavily on her and now she feels it. You gotten closure and now you move on. Best of luck to you, what will be will be.
Author randuff Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Feels like misery.... Couldn't sleep last night at all, kept waking up thinking about her and missing her. I want to text her saying "I love you!" but I know I shouldn't. Why do these feelings stay? Why won't they just go away!!!! I am hurting more now than ever.
Author randuff Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 My ex just had one final last night and another tonight and I want to call her to see how she did...... This sucks...... I keep posting on here to help me avoid contacting her.......
annabelle75 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Keep posting here! Don't contact her. You need to mourn the loss of this relationship and you won't be able to do that until you accept that it is over. I think she did you a disservice by telling you how much she still loved you. It makes you want to hold onto hope. No matter what the future holds, for now it is over and you need to heal from it and move on. We are all here for you. Keep posting and letting us know how you feel.
Guest Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Ive seen this many times just do not contact her if you have to take your phone to someones house and leave it ther . I bet when you pick it up a week later you will have heaps of texts. If you want her back you can get her back!!! You shouldnt want heanyone who cheats on you is not worth it so i wouldnt, but if you do what i say she will be backin 9 days. maybe. Get rid of the phone dont have it near you for 1 week and if you can go on a holiday dissapear thats RIGHT get lost anywher you can think of to go so you cant be seen for the week. Then return clear and fresh she will call you tell her your too busy and shes blown any chance she had with you!!! THATS RIGHT MATE shes done her chance with you tell her "You were willing to give her a chance but she just doesnt seem to have changed and your exploring new options and dont think you could trust her ever again!!! Then tell her ive goota go out now anyway ill catchyou later and hang UP!!! She will call again and dont answer your busy now you dont need er , she will start to think urve got a new woman one that treats you with respect. Then she will ring and want toatch up tell her maybe we can be friends and then start to see her slowly tell her shes guna have to earn your trust back!!!! Thats rif=ght your the prize she has to win you back!!! Dont worry this will work she willbe back in no time. Remembe the moist important part of this is dissapear for the week no phone !!! Let me know how you do and keep posting
Author randuff Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 I am feeling good about myself today. I still miss her but think about her less and less often. 1 DAY AT A TIME, 1 DAY AT A TIME
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Great, everyday is a new step where you cant feel anything for her anymore. I've been in your shoes and I have to say it does get easier. But you must adhere to NC, and get a life. Meaning do things that will take your mind off of her, in order for you to heal.
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