Isabella82 Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 So I have this problem and I don't want it to destroy my relationship. My bf has a lot of friends who are girls. That I do not like very much, and I know its more of my insecurities than anything else. One in particular however I have more of an issue with just because she is so attractive. He always tells me I am beautiful and hot blah blah blah but I can tell that she is more attractive than me. I always think to myself that if he could he would be with her, or if he had the chance to sleep with her that he would go for it. They have been really good friends for about 4 years now, and he said he is in the friend zone, and it would be too wierd for him to be with any of his friends at this point. I want to believe him, but he is a guy, and I just feel like maybe something could progress into something more. Coming from guys, can a guy have a friendship with a female who is good looking and not want to sleep with her, or think about sleeping with her??
Dante Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I have to say this depends on the person. I would never cheat on my gf or anything even remotely like it but many of my friends who are even married are always fooling around or just thinking about it. These days, people just tend to have huge amount of friends, both male and female and that doesn't really mean anything. I'm not one of those people (unfortunately?) since I only have a few female friends and I'm not attracted to any of them in any way so I think it is ok and my gf knows this too. Of course if your man does fancy that girl you're talking about, I don't think he'd be stupid enough to admit it - ever. Besides, there are more to women than the way they look - so if she is super gorgeous, so what! That doesn't mean your man will be stupid enough to take their friendship to the next level. Besides, not every man thinks first with his down below, rather than his up and above. They can be just friends like he said. Did you bf know this girl before you two met? Just tell him you don't like him spending time with her, that should wake up something in him.
Author Isabella82 Posted May 2, 2007 Author Posted May 2, 2007 Yeah they knew eachother before I met him. And he had a gf for 2 years, when they were just friends. Its a group of girls he is friends with, and she is just one of them. She lives in another state, but he is planning on visiting them in august. He used to go to school there, then he met me and moved. But he is planning on going to grad school there in the future. I just cant deal with it, but maybe I am overreacting. I can't help to think that he is a guy, and she is attractive, so i am sure he would want to sleep with her if she gave him the chance.
Dante Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 She lives in another state, but he is planning on visiting them in august. He used to go to school there, then he met me and moved. But he is planning on going to grad school there in the future. Sounds like a perfect opportunity to me for you to go with him. Can't say I'd be very happy about my gf taking a trip to see some guy... friends or not. Don't you have friends you could visit too so if you're for some reason not invited to the August trip... you could take one of your own? I wouldn't advice you to provoke this but I can understand why you feel insecure about his friend, you have reason or not. I hope your bf could see this too. I can't help to think that he is a guy, and she is attractive, so i am sure he would want to sleep with her if she gave him the chance. Have you tried telling him that? Not every guy is like that anyway. You just have to trust him to be sane enough to see how good you are to him and such. Besides if he already knew her before you and the two of them never got together then... why would they now? You could just ask him if you could tag along in August. If he is there just to spent some time with his female friends, one extra female shouldn't be a problem at all, you being his gf after all! But sounds problematic. Only you know your bf well enough to know if he could cheat on your (if that is ever possible). Other than that, I'd just advice you to relax and enjoy your time together
Nocturnal Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I find it a bit sad that you think so low of your own boyfriend that you chalk him up to "he's a guy and he'll sleep with anything attractive given the chance." Give the guy some benefit of doubt for god's sake, otherwise your relationship won't last due to your own insecurities. I mean, has he ever broken your trust in any way previously? Also, you seem to brush off his compliments just because you think she's more attractive than you. Is it impossible for him to see it any other way? I think your problem is simple, you put your own insecurities on your image of your boyfriend and you confuse the two. Look at your real boyfriend, would he actually cheat on you? And if you believe he would given the chance, why do you think that? Where does that line of thought steam from?
whichwayisup Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 I can't help to think that he is a guy, and she is attractive, so i am sure he would want to sleep with her if she gave him the chance. He has told you he loves you and finds you beautiful. Believe him. And, so what if he finds her pretty? Let's assume that MOST guys have fleeting thoughts of screwing another woman, or visualizing what she looks like naked....That doesn't mean he is going to up and cheat on you. Do you trust him? Sounds like you need to look at the positive things in your relationship, he is your boyfriend and is with you now. If you worry so much about him sleeping with her or any other female friend (pretty or not) then you might as well end the relationship now. You can't live like this, wondering and worrying that he is going to have sex with someone else. Don't compare your looks to any other female looks. You are a good person, smart, intelligent, and alot stronger than you think you are! BELIEVE in yourself, your boyfriend and have faith that HE IS A GOOD PERSON and won't cheat on you. ... If he ever does though, it's about HIM and not you. You're doing nothing wrong here except letting fears get in the way of a healthy trusting relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 She lives in another state, but he is planning on visiting them in august. He used to go to school there, then he met me and moved. But he is planning on going to grad school there in the future. While I agree in theory with WWIU, this would bother me because it could potentially be a bridging technique. I would insist on making the visit with him so you can see how the two interact in person. While there are people who are able to suppress body language, most people can't or don't even think about it.
Aloros Posted May 2, 2007 Posted May 2, 2007 If you're feeling insecure, go with him and make friends with the girl! You can see for yourself their relationship, and what good girlfriend would steal her friend's man? You have to learn to trust your bf. Most of my friends are guys, most of my bfs friends are girls. We each have attractive friends of the opposite sex, but neither of us wants to bone or be boned by them. Not every guy wants to sex up every attractive woman he sees, and even if he did, he doesn't necessarily act upon it. If they've been friends for so long and haven't hooked up, what makes you think they'll do it now? Besides, just because you think she's prettier than you, doesn't mean HE thinks that. And he's in love with YOU, not her, and that waaaay ups how attractive a person is. Good luck!
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